Rocky II training montage

Gotta Fly Now

A Definitive Ranking of Every Rocky Training Montage

Catch an all-day Rocky movie marathon Sunday March 6th on IFC.

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Photo Credit: United Artists

What’s the best part of every Rocky movie?  The turtles? The complicated racial politics? The talking robot? (It’s not Paulie’s talking robot.) It’s the training montages, of course. These movies may have begun in the ’70s — and are still going strong today thanks to Creed — but there’s nothing quite as beautifully ’80s as a Rocky montage. If watching one doesn’t give you the “eye of the tiger,” or get you strong now, well, you are dead inside. Now, whadda ya watin’ fer! Here’s the definitive ranking of the Rocky training montages. And let us be clear, there are no losers here. All of these montages went the distance.


7. Rocky V

Okay, never mind. This one does sort of suck. Much like the movie it lives in, this is the weakest of the Rocky training montages. Is it the cheesy ’90s soundtrack rap? Is it that, for the first time, Rocky is training someone else? Is it that the boxer he’s training, Tommy Morrison, has the charisma of a block of wood? No, all the snazzy hats and newspaper headlines can’t hide that this montage isn’t about inspiring us — it’s about Rocky neglecting his son. Um, yay! You get ’em, Rock? The only thing this montage leaves us pumped to do is not phone in fatherhood. And while that’s an important lesson, it’s isn’t a Rocky montage.


6. Creed

Now this is a great movie, with a pretty kick butt montage. Bringing things back down to Earth in a big way, director Ryan Coogler put a hip-hop spin on the stripped down simplicity of the first Rocky’s training sequence. Sure, there are speed bikes and a touch of wacky shadow boxing, but the fact that Adonis isn’t just training for a fight, but fighting for Rocky’s life, gives this whole thing some serious stakes. A lack of Rocky himself, and a stacked deck of classic montages, are the only things that knocks this down so low on the list.


5. Rocky Balboa

As gritty as these things get, this is Rocky back in his element, even if he doesn’t belong there anymore. Rocky Balboa isn’t the best movie of the franchise, but this montage has by far the best speech. Tony Burton, who just recently passed away, runs through a litany of Rocky’s liabilities, before saying Rocky’s trick to beating Mason “The Line” Dixon is “good old-fashioned blunt force trauma.” They’re going to hurt the other guy so much, “they’ll rattle his ancestors.” Yes sir! Add in a back-to-basics Rocky pounding slabs of meat and chugging egg yolks, and this montage combines nostalgia with kick ass-itude in equal measure. (Let’s just hope Lipitor is part of Rock’s training regimen.) Also, Rocky wears matching outfits with his dog, for just the right amount of wacky. A solid outing all around.


4. Rocky IV

Nothing is quite so gloriously ridiculous as Rocky, in peak Cold War form, outrunning Soviet goons like he’s in a Roger Moore Bond movie. This was less a montage than a music video, and the music is pure ’80s cheese. The drop from “Gonna Fly Now” to “Hearts on Fire” charts everything gloriously wrong and ridiculously hilarious about this franchise. Still, it is a classic in its own way. With no equipment, Rocky’s forced to lift wood and rocks to train, as Drago injects himself with steroids to a funky beat. Paulie has to milk a cow, indoors, for sustenance. Between the jazz synth music and Rocky’s luxurious beard, this is by far the most ridiculous training sequence, but for anyone who grew up in the ’80s, this the Rocky training montage they remember best. Who needs the Philadelphia Museum of Art stairs when you can just climb Mount Russkie?


3. Rocky

The one that set the standard, this is a no frills, classic example of what a Rocky montage should be. Here’s a big, dumb galoot, in over his head, just trying to get in shape. Light jogging gives way to one-armed push-ups as we start to feel like, hey, maybe this knucklehead has a shot. Unlike some of the later montages, this one feels like a more organic part of the movie, helping to tell the story of a nobody becoming a somebody.


2. Rocky III

Now this is when things starting going a little sideways, in a truly magical way. Stallone had clearly been hitting the gym (and the pharmacist), by the time Rocky III rolled around, and he wanted to show off his massive biceps. One presumes that’s how this montage became, if anything, a glorious celebration of the male physique. Just look at those rippling muscles as Rocky and Creed charge down the beach. Undulating under their short shorts, fighting to break free. This montage has it all. Wackiness, like Rocky pulling Paulie into the pool. A full speed Stallone’s weird O-face. And that ending. Two men frolicking in the ocean, exploring each others bodies with looks of pure joy. We’re not sure what most of this montage has to do with boxing, but it’s all highly entertaining.


1. Rocky II

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the perfect Rocky montage. No wackiness. No frills. It builds on the first movie, ramping up the stakes and the style. The moment a floundering Rocky hears Adrian tell him to win, we know there is no going back. Rocky is still human here, not an ungodly combination of HGH and Beverly Hills plastic surgeons. And the training itself is some of the most visceral of the entire series. Look at that guy slap Rocky in the stomach after every sit-up. That’s messed up! We still have an underdog Rocky here. He’s never won against Creed, much less a cartoon Russian and B.A. from The A-Team. And we still have Mickey yelling in his ear, pushing him to never give up. The ridiculousness of later montages are fun, and but this is Rocky at his best. Yo Adrian, he did it!

Watch Dick Vitale give a Rocky play-by-play, baby! 

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Holiday Extra Special

Make The Holidays ’80s Again

Enjoy the holiday cheer Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Whatever happened to the kind of crazy-yet-cozy holiday specials that blanketed the early winter airwaves of the 1980s? Unceremoniously killed by infectious ’90s jadedness? Slow fade out at the hands of early-onset millennial ennui? Whatever the reason, nixing the tradition was a huge mistake.

A huge mistake that we’re about to fix.

Announcing IFC’s Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special, starring Tony Hale. It’s a celeb-studded extravaganza in the glorious tradition of yesteryear featuring Bridget Everett, Jo Firestone, Nick Thune, Jen Kirkman, house band The Dap-Kings, and many more. And it’s at Joe’s Pub, everyone’s favorite home away from home in the Big Apple.

The yuletide cheer explodes Wednesday December 21 at 10P. But if you were born after 1989 and have no idea what void this spectacular special is going to fill, sample from this vintage selection of holiday hits:

Andy Williams and The NBC Kids Search For Santa

The quintessential holiday special. Get snuggly and turn off your brain. You won’t need it.

A Muppet Family Christmas

The Fraggles. The Muppets. The Sesame Street gang. Fate. The Jim Henson multiverse merges in this warm and fuzzy Holiday gathering.

Julie Andrews: The Sound Of Christmas

To this day a foolproof antidote to holiday cynicism. It’s cheesy, but a good cheese. In this case an Alpine Gruyère.

Star Wars Holiday Special

Okay, busted. This one was released in 1978. Still totally ’80s though. And yes that’s Bea Arthur.

Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special

Pass the eggnog, and make sure it’s loaded. This special is everything you’d expect it to be and much, much more.

Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special premieres Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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It Ain't Over Yet

A Guide to Coping with the End of Comedy Bang! Bang!

Watch the final episodes tonight at 11 and 11:30P on IFC.

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After five seasons and 110 halved-hour episodes, Scott Aukerman’s hipster comedy opus, Comedy Bang! Bang!, has come to an end. Fridays at 11 and 11:30P will never be the same. We know it can be hard for fans to adjust after the series finale of their favorite TV show. That’s why we’ve prepared this step-by-step guide to managing your grief.

Step One: Cry it out

It’s just natural. We’re sad too.
Scott crying GIF

Step Two: Read the CB!B! IMDB Trivia Page

The show is over and it feels like you’ve lost a friend. But how well did you really know this friend? Head over to Comedy Bang! Bang!’s IMDB page to find out some things you may not have known…like that it’s “based on a Civil War battle of the same name” or that “Reggie Watts was actually born with the name Theodore Leopold The Third.”

Step Three: Listen to the podcast

One fascinating piece of CB!B! trivia that you might not learn from IMDB is that there’s a podcast that shares the same name as the TV show. It’s even hosted by Scott Aukerman! It’s not exactly like watching the TV show on a Friday night, but that’s only because each episode is released Monday morning. If you close your eyes, the podcast is just like watching the show with your eyes closed!

Step Four: Watch brand new CB!B! clips?!

The best way to cope with the end of Comedy Bang! Bang! is to completely ignore that it’s over — because it’s not. In an unprecedented move, IFC is opening up the bonus CB!B! content vault. There are four brand new, never-before-seen sketches featuring Scott Aukerman, Kid Cudi, and “Weird Al” Yankovic ready for you to view on the IFC App. There’s also one right here, below this paragraph! Watch all four b-b-bonus clips and feel better.

Binge the entire final season, plus exclusive sketches, right now on the IFC app.

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Everybody Sweats Now

The Four-Day Sweatsgiving Weekend On IFC

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This long holiday weekend is your time to gobble gobble gobble and give heartfelt thanks—thanks for the comfort and forgiveness of sweatpants. Because when it comes right down to it, there’s nothing more wholesome and American than stuffing yourself stupid and spending endless hours in front of the TV in your softest of softests.

So get the sweats, grab the remote and join IFC for four perfect days of entertainment.

sweatsgiving
It all starts with a 24-hour T-day marathon of Rocky Horror Picture Show, then continues Friday with an all-day binge of Stan Against Evil.

By Saturday, the couch will have molded to your shape. Which is good, because you’ll be nestled in for back-to-back Die Hard and Lethal Weapon.

Finally, come Sunday it’s time to put the sweat back in your sweatpants with The Shining, The Exorcist, The Chronicles of Riddick, Terminator 2, and Blade: Trinity. They totally count as cardio.

As if you need more convincing, here’s Martha Wash and the IFC&C Music Factory to hammer the point home.

The Sweatsgiving Weekend starts Thursday on IFC

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