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10 Movies That Made Us Want to Stay Out of the Water

Dive into an all-day Jaws movie marathon Sunday, March 27th on IFC.

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Unless you’re the Wicked Witch of the West, water is probably pretty low on the list of things that freak you out. But buried deep down inside our lizard brains is a certain primordial fear of this wet wonderland. With movies, we’ve just gotten the chance to make our darkest fears of deep chasms and killer sharks come to life. Or, you know, a floating Baby Ruth. Before you catch IFC’s Jaws marathon, check out a few flicks that feel like they’re ripped straight from our soggy nightmares. Guess that whole bathing once a day thing is going to have to be put on hold.

10. Final Destination 4


Over the years, the Final Destination movies have tapped into just about every fear of death one could think of. From flying rocks to tanning beds to public buses, if there’s even a remote chance of something killing us, they’ve done it. But for the water-phobic among us, no death has been quite as horrifying as that of Hunt Wynorski, who met his untimely end by way of a particularly determined pool drain.


9. Friday the 13th


The final scene in Friday the 13th is so shocking because we could see that happy ending within reach, before Jason’s rotted mitts snatched it away. Apparently, this angry tween had been lurking at the bottom of Crystal Lake for years, just waiting for everyone to feel safe and sound, before executing one of the biggest jump scares in movie history. It’s a moment that makes our childhood fear of being laughed at in our bathing suits at camp seem tame in comparison.


8. A Nightmare on Elm Street


There’s nothing more relaxing than a good, ol’ bubble bath. Light a candle, shut your eyes, and let it all go. That is if that jerk Freddy doesn’t ruin it for us. Can’t a girl have a soak without some creep getting all up in her business?


7. It Follows

It Follows
It Follows was one of the freakiest movies to come out in recent memory. A morality play about the importance of never having sex with anyone, ever, for any reason, it also reminded us that the quickest way to ruin a pool party is to invite an inhuman killing machine determined to devour you for getting your groove on. Well, that and peeing in the pool.


6. The Perfect Storm


Everyone loves a day out on the water, with some fresh air and a couple suds, but you really need to make sure there isn’t a “perfect storm” coming. Those can be a real pain in the butt.


5. Let the Right One In


The 2008 Swedish horror film Let The Right One In was creepy from top to bottom, but no moment better exemplifies its particular brand of fear than the scene where our young lead, Oskar, is forced to hold his breath under water at knifepoint only to be rescued in an unexpectedly vicious way. For those of you annoyed by the rough housing kids at the public pool, this really takes things to another level.


4. Open Water


Open Water was loosely based on the true story of Tom and Eileen Lonergan, a couple accidentally left behind by their scuba tour group in the Great Barrier Reef, and never heard from again. Cast adrift in the middle of the ocean, lacking sustenance, and plagued by sharks, this movie reminded us how fragile the protective cocoon of society is. This is a monster movie where the monster is nature itself.


3. Sinister


One of the creepiest scenes in the 2012 supernatural horror flick Sinister is so short, you might blink and miss it. There’s a moment early in the movie when our protagonist, played by Ethan Hawke, finds Super 8 films in his attic of families being spied on, and then killed in increasingly vicious ways. One of these films depicts a family having a fun pool party, only to abruptly cut to them tied to their own chairs, and yanked into the pool to thrash and die. The subdued way it’s portrayed only highlights how terrifying the footage is we’re watching.


2. Caddyshack


Y’know, there are a lot of reasons why we don’t want to get in the water. Sharks, monsters and crazed killers are right at the top of the list, but someone dropping a deuce in the pool isn’t that far behind. The comedy classic Caddyshack shows us this fear come to life, and how quickly a group of carefree swimmers can become a stampede. In the words of Kenny Loggins, you may be all right, but we’re going to steer clear of the pool until they give it a good cleaning.


1. Jaws


Da-Dum…Da-Dum…Da-Dum-Da-Dum-Da-Dum! When it comes to movies that make us want to stay out of the water, there’s only one that could top the list. In the summer of 1975, Jaws helped create what we think of as the modern blockbuster, and changed the way we look at our oceans. In fact, the movie made us fear great white sharks so much, we spent the next few decades hunting them to near extinction. So, in a sense, the scariest monster on this list might just be us.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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