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Beach Bum

10 Movies That Made Us Want to Stay Out of the Water

Dive into an all-day Jaws movie marathon Sunday, March 27th on IFC.

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Unless you’re the Wicked Witch of the West, water is probably pretty low on the list of things that freak you out. But buried deep down inside our lizard brains is a certain primordial fear of this wet wonderland. With movies, we’ve just gotten the chance to make our darkest fears of deep chasms and killer sharks come to life. Or, you know, a floating Baby Ruth. Before you catch IFC’s Jaws marathon, check out a few flicks that feel like they’re ripped straight from our soggy nightmares. Guess that whole bathing once a day thing is going to have to be put on hold.

10. Final Destination 4


Over the years, the Final Destination movies have tapped into just about every fear of death one could think of. From flying rocks to tanning beds to public buses, if there’s even a remote chance of something killing us, they’ve done it. But for the water-phobic among us, no death has been quite as horrifying as that of Hunt Wynorski, who met his untimely end by way of a particularly determined pool drain.


9. Friday the 13th


The final scene in Friday the 13th is so shocking because we could see that happy ending within reach, before Jason’s rotted mitts snatched it away. Apparently, this angry tween had been lurking at the bottom of Crystal Lake for years, just waiting for everyone to feel safe and sound, before executing one of the biggest jump scares in movie history. It’s a moment that makes our childhood fear of being laughed at in our bathing suits at camp seem tame in comparison.


8. A Nightmare on Elm Street


There’s nothing more relaxing than a good, ol’ bubble bath. Light a candle, shut your eyes, and let it all go. That is if that jerk Freddy doesn’t ruin it for us. Can’t a girl have a soak without some creep getting all up in her business?


7. It Follows

It Follows
It Follows was one of the freakiest movies to come out in recent memory. A morality play about the importance of never having sex with anyone, ever, for any reason, it also reminded us that the quickest way to ruin a pool party is to invite an inhuman killing machine determined to devour you for getting your groove on. Well, that and peeing in the pool.


6. The Perfect Storm


Everyone loves a day out on the water, with some fresh air and a couple suds, but you really need to make sure there isn’t a “perfect storm” coming. Those can be a real pain in the butt.


5. Let the Right One In


The 2008 Swedish horror film Let The Right One In was creepy from top to bottom, but no moment better exemplifies its particular brand of fear than the scene where our young lead, Oskar, is forced to hold his breath under water at knifepoint only to be rescued in an unexpectedly vicious way. For those of you annoyed by the rough housing kids at the public pool, this really takes things to another level.


4. Open Water


Open Water was loosely based on the true story of Tom and Eileen Lonergan, a couple accidentally left behind by their scuba tour group in the Great Barrier Reef, and never heard from again. Cast adrift in the middle of the ocean, lacking sustenance, and plagued by sharks, this movie reminded us how fragile the protective cocoon of society is. This is a monster movie where the monster is nature itself.


3. Sinister


One of the creepiest scenes in the 2012 supernatural horror flick Sinister is so short, you might blink and miss it. There’s a moment early in the movie when our protagonist, played by Ethan Hawke, finds Super 8 films in his attic of families being spied on, and then killed in increasingly vicious ways. One of these films depicts a family having a fun pool party, only to abruptly cut to them tied to their own chairs, and yanked into the pool to thrash and die. The subdued way it’s portrayed only highlights how terrifying the footage is we’re watching.


2. Caddyshack


Y’know, there are a lot of reasons why we don’t want to get in the water. Sharks, monsters and crazed killers are right at the top of the list, but someone dropping a deuce in the pool isn’t that far behind. The comedy classic Caddyshack shows us this fear come to life, and how quickly a group of carefree swimmers can become a stampede. In the words of Kenny Loggins, you may be all right, but we’re going to steer clear of the pool until they give it a good cleaning.


1. Jaws


Da-Dum…Da-Dum…Da-Dum-Da-Dum-Da-Dum! When it comes to movies that make us want to stay out of the water, there’s only one that could top the list. In the summer of 1975, Jaws helped create what we think of as the modern blockbuster, and changed the way we look at our oceans. In fact, the movie made us fear great white sharks so much, we spent the next few decades hunting them to near extinction. So, in a sense, the scariest monster on this list might just be us.

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Holiday Extra Special

Make The Holidays ’80s Again

Enjoy the holiday cheer Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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Whatever happened to the kind of crazy-yet-cozy holiday specials that blanketed the early winter airwaves of the 1980s? Unceremoniously killed by infectious ’90s jadedness? Slow fade out at the hands of early-onset millennial ennui? Whatever the reason, nixing the tradition was a huge mistake.

A huge mistake that we’re about to fix.

Announcing IFC’s Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special, starring Tony Hale. It’s a celeb-studded extravaganza in the glorious tradition of yesteryear featuring Bridget Everett, Jo Firestone, Nick Thune, Jen Kirkman, house band The Dap-Kings, and many more. And it’s at Joe’s Pub, everyone’s favorite home away from home in the Big Apple.

The yuletide cheer explodes Wednesday December 21 at 10P. But if you were born after 1989 and have no idea what void this spectacular special is going to fill, sample from this vintage selection of holiday hits:

Andy Williams and The NBC Kids Search For Santa

The quintessential holiday special. Get snuggly and turn off your brain. You won’t need it.

A Muppet Family Christmas

The Fraggles. The Muppets. The Sesame Street gang. Fate. The Jim Henson multiverse merges in this warm and fuzzy Holiday gathering.

Julie Andrews: The Sound Of Christmas

To this day a foolproof antidote to holiday cynicism. It’s cheesy, but a good cheese. In this case an Alpine Gruyère.

Star Wars Holiday Special

Okay, busted. This one was released in 1978. Still totally ’80s though. And yes that’s Bea Arthur.

Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special

Pass the eggnog, and make sure it’s loaded. This special is everything you’d expect it to be and much, much more.

Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special premieres Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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It Ain't Over Yet

A Guide to Coping with the End of Comedy Bang! Bang!

Watch the final episodes tonight at 11 and 11:30P on IFC.

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After five seasons and 110 halved-hour episodes, Scott Aukerman’s hipster comedy opus, Comedy Bang! Bang!, has come to an end. Fridays at 11 and 11:30P will never be the same. We know it can be hard for fans to adjust after the series finale of their favorite TV show. That’s why we’ve prepared this step-by-step guide to managing your grief.

Step One: Cry it out

It’s just natural. We’re sad too.
Scott crying GIF

Step Two: Read the CB!B! IMDB Trivia Page

The show is over and it feels like you’ve lost a friend. But how well did you really know this friend? Head over to Comedy Bang! Bang!’s IMDB page to find out some things you may not have known…like that it’s “based on a Civil War battle of the same name” or that “Reggie Watts was actually born with the name Theodore Leopold The Third.”

Step Three: Listen to the podcast

One fascinating piece of CB!B! trivia that you might not learn from IMDB is that there’s a podcast that shares the same name as the TV show. It’s even hosted by Scott Aukerman! It’s not exactly like watching the TV show on a Friday night, but that’s only because each episode is released Monday morning. If you close your eyes, the podcast is just like watching the show with your eyes closed!

Step Four: Watch brand new CB!B! clips?!

The best way to cope with the end of Comedy Bang! Bang! is to completely ignore that it’s over — because it’s not. In an unprecedented move, IFC is opening up the bonus CB!B! content vault. There are four brand new, never-before-seen sketches featuring Scott Aukerman, Kid Cudi, and “Weird Al” Yankovic ready for you to view on the IFC App. There’s also one right here, below this paragraph! Watch all four b-b-bonus clips and feel better.

Binge the entire final season, plus exclusive sketches, right now on the IFC app.

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Everybody Sweats Now

The Four-Day Sweatsgiving Weekend On IFC

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This long holiday weekend is your time to gobble gobble gobble and give heartfelt thanks—thanks for the comfort and forgiveness of sweatpants. Because when it comes right down to it, there’s nothing more wholesome and American than stuffing yourself stupid and spending endless hours in front of the TV in your softest of softests.

So get the sweats, grab the remote and join IFC for four perfect days of entertainment.

sweatsgiving
It all starts with a 24-hour T-day marathon of Rocky Horror Picture Show, then continues Friday with an all-day binge of Stan Against Evil.

By Saturday, the couch will have molded to your shape. Which is good, because you’ll be nestled in for back-to-back Die Hard and Lethal Weapon.

Finally, come Sunday it’s time to put the sweat back in your sweatpants with The Shining, The Exorcist, The Chronicles of Riddick, Terminator 2, and Blade: Trinity. They totally count as cardio.

As if you need more convincing, here’s Martha Wash and the IFC&C Music Factory to hammer the point home.

The Sweatsgiving Weekend starts Thursday on IFC

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