Jaws Beach Crowd

Beach Bum

10 Movies That Made Us Want to Stay Out of the Water

Dive into an all-day Jaws movie marathon Sunday, March 27th on IFC.

Posted by on
Universal/Everett Collection

Unless you’re the Wicked Witch of the West, water is probably pretty low on the list of things that freak you out. But buried deep down inside our lizard brains is a certain primordial fear of this wet wonderland. With movies, we’ve just gotten the chance to make our darkest fears of deep chasms and killer sharks come to life. Or, you know, a floating Baby Ruth. Before you catch IFC’s Jaws marathon, check out a few flicks that feel like they’re ripped straight from our soggy nightmares. Guess that whole bathing once a day thing is going to have to be put on hold.

10. Final Destination 4


Over the years, the Final Destination movies have tapped into just about every fear of death one could think of. From flying rocks to tanning beds to public buses, if there’s even a remote chance of something killing us, they’ve done it. But for the water-phobic among us, no death has been quite as horrifying as that of Hunt Wynorski, who met his untimely end by way of a particularly determined pool drain.


9. Friday the 13th


The final scene in Friday the 13th is so shocking because we could see that happy ending within reach, before Jason’s rotted mitts snatched it away. Apparently, this angry tween had been lurking at the bottom of Crystal Lake for years, just waiting for everyone to feel safe and sound, before executing one of the biggest jump scares in movie history. It’s a moment that makes our childhood fear of being laughed at in our bathing suits at camp seem tame in comparison.


8. A Nightmare on Elm Street


There’s nothing more relaxing than a good, ol’ bubble bath. Light a candle, shut your eyes, and let it all go. That is if that jerk Freddy doesn’t ruin it for us. Can’t a girl have a soak without some creep getting all up in her business?


7. It Follows

It Follows
It Follows was one of the freakiest movies to come out in recent memory. A morality play about the importance of never having sex with anyone, ever, for any reason, it also reminded us that the quickest way to ruin a pool party is to invite an inhuman killing machine determined to devour you for getting your groove on. Well, that and peeing in the pool.


6. The Perfect Storm


Everyone loves a day out on the water, with some fresh air and a couple suds, but you really need to make sure there isn’t a “perfect storm” coming. Those can be a real pain in the butt.


5. Let the Right One In


The 2008 Swedish horror film Let The Right One In was creepy from top to bottom, but no moment better exemplifies its particular brand of fear than the scene where our young lead, Oskar, is forced to hold his breath under water at knifepoint only to be rescued in an unexpectedly vicious way. For those of you annoyed by the rough housing kids at the public pool, this really takes things to another level.


4. Open Water


Open Water was loosely based on the true story of Tom and Eileen Lonergan, a couple accidentally left behind by their scuba tour group in the Great Barrier Reef, and never heard from again. Cast adrift in the middle of the ocean, lacking sustenance, and plagued by sharks, this movie reminded us how fragile the protective cocoon of society is. This is a monster movie where the monster is nature itself.


3. Sinister


One of the creepiest scenes in the 2012 supernatural horror flick Sinister is so short, you might blink and miss it. There’s a moment early in the movie when our protagonist, played by Ethan Hawke, finds Super 8 films in his attic of families being spied on, and then killed in increasingly vicious ways. One of these films depicts a family having a fun pool party, only to abruptly cut to them tied to their own chairs, and yanked into the pool to thrash and die. The subdued way it’s portrayed only highlights how terrifying the footage is we’re watching.


2. Caddyshack


Y’know, there are a lot of reasons why we don’t want to get in the water. Sharks, monsters and crazed killers are right at the top of the list, but someone dropping a deuce in the pool isn’t that far behind. The comedy classic Caddyshack shows us this fear come to life, and how quickly a group of carefree swimmers can become a stampede. In the words of Kenny Loggins, you may be all right, but we’re going to steer clear of the pool until they give it a good cleaning.


1. Jaws


Da-Dum…Da-Dum…Da-Dum-Da-Dum-Da-Dum! When it comes to movies that make us want to stay out of the water, there’s only one that could top the list. In the summer of 1975, Jaws helped create what we think of as the modern blockbuster, and changed the way we look at our oceans. In fact, the movie made us fear great white sharks so much, we spent the next few decades hunting them to near extinction. So, in a sense, the scariest monster on this list might just be us.

Commuters_105_MPX-1920×1080

Grow TFU

Adulting Like You Mean It

Commuters makes its debut on IFC's Comedy Crib.

Posted by on

Jared Warner, Nick Ciavarella, and Tim Dean were once a part of Murderfist, a group of comedy writers, actors, producers, parents, and reluctant adults. Together with InstaMiniSeries’s Nikki Borges, they’re making their IFC Comedy Crib debut with the refreshingly-honest and joyfully-hilarious Commuters. The webseries follows thirtysomethings Harris and Olivia as they brave the waters of true adulthood, and it’s right on point.

Jared, Nick, Nikki and Tim were kind enough to answer a few questions about Commuters for us. Here’s a snippet of that conversation…

Commuters_106_MPX-1920x1080

IFC: How would you describe Commuters to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Nick: Two 30-somethings leave the Brooklyn life behind, and move to the New Jersey suburbs in a forced attempt to “grow up.” But they soon find out they’ve got a long way to go to get to where they want to be.

IFC: How would you describe Commuters to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jared: It’s a show about how f*cking stupid people who think they are smart can be.

IFC: What’s your origin story? When did you all meet and how long have you been working together?

Jared: Nick, Tim, and I were all in the sketch group Murderfist since, what, like 2004? God. Anyway, Tim and Nick left the group to pursue other frivolous things, like children and careers, but we all enjoyed writing together and kept at it. We were always more interested in storytelling than sketch comedy lends itself to, which led to our webseries Jared Posts A Personal. That was a show about being in your 20s and embracing the chaos of being young in the city. Commuters is the counterpoint, i guess. Our director Adam worked at Borders (~THE PAST!!~) with Tim, came out to a Murderfist show once, and we’ve kept him imprisoned ever since.

IFC: What was the genesis of Commuters?

Tim: Jared had an idea for a series about the more realistic, less romantic aspects of being in a serious relationship.  I moved out of the city to the suburbs and Nick got engaged out in LA.   We sort of combined all of those facets and Commuters was the end result.

IFC: How would Harris describe Olivia?

Jared: Olivia is the smartest, coolest, hottest person in the world, and Harris can’t believe he gets to be with her, even though she does overreact to everything and has no chill. Like seriously, ease up. It doesn’t always have to be ‘a thing.’

IFC: How would Olivia describe Harris?

Nikki:  Harris is smart, confident with a dry sense of humor but he’s also kind of a major chicken shit…. Kind of like if Han Solo and Barney Rubble had a baby.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Nikki:  I think this is the most accurate portrayal of what a modern relationship looks like. Expectations for what your life is ‘supposed to look like’ are confusing and often a let down but when you’re married to your best friend, it’s going to be ok because you will always find a way to make each other laugh.

IFC: Is the exciting life of NYC twentysomethings a sweet dream from which we all must awake, or is it a nightmare that we don’t realize is happening until it’s over?

Tim: Now that i’ve spent time living in the suburbs, helping to raise a two year old, y’all city folk have no fucking clue how great you’ve got it.

Nikki: I think of it similar to how I think about college. There’s a time and age for it to be glorious but no one wants to hang out with that 7th year senior. Luckily, NYC is so multifaceted that you can still have an exciting life here but it doesn’t have to be just what the twentysomethings are doing (thank god).

Jared: New York City is a garbage fire.

See the whole season of Commuters right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

BVSS-106-Stitching-web2

C'mon Fellas

A Man Mansplains To Men

Why Baroness von Sketch Show is a must-see.

Posted by on

Mansplaining is when a man takes it upon himself to explain something to a woman that she already knows. It happens a lot, but it’s not going to happen here. Ladies, go ahead and skip to the end of this post to watch a free episode of IFC’s latest addition, Baroness von Sketch Show.

However, if you’re a man, you might actually benefit from a good mansplanation. So take a knee, lean in, and absorb the following wisdom.

No Dicks

Baroness von Sketch Show is made entirely by women, therefore this show isn’t focused on men. Can you believe it? I know what you’re thinking: how will we know when to laugh if the jokes aren’t viewed through the dusty lens of the patriarchy? Where are the thinly veiled penis jokes? Am I a bad person? In order: you will, nowhere, and yes.

BVSS 101_14c

Huge Balls

Did you know that there’s more to life than poop jokes, sex jokes, body part jokes? I mean, those things are all really good things, natch, and totally edgy. But Baroness von Sketch Show does something even edgier. It holds up a brutal funhouse mirror to our everyday life. This is a bulls**t world we made, fellas.

BVSS_101_13

Oh Canada

After you watch the Canadian powerhouses of Baroness von Sketch Show and think to yourself “Dear god, this is so real” and “I’ve gotta talk about this,” do yourself a favor and think a-boot your options: Refrain from sharing your sage wisdom with any woman anywhere (believe us, she gets it). Instead, tell a fellow bro and get the mansplaining out of your system while also spreading the word about a great show.

BVSS 101_9_c

Dudes, that’s the deal.
Women, start reading again here:


Check out the preview episode of Baroness von Sketch Show and watch the series premiere August 2 on IFC.

IFC_Doc-Now_S2E1_1920x1080_v01_web

Happy Tears

Binge Don’t Cringe

Catch up on episodes of Documentary Now! and Portlandia.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: GIFs via GIPHY

A brain can only take so much.

Every five minutes, all day, every day, ludicrously stressful headlines push our mental limits as we struggle to adapt to a reality that seems increasingly less real. What’s a mind to do when simple denial just isn’t good enough anymore?

Radical suggestion: repeal and replace. And by that we mean take all the bad news that keeps you up at night, press pause, and substitute it with some genuine (not nervous, for a change) laughter. Here are some of the issues on our mind.

Gender Inequality

Feminist bookstore owners by day, still feminist bookstore owners by night, Toni and Candace show the male gaze who’s boss. Learn about their origin story (SPOILER: there’s an epic dance battle) and see what happens when their own brand of empowerment gets out of hand.

Healthcare

From Candace’s heart attack to the rise of the rawvolution, this Portlandia episode proves that healthcare is vital.

Peaceful Protests

Too many online petitions, too little time? Get WOKE with Fred and Carrie when they learn how to protest.

What Could Have Been

Can’t say the name “Clinton” without bursting into tears? Documentary Now!’s masterfully political “The Bunker” sheds a cozy new light on the house that Bill and Hill built. Just pretend you don’t know how the story really ends.

Fake News

A healthy way to break the high-drama news cycle is to switch over to “Dronez”, which has all the thrills of ubiquitous adventure journalism without any of the customary depression.

The more you watch, the better you feel. So get started on past episodes of Documentary Now! and Portlandia right now at IFC.com and the IFC app.

Powered by ZergNet