Weird Science

Teens Gone Wild

The 10 Most Sex-Crazed Teens in Movie History

Catch the American Pie movies this month on IFC

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Photo Credit: Universal/Courtesy Everett Collection

Rodney Dangerfield had one of the great lines in movie history, when he exclaimed “we’re all gonna get laid” in the waning moments of Caddyshack. If only it were that easy. While grownup, sexually experienced characters like millionaire golfer Al Czervik seem to have no trouble finding a little action, the history of film is littered with the broken dreams of hormonal teens, desperately trying to do whatever they can to get their groove on. With the Cat movies airing this month on IFC, we thought it was time to salute the biggest horndogs of teen movie history.

10. Joel Goodson, Risky Business

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

Perfect student Joel was sick of his celibacy, but thankfully he had a trick up his sleeve. Unlike a lot of the randy teens populating these high school sex comedies, he was willing to pay for it. Really, what’s $300 in the face of not getting any? Who among us wouldn’t trade our parents’ prized glass egg for the best night of our lives?


9. Brad Hamilton, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Let’s be honest: we’ve all been Brad at some point in our lives, fixated on that special someone. And when you get those thoughts going, there’s really only one way to handle it. The trick is, always remember to lock the door!


8. Walter ‘Gib’ Gibson, The Sure Thing

Embassy Pictures

Embassy Pictures

You have to admire Gid’s determination. A cross country road trip sounds like a blast, but it sure is a long way to go for a little action. What’s that, the sure thing he was chasing was a 22 year old Nicollette Sheridan? Okay, we’ll start saving up for bus fare.


7. Minnie, The Diary of a Teenage Girl

Sony Pictures Classics

Sony Pictures Classics

When Minnie puts her mind to something, she gets it done. It just so happens that the thing she wants to get done is her mother’s boyfriend. And once she takes him down, well, there’s no looking back. Thanks to Minnie’s diary, we get to follow her as awkward high school hookups give way to threesomes, lesbian affairs, and eventually drawing comic books. Wait, what? Didn’t see that coming.


6. Gary Wallace, Weird Science

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Unlike other randy teens, Gary actually harnessed his horniness to do great things. Along with his squeaky-voiced pal Wyatt, young Gary programmed a computer to create the perfect woman. Someone get this kid a Playboy mag and tell him to go cure cancer.


5. Gary, The Last American Virgin

Cannon Films

Cannon Films

We feel Gary’s pain. No matter what he does, he can’t seem to get any. He brings older ladies pizzas. Offers them fake cocaine. Heck, he even pays for one girl’s abortion. Okay, now that you mention it, maybe he needs to rethink some of his seduction techniques.


4. Brandy Klark, The To Do List

CBS Films

CBS Films

Brandy Klark knows that if you want to get laid, you need a system. Do the hard work. Don’t skimp on anything, from French kissing to motor boating. Just because you have a checklist, doesn’t make you less of a sexual being. It just means you know how to do things correctly.


3. Stifler, American Pie movies

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

In a franchise full of revved up teens, none can really hold a candle to bodacious bro Stifler. His whole life seems dedicated to getting his freak on, or at least telling people he is. Here is a man who will do anything to anyone if there’s even the slightest possibility of getting some action. It shouldn’t be a surprise that it’s revealed he’s become a porn director in American Pie Presents: Band CampThe man always had his priorities straight.


2. Pee Wee, Porky’s

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Most ’80s teen comedies contain at least one scene that would get you arrested today. Porky’s whole plot seems like it would land you behind bars. And none pushed this perverse dance of sexual exploration more than Pee Wee, the nominal lead of the movie, who thought nothing of sticking his member through an open hole in the off chance a girl might touch it. Now that’s dedication. Disturbing dedication.


1. Booger, Revenge of the Nerds

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Booger took no shortcuts. If it was smoking weed, he smoked the most of it. If it was picking his nose, he picked it the hardest. And if it was being a creep, well, he was the master. Whether it was complimenting a girl’s coconuts, or hitting on those oh so sexy Omega-Mus, he was always looking for a good time.

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Holiday Extra Special

Make The Holidays ’80s Again

Enjoy the holiday cheer Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Whatever happened to the kind of crazy-yet-cozy holiday specials that blanketed the early winter airwaves of the 1980s? Unceremoniously killed by infectious ’90s jadedness? Slow fade out at the hands of early-onset millennial ennui? Whatever the reason, nixing the tradition was a huge mistake.

A huge mistake that we’re about to fix.

Announcing IFC’s Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special, starring Tony Hale. It’s a celeb-studded extravaganza in the glorious tradition of yesteryear featuring Bridget Everett, Jo Firestone, Nick Thune, Jen Kirkman, house band The Dap-Kings, and many more. And it’s at Joe’s Pub, everyone’s favorite home away from home in the Big Apple.

The yuletide cheer explodes Wednesday December 21 at 10P. But if you were born after 1989 and have no idea what void this spectacular special is going to fill, sample from this vintage selection of holiday hits:

Andy Williams and The NBC Kids Search For Santa

The quintessential holiday special. Get snuggly and turn off your brain. You won’t need it.

A Muppet Family Christmas

The Fraggles. The Muppets. The Sesame Street gang. Fate. The Jim Henson multiverse merges in this warm and fuzzy Holiday gathering.

Julie Andrews: The Sound Of Christmas

To this day a foolproof antidote to holiday cynicism. It’s cheesy, but a good cheese. In this case an Alpine Gruyère.

Star Wars Holiday Special

Okay, busted. This one was released in 1978. Still totally ’80s though. And yes that’s Bea Arthur.

Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special

Pass the eggnog, and make sure it’s loaded. This special is everything you’d expect it to be and much, much more.

Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special premieres Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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It Ain't Over Yet

A Guide to Coping with the End of Comedy Bang! Bang!

Watch the final episodes tonight at 11 and 11:30P on IFC.

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After five seasons and 110 halved-hour episodes, Scott Aukerman’s hipster comedy opus, Comedy Bang! Bang!, has come to an end. Fridays at 11 and 11:30P will never be the same. We know it can be hard for fans to adjust after the series finale of their favorite TV show. That’s why we’ve prepared this step-by-step guide to managing your grief.

Step One: Cry it out

It’s just natural. We’re sad too.
Scott crying GIF

Step Two: Read the CB!B! IMDB Trivia Page

The show is over and it feels like you’ve lost a friend. But how well did you really know this friend? Head over to Comedy Bang! Bang!’s IMDB page to find out some things you may not have known…like that it’s “based on a Civil War battle of the same name” or that “Reggie Watts was actually born with the name Theodore Leopold The Third.”

Step Three: Listen to the podcast

One fascinating piece of CB!B! trivia that you might not learn from IMDB is that there’s a podcast that shares the same name as the TV show. It’s even hosted by Scott Aukerman! It’s not exactly like watching the TV show on a Friday night, but that’s only because each episode is released Monday morning. If you close your eyes, the podcast is just like watching the show with your eyes closed!

Step Four: Watch brand new CB!B! clips?!

The best way to cope with the end of Comedy Bang! Bang! is to completely ignore that it’s over — because it’s not. In an unprecedented move, IFC is opening up the bonus CB!B! content vault. There are four brand new, never-before-seen sketches featuring Scott Aukerman, Kid Cudi, and “Weird Al” Yankovic ready for you to view on the IFC App. There’s also one right here, below this paragraph! Watch all four b-b-bonus clips and feel better.

Binge the entire final season, plus exclusive sketches, right now on the IFC app.

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Everybody Sweats Now

The Four-Day Sweatsgiving Weekend On IFC

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This long holiday weekend is your time to gobble gobble gobble and give heartfelt thanks—thanks for the comfort and forgiveness of sweatpants. Because when it comes right down to it, there’s nothing more wholesome and American than stuffing yourself stupid and spending endless hours in front of the TV in your softest of softests.

So get the sweats, grab the remote and join IFC for four perfect days of entertainment.

sweatsgiving
It all starts with a 24-hour T-day marathon of Rocky Horror Picture Show, then continues Friday with an all-day binge of Stan Against Evil.

By Saturday, the couch will have molded to your shape. Which is good, because you’ll be nestled in for back-to-back Die Hard and Lethal Weapon.

Finally, come Sunday it’s time to put the sweat back in your sweatpants with The Shining, The Exorcist, The Chronicles of Riddick, Terminator 2, and Blade: Trinity. They totally count as cardio.

As if you need more convincing, here’s Martha Wash and the IFC&C Music Factory to hammer the point home.

The Sweatsgiving Weekend starts Thursday on IFC

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