Weird Science

Teens Gone Wild

The 10 Most Sex-Crazed Teens in Movie History

Catch the American Pie movies this month on IFC

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Photo Credit: Universal/Courtesy Everett Collection

Rodney Dangerfield had one of the great lines in movie history, when he exclaimed “we’re all gonna get laid” in the waning moments of Caddyshack. If only it were that easy. While grownup, sexually experienced characters like millionaire golfer Al Czervik seem to have no trouble finding a little action, the history of film is littered with the broken dreams of hormonal teens, desperately trying to do whatever they can to get their groove on. With the Cat movies airing this month on IFC, we thought it was time to salute the biggest horndogs of teen movie history.

10. Joel Goodson, Risky Business

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

Perfect student Joel was sick of his celibacy, but thankfully he had a trick up his sleeve. Unlike a lot of the randy teens populating these high school sex comedies, he was willing to pay for it. Really, what’s $300 in the face of not getting any? Who among us wouldn’t trade our parents’ prized glass egg for the best night of our lives?


9. Brad Hamilton, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Let’s be honest: we’ve all been Brad at some point in our lives, fixated on that special someone. And when you get those thoughts going, there’s really only one way to handle it. The trick is, always remember to lock the door!


8. Walter ‘Gib’ Gibson, The Sure Thing

Embassy Pictures

Embassy Pictures

You have to admire Gid’s determination. A cross country road trip sounds like a blast, but it sure is a long way to go for a little action. What’s that, the sure thing he was chasing was a 22 year old Nicollette Sheridan? Okay, we’ll start saving up for bus fare.


7. Minnie, The Diary of a Teenage Girl

Sony Pictures Classics

Sony Pictures Classics

When Minnie puts her mind to something, she gets it done. It just so happens that the thing she wants to get done is her mother’s boyfriend. And once she takes him down, well, there’s no looking back. Thanks to Minnie’s diary, we get to follow her as awkward high school hookups give way to threesomes, lesbian affairs, and eventually drawing comic books. Wait, what? Didn’t see that coming.


6. Gary Wallace, Weird Science

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Unlike other randy teens, Gary actually harnessed his horniness to do great things. Along with his squeaky-voiced pal Wyatt, young Gary programmed a computer to create the perfect woman. Someone get this kid a Playboy mag and tell him to go cure cancer.


5. Gary, The Last American Virgin

Cannon Films

Cannon Films

We feel Gary’s pain. No matter what he does, he can’t seem to get any. He brings older ladies pizzas. Offers them fake cocaine. Heck, he even pays for one girl’s abortion. Okay, now that you mention it, maybe he needs to rethink some of his seduction techniques.


4. Brandy Klark, The To Do List

CBS Films

CBS Films

Brandy Klark knows that if you want to get laid, you need a system. Do the hard work. Don’t skimp on anything, from French kissing to motor boating. Just because you have a checklist, doesn’t make you less of a sexual being. It just means you know how to do things correctly.


3. Stifler, American Pie movies

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

In a franchise full of revved up teens, none can really hold a candle to bodacious bro Stifler. His whole life seems dedicated to getting his freak on, or at least telling people he is. Here is a man who will do anything to anyone if there’s even the slightest possibility of getting some action. It shouldn’t be a surprise that it’s revealed he’s become a porn director in American Pie Presents: Band CampThe man always had his priorities straight.


2. Pee Wee, Porky’s

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Most ’80s teen comedies contain at least one scene that would get you arrested today. Porky’s whole plot seems like it would land you behind bars. And none pushed this perverse dance of sexual exploration more than Pee Wee, the nominal lead of the movie, who thought nothing of sticking his member through an open hole in the off chance a girl might touch it. Now that’s dedication. Disturbing dedication.


1. Booger, Revenge of the Nerds

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Booger took no shortcuts. If it was smoking weed, he smoked the most of it. If it was picking his nose, he picked it the hardest. And if it was being a creep, well, he was the master. Whether it was complimenting a girl’s coconuts, or hitting on those oh so sexy Omega-Mus, he was always looking for a good time.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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Nick Kroll and John Mulaney To Host Spirit Awards

The Spirit Awards Air February 25 LIVE on IFC.

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The 2017 Spirit Awards have finally found their frontmen: Nick Kroll and John Mulaney. And it’s no wonder. Just marvel in their splendid chemistry back when they appeared on Comedy Bang! Bang!:

The pair are prolific within the performing arts community: television (Kroll in The League and The Kroll Show, Mulaney as a writer of IFC’s own Documentary Now!), theater (including Broadway’s current Oh Hello Show), and stand-up comedy. In fact, it’s entirely possible that emceeing an awards show is one of the few remaining line items on their professional bucket lists.

It’s important to caveat this announcement, however. Unlike the bigger and more ubiquitously known awards shows, the Spirit Awards are not, well…boring. (We’re talking to you, Oscar.)

They’re funny. They’re honest. They have quality to match the red-carpet fanfare. And that’s alarmingly special. Last year’s show included some legitimately historic moments, like when transgender actress Mya Taylor won best supporting female, or Kate McKinnon’s hilarious and timely parody of Carol. See more highlights here to get the flavor of the Spirit Awards and read all about Film Independent to dig deeper.

The 2017 Spirit Awards air live February 25 at 5P ET exclusively on IFC.

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