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Cujo

When Cute Animals Attack

10 Cuddly Killer Animals You Don’t Want to Mess With

Spend National Puppy Day with Cujo this Wednesday, March 23rd starting at 1:45P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Warner Bros.

Since the dawn of movies, filmmakers have been finding ways to make us run in terror from adorable critters. Sometimes it works, creating classics like Cujo, airing on IFC this Wednesday, March 23rd in honor of National Puppy Day. Sometimes the results are more cuddly than bone-chilling. But either way, these beasts are more in the mood for blood than kibble. Take a look at some aww-dorable animals you probably won’t be posting on your “OMG CUTE!” Pinterest page.

10. The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Holy Grail 3

No need to soil your armor, no matter how scared you are. As long as you don’t get too close, The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog is just a harmless little fuzzball. Just ignore all those skeletons, and focus on his wiggling pink nose and itsy bitsy paws. What a cutie! It’s only if you get up close that, well, things can go a little awry. And even then, what’s the worst that could happen? Just a flesh wound at the most. Few ferocious killers are cuter than this little bunny rabbit, who just happens to treats humans like the walking carrots they are.


9. Ben the Rat from Willard

Rysher Entertainment

Rysher Entertainment

Okay, sure, maybe Ben did lead a horde of rats to devour the one man who ever showed them kindness. But if you can get past those tiny details, just look at that little bugger! All mushy fur and soft whiskers, Ben was an adorable lil’ pal before having to make some hard choices. Look, it ain’t easy out there for a rat when the whole world is conspiring to kill you. He really was a great friend there for awhile. Don’t believe us? Just ask Michael Jackson, whose 1972 ballad “Ben” served as the theme song for the film and celebrated the one-of-a-kind love between a boy and his rat.


8. The Dilophosaurus that killed Newman from Jurassic Park

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Hello, Dilophosaurus. Hello, Newman. Just wanting to get the hell out of Jurassic Park and sell his illicitly gained dinosaur embryos, disgruntled programmer Dennis Nedry wasn’t really in the mood to make friends with this cute lil’ munchkin. Grateful not to come across one of the Dilophosaurus’ bigger friends, he tried a game of catch to distract the playful dino. Unfortunately, the only thing Big Dilo was looking to chase down was Dennis himself. But what a cute duo they made before Newman became lunch.


7. General Woundwort from Watership Down

Nepenthe Productions

Nepenthe Productions

As depicted in this dark animated adaptation of Richard Adams’ classic children’s novel, General Woundwort is a seriously bad dude. He maims cats and kills rivals, all in his singular pursuit of power. He’s not to be crossed. He will put you down. Oh, he’s also an adorable little bunny rabbit, with fluffy brown fur and a dark green eye. If he wasn’t an avowed mortal enemy of humans, we might just want to snuggle with him.


6. The Bear from Grizzly

Columbia Pictures

Columbia Pictures

The bear from the 1976 “animals gone wild” movie Grizzly is a bloodthirsty killing machine. But, much like Hannibal Lecter or Freddy Krueger, the actor portraying the beast was anything but. Teddy, an 11-foot-tall Kodiak bear, was brought in to play the murderous monster, and he proved to be the best part of this forgettable “Jaws on land” ripoff. In fact, Teddy wasn’t as interested in killing humans as he was in eating marshmallows. To get him to roar, the trainer would feed him a few, then hold another one in front of his face. The director would shoot as Teddy reached for the snack, and then add the roar later. A marshmallow-loving giant teddy bear who could rip your face off with one swipe of his claws? Now that’s adorable.


5. The Pussycats from Strays

What would you do if you moved into your dream house, only to find that a stray cat lived there? You’d probably welcome it into the family. And what if another showed up? And another? And another? And they tried to kill you? Okay, that’s when things get a little tricky. Still, this story of the original grumpy cats has an all-star cast of feline cuteness.


4. The Bunnies from Night of the Lepus

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

If you’re in the mood for some giant, roided-out furballs with a taste for blood, you could do a lot worse that this 1972 schlock fest. But try as they might, casting a bunch of dopey bunnies as mutant killers terrorizing a small town doesn’t exactly work. You can cover a rabbit in fake blood, and shoot them on tiny sets to make them appear huge, but at the end of the day, their cute-sy faces and perky ears make them look more like they’re leaving chocolate eggs than killing your entire family. Silly Rabbit, murder is for humans and killer bears.


3. The Sheep from Black Sheep

New Zealand On Air

New Zealand On Air

Just because someone carried out scientific experiments on the poor sheep in this New Zealand horror comedy, turning them from docile vegetarians into blood thirsty carnivores, doesn’t mean it’s their fault. They crave human flesh. That’s all they know. Okay, their bite turns people into half-human/half-sheep monstrosities, but that’s just an unfortunate side effect. If you can get beyond all of that, these fluffballs are as soft as your favorite sweater, and just asking for a big hug. Just avoid their teeth. Can’t stress that enough.


2. The Monkey from Monkey Shines

Orion Pictures

Orion Pictures

Another poor animal experimented on by a mad scientist. If only these evil geniuses would do peer reviewed work inside the system, the animals could be left alone to just be adorable. This time master of horror George Romero brings us the story of a medically-altered helper monkey carrying out revenge for his paralyzed master. And the little fella does such a good job of it, too. Let’s hope he was getting lots of treats for every murder.


1. The Pooch from Cujo

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

Who’s a good boy? Okay, not Cujo. He’s a horrible boy. But it isn’t his fault. He had bat rabies! Why don’t you go get bat rabies, and see who you end up killing? Jeez. This B-movie, based on the Stephen King book, was a modest hit at the time, and has developed a cult following over time. One of the reasons why is Cujo himself. Sure, he’s a killing machine, but he rivals Hooch on the movie dog adorability scale. What could be cuter than a goofy Saint Bernard lathered in corn syrup, wagging his tail as he pretends to eat people? Maybe he was a good boy after all.

Celebrate National Puppy Day with Cujo on IFC!

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Hacked In

Funny or Die Is Taking Over

FOD TV comes to IFC every Saturday night.

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We’ve been fans of Funny or Die since we first met The Landlord. That enduring love makes it more than logical, then, that IFC is totally cool with FOD hijacking the airwaves every Saturday night. Yes, that’s happening.

The appropriately titled FOD TV looks like something pulled from public access television in the nineties. Like lo-fi broken-antenna reception and warped VHS tapes. Equal parts WTF and UHF.

Get ready for characters including The Shirtless Painter, Long-Haired Businessmen, and Pigeon Man. They’re aptly named, but for a better sense of what’s in store, here’s a taste of ASMR with Kelly Whispers:

Watch FOD TV every Saturday night during IFC’s regularly scheduled movies.

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Wicked Good

See More Evil

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is on Hulu.

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Okay, so you missed the entire first season of Stan Against Evil. There’s no shame in that, per se. But here’s the thing: Season 2 is just around the corner and you don’t want to lag behind. After all, Season 1 had some critical character development, not to mention countless plot twists, and a breathless finale cliffhanger that’s been begging for resolution since last fall. It also had this:

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The good news is that you can catch up right now on Hulu. Phew. But if you aren’t streaming yet, here’s a basic primer…

Willards Mill Is Evil

Stan spent his whole career as sheriff oblivious to the fact that his town has a nasty curse. Mostly because his recently-deceased wife was secretly killing demons and keeping Stan alive.

Demons Really Want To Kill Stan

The curse on Willards Mill stipulates that damned souls must hunt and kill each and every town sheriff, or “constable.” Oh, and these demons are shockingly creative.

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They Also Want To Kill Evie

Why? Because Evie’s a sheriff too, and the curse on Willard’s Mill doesn’t have a “one at a time” clause. Bummer, Evie.

Stan and Evie Must Work Together

Beating the curse will take two, baby, but that’s easier said than done because Stan doesn’t always seem to give a damn. Damn!

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Beware of Goats

It goes without saying for anyone who’s seen the show: If you know that ancient evil wants to kill you, be wary of anything that has cloven feet.

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Season 2 Is Lurking

Scary new things are slouching towards Willards Mill. An impending darkness descending on Stan, Evie and their cohort – eviler evil, more demony demons, and whatnot. And if Stan wants to survive, he’ll have to get even Stanlier.

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is now streaming right now on Hulu.

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SO EXCITED!!!

Reminders that the ’90s were a thing

"The Place We Live" is available for a Jessie Spano-level binge on Comedy Crib.

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Unless you stopped paying attention to the world at large in 1989, you are of course aware that the ’90s are having their pop cultural second coming. Nobody is more acutely aware of this than Dara Katz and Betsy Kenney, two comedians who met doing improv comedy and have just made their Comedy Crib debut with the hilarious ’90s TV throwback series, The Place We Live.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Dara: It’s everything you loved–or loved to hate—from Melrose Place and 90210 but condensed to five minutes, funny (on purpose) and totally absurd.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Betsy: “Hey Todd, why don’t you have a sip of water. Also, I think you’ll love The Place We Live because everyone has issues…just like you, Todd.”

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IFC: When you were living through the ’90s, did you think it was television’s golden age or the pop culture apocalypse?


Betsy: I wasn’t sure I knew what it was, I just knew I loved it!


Dara: Same. Was just happy that my parents let me watch. But looking back, the ’90s honored The Teen. And for that, it’s the golden age of pop culture. 

IFC: Which ’90s shows did you mine for the series, and why?

Betsy: Melrose and 90210 for the most part. If you watch an episode of either of those shows you’ll see they’re a comedic gold mine. In one single episode, they cover serious crimes, drug problems, sex and working in a law firm and/or gallery, all while being young, hot and skinny.


Dara: And almost any series we were watching in the ’90s, Full House, Saved By the Bell, My So Called Life has very similar themes, archetypes and really stupid-intense drama. We took from a lot of places. 

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IFC: How would you describe each of the show’s characters in terms of their ’90s TV stereotype?

Dara: Autumn (Sunita Mani) is the femme fatale. Robin (Dara Katz) is the book worm (because she wears glasses). Candace (Betsy Kenney) is Corey’s twin and gives great advice and has really great hair. Corey (Casey Jost) is the boy next door/popular guy. Candace and Corey’s parents decided to live in a car so the gang can live in their house. 
Lee (Jonathan Braylock) is the jock.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Dara: Because everyone’s feeling major ’90s nostalgia right now, and this is that, on steroids while also being a totally new, silly thing.

Delight in the whole season of The Place We Live right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. It’ll take you back in all the right ways.