Cujo

When Cute Animals Attack

10 Cuddly Killer Animals You Don’t Want to Mess With

Spend National Puppy Day with Cujo this Wednesday, March 23rd starting at 1:45P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Warner Bros.

Since the dawn of movies, filmmakers have been finding ways to make us run in terror from adorable critters. Sometimes it works, creating classics like Cujo, airing on IFC this Wednesday, March 23rd in honor of National Puppy Day. Sometimes the results are more cuddly than bone-chilling. But either way, these beasts are more in the mood for blood than kibble. Take a look at some aww-dorable animals you probably won’t be posting on your “OMG CUTE!” Pinterest page.

10. The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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No need to soil your armor, no matter how scared you are. As long as you don’t get too close, The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog is just a harmless little fuzzball. Just ignore all those skeletons, and focus on his wiggling pink nose and itsy bitsy paws. What a cutie! It’s only if you get up close that, well, things can go a little awry. And even then, what’s the worst that could happen? Just a flesh wound at the most. Few ferocious killers are cuter than this little bunny rabbit, who just happens to treats humans like the walking carrots they are.


9. Ben the Rat from Willard

Rysher Entertainment

Rysher Entertainment

Okay, sure, maybe Ben did lead a horde of rats to devour the one man who ever showed them kindness. But if you can get past those tiny details, just look at that little bugger! All mushy fur and soft whiskers, Ben was an adorable lil’ pal before having to make some hard choices. Look, it ain’t easy out there for a rat when the whole world is conspiring to kill you. He really was a great friend there for awhile. Don’t believe us? Just ask Michael Jackson, whose 1972 ballad “Ben” served as the theme song for the film and celebrated the one-of-a-kind love between a boy and his rat.


8. The Dilophosaurus that killed Newman from Jurassic Park

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Hello, Dilophosaurus. Hello, Newman. Just wanting to get the hell out of Jurassic Park and sell his illicitly gained dinosaur embryos, disgruntled programmer Dennis Nedry wasn’t really in the mood to make friends with this cute lil’ munchkin. Grateful not to come across one of the Dilophosaurus’ bigger friends, he tried a game of catch to distract the playful dino. Unfortunately, the only thing Big Dilo was looking to chase down was Dennis himself. But what a cute duo they made before Newman became lunch.


7. General Woundwort from Watership Down

Nepenthe Productions

Nepenthe Productions

As depicted in this dark animated adaptation of Richard Adams’ classic children’s novel, General Woundwort is a seriously bad dude. He maims cats and kills rivals, all in his singular pursuit of power. He’s not to be crossed. He will put you down. Oh, he’s also an adorable little bunny rabbit, with fluffy brown fur and a dark green eye. If he wasn’t an avowed mortal enemy of humans, we might just want to snuggle with him.


6. The Bear from Grizzly

Columbia Pictures

Columbia Pictures

The bear from the 1976 “animals gone wild” movie Grizzly is a bloodthirsty killing machine. But, much like Hannibal Lecter or Freddy Krueger, the actor portraying the beast was anything but. Teddy, an 11-foot-tall Kodiak bear, was brought in to play the murderous monster, and he proved to be the best part of this forgettable “Jaws on land” ripoff. In fact, Teddy wasn’t as interested in killing humans as he was in eating marshmallows. To get him to roar, the trainer would feed him a few, then hold another one in front of his face. The director would shoot as Teddy reached for the snack, and then add the roar later. A marshmallow-loving giant teddy bear who could rip your face off with one swipe of his claws? Now that’s adorable.


5. The Pussycats from Strays

What would you do if you moved into your dream house, only to find that a stray cat lived there? You’d probably welcome it into the family. And what if another showed up? And another? And another? And they tried to kill you? Okay, that’s when things get a little tricky. Still, this story of the original grumpy cats has an all-star cast of feline cuteness.


4. The Bunnies from Night of the Lepus

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

If you’re in the mood for some giant, roided-out furballs with a taste for blood, you could do a lot worse that this 1972 schlock fest. But try as they might, casting a bunch of dopey bunnies as mutant killers terrorizing a small town doesn’t exactly work. You can cover a rabbit in fake blood, and shoot them on tiny sets to make them appear huge, but at the end of the day, their cute-sy faces and perky ears make them look more like they’re leaving chocolate eggs than killing your entire family. Silly Rabbit, murder is for humans and killer bears.


3. The Sheep from Black Sheep

New Zealand On Air

New Zealand On Air

Just because someone carried out scientific experiments on the poor sheep in this New Zealand horror comedy, turning them from docile vegetarians into blood thirsty carnivores, doesn’t mean it’s their fault. They crave human flesh. That’s all they know. Okay, their bite turns people into half-human/half-sheep monstrosities, but that’s just an unfortunate side effect. If you can get beyond all of that, these fluffballs are as soft as your favorite sweater, and just asking for a big hug. Just avoid their teeth. Can’t stress that enough.


2. The Monkey from Monkey Shines

Orion Pictures

Orion Pictures

Another poor animal experimented on by a mad scientist. If only these evil geniuses would do peer reviewed work inside the system, the animals could be left alone to just be adorable. This time master of horror George Romero brings us the story of a medically-altered helper monkey carrying out revenge for his paralyzed master. And the little fella does such a good job of it, too. Let’s hope he was getting lots of treats for every murder.


1. The Pooch from Cujo

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

Who’s a good boy? Okay, not Cujo. He’s a horrible boy. But it isn’t his fault. He had bat rabies! Why don’t you go get bat rabies, and see who you end up killing? Jeez. This B-movie, based on the Stephen King book, was a modest hit at the time, and has developed a cult following over time. One of the reasons why is Cujo himself. Sure, he’s a killing machine, but he rivals Hooch on the movie dog adorability scale. What could be cuter than a goofy Saint Bernard lathered in corn syrup, wagging his tail as he pretends to eat people? Maybe he was a good boy after all.

Celebrate National Puppy Day with Cujo on IFC!

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.