There’s Something About Mary

Down Boy

8 Bad Movie Dogs Who Need a Serious Shaming

Celebrate National Puppy Day with Cujo on IFC.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Stephen King’s monstrous St. Bernard Cujo is rabidly bad, as in he literally has rabies and is out to kill anything in his path. But as anyone who has ever come home to a shredded sofa, cleaned up dog vomit, or had their leg aggressively humped can tell you, there are many ways for a dog to be bad. To celebrate IFC airing Cujo for National Puppy Day, here are 10 of the baddest dogs ever to appear on a movie screen.

1. Beethoven

A decade after Cujo came this definitely friendlier St. Bernard who still managed to be almost as destructive. And the trail of wreckage Beethoven left is unbelievably long, covering 8 films over two decades…and counting. Chris, the original dog that played Beethoven, died after the second movie but the franchise was too lucrative to be put down. By the sixth installment of the Beethoven series, the storyline was rebooted to show Beethoven as a canine movie star. And along the way this dog was responsible for more property damage than any movie creature this side of Godzilla.


2. Puffy from There’s Something About Mary

The scene from There’s Something About Mary where Ben Stiller is attacked by Mary’s dog Puffy (played by a dog with the appropriate name of Slammer) is every bit as terrifying as the attacks in Cujo. Puffy more than gets comeuppance, however, and memorably ends up in a full body cast. The real Slammer was actually put in a fake full body cast for the scene, but only for about 10 seconds.


3. The Terror Dogs from Ghostbusters

“OK, who brought the dog?,” Rick Moranis asks in a scene from the original Ghostbusters right before a hell hound crashes into the room. The “dog” is actually one of a pair of demonic entities known as Zuul and Vinz Clortho. They are the Gatekeeper and the Key Master who take over the bodies of humans, and whose ritual mating turns them into horrific dog-like beasts who usher in the Sumerian god Gozer to destroy the world. That’s not the kind of misbehavior that even the Dog Whisperer can easily fix.


4. Hooch from Turner & Hooch

Hooch may have been a handful, but this bad dog was on the right side of the law. He teamed up with Tom Hanks as Turner to take a bite out of crime. The real Hooch was a Dogue de Bordeaux (which is probably French for “slobber fountain”) named Beasley. In the movie he destroyed everything Turner owned, and generated enough drool to drown the bad guys. You may be tempted to think the worst thing Hooch did was to inspire a bunch of weaker “man and dog” crime fighting movies likeĀ K-9 and Top Dog, but Turner & Hooch was actually released three months after Jim Belushi’s much more poorly received pairing with a German Shepherd.


5. Killer from Half Baked

OK, the dog Killer from the stoner classic Half Baked wasn’t really a bad dog — he just hung out with the wrong crowd. And when they turned him on to some “killer” (whoa!) weed, he ends up flying…literally. But the best part of the movie is Jim Breuer’s way-too-stoned recounting of the life and times of Killer, from his birth to a “3-legged bitch” to his later drug abuse problems. Just say “No” to drugs, doggies.


6. Milo from The Mask

Milo, the mild mannered dog of mild-mannered Stanley Ipkiss (Jim Carrey) is played by a Jack Russell terrier named Max. But when Milo dons the Mask of Loki he becomes an unholy green-faced terror, much like a canine version of what happens to Stanley. This was Max the dog’s first movie role, and some of the scenes featured Jim Carrey improvising to Max’s deviations from the script, such as when he refuses to give up a Frisbee or is unable to climb a wall to the cell where Stanley is imprisoned.


7. Zoltan, Hound of Dracula

You want to talk about a bad dog? How about Dracula’s Dog, returned after centuries of slumber to walk the Earth? He’ll turn you into a vampire AND dig up the flower garden. But at least you can teach him to roll over and play undead. This 1978 abomination is perhaps the unintentionally funniest movie on this list– it actually features a vampire puppy in what is undoubtedly the cutest moment in horror movie history.


8. Baxter, the world’s most evil dog

The murderous bull terrier from the 1989 French black comedy/psychological thriller Baxter is not merely a bad dog. In what is one of the strangest movies ever made, Baxter is a brooding, complex, and multi-layered sociopathic villain. The fact that the dog narrates his own tale (in French with subtitles!) only makes the whole thing more bizarre. This is what would happen if Cujo was directed by Luis Bunuel after a week-long absinthe binge. Imagine American Psycho with a French dog and you’ll understand why John Waters called this one of his favorite movies.

Watch More
IFC-mark-wahlberg-ice-cube-will-smith

SAG Life

Rappers Act Up

Watch the Yo! IFC Acts Movie Marathon Memorial Day Weekend.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Everett Collection and the '90s)

Memorial Day weekend: how to celebrate? Nothing quite says “screw spring—let’s do summer” like blockbuster movies starring rappers who ditched lucrative music careers in order to become actors. It happened a lot, remember? Especially in and around the ’90s. Will Smith, Eminem, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Ludacris…icons with the hubris to try the silver screen instead and have it totally work out.

But what if more rappers had made the leap? That’s a rhetorical question—movies (and life) would’ve been better, obviously. To prove it, here are some movies that totally would’ve been more memorable with rappers.

The Godfather

Starring Biggie, not Brando.
Godfather-BIG

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Only Coolio could improve upon Gene Wilder’s performance.
Coolio-Wonka

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Billy Elliot, with a dose of Missy Elliott.
Missy-Billy-Elliott

Robin Hood: Price of Thieves

Low hanging fruit, Hollywood.
Robin-Hood-and-Lil-Jon

And of course…

Kanye-of-The-Lambs

See NONE of those movies and a whole bunch of real ones this Memorial Day weekend on IFC’s rapper-filled movie marathon.

Watch More
Brockmire-107-banner-3

Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

Posted by on
GIFs by Giphy

“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

Watch More
Mommie_Dearest-2

Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

Posted by on
GIFs via Giphy

The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

Watch More
Powered by ZergNet