Jurassic Park III

Dino Might

The 10 Best Movie Dinosaurs

Catch a Jurassic Park movie marathon Sunday, Jan. 31st starting at 6P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Universal/courtesy Everett Collection

“God creates dinosaurs, God kills dinosaurs, God creates man, man kills God, man brings back dinosaurs.” Those are the words of Michael Crichton, from his blockbuster 1990 novel Jurassic Park, and they would prove to be spot-on. From the dawn of movies, filmmakers have been obsessed with bringing dinosaurs back from the dead, whether with wire and clay or computer pixels. Before you catch IFC’s Jurassic Park movie marathon, check out this list of the best big screen dinos that’s 65 million years in the making.


10. Indominus Rex, Jurassic World

Legendary Pictures

Legendary Pictures

Much like the movie itself, which picked over the bones of past Jurassic Park films to create something new, Indominus Rex was something of a Frankenstein monster, combining elements of everything from Tyrannosauruses and Velociraptors to Tree Frogs and Viper Snakes. What resulted was the first genetically modified dinosaur in the franchise’s history, a hybrid that was intended to be the most kick-ass creature we’d ever seen. While “Indominus Got Next” couldn’t make us forget the thrills the franchise had once delivered, it did help Jurassic World become the third highest grossing movie ever…well, until a dinosaur of ’70s cinema called Star Wars reared its head once again.


9. King Koopa, Super Mario Bros.

Buena Vista Pictures

Buena Vista Pictures

Nintendo was still new to the movie world when they signed away the film rights to their video game hit Super Mario Bros., leading to a dystopian nightmare of a movie that owed more to Blade Runner than Donkey Kong. The push and pull between dark, adult fair and cartoon nonsense is right there on the screen, right down to a truly bizarre performance from Dennis Hopper. (As if there’s any other kind.) Playing King Koopa, a T.rex descendant who rules over an alternate dimension called Dinohattan with an iron fist, the actor goes full Hopper here, helping turn this crap-tastic movie into a camp classic.


8. Dimetrodon, Journey to the Center of the Earth

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

While the 2008 remake may have had bigger thrills (and a hunk-splosion in the form of Brendan Fraser), the 1959 original Journey to the Center of the Earth takes the cake for one reason: iguanas playing dinosaurs. (Iguanas! With weird appliances glued onto their backs!) Between actor Clifton Webb falling ill and having to be replaced, and Arlene Dahl passing out after screaming for her life during a difficult stunt, this movie seems like it was a bit of a disaster. But nothing can beat the awe-inspiring sight of a pet shop lizard with a green fin glued onto its spine.


7. Allosaurus, The Lost World

First National Pictures

First National Pictures

This 1925 silent adventure film, based on the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story, was the first movie about dinosaurs ever made. Full of effects and thrills that were unheard of at the time, it paved the way for classics such as King Kong, which wouldn’t be made for another eight years. While Brute Force, made in 1914, was the first movie to feature a dinosaur, this was the first movie to have them be the driving part of the story, and do battle with each other. And if we have to pick just one favorite, we’ll go with the feisty Allosaurus who seems to pick fights with any dinosaur it comes across.


6. Grimlock, Transformers: Age of Extinction

Paramount Pictures

Paramount Pictures

Moving up the list, it was inevitable that we’d find our way to robot dinosaurs. That’s just common sense. While the dignified dinos above could all kick some serious ass, none could transform into a 40-foot tall centurion, complete with an Energon sword used to create maximum carnage. Sure, the Transformer film franchise might not be great art, but this is a robot dinosaur people! It can shoot fire out of its mouth! It would be irresponsible to rank it any lower than 6th on this list.


5. T. Rex, Caveman

United Artists

United Artists

When the T. Rex in this 1981 Ringo Starr camp classic ate a magical fruit that worked just like cannabis, he became ravenous. Hey, we’ve all been there. That led to the inevitable question: if you were seriously stoned, which member of The Beatles would you eat? While the movie has been much derided over the years, how many dinosaurs can claim to have hung with one of the Fab Four?


4. Dino, The Flintstones

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Arguably the most famous dinosaur in the history of pop culture, this CGI version of The Flintstone’s dino-pooch did a decent job of capturing the original Hanna-Barbera magic. For anyone who’s ever had a beloved pet, they can relate to the special relationship Dino shares with his family. Sure, he may be single-handedly responsible for the glut of misinformation that’s out there about human and dinosaur cohabitation. But who could resist those slobbery kisses when coming home from a long day at the Slate Rock and Gravel Company?


3. Littlefoot, The Land Before Time

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

Poor Loveable Littlefoot, a young Brontosaurus who lost his mother, and had to rely on his friends to help him make it to the “Great Valley” before all of the dinosaurs went extinct. A heartbreaking children’s movie from the minds of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, this animated classic was Bambi for kids of the ’80s. We grew up with Littlefoot, who would go on to front 13 different movies and a TV series. Sure, not all were classics, but we’ll always remember Littefoot’s mother telling him, and all of us, “let your heart guide you. It whispers so listen closely.”


2. T. Rex, King Kong

RKO Radio Pictures

RKO Radio Pictures

If you’re talking movie star dinosaurs, few are more famous than this Tyrannosaurus Rex, who turned a butt whooping at the hands of King Kong into one of the most famous scenes in movie history. This is a movie that’s been remade twice, and placed on the National Film Registry, which means that there’s a good chance aliens will be watching these two behemoths doing battle long after we’re all extinct.


1. TIE: T. Rex and Velociraptors, Jurassic Park

Universal Studios

Universal Studios

There’s just no way to pick between these two dinos, who helped turn Jurassic Park into the biggest movie of 1993, and usher in the dawn of CGI. Between the terrifying majesty of T.rex, and the slow realization that the Raptors aren’t the mindless beasts we assumed them to be, this movie mixes the taut tension of a thriller with some of the most jaw-dropping action sequences in the history of film. It’s no wonder that the climactic moment of the movie is when the T. Rex and the Raptors finally face off in a throw down for the ages.

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Very NSFW

The Brockmire Premiere Is All Truth

Watch The First Episode of Brockmire Right Now for Free

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GIFS via Giphy

At long last, the Brockmire pre-premiere has arrived. Which means you can watch it right now—on IFC.com, at Funny Or Die, on IFC’s Apple TV and mobile apps, on Youtube, on Facebook, on the AMC apps, and right here. So grab some headphones and get watching.

No seriously, get headphones.

Because whether he’s giving a play-by-play or ruminating on the world around him, Jim Brockmire calls it like he sees it. And how he sees it is very NSFW. His take on life is actually quite refreshing, even to the point of being profoundly sage. For proof just look at these pearls of unconventional wisdom from the premiere…

Brockmire On The Internet

“If I need porn I just buy a nudie mag, like my father and his father before him.”

Brockmire On Sex-Ed

“Kids, a strap-on is a belt with d— on it that mommies use to f— daddies.”
Brockmire-Strap-On

Brockmire On The Perfect High

“Somewhere between 10 cups of coffee and very low-grade cocaine.”
Brockmire-Perfect-High

Brockmire On The Tardiness of Spring

“Old man winter’s reaching his hand inside your coat to give that thing one more squeeze.”

Brockmire On Keeping Perspective

“I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap restroom in Bangkok where a Thai lady-boy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburnt German watched us on the toilet”
Brockmire-grain-salt

Brockmire On Humanity

“If you want to look directly into the gaping maw of oblivion, don’t look up to the heavens. Just look in the mirror.”
Jules-never-seen

See these nuggets and more in the first episode of Brockmire, and see the whole season beginning April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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