Santa Slay

Season's Bleedings

The 7 Scariest Holiday Horror Movies

Let visions of Freddy dance through your head with the A Nightmare on Elm Street movies throughout December on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Lionsgate

Holiday movies teach us important lessons about family and good will towards all men. But what about the truly important lessons like “Run!” or “Don’t walk slowly towards whatever that noise is!” and “No, seriously, RUN!” Horror movies have added danger to almost every holiday, and Christmas is no exception. But before you settle in for IFC’s Nightmare on Elm Street movie marathon, check out some movies that put the “ho ho no!” in horror.

7. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1985)

Silent Night
This grisly 1985 flick is the most famous Christmas-themed killer movie ever made thanks to an immense public backlash at the time of its release, which of course turned it into a cult horror favorite. Young Billy is traumatized by a criminal killer dressed as Santa Claus and, with the glorious inevitability of horror, later decides that the Killer Claus was on to a good thing and tries it out himself.


6. Silent Night (2012)

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The inevitable modern reboot of Silent Night, Deadly Night dropped the deadly but added a flamethrower. And that’s a trade any horror movie fan can get behind. A homicidal Santa is taking out the naughty, but the tide turns when the hero gets their hands on something even better than a roaring log fire.


5. Santa Claws (1996)

Santa Claws

Santa Claws was filmed in 1996, and it’s surprising it really took that long for someone to make that pun. The titular killer hunts down his target’s friends and co-workers with his eponymous claws. The movie is also known as ‘Tis the Season, and the tagline insists that “His Slay Bells Are Ringing,” because you can never have too many Christmas puns.


4. Santa’s Slay (2005)

Santas Slay

Santa (played by wrestler Bill Goldberg) is revealed to be a demon from hell, defeated at curling by an angel and forced to bring presents to the pure for a thousand years. Now time has run out and the demonic Claus has a lot of evil to catch up on and proceeds to wreak havoc with his “hell-deer.” This is a movie that exists, people.


3. Sint (2010)

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A-Film

This dark Dutch horror comedy stars Sinterklaas as the spirit of a corrupt gang-leading bishop who was killed by fire on a full moon, and is therefore empowered by at least four different horror classics. A childhood survivor of a previous rampage, now a police officer, must protect a town from this evil spirit — even as everyone is dressed in the same disguise for the Sinterklaas celebration.


2. Christmas Evil (1980)

Christmas Evil

Christmas Evil is another cult classic, predating the more famous Silent Night, Deadly Night with an almost identical setup. A child is traumatized by seeing his mother getting racy with “Santa,” then ups the symbolism even further by cutting his own hand with glass from a shattered snow globe. Later he’s convinced himself to become the “real” Santa, sleeping in costume and spying on neighbors to judge them naughty or nice. But this Klaus delivers a hatchet instead of coal.


1. Black Christmas (1974)


The original Black Christmas is one of the original slasher horrors, with a gaggle of sorority sisters picked off by an unknown killer back before that was a horror movie cliché. The film also has one of the earliest fake-outs in the genre, with the police happily counting the case closed only for the final notes to reveal that he’s still at large — and still hunting the survivor. Director Bob Clark would go on to make A Christmas Story, a decidedly less disturbing holiday tale unless you have a lifelong fear of getting your tongue stuck to an icy pole.

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Grow TFU

Adulting Like You Mean It

Commuters makes its debut on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Jared Warner, Nick Ciavarella, and Tim Dean were once a part of Murderfist, a group of comedy writers, actors, producers, parents, and reluctant adults. Together with InstaMiniSeries’s Nikki Borges, they’re making their IFC Comedy Crib debut with the refreshingly-honest and joyfully-hilarious Commuters. The webseries follows thirtysomethings Harris and Olivia as they brave the waters of true adulthood, and it’s right on point.

Jared, Nick, Nikki and Tim were kind enough to answer a few questions about Commuters for us. Here’s a snippet of that conversation…

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IFC: How would you describe Commuters to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Nick: Two 30-somethings leave the Brooklyn life behind, and move to the New Jersey suburbs in a forced attempt to “grow up.” But they soon find out they’ve got a long way to go to get to where they want to be.

IFC: How would you describe Commuters to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jared: It’s a show about how f*cking stupid people who think they are smart can be.

IFC: What’s your origin story? When did you all meet and how long have you been working together?

Jared: Nick, Tim, and I were all in the sketch group Murderfist since, what, like 2004? God. Anyway, Tim and Nick left the group to pursue other frivolous things, like children and careers, but we all enjoyed writing together and kept at it. We were always more interested in storytelling than sketch comedy lends itself to, which led to our webseries Jared Posts A Personal. That was a show about being in your 20s and embracing the chaos of being young in the city. Commuters is the counterpoint, i guess. Our director Adam worked at Borders (~THE PAST!!~) with Tim, came out to a Murderfist show once, and we’ve kept him imprisoned ever since.

IFC: What was the genesis of Commuters?

Tim: Jared had an idea for a series about the more realistic, less romantic aspects of being in a serious relationship.  I moved out of the city to the suburbs and Nick got engaged out in LA.   We sort of combined all of those facets and Commuters was the end result.

IFC: How would Harris describe Olivia?

Jared: Olivia is the smartest, coolest, hottest person in the world, and Harris can’t believe he gets to be with her, even though she does overreact to everything and has no chill. Like seriously, ease up. It doesn’t always have to be ‘a thing.’

IFC: How would Olivia describe Harris?

Nikki:  Harris is smart, confident with a dry sense of humor but he’s also kind of a major chicken shit…. Kind of like if Han Solo and Barney Rubble had a baby.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Nikki:  I think this is the most accurate portrayal of what a modern relationship looks like. Expectations for what your life is ‘supposed to look like’ are confusing and often a let down but when you’re married to your best friend, it’s going to be ok because you will always find a way to make each other laugh.

IFC: Is the exciting life of NYC twentysomethings a sweet dream from which we all must awake, or is it a nightmare that we don’t realize is happening until it’s over?

Tim: Now that i’ve spent time living in the suburbs, helping to raise a two year old, y’all city folk have no fucking clue how great you’ve got it.

Nikki: I think of it similar to how I think about college. There’s a time and age for it to be glorious but no one wants to hang out with that 7th year senior. Luckily, NYC is so multifaceted that you can still have an exciting life here but it doesn’t have to be just what the twentysomethings are doing (thank god).

Jared: New York City is a garbage fire.

See the whole season of Commuters right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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C'mon Fellas

A Man Mansplains To Men

Why Baroness von Sketch Show is a must-see.

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Mansplaining is when a man takes it upon himself to explain something to a woman that she already knows. It happens a lot, but it’s not going to happen here. Ladies, go ahead and skip to the end of this post to watch a free episode of IFC’s latest addition, Baroness von Sketch Show.

However, if you’re a man, you might actually benefit from a good mansplanation. So take a knee, lean in, and absorb the following wisdom.

No Dicks

Baroness von Sketch Show is made entirely by women, therefore this show isn’t focused on men. Can you believe it? I know what you’re thinking: how will we know when to laugh if the jokes aren’t viewed through the dusty lens of the patriarchy? Where are the thinly veiled penis jokes? Am I a bad person? In order: you will, nowhere, and yes.

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Huge Balls

Did you know that there’s more to life than poop jokes, sex jokes, body part jokes? I mean, those things are all really good things, natch, and totally edgy. But Baroness von Sketch Show does something even edgier. It holds up a brutal funhouse mirror to our everyday life. This is a bulls**t world we made, fellas.

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Oh Canada

After you watch the Canadian powerhouses of Baroness von Sketch Show and think to yourself “Dear god, this is so real” and “I’ve gotta talk about this,” do yourself a favor and think a-boot your options: Refrain from sharing your sage wisdom with any woman anywhere (believe us, she gets it). Instead, tell a fellow bro and get the mansplaining out of your system while also spreading the word about a great show.

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Dudes, that’s the deal.
Women, start reading again here:


Check out the preview episode of Baroness von Sketch Show and watch the series premiere August 2 on IFC.

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Happy Tears

Binge Don’t Cringe

Catch up on episodes of Documentary Now! and Portlandia.

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Photo Credit: GIFs via GIPHY

A brain can only take so much.

Every five minutes, all day, every day, ludicrously stressful headlines push our mental limits as we struggle to adapt to a reality that seems increasingly less real. What’s a mind to do when simple denial just isn’t good enough anymore?

Radical suggestion: repeal and replace. And by that we mean take all the bad news that keeps you up at night, press pause, and substitute it with some genuine (not nervous, for a change) laughter. Here are some of the issues on our mind.

Gender Inequality

Feminist bookstore owners by day, still feminist bookstore owners by night, Toni and Candace show the male gaze who’s boss. Learn about their origin story (SPOILER: there’s an epic dance battle) and see what happens when their own brand of empowerment gets out of hand.

Healthcare

From Candace’s heart attack to the rise of the rawvolution, this Portlandia episode proves that healthcare is vital.

Peaceful Protests

Too many online petitions, too little time? Get WOKE with Fred and Carrie when they learn how to protest.

What Could Have Been

Can’t say the name “Clinton” without bursting into tears? Documentary Now!’s masterfully political “The Bunker” sheds a cozy new light on the house that Bill and Hill built. Just pretend you don’t know how the story really ends.

Fake News

A healthy way to break the high-drama news cycle is to switch over to “Dronez”, which has all the thrills of ubiquitous adventure journalism without any of the customary depression.

The more you watch, the better you feel. So get started on past episodes of Documentary Now! and Portlandia right now at IFC.com and the IFC app.

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