Santa Slay

Season's Bleedings

The 7 Scariest Holiday Horror Movies

Let visions of Freddy dance through your head with the A Nightmare on Elm Street movies throughout December on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Lionsgate

Holiday movies teach us important lessons about family and good will towards all men. But what about the truly important lessons like “Run!” or “Don’t walk slowly towards whatever that noise is!” and “No, seriously, RUN!” Horror movies have added danger to almost every holiday, and Christmas is no exception. But before you settle in for IFC’s Nightmare on Elm Street movie marathon, check out some movies that put the “ho ho no!” in horror.

7. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1985)

Silent Night
This grisly 1985 flick is the most famous Christmas-themed killer movie ever made thanks to an immense public backlash at the time of its release, which of course turned it into a cult horror favorite. Young Billy is traumatized by a criminal killer dressed as Santa Claus and, with the glorious inevitability of horror, later decides that the Killer Claus was on to a good thing and tries it out himself.


6. Silent Night (2012)

silentnightflamethrower

The inevitable modern reboot of Silent Night, Deadly Night dropped the deadly but added a flamethrower. And that’s a trade any horror movie fan can get behind. A homicidal Santa is taking out the naughty, but the tide turns when the hero gets their hands on something even better than a roaring log fire.


5. Santa Claws (1996)

Santa Claws

Santa Claws was filmed in 1996, and it’s surprising it really took that long for someone to make that pun. The titular killer hunts down his target’s friends and co-workers with his eponymous claws. The movie is also known as ‘Tis the Season, and the tagline insists that “His Slay Bells Are Ringing,” because you can never have too many Christmas puns.


4. Santa’s Slay (2005)

Santas Slay

Santa (played by wrestler Bill Goldberg) is revealed to be a demon from hell, defeated at curling by an angel and forced to bring presents to the pure for a thousand years. Now time has run out and the demonic Claus has a lot of evil to catch up on and proceeds to wreak havoc with his “hell-deer.” This is a movie that exists, people.


3. Sint (2010)

A-Film

A-Film

This dark Dutch horror comedy stars Sinterklaas as the spirit of a corrupt gang-leading bishop who was killed by fire on a full moon, and is therefore empowered by at least four different horror classics. A childhood survivor of a previous rampage, now a police officer, must protect a town from this evil spirit — even as everyone is dressed in the same disguise for the Sinterklaas celebration.


2. Christmas Evil (1980)

Christmas Evil

Christmas Evil is another cult classic, predating the more famous Silent Night, Deadly Night with an almost identical setup. A child is traumatized by seeing his mother getting racy with “Santa,” then ups the symbolism even further by cutting his own hand with glass from a shattered snow globe. Later he’s convinced himself to become the “real” Santa, sleeping in costume and spying on neighbors to judge them naughty or nice. But this Klaus delivers a hatchet instead of coal.


1. Black Christmas (1974)


The original Black Christmas is one of the original slasher horrors, with a gaggle of sorority sisters picked off by an unknown killer back before that was a horror movie cliché. The film also has one of the earliest fake-outs in the genre, with the police happily counting the case closed only for the final notes to reveal that he’s still at large — and still hunting the survivor. Director Bob Clark would go on to make A Christmas Story, a decidedly less disturbing holiday tale unless you have a lifelong fear of getting your tongue stuck to an icy pole.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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