Santa Slay

Season's Bleedings

The 7 Scariest Holiday Horror Movies

Let visions of Freddy dance through your head with the A Nightmare on Elm Street movies throughout December on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Lionsgate

Holiday movies teach us important lessons about family and good will towards all men. But what about the truly important lessons like “Run!” or “Don’t walk slowly towards whatever that noise is!” and “No, seriously, RUN!” Horror movies have added danger to almost every holiday, and Christmas is no exception. But before you settle in for IFC’s Nightmare on Elm Street movie marathon, check out some movies that put the “ho ho no!” in horror.

7. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1985)

Silent Night
This grisly 1985 flick is the most famous Christmas-themed killer movie ever made thanks to an immense public backlash at the time of its release, which of course turned it into a cult horror favorite. Young Billy is traumatized by a criminal killer dressed as Santa Claus and, with the glorious inevitability of horror, later decides that the Killer Claus was on to a good thing and tries it out himself.


6. Silent Night (2012)

silentnightflamethrower

The inevitable modern reboot of Silent Night, Deadly Night dropped the deadly but added a flamethrower. And that’s a trade any horror movie fan can get behind. A homicidal Santa is taking out the naughty, but the tide turns when the hero gets their hands on something even better than a roaring log fire.


5. Santa Claws (1996)

Santa Claws

Santa Claws was filmed in 1996, and it’s surprising it really took that long for someone to make that pun. The titular killer hunts down his target’s friends and co-workers with his eponymous claws. The movie is also known as ‘Tis the Season, and the tagline insists that “His Slay Bells Are Ringing,” because you can never have too many Christmas puns.


4. Santa’s Slay (2005)

Santas Slay

Santa (played by wrestler Bill Goldberg) is revealed to be a demon from hell, defeated at curling by an angel and forced to bring presents to the pure for a thousand years. Now time has run out and the demonic Claus has a lot of evil to catch up on and proceeds to wreak havoc with his “hell-deer.” This is a movie that exists, people.


3. Sint (2010)

A-Film

A-Film

This dark Dutch horror comedy stars Sinterklaas as the spirit of a corrupt gang-leading bishop who was killed by fire on a full moon, and is therefore empowered by at least four different horror classics. A childhood survivor of a previous rampage, now a police officer, must protect a town from this evil spirit — even as everyone is dressed in the same disguise for the Sinterklaas celebration.


2. Christmas Evil (1980)

Christmas Evil

Christmas Evil is another cult classic, predating the more famous Silent Night, Deadly Night with an almost identical setup. A child is traumatized by seeing his mother getting racy with “Santa,” then ups the symbolism even further by cutting his own hand with glass from a shattered snow globe. Later he’s convinced himself to become the “real” Santa, sleeping in costume and spying on neighbors to judge them naughty or nice. But this Klaus delivers a hatchet instead of coal.


1. Black Christmas (1974)


The original Black Christmas is one of the original slasher horrors, with a gaggle of sorority sisters picked off by an unknown killer back before that was a horror movie cliché. The film also has one of the earliest fake-outs in the genre, with the police happily counting the case closed only for the final notes to reveal that he’s still at large — and still hunting the survivor. Director Bob Clark would go on to make A Christmas Story, a decidedly less disturbing holiday tale unless you have a lifelong fear of getting your tongue stuck to an icy pole.

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SAG Life

Rappers Act Up

Watch the Yo! IFC Acts Movie Marathon Memorial Day Weekend.

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Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Everett Collection (and the '90s)

Memorial Day weekend: how to celebrate? Nothing quite says “screw spring—let’s do summer” like blockbuster movies starring rappers who ditched lucrative music careers in order to become actors. It happened a lot, remember? Especially in and around the ’90s. Will Smith, Eminem, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Ludacris…icons with the hubris to try the silver screen instead and have it totally work out.

But what if more rappers had made the leap? That’s a rhetorical question—movies (and life) would’ve been better, obviously. To prove it, here are some movies that would’ve been more memorable with rappers.

The Godfather

Starring Biggie, not Brando.
Godfather-BIG

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Only Coolio could improve upon Gene Wilder’s performance.
Coolio-Wonka

Billy Elliot

Billy Elliot, with a dose of Missy Elliott.
Missy-Billy-Elliott

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Low hanging fruit, Hollywood.
Robin-Hood-and-Lil-Jon

And of course…

Kanye-of-The-Lambs

See NONE of those movies and a whole bunch of real ones this Memorial Day weekend on IFC’s rapper-filled movie marathon.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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GIFs by Giphy

“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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