Kim Cattrall Star Trek VI

Stars Who Trekked

10 Stars You Didn’t Know Played Aliens in Star Trek Movies

Catch an all-day Star Trek movie marathon Wednesday, December 30th starting at 7:15AM on IFC.

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Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection

By Raven Snook 

William Shatner, George Takei and the late Leonard Nimoy may forever be associated with Gene Roddenberry’s groundbreaking sci-fi franchise. However, lots of actors more famous for their work in Cheers, Back to the Future, Sex and the City, and other projects logged time as extraterrestrials in the original ten Star Trek films. Can you recognize these stars under all that latex? Know your celebrity aliens before tuning in to IFC’s Star Trek movie marathon on Wednesday, December 30th starting at 7:15AM.

1. Kirstie Alley as Saavik in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Years before she played a jock tease on Cheers or came out of Veronica’s Closet, this sitcom star played Lieutenant JG Saavik, a Vulcan Starfleet officer who bombs the no-win Kobayashi Maru training exercise in the first few minutes of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. She spends the rest of the film trying to prove she’s smart and humorless (ironic, given Alley’s future career). Although Saavik returned in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Alley did not because she demanded too much money (she was replaced by Robin Curtis). Hey, as a Scientologist she gets to hang out with real aliens, right?


2. John Larroquette as Maltz in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

The same year he debuted in the role that would win him four consecutive Emmys–womanizing ADA Dan Fielding on Night Court– Larroquette also played Maltz, a cutthroat Klingon officer serving under Commander Kruge (portrayed by another sitcom star, see below). Although Larroquette’s trademark sarcasm is as buried as his features under makeup, he does have one wry exchange with Kirk, who promises to give him an honorable death in exchange for Maltz’s help, only to later renege. (“You said you would kill me!,” Maltz pleads, to which Kirk replies,  “I lied!”)


3. Christopher Lloyd as Kruge in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Great Scott! That really is Doc Brown from Back to the Future playing Klingon Commander Kruge, only he’s driving a Bird-of-Prey warship instead of a homemade DeLorean time machine. Kruge and Kirk play cat-and-mouse throughout the film and, at the end, engage in a knock-down-drag-out fistfight on the dying Genesis planet as molten lava shoots up around them…possibly inspiring a future lava-filled, sci-fi space battle?


4. Kim Cattrall as Valeris in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

As the gleefully promiscuous Samantha on Sex and the City, Cattrall got herself into some (pun ahead!) sticky situations. But she never broke a man’s heart in quite the same way she does Mr. Spock’s in Star Trek VI. She plays Lieutenant Valeris, Spock’s Vulcan Starfleet protégé who has ulterior motives, but a forced mind meld reveals her guilt. Just listen to that anguished scream — it sounds just like Samantha’s orgasm!


5. Malcolm McDowell as Soran in Star Trek: Generations

Sure he may look human, but Doctor Tolian Soran is actually an El-Aurian scientist who’s so obsessed with entering the extra-dimensional, desire-manifesting realm the Nexus, he’s willing to off anyone who gets in his way, even Captain Kirk. Despite his franchise-changing role, the Clockwork Orange star isn’t a big fan, claiming he actually did Trekkers “a favor” by helping to kill off Kirk, and griping that “Patrick Stewart spouting off for another forty minutes…if you find that exciting, hey go watch paint dry!”


6. Whoopi Goldberg as Guinan in Star Trek: Generations

Decades before the comedian and commentator started spouting her opinions on The View, she played an El-Aurian “listener,” Guinan, a.k.a. the USS Enterprise-D’s trusty bartender/unofficial therapist. As a little girl, Goldberg became a Star Trek fan when she spotted Nichelle Nichols as Lieutenant Uhura and exclaimed, “There’s a black lady on TV and she ain’t no maid!” Once famous, she lobbied for a part and ultimately appeared as Guinan in 28 episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation plus two movies, always acting super-Zen. The lack of Elisabeth Hasselbeck surely helped.


7. Tom Hardy as Shinzon in Star Trek: Nemesis

A decade before he terrorized one-percenters at the New York Stock Exchange as Bane in The Dark Knight Rises, Hardy was out for Picard’s blood — literally. As Shinzon, a clone of the Enterprise Captain made by the Romulans in secret, he needed a transfusion from Picard to avoid certain death. Talk about daddy issues! He had no love for his Romulan creators, either, and led an army of Remans against both of the races that he felt did him wrong.


8. Ron Perlman as Reman Viceroy in Star Trek: Nemesis

Nope, that’s not Nosferatu. It’s the Reman Viceroy, Shinzon’s right-hand man in his war against, well, seemingly everyone. Previously, Perlman played romantic lion-man Victor in Beauty and the Beast and, later, the titular character in Hellboy, so he’s used to transformative makeup. However, it’s safe to say the Viceroy is his most nauseating role, both outside (for obvious reasons) and in (for participating in the telepathic rape of Deanna Troi. Ew).


9. Tom Morello as a Son’a officer in Star Trek: Insurrection

Paramount

Paramount

Blink and you’ll miss the Rage Against the Machine guitarist’s cameo as an uncredited Son’a officer in Insurrection. A devoted Trekker, Morello begged Trek producer Rick Berman for a bit part, but even though he didn’t have any lines, he still spent five hours in the makeup chair. He had such blast, he subsequently guest-starred on Star Trek: Voyager, although this time he opted to play a human — a lot less latex!


10. Adam Scott as a conn officer in Star Trek: First Contact

OK, so we’re cheating a bit with this last one. Yes, the Parks and Recreation star and Comedy Bang! Bang! guest really was in a Star Trek movie, First Contact to be exact. However, he played a plain old human, and a nameless one at that: USS Defiant’s conn officer. But hey, he drives the ship! When asked about his Star Trek role, he gave an honest response: “For me it was rent at the time but it was fun. Jonathan Frakes was directing, he was a really nice guy, but I was never much of a Trekkie.” That’s Trekker, dude!

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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