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Boo-yah

The 10 Scariest Moments From the Halloween Movies

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Mike Myers, the iconic killer from the Halloween movies, has been terrorizing us since 1978, and there have been enough horrifying moments to last us a lifetime.

With the 2007 Halloween remake airing as part of IFC’s Friday Night Frights, we’re reminiscing about some of the franchise’s more terrifying moments. Turn on all the lights and make sure you have an extra change of underwear on hand as we rundown some of the scariest moments to ever come out of the Halloween movies.

1. Karen’s Jacuzzi Death, Halloween II 

Oh, Karen. Don’t you know you’re not supposed to go off and have a romantic jacuzzi soak with your BF when you’re supposed to be looking after your patients? Unlucky for you, Myers was there to remind you.


2. Annie’s Backseat Strangulation, Halloween

If only Annie had checked in the backseat of her car in case some maniac was waiting to strangle her from behind. But that didn’t happen, and now we all are cursed to double check our cars before driving alone at night.


3. The Death of Nurse Daniels, Halloween II (2009)

The death of Nurse Daniels, played by Octavia Spencer, may not be the most creative of Myers’ kills, but it was one of the most brutal ways to go. She never gave up the will to live as she attempted to drag her bloodied body across the floor, but safety never came.


4. The Death of Bob Simms, Halloween

It’s not the pop out from the door to the right. It’s not the knife straight through Robert’s body and into the wall. It’s not the spooky shadows or the ghostly cracked-open door. It’s the underlying anticipation! We know it’s only a matter of time before Robert was hacked and slashed, but the suspense is killer.


5. Lynda van der Klok Meets Michael Myers, Halloween

If you want to stay alive in a horror movie, you must follow the fundamental rule — if you want to live, keep it in your pants. After Myers stabs her boo Bob, he comes for Lynda dressed underneath a white sheet and wearing Bob’s glasses. Michael Myers is the ultimate spokesman for abstinence.


6. Michael Chases Laurie, Halloween

Mike Myers practically invented the chase scene in horror movies. The killer takes his time while his victims frantically run around looking for a way out or a safe place to hide. Myers chasing Jamie Lee Curtis in the original Halloween still holds up to its infamy today.


7. Jamie Lloyd Meets a Corn Thresher, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers 

There’s nothing scarier than seeing a real-life bogeyman, but that was little Jamie Lloyd’s cross to bear. After being terrorized by her uncle as a child, Jamie grew up to be terrorized some more, and she finally met her end after Myers cornered her in a farm house. The Halloween killer has executed some pretty creative kills throughout his legacy, but throwing his niece in a corn thresher is tops.


8. John Strode’s Face Gets Melted Off, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers 

Raiders of the Lost Ark melted the faces off the baddies, and Halloween did more or less the same thing with poor John Strode. After getting tossed like a rag doll onto dangerous electrical circuits, Strode was not offered a quick and painless death.


9. Deadly Jaywalking, Halloween II 

There’s a price to pay for dressing up like Mike Myers. The price is death by fire. Ben Tramer of Halloween II ran away from the cops, and in the heat of the moment failed to look both ways before crossing the street. If it wasn’t the impact of the oncoming car that killed him, the fiery explosion sure did.


10. Product Testing, Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Mike Myers wasn’t in the third Halloween movie, subtitled Season of the Witch, but this death is still just as disturbing. When Joe Kupfer and his family go to the Silver Shamrock Novelties factory, poor little Buddy is the first to go — and in one of the most creepy ways possible. The fall to the ground isn’t scary, but the bugs and snakes oozing from his face (or wherever!) still haunts our nightmares.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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