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It's All about the Journey

A Definitive Ranking of the Griswold Family’s Adventures in the Vacation Franchise

Clark Griswold

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Since 1983, Clark Griswold has come to represent all of our dads. (Maybe literally: Watch the Vacation movies again and you’ll realize that he wanted to have an affair soooo bad. Thanks for ruining our family, dad!)

Regardless of its wishfully adulterous protagonist, the Vacation film franchise is an all-time classic, and each of the six movies — except for two, but we’ll get to that — offer a different sort of off-the-rails, family fun charm that has yet to be replicated because it feels authentic. It’s rare for a family trip to go as awry as the Griswolds’ do, but the frustration, sexual yearning, desire for order and short shorts are all storied elements of the trips we went on as children.

We’re basically trying to rank our own children here, but below is how we believe the Vacation movies to stack up against each other. (Note: We’re not counting the new Vacation reboot/sequel thing currently in theaters. Let us know where that one fits in with the rest of the franchise in the comments.)


6. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure

Clark and Ellen Griswold are nowhere to be found in this movie, which was a made-for-TV vehicle for Randy Quaid that came out in 2003. Uncle Eddie’s family gets shipwrecked on a deserted island. Uncle Eddie loses a game of tic-tac-toe to a monkey…you get the idea. Monty Python’s Eric Idle is in it, so that’s something.


5. Hotel Hell Vacation

Okay, technically this isn’t a movie: it’s literally a 15-minute advertisement for HomeAway.com from 2010. As you can imagine, Clark and Ellen go to a bad hotel and have a bad time. At the very least, seeing white-haired Chevy Chase makes us imagine the possibility of a Vacation story starring his Community character Pierce Hawthorne.


4. European Vacation

The Vacation sequel takes the Griswolds through London, France, Germany and Italy with predictably wacky results. The best parts of this film offer something that none of the others do: a look at Clark as a typically obnoxious American tourist, thinking he has Europe all figured out while a pervy waiter checks out his underage daughter or his wife inadvertently stars in a porn flick.


3. Vegas Vacation

The family’s Las Vegas adventure, which holds a 13% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, is criminally underrated. Critics thought the film was the final gasp of a dying franchise, but really, there’s so much going on: Clark and Uncle Eddie digging up dollar bills in the desert, Rusty unable to stop winning cars, and Clark blowing the family’s money at the casinos. He should have known to never go in against a Sicilian.


2. Christmas Vacation

Though technically a stay-cation movie, the Griswold family still has plenty of hilarious holiday-themed adventures in this outing. From rabid squirrels in their Christmas tree to runaway sleds, the seasonal misfortunes pile up to uproarious effect, culminating in what may be the greatest movie freak-out of all time. While ranting about getting a membership to the Jelly-of-the-Month club instead of a big fat check for his Christmas bonus, Clark throws awkward dad insults like “snake-licking” and “dog-kissing” into the mix, and ends on a perfect note: “Hallelujah, holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”


1. National Lampoon’s Vacation

It’s hard to argue against the movie that established the monolithic franchise. The road to Wally World is paved with all sorts of mishaps that are so memorable, the new movie is basically redoing all of them. It also has a bunch of great subtle jokes, like Rusty downing his “first beer” like a creatine-filled college freshman at a frat house during rush week.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show premieres this summer on IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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