Milla Jovovich Kicks Ass in Funny or Die’s ‘Pippi Longstocking’ Reboot

Pippi Longstocking Milla Jovovich

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In case you didn’t get the memo, superhero movies are all the rage. Between Marvel and DC, we’re in an age where Hollywood is trying to make the most epic BLANK vs. BLANK movie of all time. But for some reason, no one has transformed Pippi Longstocking into the next big hero. If anyone can do it, it’s Milla Jovovich. The zombie-fighting action starlet suited up as the freckled redhead with mismatched socks for a new Funny or Die sketch, and the most depressing moment of the entire video is realizing this is not an actual movie.

Producer Clint “brother of Ron” Howard’s reasoning for an action-packed Pippi Longstocking movie is fairly sound. If Gremlins, Point Break, RoboCop, Mad Max, Terminator, Spider-Man, Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China and every other film and concept from pop culture history can all be rebooted, why can’t Pippi? She’s the hero we might all be waiting for.

Unfortunately for Howard, the idea was just too provocative for the Hollywood execs, which is crazy when you think about how Snow White became a soldier in Snow White and the Huntsman and Frankenstein’s monster became a demon-fighting vigilante. But, in their defense, a love interest by the name of Assius who can fire lightning bolts out his dung hole is not the easiest character to digest. The moral of the story, though, is that it just takes the right person to sell it, as we see when Ed Begley Jr. gets his hands on the material.

Pippi is basically the Joe Dirt of superhero movies and is probably a major cash cow. Although, we discovered with Ant-Man that not all heroes are created equal; the C-list comic book character earned Marvel its lowest opening weekend numbers since 2008, even though it still earned the top spot at the box office. Perhaps they need a touch of James Gunn. If that guy can make a talking raccoon lovable, then why not Pippi and her comrade with lightning farts?

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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