DID YOU READ

10 Kickass Female Superheroes Who Need Their Own Movies

Catwoman The Dark Knight Rises

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Fans are already kvetching that almost every Avenger but Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow gets their own solo outing, and Marvel isn’t dropping a female-led flick until 2018’s Captain Marvel. DC will hit with Wonder Woman a year earlier, but there are so many female ass-kickers who should already have Hollywood deals. Here are our picks for superheroines who should already have their own movies.

10. She Hulk

Marvel

Marvel

We’ve had two Hulk films to date (four if you count the Avengers movies), yet Bruce Banner’s cousin lawyer/superhero Jennifer Walters has yet to turn up on film. (Though a movie was developed for Brigitte Nielsen during the ’90s. Check out the promo photo and be glad it never happened.)


9. Emma Frost

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Starting her career as a villainous member of the Hellfire Club, the powerful psychic Emma Frost has been batting (mostly) for the X-Men in recent years. Her powers of manipulation and plunging bustlines would make her a fun anchor for a solo flick outside of the crowded X-Men movies, which don’t give her any time to shine.


8. Cameron Chase

Cameron Chase

DC Comics

It’s a stretch to call Cameron Chase a “superhero” – when she debuted in her own DC Comic in 1998, she seemed to be batting for the other team more often than not. As an agent of the Department of Extranormal Operations, her job was to monitor and neutralize supers – both hero and villain – who went over the line. It’s a great premise for a flick – an ordinary woman in a world full of freaks, tasked with taking them down. Hey, if Suicide Squad can be a summer tentpole movie, so can Chase.


7. Street Angel

Slave Labor Graphics

Slave Labor Graphics

Created by the team of Jim Rugg and Brian Maruca, Street Angel is a surly, homeless 12-year-old girl named Jesse Sanchez who is equally adept at skateboarding and kicking ninja asses. A short film of the series was actually produced in 2008, but it just left us thirsty for more.


6. Amethyst

DC Comics

DC Comics

One of DC’s most unusual concepts, Amethyst: Princess of Gemworld was a 1983 series about a young girl who gets pulled into another dimension to battle for control of a magical realm. Despite its kiddie look, Amethyst was remarkably dark for the time, featuring murder, betrayal and political machinations that would make a sweet-ass movie.


5. Promethea

Wildstorm/DC

Wildstorm/DC

Movies based on Alan Moore comics are usually total stinkers, but who knows? Maybe they’d get it right with Promethea, his wildly ambitious 1999 series about the power of stories that also served as a guided tour through his own mystical cosmology.


4. Squirrel Girl

Marvel

Marvel

The list of Marvel heroes who have defeated Dr. Doom, Thanos and Galactus can fit on a regular-sized Post-It note. That is, unless Squirrel Girl writes her name in big letters. The rodent-controlling part-time nanny has become one of Marvel’s most endearing characters, and a light comedy romp in the Ant-Man style would be a lot of fun.


3. Harley Quinn

Yes, we know that Harley’s going to have a major role in that Hot Topic-looking Suicide Squad thing coming out next summer, but really she deserves her own solo joint first. Quinn’s character has gone through some major evolution since debuting in Batman: The Animated Series, and her current comic book incarnation is a wise-cracking omnisexual opportunist with a heart of gold and an itchy trigger finger.


2. Catwoman

DC Comics

DC Comics

Yes, there was that Halle Berry debacle about killer cosmetics or whatever. And while we enjoyed the character’s portrayal in The Dark Knight Rises, there has yet to be a big screen solo outing for Selina Kyle that captures the character at her crime noir-tinged best. Hopefully DC/Warner Bros’ next wave of films will include a Catwoman film adapting Ed Brubaker and Darwyn Cooke’s run of comics.


1. Ms. Marvel

Marvel Comics

Marvel Comics

Yes, Carol Danvers – the original Ms. Marvel, now Captain Marvel – is getting her own movie. But one of the most unlikely hits in the comics world right now is the story of Kamala Khan, a Muslim girl from New Jersey who gets super-powers and “borrows” her favorite heroine’s old name. Kamala is one of the greatest character creations of the 21st century, and she’s building a whole new generation of fans. She certainly deserves her own movie.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show premieres this summer on IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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