DID YOU READ

If I Was In It: Jurassic World

Watch This Before You Plan Your Visit to Jurassic World

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By Julian Ambler ‎

Self-taught film students and If I Was In It hosts Mike and Frank just saw Jurassic World, and while they felt that the film was very good, they believe it teaches its audience all the wrong lessons on how to have an enjoyable vacation. Mike and Frank give some practical advice on how to actually enjoy your trip to an island filled with genetically engineered monsters.

Here are five tips to keep in mind for your trip to Jurassic World:

1. Try to avoid escaped carnivorous dinosaurs engineered by man’s unyielding hubris — Not only are these creatures very dangerous, but they are very loud. Their near constant roaring is far from conducive to relaxing. It’d be a shame to return from your vacation more stressed out than when you left for it.

2. Pack sunscreen – This is a good tip for all trips. Don’t let something like sunburn ruin the trip you’ve been looking forward to all year. (note: remember TSA guidelines. If it’s carry on, then it needs to be below 3.5oz and in a separate Ziplock bag.)

3. Try and avoid letting any family members get eaten. Nothing puts a damper on a vacation like seeing grandma masticated by a formerly extinct hell beast. If the dinosaurs have once again escaped their confines, try and spend the day doing something else. Jurassic World offers a full range of amenities including two Michelin Star restaurants, a state-of-the-art spa, and complimentary wine and cheese receptions every evening.

4. Tip generously — When man’s attempt at playing god goes horribly wrong and a vicious reptilian daemon starts eviscerating innocent holiday travelers, who do you think the hotel staff will be most eager to assist? The guy who tipped the bell boy in change or the guy that generously broke off a $20?

5. Download a VoIP app on your phone. Roaming charges can make calling home to tell your family that your brand new husband was gobbled up by an Allosaurus that much harder. VoIP apps use the hotel’s wifi to make cheap or even free calls home.

To find out the rest of the tips, watch the latest episode of If I Was In It:

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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