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5 Movies That Somehow Exist in the Entourage Universe

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With the Entourage extended episode, er, movie in theaters, viewers must once again try to make sense of the career of superstar actor Vincent Chase. Part Leonardo DiCaprio, all Adrian Grenier, Vinnie Chase — with his puppy dog eyes and obvious lack of even the most basic of acting skills — at first seemed to symbolize everything that was wrong with superficial Hollywood. Those of us who hate-watched Entourage waited for his inevitable downfall into late night acne cream infomercial purgatory.

Of course, since Entourage quickly became a show where the rich and awful get everything they want, Vinnie continued to fail upwards in spectacular fashion. (He’s even directing now with Hyde, a superhero/EDM/Jekyll and Hyde retelling that even the most coked-up of Hollywood studio execs would take a hard pass on.)

Despite numerous scandals (a drug problem, a porn star girlfriend, and didn’t Turtle kill a hooker at some point? Honestly, we’ve blocked out most of the show…), Vinnie always managed to be on the top of Hollywood’s casting list. While some projects failed to pan out (Vinnie passed on Disney’s Matterhorn because pal/manager/inexplicable ladies man E said the script sucked; hopefully Disney isn’t using that draft for the real Matterhorn movie), Vincent still has a resume filled with both comic book blockbusters and prestige flicks that in no way match up to his talent, likeability factor, or constant career ups-and-downs. Here are five movies that somehow exist in the world of Vinnie, Drama, E and Turtle.

5. Head On

Despite being a total Hollywood unknown who had only an episode of JAG, a Mentos commercial, and the forgettable Mandy Moore vehicle A Walk to Remember on his resumeVincent somehow scored the lead role opposite Jessica Alba in this crime thriller that shares its name with a headache relief balm.


4. Ferrari 

Because A-list Hollywood directors can’t wait to line up to work with the walking charisma blackhole that is Vinnie Chase, Frank Darabont, who directs a movie once every decade, helmed this biopic where our boy Vin played Italian race car driver Enzo Ferrari. But because he’s a true New Yorker/pampered celebrity, Vinnie didn’t do his own driving in the film.


3. Medellin

Vinnie, looking more like Tony Clifton than a crime lord, starred as Pablo Escobar in this bloated, Scarface-esque epic that even the Entourage writers realized was ridiculous. Miramax chief Harvey Weinstein bought it for a dollar at Cannes and dumped it directly to DVD. Vinnie promptly retreated with Turtle to an island filled with scantily clad babes because, Entourage, bro.


2. The Great Gatsby (Martin Scorsese Edition)

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Oh, you saw the DiCaprio Great Gatsby? Well, you haven’t really experienced the ennui of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic tale until you’ve seen Vinnie Chase’s acclaimed turn as Nick Carraway in the Martin Scorsese-directed, Gus Van Sant-produced Gatsby. It’s a wonder Vinnie didn’t win an Oscar for this. Not for his acting talent or anything, just because it would’ve given Johnny Drama the chance to make tons of hack-y jokes about the Oscar statuette’s golden junk.


1. Aquaman 

Let’s just make this clear right away: Entourage exists in a world where a James Cameron directed Aquaman is one of the top-grossing films of all time. It beat Spider-Man‘s opening weekend box office take. Oh, and Mandy Moore is Aquagirl and James Woods is the villainous businessman Abaddon, who in the DC Comics universe is a demon so we assume Woods is playing Demon Donald Trump. Ray Liotta and Sharon Stone starred as Aquaman’s parents and Seven scribe Andrew Kevin Walker was responsible for the screenplay. If this was 1997, it would possibly be the best/worst comic book film of all time. Oh, and there was a sequel starring Jake Gyllenhaall in the lead role since Vinnie decided to drop out following his break-up with Mandy Moore. The Jason Momoa Aquaman can only hope to be this ridiculous.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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