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5 Movies That Somehow Exist in the Entourage Universe

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With the Entourage extended episode, er, movie in theaters, viewers must once again try to make sense of the career of superstar actor Vincent Chase. Part Leonardo DiCaprio, all Adrian Grenier, Vinnie Chase — with his puppy dog eyes and obvious lack of even the most basic of acting skills — at first seemed to symbolize everything that was wrong with superficial Hollywood. Those of us who hate-watched Entourage waited for his inevitable downfall into late night acne cream infomercial purgatory.

Of course, since Entourage quickly became a show where the rich and awful get everything they want, Vinnie continued to fail upwards in spectacular fashion. (He’s even directing now with Hyde, a superhero/EDM/Jekyll and Hyde retelling that even the most coked-up of Hollywood studio execs would take a hard pass on.)

Despite numerous scandals (a drug problem, a porn star girlfriend, and didn’t Turtle kill a hooker at some point? Honestly, we’ve blocked out most of the show…), Vinnie always managed to be on the top of Hollywood’s casting list. While some projects failed to pan out (Vinnie passed on Disney’s Matterhorn because pal/manager/inexplicable ladies man E said the script sucked; hopefully Disney isn’t using that draft for the real Matterhorn movie), Vincent still has a resume filled with both comic book blockbusters and prestige flicks that in no way match up to his talent, likeability factor, or constant career ups-and-downs. Here are five movies that somehow exist in the world of Vinnie, Drama, E and Turtle.

5. Head On

Despite being a total Hollywood unknown who had only an episode of JAG, a Mentos commercial, and the forgettable Mandy Moore vehicle A Walk to Remember on his resumeVincent somehow scored the lead role opposite Jessica Alba in this crime thriller that shares its name with a headache relief balm.


4. Ferrari 

Because A-list Hollywood directors can’t wait to line up to work with the walking charisma blackhole that is Vinnie Chase, Frank Darabont, who directs a movie once every decade, helmed this biopic where our boy Vin played Italian race car driver Enzo Ferrari. But because he’s a true New Yorker/pampered celebrity, Vinnie didn’t do his own driving in the film.


3. Medellin

Vinnie, looking more like Tony Clifton than a crime lord, starred as Pablo Escobar in this bloated, Scarface-esque epic that even the Entourage writers realized was ridiculous. Miramax chief Harvey Weinstein bought it for a dollar at Cannes and dumped it directly to DVD. Vinnie promptly retreated with Turtle to an island filled with scantily clad babes because, Entourage, bro.


2. The Great Gatsby (Martin Scorsese Edition)

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Oh, you saw the DiCaprio Great Gatsby? Well, you haven’t really experienced the ennui of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic tale until you’ve seen Vinnie Chase’s acclaimed turn as Nick Carraway in the Martin Scorsese-directed, Gus Van Sant-produced Gatsby. It’s a wonder Vinnie didn’t win an Oscar for this. Not for his acting talent or anything, just because it would’ve given Johnny Drama the chance to make tons of hack-y jokes about the Oscar statuette’s golden junk.


1. Aquaman 

Let’s just make this clear right away: Entourage exists in a world where a James Cameron directed Aquaman is one of the top-grossing films of all time. It beat Spider-Man‘s opening weekend box office take. Oh, and Mandy Moore is Aquagirl and James Woods is the villainous businessman Abaddon, who in the DC Comics universe is a demon so we assume Woods is playing Demon Donald Trump. Ray Liotta and Sharon Stone starred as Aquaman’s parents and Seven scribe Andrew Kevin Walker was responsible for the screenplay. If this was 1997, it would possibly be the best/worst comic book film of all time. Oh, and there was a sequel starring Jake Gyllenhaall in the lead role since Vinnie decided to drop out following his break-up with Mandy Moore. The Jason Momoa Aquaman can only hope to be this ridiculous.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Mirror, Mirror

Portlandia Season 7 In Hindsight

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available Online and on the IFC App.

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Another season of Portlandia is behind us, and oh what a season it was. We laughed. We cried. And we chuckled uncomfortably while glancing nervously around the room. Like every season before it, the latest Portlandia has held a mirror up to ridiculousness of modern American life, but more than ever that same mirror has reflected our social reality in ways that are at once hysterical and sneakily thought-provoking. Here are just a few of the issues they tackled:

Nationalism

So long, America, Portland is out! And yes, the idea of Portland seceding is still less ludicrous than building a wall.

Men’s Rights

We all saw this coming. Exit gracefully, dudes.

Protests

Whatever you stand for, stand for it together. Or with at least one other person.

Free Love

No matter who we are or how we love, deep down we all have the ability to get stalky.

Social Status

Modern self-esteem basically hinges on likes, so this isn’t really a stretch at all.

These moments are just the tip of the iceberg, and much more can be found in the full seventh season of #Portlandia, available right now #online and on the #IFC app.

via GIPHY

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