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5 Movies That Somehow Exist in the Entourage Universe

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With the Entourage extended episode, er, movie in theaters, viewers must once again try to make sense of the career of superstar actor Vincent Chase. Part Leonardo DiCaprio, all Adrian Grenier, Vinnie Chase — with his puppy dog eyes and obvious lack of even the most basic of acting skills — at first seemed to symbolize everything that was wrong with superficial Hollywood. Those of us who hate-watched Entourage waited for his inevitable downfall into late night acne cream infomercial purgatory.

Of course, since Entourage quickly became a show where the rich and awful get everything they want, Vinnie continued to fail upwards in spectacular fashion. (He’s even directing now with Hyde, a superhero/EDM/Jekyll and Hyde retelling that even the most coked-up of Hollywood studio execs would take a hard pass on.)

Despite numerous scandals (a drug problem, a porn star girlfriend, and didn’t Turtle kill a hooker at some point? Honestly, we’ve blocked out most of the show…), Vinnie always managed to be on the top of Hollywood’s casting list. While some projects failed to pan out (Vinnie passed on Disney’s Matterhorn because pal/manager/inexplicable ladies man E said the script sucked; hopefully Disney isn’t using that draft for the real Matterhorn movie), Vincent still has a resume filled with both comic book blockbusters and prestige flicks that in no way match up to his talent, likeability factor, or constant career ups-and-downs. Here are five movies that somehow exist in the world of Vinnie, Drama, E and Turtle.

5. Head On

Despite being a total Hollywood unknown who had only an episode of JAG, a Mentos commercial, and the forgettable Mandy Moore vehicle A Walk to Remember on his resumeVincent somehow scored the lead role opposite Jessica Alba in this crime thriller that shares its name with a headache relief balm.


4. Ferrari 

Because A-list Hollywood directors can’t wait to line up to work with the walking charisma blackhole that is Vinnie Chase, Frank Darabont, who directs a movie once every decade, helmed this biopic where our boy Vin played Italian race car driver Enzo Ferrari. But because he’s a true New Yorker/pampered celebrity, Vinnie didn’t do his own driving in the film.


3. Medellin

Vinnie, looking more like Tony Clifton than a crime lord, starred as Pablo Escobar in this bloated, Scarface-esque epic that even the Entourage writers realized was ridiculous. Miramax chief Harvey Weinstein bought it for a dollar at Cannes and dumped it directly to DVD. Vinnie promptly retreated with Turtle to an island filled with scantily clad babes because, Entourage, bro.


2. The Great Gatsby (Martin Scorsese Edition)

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Oh, you saw the DiCaprio Great Gatsby? Well, you haven’t really experienced the ennui of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic tale until you’ve seen Vinnie Chase’s acclaimed turn as Nick Carraway in the Martin Scorsese-directed, Gus Van Sant-produced Gatsby. It’s a wonder Vinnie didn’t win an Oscar for this. Not for his acting talent or anything, just because it would’ve given Johnny Drama the chance to make tons of hack-y jokes about the Oscar statuette’s golden junk.


1. Aquaman 

Let’s just make this clear right away: Entourage exists in a world where a James Cameron directed Aquaman is one of the top-grossing films of all time. It beat Spider-Man‘s opening weekend box office take. Oh, and Mandy Moore is Aquagirl and James Woods is the villainous businessman Abaddon, who in the DC Comics universe is a demon so we assume Woods is playing Demon Donald Trump. Ray Liotta and Sharon Stone starred as Aquaman’s parents and Seven scribe Andrew Kevin Walker was responsible for the screenplay. If this was 1997, it would possibly be the best/worst comic book film of all time. Oh, and there was a sequel starring Jake Gyllenhaall in the lead role since Vinnie decided to drop out following his break-up with Mandy Moore. The Jason Momoa Aquaman can only hope to be this ridiculous.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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