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DID YOU READ

10 Ridiculous Failed Movies That Turned To Kickstarter For Funding

Twerk Island Lasaya international Kickstarter

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By Derrick Rossignol

Not getting what you want is the worst, but it’s no excuse to act like a child. Somebody tell that to German filmmaker Uwe Boll: After his Kickstarter campaign for Rampage 3: No Mercy went unfunded, he posted a video to YouTube, tastefully titled “fuck you all,” in which he wasn’t all that nice to the “sheeple” who prefer Hollywood movies to Boll classics like Blubberella.

It’s OK, Uwe. A bunch of filmmakers have had their cinematic dreams shattered due to lack of crowdfunded support… and also because they had just an awful idea. Here are 10 films that failed to get Kickstart-ed.

10. Postal 2

Not to pick on Boll, but Postal 2 was his first failed Kickstarter attempt, and it’s easy to see why nobody wants to pick up what he’s putting down: two of Boll’s movies, Blubberella and Alone in the Dark, were named two of the bottom 100 movies of all time by IMDb, and Postal 2 didn’t seem much more promising.

We’re done picking on Uwe Boll. For now.


9. The Real Contest Movie : “Twerk Island”

In an apparent attempt to ride the Miley Cyrus-endorsed twerk wave, somebody tried to make a reality-show type movie based on the briefly culturally relevant dance move. The filmmaker’s claim that “The Contest will also be broadcast During the week by MTV” also seems dubious at best.


8. FML: A Social Media Adventure

A bunch of popular Vine celebrities tried to make a movie about their journey to gain more followers. Apparently nobody wanted to pay to watch them to do anything for longer than six seconds at a time.


7. Geeks Off The Grid

A couple of technology addicts tried to go outside for a while, but they ended up missing their electronics and went home. Then they tried to secure funding so the curious public could watch shaky, low quality footage of them trying again!


6. Staring At The Camera

Somebody told Jeremy Bornstein that he has nice eyes. Naturally, he decided to try making a movie “showing myself staring at the camera for thirty minutes. Possibly more.” That’s all good, clean, boring fun, but not for $15,037 it’s not. Also, it’s not fun.


5. Lost tales of the Native Americans: The Seinfeld Tribe

A Seinfeld parody that’s the same as the real show, except Jerry and the gang are Native Americans in 1804. Even Seinfeld himself, who famously will joke about whatever he pleases, might have to cringe at this one. Adam Sandler might have been on board, though.


4. DRINK A RED BULL IN EVERY STATE POST VIDEO ON YOUTUBE

This “filmmaker” tried a clever ruse here: Get backers to pay for a cross-country road trip, and all he’d have to do is film himself downing an energy drink in each state for about 30 seconds. The campaign ended with $1 contributed, and that’s not getting anybody across the city, let alone the country. It won’t even buy them a Red Bull.


3. The Flying Spaghetti Monster: A Creation Story

This would have been a documentary about Pastafarianism, the kind-of-fake-but-sort-of-not-really religion that has many sarcastic-and-or-devout followers. The whole thing is grey, which might explain the lack of faith in this project. Pun absolutely intended.


2. Alien Vs Predator Vs. Terminator Trilogy

A couple things: It seems supremely doubtful that the person behind this campaign secured the rights to the Alien and Predator intellectual properties. Secondly, we know a few things about movies, and we suspect that the campaign’s $7,500 goal may not be enough to produce THREE FEATURE LENGTH FILMS.


1. Let’s Play: The Documentary

Let’s Play videos have actually become a big part of the online gaming community, but a movie about a YouTube subgenre seems a bit much. Then it hits you that when you watch the Kickstarter video for the project, you’re watching a video about a movie about videos where you watch some random person play a game. Too meta for our blood.

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G.I. Jeez

Stomach Bugs and Prom Dates

E.Coli High is in your gut and on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Brothers-in-law Kevin Barker and Ben Miller have just made the mother of all Comedy Crib series, in the sense that their Comedy Crib series is a big deal and features a hot mom. Animated, funny, and full of horrible bacteria, the series juxtaposes timeless teen dilemmas and gut-busting GI infections to create a bite-sized narrative that’s both sketchy and captivating. The two sat down, possibly in the same house, to answer some questions for us about the series. Let’s dig in….

E.coli-class-

IFC: How would you describe E.Coli High to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

BEN: Hi ummm uhh hi ok well its like umm (gets really nervous and blows it)…

KB: It’s like the Super Bowl meets the Oscars.

IFC: How would you describe E.Coli High to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

BEN: Oh wow, she’s really cute isn’t she? I’d definitely blow that too.

KB: It’s a cartoon that is happening inside your stomach RIGHT NOW, that’s why you feel like you need to throw up.

IFC: What was the genesis of E.Coli High?

KB: I had the idea for years, and when Ben (my brother-in-law, who is a special needs teacher in Philly) began drawing hilarious comics, I recruited him to design characters, animate the series, and do some writing. I’m glad I did, because Ben rules!

BEN: Kevin told me about it in a park and I was like yeah that’s a pretty good idea, but I was just being nice. I thought it was dumb at the time.

ecoli-computer

IFC: What makes going to proms and dating moms such timeless and oddly-relatable subject matter?

BEN: Since the dawn of time everyone has had at least one friend with a hot mom. It is physically impossible to not at least make a comment about that hot mom.

KB: Who among us hasn’t dated their friend’s mom and levitated tables at a prom?

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

BEN: There’s a lot of content now. I don’t think anyone will even notice, but it’d be cool if they did.

KB: A show about talking food poisoning bacteria is basically the same as just watching the news these days TBH.

Watch E.Coli High below and discover more NYTVF selections from years past on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Hacked In

Funny or Die Is Taking Over

FOD TV comes to IFC every Saturday night.

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via GIPHY

We’ve been fans of Funny or Die since we first met The Landlord. That enduring love makes it more than logical, then, that IFC is totally cool with FOD hijacking the airwaves every Saturday night. Yes, that’s happening.

The appropriately titled FOD TV looks like something pulled from public access television in the nineties. Like lo-fi broken-antenna reception and warped VHS tapes. Equal parts WTF and UHF.

Get ready for characters including The Shirtless Painter, Long-Haired Businessmen, and Pigeon Man. They’re aptly named, but for a better sense of what’s in store, here’s a taste of ASMR with Kelly Whispers:

Watch FOD TV every Saturday night during IFC’s regularly scheduled movies.

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Wicked Good

See More Evil

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is on Hulu.

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GIFs via Giphy

Okay, so you missed the entire first season of Stan Against Evil. There’s no shame in that, per se. But here’s the thing: Season 2 is just around the corner and you don’t want to lag behind. After all, Season 1 had some critical character development, not to mention countless plot twists, and a breathless finale cliffhanger that’s been begging for resolution since last fall. It also had this:

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The good news is that you can catch up right now on Hulu. Phew. But if you aren’t streaming yet, here’s a basic primer…

Willards Mill Is Evil

Stan spent his whole career as sheriff oblivious to the fact that his town has a nasty curse. Mostly because his recently-deceased wife was secretly killing demons and keeping Stan alive.

Demons Really Want To Kill Stan

The curse on Willards Mill stipulates that damned souls must hunt and kill each and every town sheriff, or “constable.” Oh, and these demons are shockingly creative.

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They Also Want To Kill Evie

Why? Because Evie’s a sheriff too, and the curse on Willard’s Mill doesn’t have a “one at a time” clause. Bummer, Evie.

Stan and Evie Must Work Together

Beating the curse will take two, baby, but that’s easier said than done because Stan doesn’t always seem to give a damn. Damn!

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Beware of Goats

It goes without saying for anyone who’s seen the show: If you know that ancient evil wants to kill you, be wary of anything that has cloven feet.

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Season 2 Is Lurking

Scary new things are slouching towards Willards Mill. An impending darkness descending on Stan, Evie and their cohort – eviler evil, more demony demons, and whatnot. And if Stan wants to survive, he’ll have to get even Stanlier.

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is now streaming right now on Hulu.

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