DID YOU READ

10 Suggestions For Donald Trump’s Campaign Song

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One of the toughest tasks for any prospective Presidential candidate is coming up with the perfect campaign song to sum up their vision. Donald Trump got in some trouble this week for using Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” without the CSNY legend’s permission, so we thought we’d give him some suggestions for other tracks that might work better.

10. Wu-Tang Clan, “C.R.E.A.M.”

While the concept of The Donald hanging out with Method Man and Ghostface is ludicrous, imagine how badass it would be if he adopted “Cash Rules Everything Around Me” as his campaign slogan? It’s all about the money, of course, and Trump’s going to need every vote out of Shaolin he can get.


9. Rae Sremmurd, “Up Like Trump”

Mississippi-born hip-hop duo Rae Sremmurd didn’t have any big statements in mind when they recorded “Donald Trump” – in an interview with Complex, they basically just said “That’s a cool motherfucker. He’s rich as fuck. He has a suit on on a boat.” Fair enough, Rae Sremmurd. Though you basically just described The Lonely Island.


8. They Might Be Giants, “Purple Toupee”

Trump’s hairpiece is the most perplexing piece of his whole puzzle – why would a man so vain and preening wear such a disastrous wig? He could poke a little fun at his image and win some geek voters with this classic track from art-nerd rockers They Might Be Giants. Red and blue do make purple, after all, and Trump’ll need the swing votes.


7. Nas, “Blaze A 50”

Pundits recently slammed Trump when it was revealed that he paid actors $50 a head to pretend to be supporters and cheer for him at his first campaign rally. The Donald can bounce back from this easily, though – just license Nasty Nas’ 2002 track “Blaze A 50” and show the world just how little a paltry fifty bucks means to him.


6. The Time, “Donald Trump (Black Version)”

The Time are probably best-known for being Prince’s rivals in Purple Rain, but the Man in Purple was behind many of their songs. Case in point, this track from their final album, which was written and mostly performed by Prince with vocals by Morris Day. If Trump wants to reach a more diverse – and hipper – audience, this is the way to go. The song also came out in 1990, so it serves as a reminder that The Donald has been with us a long, long time.


5. Wiz Khalifa, “Real Estate”

Trump made and lost his millions primarily in the property market, so why not use that to reach out to an urban demographic courtesy of rapper Wiz Khalifa? “Real Estate” dropped on his The Chronic 2010 mixtape, and perfectly sums up the Trump aesthetic, though with a little more weed smoking.


4. ABC, “How To Be A Millionaire”

The essential appeal of Donald Trump is the American dream that you can be a dumb, untalented idiot and still get rich. (Look at the Kardashians…) British new wave band ABC’s classic cut “How To Be A Millionaire” could be an anthem for exactly the kind of people who would waste a vote on Trump.


3. Mac Miller, “Donald Trump”

Donny, baby, you’ve already got a rap song about you. Sure, you tried to sue the guy who made it, but I’m sure that’s just water under the bridge now. Mac Miller’s 2001 track appeared on his Best Day Ever mixtape and it’s perfect for Trump’s campaign, with lyrics like “take over the world while all these haters gettin’ mad.”


2. Lana Del Rey, “National Anthem”

In a world where Hillary Clinton is making Spotify playlists, Trump needs to get hip. What better way than by picking Lana Del Rey’s criticism of ostentatious living? The lyrics are just post-ironic enough for the geriatric set, while those pesky millennials will get the real meaning.


1. Hot RS, “Money Runner”

This incredible balls-out disco fusion comes off of a 1980 album by an obscure South African act and it’s so ostentatious, tacky and bizarre that it would be perfect for Donald Trump. Ditch the oldies rock and push your image to the max, man. If you’re going to win this race, you’ve got to get a little funkier.

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SAG Life

Rappers Act Up

Watch the Yo! IFC Acts Movie Marathon Memorial Day Weekend.

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Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Everett Collection (and the '90s)

Memorial Day weekend: how to celebrate? Nothing quite says “screw spring—let’s do summer” like blockbuster movies starring rappers who ditched lucrative music careers in order to become actors. It happened a lot, remember? Especially in and around the ’90s. Will Smith, Eminem, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Ludacris…icons with the hubris to try the silver screen instead and have it totally work out.

But what if more rappers had made the leap? That’s a rhetorical question—movies (and life) would’ve been better, obviously. To prove it, here are some movies that would’ve been more memorable with rappers.

The Godfather

Starring Biggie, not Brando.
Godfather-BIG

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Only Coolio could improve upon Gene Wilder’s performance.
Coolio-Wonka

Billy Elliot

Billy Elliot, with a dose of Missy Elliott.
Missy-Billy-Elliott

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Low hanging fruit, Hollywood.
Robin-Hood-and-Lil-Jon

And of course…

Kanye-of-The-Lambs

See NONE of those movies and a whole bunch of real ones this Memorial Day weekend on IFC’s rapper-filled movie marathon.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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GIFs by Giphy

“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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