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10 Suggestions For Donald Trump’s Campaign Song

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One of the toughest tasks for any prospective Presidential candidate is coming up with the perfect campaign song to sum up their vision. Donald Trump got in some trouble this week for using Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” without the CSNY legend’s permission, so we thought we’d give him some suggestions for other tracks that might work better.

10. Wu-Tang Clan, “C.R.E.A.M.”

While the concept of The Donald hanging out with Method Man and Ghostface is ludicrous, imagine how badass it would be if he adopted “Cash Rules Everything Around Me” as his campaign slogan? It’s all about the money, of course, and Trump’s going to need every vote out of Shaolin he can get.


9. Rae Sremmurd, “Up Like Trump”

Mississippi-born hip-hop duo Rae Sremmurd didn’t have any big statements in mind when they recorded “Donald Trump” – in an interview with Complex, they basically just said “That’s a cool motherfucker. He’s rich as fuck. He has a suit on on a boat.” Fair enough, Rae Sremmurd. Though you basically just described The Lonely Island.


8. They Might Be Giants, “Purple Toupee”

Trump’s hairpiece is the most perplexing piece of his whole puzzle – why would a man so vain and preening wear such a disastrous wig? He could poke a little fun at his image and win some geek voters with this classic track from art-nerd rockers They Might Be Giants. Red and blue do make purple, after all, and Trump’ll need the swing votes.


7. Nas, “Blaze A 50”

Pundits recently slammed Trump when it was revealed that he paid actors $50 a head to pretend to be supporters and cheer for him at his first campaign rally. The Donald can bounce back from this easily, though – just license Nasty Nas’ 2002 track “Blaze A 50” and show the world just how little a paltry fifty bucks means to him.


6. The Time, “Donald Trump (Black Version)”

The Time are probably best-known for being Prince’s rivals in Purple Rain, but the Man in Purple was behind many of their songs. Case in point, this track from their final album, which was written and mostly performed by Prince with vocals by Morris Day. If Trump wants to reach a more diverse – and hipper – audience, this is the way to go. The song also came out in 1990, so it serves as a reminder that The Donald has been with us a long, long time.


5. Wiz Khalifa, “Real Estate”

Trump made and lost his millions primarily in the property market, so why not use that to reach out to an urban demographic courtesy of rapper Wiz Khalifa? “Real Estate” dropped on his The Chronic 2010 mixtape, and perfectly sums up the Trump aesthetic, though with a little more weed smoking.


4. ABC, “How To Be A Millionaire”

The essential appeal of Donald Trump is the American dream that you can be a dumb, untalented idiot and still get rich. (Look at the Kardashians…) British new wave band ABC’s classic cut “How To Be A Millionaire” could be an anthem for exactly the kind of people who would waste a vote on Trump.


3. Mac Miller, “Donald Trump”

Donny, baby, you’ve already got a rap song about you. Sure, you tried to sue the guy who made it, but I’m sure that’s just water under the bridge now. Mac Miller’s 2001 track appeared on his Best Day Ever mixtape and it’s perfect for Trump’s campaign, with lyrics like “take over the world while all these haters gettin’ mad.”


2. Lana Del Rey, “National Anthem”

In a world where Hillary Clinton is making Spotify playlists, Trump needs to get hip. What better way than by picking Lana Del Rey’s criticism of ostentatious living? The lyrics are just post-ironic enough for the geriatric set, while those pesky millennials will get the real meaning.


1. Hot RS, “Money Runner”

This incredible balls-out disco fusion comes off of a 1980 album by an obscure South African act and it’s so ostentatious, tacky and bizarre that it would be perfect for Donald Trump. Ditch the oldies rock and push your image to the max, man. If you’re going to win this race, you’ve got to get a little funkier.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Mirror, Mirror

Portlandia Season 7 In Hindsight

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available Online and on the IFC App.

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Another season of Portlandia is behind us, and oh what a season it was. We laughed. We cried. And we chuckled uncomfortably while glancing nervously around the room. Like every season before it, the latest Portlandia has held a mirror up to ridiculousness of modern American life, but more than ever that same mirror has reflected our social reality in ways that are at once hysterical and sneakily thought-provoking. Here are just a few of the issues they tackled:

Nationalism

So long, America, Portland is out! And yes, the idea of Portland seceding is still less ludicrous than building a wall.

Men’s Rights

We all saw this coming. Exit gracefully, dudes.

Protests

Whatever you stand for, stand for it together. Or with at least one other person.

Free Love

No matter who we are or how we love, deep down we all have the ability to get stalky.

Social Status

Modern self-esteem basically hinges on likes, so this isn’t really a stretch at all.

These moments are just the tip of the iceberg, and much more can be found in the full seventh season of #Portlandia, available right now #online and on the #IFC app.

via GIPHY

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