DID YOU READ

8 Examples of Great Actors in Terrible Movies

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By Jeff Finkle

Who knows why great actors agree to appear in awful movies? It could be because they put blind faith in a director, or they don’t bother to read the script until they show up on set. Or, more likely the answer is that divorces are expensive or they lost a few million to Adam Sandler in poker. In honor of this week’s Comedy Bang! Bang! guest Michael Sheen, here’s a look at what happens when bad movies happen to great actors.

1. Laurence Olivier, The Jazz Singer (1980)

What do you do after spending your life becoming the greatest interpreter of Shakespeare the stage has ever known and earning a name that becomes synonymous with the craft of acting? You take on the only acting challenge you have left, playing the strict Cantor father to Neil Diamond’s rebellious singer son. As in the original 1927 classic “talkie,” Diamond’s aspiring songwriter does unfortunately wear blackface in order to perform on stage. In this ill-conceived 1980 remake, Diamond forsakes his hard-ass father and his religion so he can go to L.A., shack up with a shiksa and fulfill his destiny by singing “Love on The Rocks.” After playing a Nazi dentist who tortures Dustin Hoffman in The Marathon Man, perhaps Olivier thought he owed it to the Jewish people to play Neil Diamond’s Papa.


2. Michael Caine, Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

There’s no debating that Michael Caine is one of the all-time greatest actors. It’s also not debatable that Jaws: The Revenge is one of the worst movies ever made. Apparently killer sharks are a lot like Michael Caine’s career — they never, ever stop. Not unlike like Phil Collins, Michael Caine was seemingly everywhere in the ’80s, and regrettably for him, he chose to be upstaged by an animatronic shark. By the fourth installment of Jaws, this shark was more laughable than frightening. When later asked if he had actually scene the movie, Caine would famously remark, “I have never seen it [the film], but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!”


3. Michael Sheen, The Twilight Saga (2009-2012)

Michael Sheen has built an excellent career, as an actor in both England and America, and you can’t totally blame him for wanting to be a part of a mammoth blockbuster like Twilight. Anyone watching these movies without Twi-hard goggles would surely root for Aro to kill Edward for being such a whiny, boring vampire. (Sheen was once a Lycan in the Underworld films and Lycans hate mopey vampires.) Michael Sheen brought some campy energy and a great cackle of a laugh to this lifeless teen romance disguised as a vampire fantasy film.

 


4. Bill Nighy, I, Frankenstein (2014)

I, Frankenstein tried to reinvent the monster movie by turning Frankenstein into a bad ass super hero, but in the words of the late, great Phil Hartman, “FIRE BAD!,” and so was I, Frankenstein. British actor Bill Nighy did get to play a demon prince/billionaire in this story, but even his gravitas couldn’t save this critically panned film. Apparently, the world isn’t ready for a Frankenstein with great abs. One can only imagine Bill Nighy talking to his agent as his character from Love, Actually and saying “What have you gotten me into?” before taking a drink and peeing on his copy of the script.

5. Robert De Niro, The Bagman (2014)

There are bad movies and then there is the rare bad movie that is so bad that you wonder how it ever became a concept, much less made. The Bagman is such a movie. The Bagman is so bad, both Siskel and Ebert are surely rolling over to write reviews from the grave. This is the low budget film that should have been a no-budget film. John Cusack is in almost every minute of the film and plays a mob bagman waiting at a seedy motel for a delivery from De Niro’s character. Let’s just say, the mystery isn’t what’s in the bag, it’s who talked both Cusack and De Niro into appearing in this wanna-be Pulp Fiction neo-noir mess.


6. Al Pacino, Jack and Jill (2011)

It takes a special kind of film to win in every category at the Golden Raspberries, and Adam Sandler’s attempt to “Out-Sandler” himself reaches its peak with Jack and Jill. In terms of Sandler movies, Jack and Jill makes Little Nicky look like Billy Madison. Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler star in this heartwarming tale of a man and his “identical” twin sister reunited for Thanksgiving. You have to hand it to Sandler; he somehow convinced Al Pacino to perform a hip hop ode to the Dunkin Donuts Dunkaccino.


7. Ben Kingsley, The Love Guru (2008)

It’s an understatement to say that legendary actor Ben Kingsley has great range, and you would think that casting the actor who formerly played Gandhi as Mike Myers’ Indian mentor, Guru Tugginmypudha, would be comedy gold. But, alas that is not the case with The Love Guru. Myers’ Guru Pitka is like a character that was written out of Austin Powers: Goldmember at the last minute for being too culturally insensitive.


8. Forrest Whitaker, Battlefield Earth (2000)

It’s tough to find anything more unintentionally funny than seeing John Travolta and Forrest Whitaker, looking like a bizarre cross between Star Trek‘s Worf and the Cowardly Lion, in Battlefield Earth. John Travolta waited years to make Battlefield Earth, based on the L. Ron Hubbard novel, and he spent millions of his own money to get it made. He’s lucky he wasn’t forced to pay back every person who actually paid to see this historically bad movie in the theater. It’s a testament to Forrest Whitaker’s impressive body of work as an actor that Battlefield Earth was just a blip in his career and it’s a testament to Travolta’s agent that he was able to ever get paid to act again. Fun fact: This movie held the record for most Razzie wins, until Sandler’s Jack and Jill knocked them off their pedestal.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show premieres this summer on IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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