DID YOU READ

10 Most Frightening Mothers in Movies

Scary Mom

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This Sunday’s marathon is all about tough guys who love their mothers, but there’s no reason moms can’t be tough too. In this feature, we’ll take a look at the most frightening, violent mothers in movies.

10. Gladys Leeman, Drop Dead Gorgeous

When you want the best for your child, you’ll do anything to get it… even murder. That’s what motivates the villain of 1999 comedy Drop Dead Gorgeous to go on a killing spree in the hopes of helping her daughter Rebecca win a beauty pageant. She sure can work a sniper rifle!


9. The Bride, Kill Bill


Never get between a mama bear and her cub, especially if that mama bear has a samurai sword. Wait, I kind of screwed up that metaphor. Beatrix Kiddo, aka the Bride, slashes her way through her former Deadly Viper buddies to get her daughter back in Tarantino’s epic Kill Bill.


8. Beverly Sutphin, Serial Mom

Kathleen Turner was born to play the psychotic Beverly Sutphin in John Waters’ suburban horror-comedy. Whether it’s beating a woman to death with a leg of lamb or making harassing obscene phone calls to a woman who stole her parking space, she’s a seriously bad mother.


7. Sarah Connor, Terminator 2


When the future of humanity is riding on your ability to keep your kid alive, you better believe it brings out the best in a mother. Linda Hamilton was tough as nails as Sarah Connor in the second Terminator film, facing nuclear apocalypse and liquid metal androids with everything she had.


6. Pamela Voorhees, Friday the 13th

People sometimes forget that it wasn’t Jason swinging the knife in the first Friday the 13th movie – it was his mom. After her son drowned in Camp Crystal Lake, Ms. Voorhees was out for revenge on those irresponsible teens.

5. Samantha Caine, The Long Kiss Goodnight

Sometimes the violence in a mom’s life is bubbling just below the surface, as in this cult Geena Davis hit where she plays a small-town schoolteacher with amnesia. When her memories start coming back, Samantha realizes that she’s actually a seriously badass killer for the CIA.


4. Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest

Real life is often more terrifying than fiction. This ’81 biographical drama – based on a best-selling memoir – tells the story of abusive actress Joan Crawford and her adopted daughter Christina. Give it a watch. You’ll never look at wire hangers the same way again.


3. Vera Cosgrove, Dead Alive

When an infected Sumatran rat monkey bites this New Zealand dowager, she mutates into a zombie killing machine capable of generating a tornado of gory mayhem. Peter Jackson’s early splatter flicks were so much better than the Lord of the Rings movies that it’s not even funny.


2. Ma-Ma, Dredd

As played by the brilliant Lena Healey, drug lord Madeline Madrigal (or “Ma-Ma” for short) in cult hit Dredd is a vicious, amoral criminal who has no qualms slaughtering innocents by the boatload to get Judge Dredd and his partner out of the way. She’s willing to bring down the entire apartment building she lives in as one last “F you” to law enforcement.


1. Ellen Ripley, Aliens


You don’t have to be a biological mom to be a mother, and Ripley’s fierce defense of her daughter Newt against the Alien Queen (a pretty badass mamma-jamma herself) pulls out all the stops. I can’t even count how much acidic blood she’s spilled over the course of the franchise.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Mirror, Mirror

Portlandia Season 7 In Hindsight

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available Online and on the IFC App.

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Another season of Portlandia is behind us, and oh what a season it was. We laughed. We cried. And we chuckled uncomfortably while glancing nervously around the room. Like every season before it, the latest Portlandia has held a mirror up to ridiculousness of modern American life, but more than ever that same mirror has reflected our social reality in ways that are at once hysterical and sneakily thought-provoking. Here are just a few of the issues they tackled:

Nationalism

So long, America, Portland is out! And yes, the idea of Portland seceding is still less ludicrous than building a wall.

Men’s Rights

We all saw this coming. Exit gracefully, dudes.

Protests

Whatever you stand for, stand for it together. Or with at least one other person.

Free Love

No matter who we are or how we love, deep down we all have the ability to get stalky.

Social Status

Modern self-esteem basically hinges on likes, so this isn’t really a stretch at all.

These moments are just the tip of the iceberg, and much more can be found in the full seventh season of #Portlandia, available right now #online and on the #IFC app.

via GIPHY

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