DID YOU READ

10 Important Life Lessons Animal House Taught Us

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A film doesn’t become one of the most quotable movies of all time without imparting some level of relatable wisdom, and John Landis’ 1978 comedy classic Animal House does so in spades. Not so much a treatise on college life as Life itself, the work provides lessons that are as true today as they were on the Faber College campus circa 1962.

Here are 10 important life lessons we learned from Bluto, Otter, Boon, Pinto, Dean Wormer, and the rest.

10. “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

10. Dean Wormer

As gluttons and drunks continue to smile as empires burn, hedonism will always have its place. However, we mustn’t confuse debauchery with vitality, passivity with nobility, or fatuity with purity. Benjamin Franklin famously said, “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” And that guy was a drunken slob!


9. “Take it easy, I’m pre-law.”

“I thought you were pre-med.”

“What’s the difference?”

9. Pre-Law

Inside each and every one of us is the ability to rise above our stations and training to tackle whatever obstacle we may come across. And in our most desperate hour, time spent searching for an expert who knows what they’re doing would only exasperate the problem. Better to stand up, accept the leadership role, and ramble on like you know what you’re talking about.


8. “Thank you, sir! May I have another?”

8. Kevin Bacon

The need to belong in a group is a powerful psychological imperative, and we often sacrifice our beliefs, dignity, and comfort to achieve it — hence the popularity of fraternities. But whereas some celebrate the induction of pledges with libations, other more cruel organizations impart pain and humiliation. Now, which group would you rather be a part of?


7. “Will that work?”

“Hey, it’s gotta work better than the truth.”

7. Better Than Truth

Not everything carved on a stone tablet is sacrosanct. While honesty is said to be the best policy, we must look beyond the immediate effects of truth toward the long term and ask ourselves, “What will we gain by being honorable and forthright here?” When deception benefits us all, it is our social and civic duty to lie our asses off.


6. “Grab a brew. Don’t cost nothin’.”

6. Cost Nothin

Our fixation on material goods and financial status has become ingrained into not only our psyches but the very institutions that govern our lives. When global economies hinge upon our wanton need for objects to prove our wealth and happiness, we must step back, reassess, and partake in Life’s simple pleasures that don’t cost nothin’.


5. “He can’t do that to our pledges!”

“Only we can do that to our pledges.”

5. Our Pledges

Deep social bonds provide a direct conduit to our egos, opening ourselves to raillery and indiscretions that we wouldn’t tolerate coming from an impersonal acquaintance. So it is the testament of a loving relationship to be able to abuse, disgrace, and degrade our fellow man once you both belong to the same collegiate organization.


4. “Kroger, your Delta Tau Chi name is Pinto.”

“Why Pinto?”

“Why not?!”

4. State Your Name

It is in our nature to search for meaning in all walks of life, from the self-reflective “Who am I?” to the philosophical “Why am I here?” But obsessing over reason and logic is futile in a world governed by chaos and caprice. When events and concepts with clearly defined catalysts are rare, we must always deal with the here and now and leave the scientific method to the objectivists.


3. “We gotta take these bastards. Now, we could fight ’em with conventional weapons. That could take years and cost millions of lives. Oh no. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.”

3. Futile and Stupid Gesture

Grand, noble acts of bravery are the stuff that sell history books, but we should never dismiss the impulsive and erratic deeds of those who’ve got nothing to lose. Because tactical endeavors borne from a bureaucratic braintrust and carried out on an indistinguishable battlefield are lost in the annals of war when matched with ten thousand marbles and a pirate costume.


2. “My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.”

2. Drink Heavily

From the cradle to the grave, we’re told to face every one of Life’s challenges head-on without the slightest bit of hesitation or remorse. But we’re human and we need to occasionally self-medicate to feel a semblance of care and appreciation when it’s devoid in the outside world. And come on, who provides better advice than a future senator?


1. “What? Over? Did you say ‘over’? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!”

1. Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor

Motivation is an ephemeral beast, impossible to be captured and tapped like a keg of bottom shelf beer. However, when times look their bleakest and the last shred of hope is left drained and bloodied on the floor, there’s always irrational anger to get ourselves off our keesters and blindly forge into battle on false pretenses. Whatever gets the job done.

Want more words of wisdom? Check out all airings of Animal House on IFC. 

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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