DID YOU READ

The H8ful Eight and 15 Other Numb3r-Infused Movie Titles

Hateful Eight

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By Kevin Maher

Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight (or The H8ful Eight) has a lot going for it. Except for the tacky title treatment. Tarantino’s Western joins the pantheon of movie posters that force numbers into the title. The titles can be cute, corny, desperate or downright baffling. See what we mean below.

1. Lucky # Slevin (Lucky Number Slevin)

MGM

MGM

This ensemble crime-drama combines upside-down numbers and made-up words. Also, today’s audiences would read the title as “Lucky Hashtag Slevin.”


2.  2 Fast 2 Furious

Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

This is the inverted Teen Wolf Too of Fast & Furious sequels. Too bad they didn’t use the tagline “2Cute 2B 4gotten.”


3. Tak3n (Taken 3)

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Did Liam know they were going to call it that? Is Liam willing to become the spokesman for Take 5? (Elevator pitch: When kidnappers take his candy bar he kicks a lot of ass to rescue it.)


4. Fant4stic (Fantastic Four)

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Phonics cannot help you read this title aloud. Fant-four-stic? This title treatment makes as much sense as the Galactus cloud in Rise of the Silver Surfer.


5. 5ive Days to Midnight (Five Days to Midnight)

SyFy Channel

SyFy Channel

When spoken aloud, “5ive” sounds like a stutter. In print it just looks illiterate. Or like a CAPTCHA you’d get when trying to sign into a student loan website.


6. 5ive Girls (Five Girls)

Peace Arch Entertainment Group

Peace Arch Entertainment Group

Another example of “5ive.” And no, it’s not a movie about girls who are fans of the British boy band of the same name.


7. Se7en (Seven)

New Line Cinema

New Line Cinema

Se7en might be the first movie to cram a number into the title. So we have David Fincher to blame/thank for this corny trend.


8. Murd3r 8y Num8ers (Murder by Numbers)

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

This crime thriller holds the record for most numbers forced into a title. Note: This Sandra Bullock film was not the inspiration for the CBS math procedural Numb3rs.


9. Pokemon 4ever (Pokemon Forever)

4Kids Entertainment

4Kids Entertainment

Numbered titles are used in more than gritty crime-dramas. When a Pokemon movie uses this trick, it proves that number-infused titles have jumped the SH4RK.


10. L4yer Cake (Layer Cake)

Sony Pictures

Sony Pictures

Is this a typo? It reads more like “Foyer Cake” –- like a cake you’d find in the front room of a building. Maybe that’s a British thing like crumpets and spotted dick.


11. 7eventy 5ive (Seventy Five)

Screen Media

Screen Media

Did The Asylum produce this to trick people into thinking it’s a sequel to Se7en? Casting Rutger Hauer does make it seem like a direct-to-DVD “knockbuster.”


12. Phantasm: OblIVion (Phantasm: Oblivion) 

phantasm-4-dvd

Don Coscarelli’s fourth Phantasm is the cleverest of these titles; building a subtitle around the roman numeral. Coscarelli re-uses this trick in the upcoming Phantasm: Ravager.


13. Thir13en Ghosts (Thirteen Ghosts)

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

Thir13en Ghosts may be the most confusing example, but the movie was a game changer. Until 2001, Oscar-winner F. Murray Abraham had never appeared in a number-worded film.


14. Th1rteen R3asons Why (Thirteen Reasons Why)

Penguin Books

Penguin Books

Selena Gomez is attached to star in the movie adaptation of this best-selling YA novel. Admit it: this dopey spelling works perfectly for a YA story.


15. Cradle 2 The Grave

Warner Bros.

Warner Bros.

The downside of this creative spelling: some viewers thought Cradle 2 The Grave was a sequel. Fun-fact: even the German release worked a number into the title.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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