DID YOU READ

6 TV Shows That Need a Reboot

Married With Children

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In case you were under a rock and missed the news, Full House is coming back to TV, this time as a Netflix show called Fuller House. This is just the latest in a string of shows that’s been brought back from extinction, like Girl Meets World (the reboot of Boy Meets World), The X-Files, and the troubled Twin Peaks reboot.

Since 2015 is looking like the year of the TV comebacks, we sifted through the archives of television to come up with a few shows we think deserve another go. If any of the shows original stars want to start up a Kickstarter to get these projects off the ground, let us know. We’ll totally give you a dollar towards it.

6. Bosom Buddies

I will never not be 100% down for this. I don’t care that Tom Hanks is an A-Lister, or that the entire premise is nowhere near plausible. (Two guys dress in drag to live in a women’s only apartment complex because the rent is cheap.) Bosom Buddies needs to come back if only because, as his roles on Girls and Gotham have shown a new generation, Peter Scolari is awesome and needs his own show again.

Maybe this time around, the guys ended up turning their penchant for dressing as women into a successful drag act and are a popular draw at a cabaret in South Beach. Bosom Buddies meets The Birdcage. I’m just spitballing here, people, but don’t act like seeing Hanks and Scolari twerking to a Miley song in full blown drag wouldn’t be a riot.


5. My Two Dads

This show never made any kind of sense (why would a judge grant custody of a child to her mom’s ex-boyfriends?), but that really wasn’t ever a prerequisite for pretty much anything that happened in the ’80s.

However it DID end with Joey (aka the cool dad) moving to San Francisco with an old girlfriend and her daughter. Maybe something changed in San Fran. Maybe Joey finally realized he was living a lie and was really in love with neurotic Michael all along. Greg Evigan and Paul Reiser always had chemistry, I just don’t think anyone had the balls to call it what it was at the time.

My Two Dads can come back with a limited episode order. Make it a mini-series showing Joey and Michael’s eventual wedding. Maybe even have them adopt another kid together and give Nicole a younger sibling. It’s high time we all stop denying them the love those two men deserve with each other.


4. ALF

ALF was way ahead of its time, and considering that genre shows are dominating the airwaves, it only makes sense that the most famous alien life form (from the ’80s who isn’t E.T.) make a comeback. But there needs to be some modern twist.

Maybe this time around ALF stars in a reality show and helps the Kardashians take some city hostage or whatever it is they do. Or have him be the new Rob Kardashian. That family member obviously needs to be recast.

Or maybe add him to the cast of Grey’s Anatomy since rumor is McDreamy maybe McOuttie soon. I think ALF and Meredith Grey would make a stunning couple, no?


3. MTV’s Rock N’ Jock

I’m not even slightly kidding when I say Rock N’ Jock softball was hands down one of the greatest masterpieces to ever come out of MTV. I have been pining for the day that they bring this back. I know that there’s a rumor OG hosts Dan Cortese and Bill Bellamy are trying to make it so. Fingers crossed.

Sure, the other Rock N’ Jocks were ok, but softball took the cake. Probably because it was the one that required the least amount of skill and lent itself to the most amount of ridiculous shenanigans.

Roger McDowell was the MVP of every game because he was out of his damn mind and it was amazing. Plus anything that has Keanu Reeves on a team that Sam Kinison is the captain of is already the greatest thing ever.


2. Welcome Back, Kotter

This show used to be my favorite thing to watch when I was drunk at 3am and it was on Nick at Nite. I’m going to assume it’s just as good viewing while sober.

What isn’t to love about a cast of juvenile delinquents terrorizing the NYC public school system? But this time around, make it Welcome Back, Barbarino. John Travolta can reprise his role and take over as the ex-Sweathog-turned-teacher that returns to educate the next generation of misfits at his alma mater. Maybe then he’ll finally tell the story of the French Fry Phantom.


1. Married…With Children

Here’s the pitch: Kelly Bundy is married with kids, but her husband is in jail or something because of course Kelly would date a criminal. Bud lives in her basement, and still never gets laid, which may or may not be eerily similar to David Faustino’s life nowadays. Peggy and Al can occasionally guest star. Maybe have them babysit every once in a while when Kelly has to work the night shift at the strip club or something. Word is a Married… reboot is in the works. Let’s hope we see the return of Bud’s hip hop altar ego, Grandmaster B.

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Very NSFW

The Brockmire Premiere Is All Truth

Watch The First Episode of Brockmire Right Now for Free

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At long last, the Brockmire pre-premiere has arrived. Which means you can watch it right now—on IFC.com, at Funny Or Die, on IFC’s Apple TV and mobile apps, on Youtube, on Facebook, on the AMC apps, and right here. So grab some headphones and get watching.

No seriously, get headphones.

Because whether he’s giving a play-by-play or ruminating on the world around him, Jim Brockmire calls it like he sees it. And how he sees it is very NSFW. His take on life is actually quite refreshing, even to the point of being profoundly sage. For proof just look at these pearls of unconventional wisdom from the premiere…

Brockmire On The Internet

“If I need porn I just buy a nudie mag, like my father and his father before him.”

Brockmire On Sex-Ed

“Kids, a strap-on is a belt with d— on it that mommies use to f— daddies.”
Brockmire-Strap-On

Brockmire On The Perfect High

“Somewhere between 10 cups of coffee and very low-grade cocaine.”
Brockmire-Perfect-High

Brockmire On The Tardiness of Spring

“Old man winter’s reaching his hand inside your coat to give that thing one more squeeze.”

Brockmire On Keeping Perspective

“I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap restroom in Bangkok where a Thai lady-boy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburnt German watched us on the toilet”
Brockmire-grain-salt

Brockmire On Humanity

“If you want to look directly into the gaping maw of oblivion, don’t look up to the heavens. Just look in the mirror.”
Jules-never-seen

See these nuggets and more in the first episode of Brockmire, and see the whole season beginning April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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