DID YOU READ

5 Predator Vs. Match-Ups We’re Dying to See

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Nearly 30 years ago, we were introduced to one of the strongest, most formidable villains to ever fall from the sky. Equipped with a cloaking device, a seemingly unlimited arsenal, and combat training that was beyond superhuman, the alien from 1987’s Predator was destined for battle royales that crossed multiple franchises. And sure enough, after years of splashy comic depictions and 16-bit hypotheses, Predator took on the xenomorphs from the Alien franchise in the 2004 geek-baiting actioner, Alien vs. Predator. But all the movie did was stoke up the flames of possibility and generate more fan-fictional melees with other iconic rivals.

So in the interest of mashing cinematic universes like a crazed studio executive, here are five Predator match-ups we’d love to see on the big screen.

5. Pinhead Vs. Predator

Pinhead Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/New World Pictures/ 20th Century Fox

Who better to match wits with a being from another planet than a being from another dimension? Pinhead, the breakout baddie from Hellraiser, is one of only a few characters that has both the brains and supernatural brawn to fight the one-alien army. Able to teleport, resist projectiles, and summon hooks and chains for gruesome mutilation, The Bringer of Pain can’t be taken out by your average, everyday shoulder-mounted plasma caster.


4. Batman Vs. Predator

Batman Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Warner Bros. Pictures/20th Century Fox

We’ve already witnessed how well the Dark Knight could handle himself against the Predator in the all-too-brief short film Batman: Dead End. But to see that standoff expanded and played out over the course of 120 minutes would be a brutal delight. And heck, if producers wanted to continue the themes and also throw in the Joker and a few dozen xenomorphs, who are we to say no?


3. Ash Vs. Predator

Ash Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Universal Pictures/20th Century Fox

If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about battling other-worldly creatures, it’s Ash from the Evil Dead series. Quick with the quip yet slow on the uptake, Bruce Campbell’s beloved character would present a conflict that was as visually dynamic as it was amusing. After all, what good is a fan-driven movie match-up if it isn’t brimming with fun?


2. Indiana Jones Vs. Predator

Indiana Jones Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Paramount Pictures/20th Century Fox

Intergalactic mercenary might versus 1940s all-American gumption? Yeah, we’re in. Injecting Predator into Indiana Jones’ pulpy serial world may seem like too disparate of a combo — and yes, we all remember what happened when aliens were introduced to the franchise — but that would be underestimating the ingenuity of a globetrotting archaeologist who once killed a battalion of Nazis with ghosts.


1. RoboCop Vs. Predator

RoboCop Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Orion Pictures/20th Century Fox

One 1987 cinematic icon versus another, this is one graphic brawl that would probably retain RoboCop’s original X-rating. And yet, it’s a premise that could break box office records: the hero cyborg cop tasked to take out a marauding alien serial killer set against the mean streets of a futuristic, crime-ridden Detroit. Add some late-’80s Verhoeven satire and a ruthless Kurtwood Smith, and we’re ready to reserve our tickets now.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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GIFs via Giphy

Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Mirror, Mirror

Portlandia Season 7 In Hindsight

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available Online and on the IFC App.

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Another season of Portlandia is behind us, and oh what a season it was. We laughed. We cried. And we chuckled uncomfortably while glancing nervously around the room. Like every season before it, the latest Portlandia has held a mirror up to ridiculousness of modern American life, but more than ever that same mirror has reflected our social reality in ways that are at once hysterical and sneakily thought-provoking. Here are just a few of the issues they tackled:

Nationalism

So long, America, Portland is out! And yes, the idea of Portland seceding is still less ludicrous than building a wall.

Men’s Rights

We all saw this coming. Exit gracefully, dudes.

Protests

Whatever you stand for, stand for it together. Or with at least one other person.

Free Love

No matter who we are or how we love, deep down we all have the ability to get stalky.

Social Status

Modern self-esteem basically hinges on likes, so this isn’t really a stretch at all.

These moments are just the tip of the iceberg, and much more can be found in the full seventh season of #Portlandia, available right now #online and on the #IFC app.

via GIPHY

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