DID YOU READ

5 Predator Vs. Match-Ups We’re Dying to See

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Nearly 30 years ago, we were introduced to one of the strongest, most formidable villains to ever fall from the sky. Equipped with a cloaking device, a seemingly unlimited arsenal, and combat training that was beyond superhuman, the alien from 1987’s Predator was destined for battle royales that crossed multiple franchises. And sure enough, after years of splashy comic depictions and 16-bit hypotheses, Predator took on the xenomorphs from the Alien franchise in the 2004 geek-baiting actioner, Alien vs. Predator. But all the movie did was stoke up the flames of possibility and generate more fan-fictional melees with other iconic rivals.

So in the interest of mashing cinematic universes like a crazed studio executive, here are five Predator match-ups we’d love to see on the big screen.

5. Pinhead Vs. Predator

Pinhead Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/New World Pictures/ 20th Century Fox

Who better to match wits with a being from another planet than a being from another dimension? Pinhead, the breakout baddie from Hellraiser, is one of only a few characters that has both the brains and supernatural brawn to fight the one-alien army. Able to teleport, resist projectiles, and summon hooks and chains for gruesome mutilation, The Bringer of Pain can’t be taken out by your average, everyday shoulder-mounted plasma caster.


4. Batman Vs. Predator

Batman Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Warner Bros. Pictures/20th Century Fox

We’ve already witnessed how well the Dark Knight could handle himself against the Predator in the all-too-brief short film Batman: Dead End. But to see that standoff expanded and played out over the course of 120 minutes would be a brutal delight. And heck, if producers wanted to continue the themes and also throw in the Joker and a few dozen xenomorphs, who are we to say no?


3. Ash Vs. Predator

Ash Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Universal Pictures/20th Century Fox

If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about battling other-worldly creatures, it’s Ash from the Evil Dead series. Quick with the quip yet slow on the uptake, Bruce Campbell’s beloved character would present a conflict that was as visually dynamic as it was amusing. After all, what good is a fan-driven movie match-up if it isn’t brimming with fun?


2. Indiana Jones Vs. Predator

Indiana Jones Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Paramount Pictures/20th Century Fox

Intergalactic mercenary might versus 1940s all-American gumption? Yeah, we’re in. Injecting Predator into Indiana Jones’ pulpy serial world may seem like too disparate of a combo — and yes, we all remember what happened when aliens were introduced to the franchise — but that would be underestimating the ingenuity of a globetrotting archaeologist who once killed a battalion of Nazis with ghosts.


1. RoboCop Vs. Predator

RoboCop Vs. Predator

Mike Schuster/Orion Pictures/20th Century Fox

One 1987 cinematic icon versus another, this is one graphic brawl that would probably retain RoboCop’s original X-rating. And yet, it’s a premise that could break box office records: the hero cyborg cop tasked to take out a marauding alien serial killer set against the mean streets of a futuristic, crime-ridden Detroit. Add some late-’80s Verhoeven satire and a ruthless Kurtwood Smith, and we’re ready to reserve our tickets now.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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