DID YOU READ

10 Signs You’re In a Mob Movie

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Organized crime is a fascinating topic for filmmakers (especially when you consider how much of Hollywood the Mafia used to control), so there are some tropes that show up time and time again in mob movies. If you find yourself in any of these situations, you just might be in a mob movie.

1. Crime Pays…For a Little While, at Least

The bad guys in mob movies are always living lives of luxury high on the hog, much better than any of their law-abiding enemies. But eventually Johnny Law comes ‘a knockin’.


2. Just When You Think You’re Out, the Old Neighborhood Always Pulls You Back In

No matter how much cash these made men bring in, they’re always still attached to the humble working-class neighborhoods of their youth.


3. There’s a Code of Honor Among Thieves (And Vicious Killers)

No matter how awful the crooks are to the outside world, there’s always a set of rules that they abide by. You might stab a guy and stuff his body into a trash compactor, but you’d never disrespect his mother.


4. At Least One Family Has a Beef With You

Even though bad guys are supposedly all on the same side, there’s always two groups that don’t see eye to eye and go to war over it.


5. You’ve Been Patched Up By a Back Alley Surgeon

Real men of the Mob don’t go to the doctor. They always get their wounds patched up by a shady surgeon operating out of a back-alley dentist office or veterinarian hospital.


6. An Old Gangster Lectures You On the Importance of Respect

There’s always an opportunity for a senior Mafia figure to deliver some strong words on the nature of respect to a subordinate who he will inevitably have to whack.


7. Someone (Maybe You) Is a Rat

There’s always that one guy who turns on his familia and tries to profit from it, whether by informing for the police or a rival family. In the end, he is usually rewarded with either a stint in the Witness Protection Program or the “kiss of death.”


8. A Tough Guy Hitman Gets Called In

Eventually, somebody’s going to go too far and a button man will be called in to snuff them permanently. Any gangster movie worth its salt has a hit scene (or two, or three or four….).

 Everett Collection

Everett Collection


9. Pretty Much Every Cop is Crooked

Although law enforcement is usually doing its job, there’s always at least one detective who is on the side of the criminals.


10. You Can’t Have a Nice Italian Meal Without Someone Getting Whacked

Nothing’s as important to the Italian mob as food, so every movie is legally required to have a scene where the gangsters sit down to eat and someone gets killed or at the very least stabbed in the leg with a fork.

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Inauguration Alternative

Bill Murray On Repeat

It's a movie "Murray-thon" all-day Friday on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs courtesy of GIPHY

Democrats, Republicans and Millennials agree: 2017 is shaping up to be a spectacle — a spectacle that really kicks into high gear this Friday with the presidential inauguration. Not only will the new POTUS swear in, but all the Country’s highest offices will be filled. It’s a daunting prospect, and to feel a little anxious about it is only normal. But if your anxiety is snowballing into panic, we have a solution:
Bill Murray.

He’s the human embodiment of a mental “Happy Place”, and there’s really no problem he can’t solve. So, with that in mind, how about we all set aside reality for a moment and let Bill take the pain away by imagining a top-shelf White House cabinet filled exclusively by his signature characters. Here are a few hypothetical appointments for your consideration…

Secretary of Defense:
Bill Murray from Stripes

His incompetence is balanced by charm, and dumb luck is inexplicably on his side. America could do worse.

Secretary of State:
Bill Murray from Lost In Translation

A seasoned globetrotter steeped in regional traditions who has the respect of the whole wide world. And he kills Costello in karaoke, which is very important.

Press Secretary:
Bill Murray from Ghostbusters

“Cats and dogs, living together. Mass hysteria.” Dude knows how to brief a room.

Secretary of Health and Human Services:
Bill Murray from What About Bob.

A doctor-approved people person who knows that progress is measured in baby steps.

Secretary of Energy:
Bill Murray from Groundhog Day

Let’s be honest, this world is going to need a lot of do-overs.

Feeling better? Hold on to that bliss. And enjoy a healthy alternative to the inauguration brouhaha with multiple Murrays all Friday long in an IFC movie marathon including Kingpin, Zombieland, Ghostbusters, and Ghostbusters II.

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Home Run

Hank Azaria Gets Thrown A Curve Ball

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Unless you’ve somehow missed every episode of the Simpsons since 1989, then surely you know that Hank Azaria is one of the most important character actors of our time. He’s so prolific and his voice is so dynamic that he’s responsible for more iconic personalities than most folks realize. Basically, he’s the great and powerful Oz — except that when you pull back the curtain the truth is actually more impressive. And now Hank is coming to IFC to bring yet another character to the TV pop culture hive mind in the new series Brockmire. Check out the trailer below.

Based on the following Funny or Die short and co-starring Amanda Peet, Brockmire follows the story of imploded major league sportscaster Jim Brockmire as he tries to resurrect his career by calling plays for a floundering minor league team in a podunk town.

The series is written by Joel Church-Cooper (Undateable) and produced by Funny or Die’s Mike Farah and Joe Farrell, meaning that there’s funny in front of the camera, funny behind the camera–funny all around. Sounds like a ball to us.

Brockmire premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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