DID YOU READ

10 Advantages to Having Your Own Clone

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AMC Networks is cloning the season 3 premiere of Orphan Black and airing it across all of it U.S. Networks – IFC, AMC, WE tv, SundanceTV and BBC America on Sat, April 18 9p.

BBC America’s hit sci-fi drama series Orphan Black is coming back for its third season, which means the Clone Club will be back in session. Mark it in your calendars: April 18th at 9 p.m. EST is when we’ll get another dose of Sarah, Alison, Cosima, Helena and the rest of the gang.

In the premiere, the Project Leda sisters are going to have to come to each others’ aide: Sarah is pursuing Helena, who’s trapped in a compound, and Alison and Donnie are having some money troubles. We have faith everything will work out — and if it doesn’t, it’ll surely be entertaining to watch. But most of all we’re super jealous of the sheer awesomeness that comes with having more than one of yourself.

Everyone at one point or another has imagined what it would be like if there were two, or three, or five of you walking around the planet. And watching Orphan Black just makes us want to start funding cloning research so we can have our very own crazy Helena or chill pal Cosima. Here are 10 advantages to having a clone (or two) around to watch your back.

10. There Ain’t No Party Like A Clone Club Party

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We know you have a lot of goals and aspirations, but let’s face it, there are not enough hours in the day to do whatcha wanna do. This will all change when all of a sudden there’s more of you. It warrants an impromptu dance party, too.


9. You Can Get Into So Much Trouble

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Double, double, toil and trouble, amirite? The Weasley twins from Harry Potter aren’t clones, but their shenanigans rival that of the Clone Club. I mean, they’re no Helena, but a little mischief never hurt anyone. The more clones you have, the more fun (or trouble) you can get into.


8. You’re Doubling Your Wardrobe

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It’s a cliche reason at this point, but true nonetheless: Clothes are expensive as hell these days. Old Navy is the new Gap, Gap is the new Banana Republic, Banana is the new J.Crew, and the Crew is too expensive for even suburban housewives like Alison on white wine-tinged shopping sprees. If you have a clone, that means sharing is caring.


7. It’s Great For Experimenting

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There’s no better test subject than a clone. Wanna see if you can handle psychedelics? Or even a particularly spicy sriracha sauce? Get a temperature check first by having your replica give it a go. Thinking about dying your hair? Have your clone look like a tragic mess for a little while. Basically your clone is your own personal human guinea pig.


6. You Can Face Your Faults and Change…Your Clone

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Nothing would make you take a long, cold hard look at yourself more than having, uh, yourself staring right back at you. But who wants to actually change? Make your clone make the hard life changes you’d rather ignore. That way you have more time for the truly important things — like marathoning past seasons of Orphan Black.


5. Staging Group Singalongs Has Never Been Easier

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We’ve all been there. It’s karaoke night, the music’s pumping, and you want to break into a killer group singalong to show everyone around who’s boss. Your friends can’t do, ’cause they’re horribly off-key. That’s why you need more of you in the mix to properly convey the power of “Motown Philly” or Spice Girls’ “Wannabe.”


4. Clones Always Have Each Others’ Backs

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If you’re in trouble, there’s no one you’d rather have in your corner than…well, another you. As Bjork once sang, how about a whole army of you? That’s one thing that made everyone envy Agent Smith from The Matrix. He’s a royal douche, but his ability to copy himself was a pretty sweet trick.


3. There’s Always Someone to Laugh at Your Jokes

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Have you ever tried to tell a joke to your friends, but then no one acknowledges it? Everyone stays silent and then maybe you tell it again just in case they didn’t hear it the first time. If you had a clone, that would never happen. Twice the power, twice the sass, twice the laughs.


2. You Can Get Away With Murder…Literally

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Haven’t you ever watched Law & Order or any soap opera ever made? If you have a sadistic twin who gets his or her kicks from pulling the wings off of flies, it doesn’t help your case. But if you’re the one pulling some off-the-books illegal activity, it’s good to have a scapegoat who looks exactly like you.


1. Every Halloween = Instant Group Costume

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Every Halloween costume competition should just fork over the top prize to you in advance of what will come every October 31st with your clones backing you up. How about taking a nod from The Big Bang Theory and get your clones to join you as The Flash in motion?

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show comes to IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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