DID YOU READ

The Lost Roles of Brad Pitt: 10 Movies the ‘Inglourious Basterd’ Almost Starred In

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Before Brad Pitt became a total DILF that the Internet loves, the 51-year-old actor was a Hollywood mainstay at an early age. But there were a lot of films that almost got a touch of Pitt.

While he famously appeared in films like Fight Club, Se7en and Interview with the Vampire, he was also offered other famous roles and was auditioning for even more. Whatever the reason, whether it was because he didn’t earn the filmmakers’ blessings or he turned them down for greener pastures, these films just didn’t work out for Pitt. But that hasn’t stopped us from imagining what the following movies would look like with Brad in the lead, complete with original posters by Kristy Puchko.

10. Brian McCaffrey, Backdraft

Along with Keanu Reeves and Robert Downey Jr., Brad Pitt auditioned for the role of Brian McCaffrey in Backdraft. The part eventually went to William Baldwin because he looked so much like Kurt Russell, who was playing the character’s brother. We’re sure Pitt would’ve filled out that firefighter suit as nicely as Baldwin, though.

Universal Pictures/Miramax/Kristy Puchko


9. Will Freeman, About a Boy

Of all the roles Pitt actually turned down, he gave one of the oddest excuses for About A Boy. He passed on the role of Will Freeman, a character eventually played by Hugh Grant, because he thought it was too implausible that such an attractive man would need to pick up women by pretending to be a single father. We guess if you look like Pitt, the world just throws itself at your feet.

Universal Pictures/Warner Bros./Kristy Puchko

Universal Pictures/Warner Bros./Kristy Puchko


8. Russell Hammond, Almost Famous

Speaking of odd excuses — Can you imagine what Almost Famous would look like if a young Pitt sported a mustache and tried to jump off suburban rooftops while high on drugs? That’s what almost happened. The part of Russell Hammond was originally written for the Inglourious Basterd himself. Pitt even worked with Cameron Crowe for a while before saying, “I just don’t get it enough to do it.” And then he dropped out.

Columbia Pictures/DreamWorks/Kristy Puchko

Columbia Pictures/DreamWorks/Kristy Puchko


7. Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

Better question: who wasn’t offered the lead role in American Psycho before Christian Bale landed the gig? Johnny Depp was the first, and then came Pitt. But after he dropped out, Edward Norton, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ewan McGregor were all consequently offered it and they all turned it down.

Lionsgate/Focus Features/Kristy Puchko

Lionsgate/Focus Features/Kristy Puchko


6. Jason Bourne, The Bourne Identity

If you can remember far back enough — we know, the early ‘00s is a stretch — Pitt was announced in the role of Jason Bourne in The Bourne Identity. Due to scheduling conflicts with his other spy movie, Spy Game, he dropped out, paving the way for Matt Damon to swoop in. Spy Game was a great movie, but Pitt could’ve had his own action franchise!

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko


5. Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Before Johnny Depp added yet another fantastical and heavily costumed role to his resume with the bumbling eccentric Willy Wonka, Warner Bros. considered a number of actors for Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Among them were Michael Keaton, Will Smith, Jim Carrey and — you guessed it — Brad Pitt. It always seemed like Burton was going to enlist Depp, but we would’ve loved to have seen Pitt in this off-the-wall role.

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko


4. Apollo 13

If given the opportunity, would you have chosen a lead role in Se7en over a lead role in Apollo 13? Both are classics and Pitt had to make the choice. He was offered one of the leading roles in the Tom Hanks film, but turned it down to star opposite Morgan Freeman in one of the greatest crime movies of all time.

Apollo 13

Universal Pictures/ New Line Cinema/Kristy Puchko


3. J.D., Heathers

Back before Brad Pitt was Brad Pitt, he auditioned for a leading role in a little film called Heathers. He didn’t get the part, though, because the producers thought he looked too nice for what the character called for. Apparently, Christian Slater looked like he could kill off his classmates.

New World Pictures/ April Films/Kristy Puchko

New World Pictures/ April Films/Kristy Puchko


2. Kevin Lomax, The Devil’s Advocate

Pitt was originally attached to the film as the sleazy defense attorney, now made famous by Keanu Reeves. This was back when Joel Schumacher of Batman Forever and The Lost Boys was at the helm. When Taylor Hackford replaced him, Pitt was out and Reeves was in. Much like the Heathers producers thought, Pitt was probably too nice for the job anyway.

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Kristy Puchko

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Kristy Puchko


1. The Departed

Remember when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were a thing? Talk about a #Throwback! Aside from the romance, they started the Plan B production company together, which had the rights to the movie Internal Affairs. Pitt envisioned the movie as a remake with him and his buddy Tom Cruise in the leading roles. However, the final result was The Departed with Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon.

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Columbia Pictures/Kristy Puchko

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Columbia Pictures/Kristy Puchko


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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.