DID YOU READ

The Lost Roles of Brad Pitt: 10 Movies the ‘Inglourious Basterd’ Almost Starred In

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Before Brad Pitt became a total DILF that the Internet loves, the 51-year-old actor was a Hollywood mainstay at an early age. But there were a lot of films that almost got a touch of Pitt.

While he famously appeared in films like Fight Club, Se7en and Interview with the Vampire, he was also offered other famous roles and was auditioning for even more. Whatever the reason, whether it was because he didn’t earn the filmmakers’ blessings or he turned them down for greener pastures, these films just didn’t work out for Pitt. But that hasn’t stopped us from imagining what the following movies would look like with Brad in the lead, complete with original posters by Kristy Puchko.

10. Brian McCaffrey, Backdraft

Along with Keanu Reeves and Robert Downey Jr., Brad Pitt auditioned for the role of Brian McCaffrey in Backdraft. The part eventually went to William Baldwin because he looked so much like Kurt Russell, who was playing the character’s brother. We’re sure Pitt would’ve filled out that firefighter suit as nicely as Baldwin, though.

Universal Pictures/Miramax/Kristy Puchko


9. Will Freeman, About a Boy

Of all the roles Pitt actually turned down, he gave one of the oddest excuses for About A Boy. He passed on the role of Will Freeman, a character eventually played by Hugh Grant, because he thought it was too implausible that such an attractive man would need to pick up women by pretending to be a single father. We guess if you look like Pitt, the world just throws itself at your feet.

Universal Pictures/Warner Bros./Kristy Puchko

Universal Pictures/Warner Bros./Kristy Puchko


8. Russell Hammond, Almost Famous

Speaking of odd excuses — Can you imagine what Almost Famous would look like if a young Pitt sported a mustache and tried to jump off suburban rooftops while high on drugs? That’s what almost happened. The part of Russell Hammond was originally written for the Inglourious Basterd himself. Pitt even worked with Cameron Crowe for a while before saying, “I just don’t get it enough to do it.” And then he dropped out.

Columbia Pictures/DreamWorks/Kristy Puchko

Columbia Pictures/DreamWorks/Kristy Puchko


7. Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

Better question: who wasn’t offered the lead role in American Psycho before Christian Bale landed the gig? Johnny Depp was the first, and then came Pitt. But after he dropped out, Edward Norton, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ewan McGregor were all consequently offered it and they all turned it down.

Lionsgate/Focus Features/Kristy Puchko

Lionsgate/Focus Features/Kristy Puchko


6. Jason Bourne, The Bourne Identity

If you can remember far back enough — we know, the early ‘00s is a stretch — Pitt was announced in the role of Jason Bourne in The Bourne Identity. Due to scheduling conflicts with his other spy movie, Spy Game, he dropped out, paving the way for Matt Damon to swoop in. Spy Game was a great movie, but Pitt could’ve had his own action franchise!

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko


5. Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Before Johnny Depp added yet another fantastical and heavily costumed role to his resume with the bumbling eccentric Willy Wonka, Warner Bros. considered a number of actors for Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Among them were Michael Keaton, Will Smith, Jim Carrey and — you guessed it — Brad Pitt. It always seemed like Burton was going to enlist Depp, but we would’ve loved to have seen Pitt in this off-the-wall role.

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko

Universal Pictures/ Twentieth Century Fox/Kristy Puchko


4. Apollo 13

If given the opportunity, would you have chosen a lead role in Se7en over a lead role in Apollo 13? Both are classics and Pitt had to make the choice. He was offered one of the leading roles in the Tom Hanks film, but turned it down to star opposite Morgan Freeman in one of the greatest crime movies of all time.

Apollo 13

Universal Pictures/ New Line Cinema/Kristy Puchko


3. J.D., Heathers

Back before Brad Pitt was Brad Pitt, he auditioned for a leading role in a little film called Heathers. He didn’t get the part, though, because the producers thought he looked too nice for what the character called for. Apparently, Christian Slater looked like he could kill off his classmates.

New World Pictures/ April Films/Kristy Puchko

New World Pictures/ April Films/Kristy Puchko


2. Kevin Lomax, The Devil’s Advocate

Pitt was originally attached to the film as the sleazy defense attorney, now made famous by Keanu Reeves. This was back when Joel Schumacher of Batman Forever and The Lost Boys was at the helm. When Taylor Hackford replaced him, Pitt was out and Reeves was in. Much like the Heathers producers thought, Pitt was probably too nice for the job anyway.

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Kristy Puchko

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Kristy Puchko


1. The Departed

Remember when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were a thing? Talk about a #Throwback! Aside from the romance, they started the Plan B production company together, which had the rights to the movie Internal Affairs. Pitt envisioned the movie as a remake with him and his buddy Tom Cruise in the leading roles. However, the final result was The Departed with Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon.

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Columbia Pictures/Kristy Puchko

Warner Bros/ Paramount Pictures/Columbia Pictures/Kristy Puchko


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Car Notes

Portlandia Keeps Road Rage In Park

Get a lesson in parking etiquette on a new Portlandia.

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It’s the most American form of cause and effect: Park like a monster, receive a passive-aggressive note.

car notes note

This unofficial rule of the road is critical to keeping the great big wheel of car-related Karma in balance. And naturally, Portlandia’s Kath and Dave have elevated it to an awkward, awkward art form in Car Notes, the Portlandia web series presented by Subaru.

If you’ve somehow missed the memo about Car Notes until now, you can catch up on every installment online, on the IFC app, and on demand. You can even have a little taste right here:

If your interest is piqued – great news for you! A special Car Notes sketch makes an appearance in the latest episode of Portlandia, and you can catch up on it now right here.

Watch all-new Portlandia Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

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Naked and Hungry

Two New Ways to Threeway

IFC's Comedy Crib gets sensual in time for Valentine's Day.

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This week, two scandalous new digital series debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib.
Ménage à Trois invites people to participate in a real-life couple’s fantasy boudoir. And The Filling is Mutual follows two saucy chefs who invite comedians to make food inspired by their routines. Each show crosses some major boundaries in sexy and/or delicious ways, and each are impossible to describe in detail without arousing some awkward physical cravings. Which is why it’s best to hear it directly from the minds behind the madness…

Ménage à Trois

According to Diana Kolsky and Murf Meyer, the two extremely versatile constants in the ever-shifting à trois, “MàT is a sensually psychedelic late night variety show exploring matters of hearts, parts and every goddamn thing in between…PS, any nudes will be 100% tasteful.”

This sexy brainchild includes sketches, music, and props that would put Pee-wee’s Playhouse to shame. But how could this fantastical new twist on the vanilla-sex variety show format have come to be?

“We met in a UCB improv class taught by Chris Gethard. It was clear that we both humped to the beat of our own drum; our souls and tongues intermingled at the bar after class, so we dove in head first.”

Sign me up, but promise to go slow. This tricycle is going to need training wheels.

The Filling is Mutual

Comedians Jen Saunderson and Jenny Zigrino became best friends after meeting in the restroom at the Gotham Comedy Club, which explains their super-comfortable dynamic when cooking with their favorite comedians. “We talk about comedy, sex, menses, the obnoxiousness of Christina Aguilera all while eating food that most would push off their New Year’s resolution.”

The hook of cooking food based off of comedy routines is so perfect and so personal. It made us wonder about what dishes Jen & Jenny would pair with some big name comedy staples, like…

Bill Murray?
“Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to… Oh, that’s easy Meatballs with Lingonberry Space Jam it’d be great, but then we’d have to avoid doing any kind of silly Groundhog Day reference.” 

Bridget Everett?
“Cream Balls… Sea Salt encrusted Chocolate Ganache Covered Ice Cream Ball that melt cream when you bite into them.” 

Nick Kroll & John Mulaney? 
“I’d make George and Gil black and white cookies from scratch and just as we open the oven to put the cookie in we’d prank ’em with an obnoxious amount of tuna!!!”

Carrie Brownstein & Fred Armisen? 
“Definitely a raw cacao “safe word” brownie. Cacao!”

Just perfect.

See both new series in their entirety on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Dark Arts

Foot Fetish Jesus And Other Nightmares

Meet the minds behind Comedy Crib's latest series, Quirks and The Mirror.

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The Mirror and Quirks are really, really strange. Deeply disturbing yet hauntingly beautiful. But you really don’t need to read a synopsis of either of the aforementioned shows to understand the exact variety of nightmare-bonkers comedy these shows deliver — that’s why the good lord made links. Instead, take a peek behind the curtain and meet the creators.

Quirks

Let’s start with Kevin Tosi. Kevin does the whole show by himself. That doesn’t mean he’s a loner — Kevin has a day job with actual humans. But that day job is copywriting. So it’s only natural that his suppressed demons would manifest themselves in biting cartoon form, including “Foot Fetish Jesus”, in ways that somehow speak to all of us. If only all copywriters channeled their inner f*ckedupness into such…expressive art.

The Mirror

Onward to the folks at Wham City Comedy.

These guys aren’t your typical comedy collective in that their work is way more left-field and even elevated than your standard digital short. More funny weird than funny ha-ha. They’ve done collaborations with musicians like Beach House, Dan Deacon & Wye Oak, television networks (obviously), and others. Yeah they get paid, but their motivation feels deeper. Darker. Most of them are video artists, and that explains a lot.

See more of The Mirror and Quirks on IFC.com and the IFC app.

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