DID YOU READ

7 Board Game Movies Hollywood Will Probably Inflict on Us

Trouble board game

Posted by on

By Mike Schuster

It’s been nearly 30 (30!) years since the holiday release of the madcap whodunit Clue, and despite those middling beginnings, the state of “board game movies” has been on a steady, triple-decade decline. With only a handful of entries — ranging from the underperforming Michael Bay-wannabe Battleship to the bona fide fantasy bomb Dungeons & Dragons — films based on board games are an even riskier bet than films based on video games.

Nevertheless, Deadline recently reported that Gail Katz (the producer behind The Perfect Storm and Air Force One) has acquired the rights to the best-selling tabletop title, The Settlers of Catan. A far cry from the action-packed popcorn flicks that Katz has been attached to, Catan lets players experience the white-knuckled thrill ride that is tile placement and sheep auctions. Although it remains to be seen if Catan: The Movie will upend its woefully subpar genre, Hollywood is still an industry of familiarity and will roll the dice on a number of films inspired by other popular tabletop games. Here’s what studios are (probably) bringing board-to-screen:

1. Operation

Mike Schuster

Mike Schuster

Denzel Washington is Frederick Helton, Chief Surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic and a man who’s seen it all…or so he thought. When a boozy drifter stumbles into his emergency care, Helton discovers a medley of anatomical grotesqueries and soon realizes the knee bone isn’t always connected the shin bone. It’s Human Centipede meets that Denzel movie where he’s an ex-special forces agent who saves a little girl or something. Man on Fire? Sure, that’ll do.


2. King of Tokyo

Mike Schuster

Mike Schuster

After establishing himself as the ruler of the Japanese metropolis, Godzilla invokes the wrathful jealousy of his leviathan compatriots. King Kong, Mothra, Cthulhu, Killer Mantis, and a rogue’s gallery of baddies battle for territorial supremacy in a film BoardGameGeek.com is already calling, “Fun at first, but tiresome after a while.”


3. Trivial Pursuit

Mike Schuster

Mike Schuster

What do the capital of Peru, the pancreas, and the all-time scoring leader in a single basketball game have in common? They’re all clues leading to the rescue of Kirk Gilbert’s family. But can a man who only graduated technical college grasp the intellectual minutia it takes to get a piece of the pie?


4. Life

Mike Schuster

Mike Schuster

From the director of Little Miss Sunshine and penned by Diablo Cody, this hypercolor tale of wit and whimsy follows the Niffenegger family as they venture cross-country after daughter Twee wins the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. But they’ll have to endure hamfisted catchphrases and four separate karaoke showdowns before the prize can be claimed. Jon Heder cameos as himself.


5. Trouble

Mike Schuster

Mike Schuster

The simple folk of the rural enclave Gluten, Iowa suddenly find themselves confined inside an unbreakable, clear plastic dome that encapsulates the entire town. But on the outside, one scientist (Tom Hardy) believes a hard tap at the top could topple the duplex-sized die and create a means of escape.


6. Guess Who?

Mike Schuster

Mike Schuster

Detective Huck Gunderson is on the tail of a serial killer nobody can seem to identify. “Handlebar mustache” says one witness, “gaudy earrings” says another. As 24 different suspects are whittled down to one, Huck realizes he may have been too hasty in his perp dismissals as well as what he thinks constitutes “curly hair.”


7. Sorry!

Mike Schuster

Mike Schuster

A tale as old as time, suburban housewife Rosemary Dambrosio gives birth to a demon hellspawn thanks to her husband’s blood oath with Satan (Willem Dafoe). However, it’s not until the 17th trimester that Rosemary discovers the goblin she’s carrying isn’t her husband’s and has to decide whether a single-word apology can smooth things over.

Neurotica_105_MPX-1920×1080

New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

Posted by on

Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

IFC_CC_Neurotica_Series_Image4

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

Neurotica_series_image_1

IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

via GIPHY

Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

via GIPHY

And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

PL_409_MPX-1920×1080

Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

Posted by on
GIFs via Giffy

In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

via GIPHY

Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

via GIPHY

Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

via GIPHY

Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

via GIPHY

Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

via GIPHY

If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.