DID YOU READ

10 Most Quotable Lines from the Vacation Movies

NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VACATION, Anthony Michael Hall, Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Dana Barron, 1983

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When you have the comedic firepower of the National Lampoon franchise behind your movie — and actors like Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid — you can bet it’s going to be stuffed to the brim with unforgettable lines. Case in point: the Vacation series. Here’s 10 of the best from the

10. “Oh, God – the dog wet on the picnic basket!”

Clark’s flirtation with Christie Brinkley gets cut abruptly short when the sandwich he’s eating is revealed to be urine-soaked, but the dog got his just desserts in the end.


9. “Hey look, kids, there’s Big Ben, and there’s Parliament.”

European Vacation exposed the Griswolds to the nightmare that is a British-style roundabout, and the frustration was palpable.


8. “I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn’t you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn’t big enough.”

Randy Quaid’s Cousin Eddie is one of the most dependable laugh-getters in the series, but when we first meet him in Vacation he drops some serious bummers.


7. “Why don’t you give me half the money you were going to bet, we’ll go out back, I’ll kick you in the nuts and we’ll call it a day?”

Wallace Shawn makes an unforgettable cameo as a dealer who milks Clark for everything he’s worth and more in Vegas Vacation.


6. “Sorry, folks. We’re closed for two weeks to clean and repair America’s favorite family fun park.”

When the Griswolds finally reach Wally World, they’re confronted by an animatronic mascot who delivers bad news before being socked in the mush by Clark.

5. “She’s got her mama’s looks and her daddy’s sense of balance.”

When the Griswolds check in on Cousin Eddie and his crew in Vegas Vacation, Clark and Rusty get weird feelings from the exotic dancing of Cousin Vicki.


4. “I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d***less, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh** he is! Hallelujah!”

The arrival of an envelope from Clark’s boss in Christmas Vacation takes him on a roller coaster of joy and fury, making for a transcendent rant.


3. “Dad, Grandma’s from Chicago.”

When the Griswolds arrive in Germany, Clark gets a little emotional until Rusty sets him straight on his ancestry.


2. “Don’t go puttin’ none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.”

Cousin Eddie’s head plate makes a return in Christmas Vacation’s iconic sledding scene.


1. “This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. You’re gonna have fun, and I’m gonna have fun… We’re all gonna have so much f***ing fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!”

Clark’s meltdown as the family approaches Wally World in the first Vacation is one of the greatest cinematic freakouts of all time.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

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It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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