DID YOU READ

Guys of The To Do List on Losing Their Virginity

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Scott Porter once walked into a room of female coworkers who were in the middle of a conversation that confused him. “They were saying something about a ‘dirty bathroom floor,’ and I was like, ‘What the fuck does that mean?'” he recalled, laughing. “And then one of them said, ‘Dirty bathroom floor, go!’ and another said, ‘Ryan Gosling, in The Notebook. I would do him on a dirty bathroom floor.’ I finally got it. And that was girls having that conversation! We usually think that kind of stuff is reserved for the guys’ locker room, and it’s not.”

Cosmopolitan magazine, Sex and the City, and now The To Do List — all serve as reminders that women can actually explore their sexuality without it being part of some great romance. “Bill [Hader] likes to tell the story about how he went up to [writer/director] Maggie [Carey] and he said, ‘I really like the love story in this,” Porter said. “And she would say, ‘It’s not a love story. She just wants to get laid.’ ‘Oh, okay.'”

Brandy Klark, Aubrey Plaza’s protagonist in The To Do List, doesn’t just want to get laid — she wants to experience every sexual act leading up to and including intercourse, which she views as a final exam which requires a lot of study and preparation. Her goal is to have sex with her dream guy, Rusty Waters (played by Porter), but along the way, she encounters a lot of other guys, not all of whom are hook-up partners, such as her arch-conservative dad (played by Clark Gregg) and her summer job boss (played by Hader).

“I’m actually just a guy trying to help her,” Hader said. “But I’m also a stoner, deadbeat guy, so I have to help myself before I help her. I’m just giving her advice.”

Or at least, he tries to. Because the film is set in 1993, he actually has to physically go over to her house when she doesn’t pick up the phone. “He has to run to her house and knock on her door and try to interact with her face to face,” Porter laughed. A lot of the humor derives from the fact that Brandy’s endeavors take place in a pre-widespread Internet world, and her confusion about what some sexual acts might be, which causes her to seek advice in some strange places. Porter had a similar experience growing up in that era, before Google could answer your questions in seconds.

“You’d hear a term that you knew was filthy, and you’d self-define it,” Porter explained. “There was no Urban Dictionary. Some guy would say, ‘Oh, I heard about this thing called Dirty Sanchez,’ and one guy would just bullshit a definition for it, and that’s what we would think it was. I think some of the terms are regional. Like in the movie, she says ‘bumping donuts,’ and I had never heard that before. We called that particular act ‘scissor sisters.’ But all of that is just kids being kids and being idiots and trying to one-up each other with weird sex acts.”

Losing your virginity is sometimes depicted as a game of one-upmanship in coming-of-age films. “I remember the thing about losing my virginity is that once one of my friends did it, the rest of us were like, ‘Oh, no!'” Gregg recalled. “We were all fine being virgins together, and all of a sudden there was one of us who wasn’t. We thought he had superpowers! I’m pretty sure I saw him lift a car just with his eyes,” he added with a laugh. “But basically from then on, it was like an enormous clock was ticking in our hands.”

Gregg said that in his case, having the ticking clock made him and his friends think of nothing else, as well as suddenly become nicer to all the girls around them. In Porter’s case, he didn’t feel a ticking clock as pressure to lose his virginity, even though a lot of his friends “lost their V-card” earlier than he did. “I was a bit of a late bloomer,” he said. “I was a little bit more of a slow mover, and more of a romantic. I always had a girlfriend. I lost it towards the end of my high school career, and I didn’t attempt it again until late into college!”

But whatever your own experience might be, Porter pointed out, it’s a universal rite of passage, “and it never gets less awkward.” Revisiting these experiences for The To Do List and understanding a female perspective did help Gregg prepare a little bit for the inevitable sex talk he’ll have to have with his own preteen daughter some day. “I thought I would be the super cool, open-to-talk-about-sex dad,” he said. “And I’ll try. But she mostly wants to talk to my wife about it, and I’m not going to argue with that!”

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Hard Out

Comedy From The Closet

Janice and Jeffrey Available Now On IFC's Comedy Crib

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She’s been referred to as “the love child of Amy Sedaris and Tracy Ullman,” and he’s a self-described “Italian who knows how to cook a great spaghetti alla carbonara.” They’re Mollie Merkel and Matteo Lane, prolific indie comedians who blended their robust creative juices to bring us the new Comedy Crib series Janice and Jeffrey. Mollie and Matteo took time to answer our probing questions about their series and themselves. Here’s a taste.

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IFC: How would you describe Janice and Jeffrey to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Mollie & Matteo: Janice and Jeffrey is about a married couple experiencing intimacy issues but who don’t have a clue it’s because they are gay. Their oblivion makes them even more endearing.  Their total lack of awareness provides for a buffet of comedy.

IFC: What’s your origin story? How did you two people meet and how long have you been working together?

Mollie: We met at a dive bar in Wrigley Field Chicago. It was a show called Entertaining Julie… It was a cool variety scene with lots of talented people. I was doing Janice one night and Matteo was doing an impression of Liza Minnelli. We sort of just fell in love with each other’s… ACT! Matteo made the first move and told me how much he loved Janice and I drove home feeling like I just met someone really special.

IFC: How would Janice describe Jeffrey?

Mollie: “He can paint, cook homemade Bolognese, and sing Opera. Not to mention he has a great body. He makes me feel empowered and free. He doesn’t suffocate me with attention so our love has room to breath.”

IFC: How would Jeffrey describe Janice?

Matteo: “Like a Ford. Built to last.”

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Mollie & Matteo: Our current political world is mirroring and reflecting this belief that homosexuality is wrong. So what better time for satire. Everyone is so pro gay and equal rights, which is of course what we want, too. But no one is looking at middle America and people actually in the closet. No one is saying, hey this is really painful and tragic, and sitting with that. Having compassion but providing the desperate relief of laughter…This seemed like the healthiest, best way to “fight” the gay rights “fight”.

IFC: Hummus is hilarious. Why is it so funny?

Mollie: It just seems like something people take really seriously, which is funny to me. I started to see it in a lot of lesbians’ refrigerators at a time. It’s like observing a lesbian in a comfortable shoe. It’s a language we speak. Pass the Hummus. Turn on the Indigo Girls would ya?

See the whole season of Janice and Jeffrey right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Die Hard Dads

Inspiration For Die Hard Dads

Die Hard is on IFC all Father's Day Long

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIPHY

Yippee ki-yay, everybody! It’s time to celebrate the those most literal of mother-effers: dads!

And just in case the title of this post left anything to the imagination, IFC is giving dads balls-to-the-wall ’80s treatment with a glorious marathon of action trailblazer Die Hard.

There are so many things we could say about Die Hard. We could talk about how it was comedian Bruce Willis’s first foray into action flicks, or Alan Rickman’s big screen debut. But dads don’t give a sh!t about that stuff.

No, dads just want to fantasize that they could be deathproof quip factory John McClane in their own mundane lives. So while you celebrate the fathers in your life, consider how John McClane would respond to these traditional “dad” moments…

Wedding Toasts

Dads always struggle to find the right words of welcome to extend to new family. John McClane, on the other hand, is the master of inclusivity.
Die Hard wedding

Using Public Restrooms

While nine out of ten dads would rather die than use a disgusting public bathroom, McClane isn’t bothered one bit. So long as he can fit a bloody foot in the sink, he’s G2G.
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Awkward Dancing

Because every dad needs a signature move.
Die Hard dance

Writing Thank You Notes

It can be hard for dads to express gratitude. Not only can McClane articulate his thanks, he makes it feel personal.
Die Hard thank you

Valentine’s Day

How would John McClane say “I heart you” in a way that ain’t cliche? The image speaks for itself.
Die Hard valentines

Shopping

The only thing most dads hate more than shopping is fielding eleventh-hour phone calls with additional items for the list. But does McClane throw a typical man-tantrum? Nope. He finds the words to express his feelings like a goddam adult.
Die Hard thank you

Last Minute Errands

John McClane knows when a fight isn’t worth fighting.
Die Hard errands

Sneaking Out Of The Office Early

What is this, high school? Make a real exit, dads.
Die Hard office

Think you or your dad could stand to be more like Bruce? Role model fodder abounds in the Die Hard marathon all Father’s Day long on IFC.

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Founding Farters

Know Your Nerd History

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs via Giphy

That we live in the heyday of nerds is no hot secret. Scientists are celebrities, musicians are robots and late night hosts can recite every word of the Silmarillion. It’s too easy to think that it’s always been this way. But the truth is we owe much to our nerd forebearers who toiled through the jock-filled ’80s so that we might take over the world.

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Our humble beginnings are perhaps best captured in iconic ’80s romp Revenge of the Nerds. Like the founding fathers of our Country, the titular nerds rose above their circumstances to culturally pave the way for every Colbert and deGrasse Tyson that we know and love today.

To make sure you’re in the know about our very important cultural roots, here’s a quick download of the vengeful nerds without whom our shameful stereotypes might never have evolved.

Lewis Skolnick

The George Washington of nerds whose unflappable optimism – even in the face of humiliating self-awareness – basically gave birth to the Geek Pride movement.

Gilbert Lowe

OK, this guy is wet blanket, but an important wet blanket. Think Aaron Burr to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. His glass-mostly-empty attitude is a galvanizing force for Lewis. Who knows if Lewis could have kept up his optimism without Lowe’s Debbie-Downer outlook?

Arnold Poindexter

A music nerd who, after a soft start (inside joke, you’ll get it later), came out of his shell and let his passion lead instead of his anxiety. If you played an instrument (specifically, electric violin), and you were a nerd, this was your patron saint.

Booger

A sex-loving, blunt-smoking, nose-picking guitar hero. If you don’t think he sounds like a classic nerd, you’re absolutely right. And that’s the whole point. Along with Lamar, he simultaneously expanded the definition of nerd and gave pre-existing nerds a twisted sort of cred by association.

Lamar Latrell

Black, gay, and a crazy good breakdancer. In other words, a total groundbreaker. He proved to the world that nerds don’t have a single mold, but are simply outcasts waiting for their moment.

Ogre

Exceedingly stupid, this dumbass was monumental because he (in a sequel) leaves the jocks to become a nerd. Totally unheard of back then. Now all jocks are basically nerds.

Well, there they are. Never forget that we stand on their shoulders.

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC all month long.

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