10 Movie Futures We Hope Never Come True


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By Evan Saathoff

Not a lot of filmmakers are optimists, especially filmmakers interested in standing the test of time. As a result, our cinematic visions of the future are often depressing. In honor of “The Purge” (in theaters today), a film which posits that humans will be good to one another so long as we get one night a year to kill everything in sight, here are some of the most pessimistic futures we hope never happen.

10. “Planet of the Apes”

While the “Planet of the Apes” franchise would later entertain a minor tone of hopefulness, the future world presented by the original film looks pretty dire for us humans. No only do we destroy the Earth, but we live like animals under the controlling thumb of our ape overlords. Good news if you’re an ape, though.

9. “12 Monkeys”

“12 Monkeys” isn’t hopeless because it takes place in a version of the future in which most of humanity has been wiped out and driven underground by a nasty virus. Instead, it’s hopeless because it takes place in a future where our best and brightest scientists are still kind of stupid and none of the technology works.

8. “The Terminator”

Living in the “Terminator” future is no easy task. First you have to get through a nuclear apocalypse. Then you must also survive a robot apocalypse. Not only that, but everything’s dirty enough that a viral apocalypse is likely just around the corner. That is a bunch of apocalypses. It’s no wonder everyone is so dour and humorless.

7. “Death Race 2000”

The “Death Race 2000” future, in which racers compete in a contest where killing pedestrians scores points, is a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, every time you leave the house, you run the risk of getting run over and killed. On the other hand, the reality TV is incredible.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”

Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”

But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.


It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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