DID YOU READ

The 10 worst moms in movies

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You’ll probably be calling your mom to tell her that you love her on Mother’s Day. Maybe some of these movie moms wouldn’t have been so bad if their kids had told them that more often. Then again, it’s hard to imagine anyone — offspring or otherwise — expressing anything resembling affection to these matriarchal monsters. This year, show your love even more by thanking your mom that she’s not one of the unfortunate parents below.


10. Mrs. Wilson, “Natural Born Killers” (1994)

The mother of future notorious mass murderer Mallory Knox deserves points for trying to keep a cheery attitude even as her disgusting, belligerent husband Ed (Rodney Dangerfield) poisons the suburban Wilson household with his foul-mouthed rage and stain-covered wife-beaters. But she must ultimately be charged with extreme negligence for choosing to quietly suffer rather than interfere every time her husband sexually abuses their daughter. “You didn’t do nothin’,” Mallory says to her mother after her soon-to-be-husband and partner-in-crime Mickey Knox ties Mrs. Wilson to a bed and douses her with lighter fluid. Thusly, Mallory’s Mom goes up in flames for being an accomplice through inaction.


9. Other Mother, “Coraline” (2009)

True, Coraline’s “Other” parents are fun and cheerful and give their daughter a lot more freedom than her “real” folks, but they ultimately show their true colors (of which there are many, actually) when they reveal the price that must be paid for choosing to stay in this “Other” world: having buttons sewn onto your eyeballs, using a needle “that’s so sharp, you won’t feel a thing!” Young Coraline vehemently protests this radical re-design of her peepers, of course, which makes her “Other” parents — particularly her usually doting, sweet “Other Mother” — rather angry. Like, homicidally so. Like, maybe it’s time for our heroine to get back to reality, and pronto.


8. The Woman, “The Road” (2009)

There are many ways in which one can deal with the end of civilization as we know it. You can hold onto your humanity and practice compassion and kindness, like The Boy (Kodi Smit-McPhee). You can become fiercely protective yet uncompromising and suspicious, like The Man (Viggo Mortensen). Or you can just fall into selfish despair and completely abandon your family, like The Woman (Charlize Theron). The key is to not lose hope or the will to live when everything else is literally burning up around you, but this mother would seemingly rather leap into the chaos (and certain death) than stay and hold her ground with her husband and son. Thanks a lot, Mom — now Dad has to worry about finding food and a decent pair of shoes for the little twerp all by himself.


7. Esther Cobblepot, “Batman Returns” (1992)

Tucker and Esther Cobblepot were a wealthy and well-to-do Gotham City couple, peers of the billionaire surgeon and philathropist Thomas Wayne and his wife, Martha. Fate dealt them a Joker card, however, when the heir to their legacy turned out to be a freak mutant baby with an inhuman appetite for cats. Filled with despair and shame, they tossed young Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot into the sewer, where the unfortunate child ended up being raised by penguins and carnival freaks and later emerged as the Penguin, a deformed criminal mastermind with a plan to murder all of Gotham’s first-born sons. Oswald sums it up after visiting his parents’ graves: “I was their number-one son … but they treated me like number two.”


6. Momma Lift, “Throw Momma From the Train” (1987)

Momma Lift isn’t so bad … at least on paper. Sure, the character as written in Stu Silver’s screenplay, which borrows heavily from Alfred Hitchcock’s “Strangers on a Train,” is belligerent, nagging and high-maintenance. But is she so horrible as to drive her put-upon son, Owen (Danny DeVito), to want to kill her? Nah. However, when you cast Anne Ramsay — the woman who played Mama Fratelli, the truly frightening and dangerous crime matriarch in “The Goonies” — in the role, well, then Momma Lift transcends the page and becomes a much more loathsome creature, the true stuff of Oedipal nightmares and murderous fantasies. Ramsay’s also in on the joke the whole time, which makes her performance — and character — even more brilliant and unforgettable. “Owennnnn!!”

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.