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DID YOU READ

Eugene Mirman pranks Samuel L. Jackson for charity

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So, Samuel L. Jackson hopped onto Reddit Wednesday afternoon and announced that he’ll record the most upvoted 300-word monologue. He explained he’s doing this to benefit one of his favorite non-profits, Alzheimer’s Society (“as my family have been unfortunate enough to have been affected by the disease”), and that he’s holding a contest for all participants to to win a trip to the UK to have lunch with him if they make a small donation.

Before we get to the silliness this provoked, if you are interested in lunching with Samuel L., you can read more here. If you’re still fence-ish, Jackson says he’ll “also sign a beloved Kangol hat and mail it to anyone that donates $200 or more!”

Anyway, the Internet is full of pranksters and comedian Eugene Mirman is indeed one of them. One of his most famous routines is describing how Delta Airlines became one of his most hated enemies — he used to close his shows with it and then circulate already-addressed postcards to the airlines he’d written railing on them for losing his luggage. So, it makes sense that he swooped in and posted this lusty monologue, that’s indeed worthy of the bard himself.:

God, I’m so sleepy. My elbow hurts. My knees are bruised. I’ve been up for hours trying to literally fill her p*ssy with cream cheese. Why? I don’t know. Started as a joke and then a dare. We were all drunk and I think I ate a pot-scone, and then — BAM! — “Fill my p*ssy with cream cheese! I f*cking dare you!” I’m sure of two things — she’s got balls and also, she does not actually have balls. But it’s not even f*cking real cream cheese. She’s vegan (and actually, a really, really great singer-songwriter). So, it’s actually tofu cream cheese with scallions or some-sh*t. Can’t even believe we found some down here. Whatever.

I’ll be honest, for the first five minutes it was actually a pretty neat-o thing to get to do. Still, now, hours later, how is there still room for more cream cheese? I’m pretty sure her p*ssy is eating it! Ha! Who would’ve thought that a month after a coordinated terrorist strike on most of the world’s nuclear reactors, I’d be in some bunker in Amherst, MA with a bunch of 20-somethings, drinking, doing dumb dares, and waiting to see if the world was still around?

I didn’t really play Truth or Dare growing up — once when I was 16, I had my first kiss, and then 30 years later on a flight from Newark to LA when some guy from Cold Play dared me to yell at him until he sh*t himself. 4 minutes 58 seconds. I’m a scary motherf*cker.

It’s funny, down here, I’ve had the time to work on lots of projects I never had a chance to — I built a blowjob glove that works in the dark and re-recorded R.E.M.’s Automatic For the People with more swears. Goodnight, friend. I f*cking love you.

Hey, it’s for a good cause.

You can read the full thread (and upvote the post) here.

Does Eugene Mirman deserve to win? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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G.I. Jeez

Stomach Bugs and Prom Dates

E.Coli High is in your gut and on IFC's Comedy Crib.

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Brothers-in-law Kevin Barker and Ben Miller have just made the mother of all Comedy Crib series, in the sense that their Comedy Crib series is a big deal and features a hot mom. Animated, funny, and full of horrible bacteria, the series juxtaposes timeless teen dilemmas and gut-busting GI infections to create a bite-sized narrative that’s both sketchy and captivating. The two sat down, possibly in the same house, to answer some questions for us about the series. Let’s dig in….

E.coli-class-

IFC: How would you describe E.Coli High to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

BEN: Hi ummm uhh hi ok well its like umm (gets really nervous and blows it)…

KB: It’s like the Super Bowl meets the Oscars.

IFC: How would you describe E.Coli High to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

BEN: Oh wow, she’s really cute isn’t she? I’d definitely blow that too.

KB: It’s a cartoon that is happening inside your stomach RIGHT NOW, that’s why you feel like you need to throw up.

IFC: What was the genesis of E.Coli High?

KB: I had the idea for years, and when Ben (my brother-in-law, who is a special needs teacher in Philly) began drawing hilarious comics, I recruited him to design characters, animate the series, and do some writing. I’m glad I did, because Ben rules!

BEN: Kevin told me about it in a park and I was like yeah that’s a pretty good idea, but I was just being nice. I thought it was dumb at the time.

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IFC: What makes going to proms and dating moms such timeless and oddly-relatable subject matter?

BEN: Since the dawn of time everyone has had at least one friend with a hot mom. It is physically impossible to not at least make a comment about that hot mom.

KB: Who among us hasn’t dated their friend’s mom and levitated tables at a prom?

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

BEN: There’s a lot of content now. I don’t think anyone will even notice, but it’d be cool if they did.

KB: A show about talking food poisoning bacteria is basically the same as just watching the news these days TBH.

Watch E.Coli High below and discover more NYTVF selections from years past on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Hacked In

Funny or Die Is Taking Over

FOD TV comes to IFC every Saturday night.

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We’ve been fans of Funny or Die since we first met The Landlord. That enduring love makes it more than logical, then, that IFC is totally cool with FOD hijacking the airwaves every Saturday night. Yes, that’s happening.

The appropriately titled FOD TV looks like something pulled from public access television in the nineties. Like lo-fi broken-antenna reception and warped VHS tapes. Equal parts WTF and UHF.

Get ready for characters including The Shirtless Painter, Long-Haired Businessmen, and Pigeon Man. They’re aptly named, but for a better sense of what’s in store, here’s a taste of ASMR with Kelly Whispers:

Watch FOD TV every Saturday night during IFC’s regularly scheduled movies.

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Wicked Good

See More Evil

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is on Hulu.

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Okay, so you missed the entire first season of Stan Against Evil. There’s no shame in that, per se. But here’s the thing: Season 2 is just around the corner and you don’t want to lag behind. After all, Season 1 had some critical character development, not to mention countless plot twists, and a breathless finale cliffhanger that’s been begging for resolution since last fall. It also had this:

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The good news is that you can catch up right now on Hulu. Phew. But if you aren’t streaming yet, here’s a basic primer…

Willards Mill Is Evil

Stan spent his whole career as sheriff oblivious to the fact that his town has a nasty curse. Mostly because his recently-deceased wife was secretly killing demons and keeping Stan alive.

Demons Really Want To Kill Stan

The curse on Willards Mill stipulates that damned souls must hunt and kill each and every town sheriff, or “constable.” Oh, and these demons are shockingly creative.

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They Also Want To Kill Evie

Why? Because Evie’s a sheriff too, and the curse on Willard’s Mill doesn’t have a “one at a time” clause. Bummer, Evie.

Stan and Evie Must Work Together

Beating the curse will take two, baby, but that’s easier said than done because Stan doesn’t always seem to give a damn. Damn!

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Beware of Goats

It goes without saying for anyone who’s seen the show: If you know that ancient evil wants to kill you, be wary of anything that has cloven feet.

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Season 2 Is Lurking

Scary new things are slouching towards Willards Mill. An impending darkness descending on Stan, Evie and their cohort – eviler evil, more demony demons, and whatnot. And if Stan wants to survive, he’ll have to get even Stanlier.

Stan Against Evil Season 1 is now streaming right now on Hulu.

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