5. “Even if it means me taking a chubby, I’ll suck it up.”
Would it be better if he said leading man roles? Probably not. Oh Tobias, just admit it. We’ll still love you.
4. “I’m afraid that I prematurely shot my wad.”
And now he's got a big mess on his hands. The most beautiful thing about Tobias is that even after he says it he still has no understanding of what he's just said. He's just trying to express himself.
3. “I was a professional twice over – an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first “analrapist.”
And he was almost arrested over those business cards! This one is all in the spelling rather than the delivery, but it's still Tobias's oblivion that makes it perfect.
2. “Oh right, I forgot! Your wife is dead.”
It’s the best Tobias line that has nothing to do with him being gay. It’s the sheer bluntness with which he delivers the statement that makes it one of the most iconic scenes of the entire series.
1. “I’m afraid I just blue myself.
There's nothing like the first time. Back then we thought Tobias just had a poor head-to-mouth-filter system but it was only the beginning of epicness to come. Now it's on t-shirts, coffee mugs and more.
It’s nearly impossible to pick only 10 Tobias gems, and they aren’t nearly as fun in text as they are live. Luckily, some great fans over at YouTube compiled the best of Tobias lines, which you can watch right here.
What are your favorite Tobias lines? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook and Twitter.
She’s been referred to as “the love child of Amy Sedaris and Tracy Ullman,” and he’s a self-described “Italian who knows how to cook a great spaghetti alla carbonara.” They’re Mollie Merkel and Matteo Lane, prolific indie comedians who blended their robust creative juices to bring us the new Comedy Crib series Janice and Jeffrey. Mollie and Matteo took time to answer our probing questions about their series and themselves. Here’s a taste.
IFC: How would you describe Janice and Jeffrey to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?
Mollie & Matteo: Janice and Jeffrey is about a married couple experiencing intimacy issues but who don’t have a clue it’s because they are gay. Their oblivion makes them even more endearing. Their total lack of awareness provides for a buffet of comedy.
IFC: What’s your origin story? How did you two people meet and how long have you been working together?
Mollie: We met at a dive bar in Wrigley Field Chicago. It was a show called Entertaining Julie… It was a cool variety scene with lots of talented people. I was doing Janice one night and Matteo was doing an impression of Liza Minnelli. We sort of just fell in love with each other’s… ACT! Matteo made the first move and told me how much he loved Janice and I drove home feeling like I just met someone really special.
IFC: How would Janice describe Jeffrey?
Mollie: “He can paint, cook homemade Bolognese, and sing Opera. Not to mention he has a great body. He makes me feel empowered and free. He doesn’t suffocate me with attention so our love has room to breath.”
IFC: How would Jeffrey describe Janice?
Matteo: “Like a Ford. Built to last.”
IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?
Mollie & Matteo: Our current political world is mirroring and reflecting this belief that homosexuality is wrong. So what better time for satire. Everyone is so pro gay and equal rights, which is of course what we want, too. But no one is looking at middle America and people actually in the closet. No one is saying, hey this is really painful and tragic, and sitting with that. Having compassion but providing the desperate relief of laughter…This seemed like the healthiest, best way to “fight” the gay rights “fight”.
IFC: Hummus is hilarious. Why is it so funny?
Mollie: It just seems like something people take really seriously, which is funny to me. I started to see it in a lot of lesbians’ refrigerators at a time. It’s like observing a lesbian in a comfortable shoe. It’s a language we speak. Pass the Hummus. Turn on the Indigo Girls would ya?
See the whole season of Janice and Jeffrey right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.
Posted by Ben Cochran on Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIPHY
Yippee ki-yay, everybody! It’s time to celebrate the those most literal of mother-effers: dads!
And just in case the title of this post left anything to the imagination, IFC is giving dads balls-to-the-wall ’80s treatment with a glorious marathon of action trailblazer Die Hard.
There are so many things we could say about Die Hard. We could talk about how it was comedian Bruce Willis’s first foray into action flicks, or Alan Rickman’s big screen debut. But dads don’t give a sh!t about that stuff.
No, dads just want to fantasize that they could be deathproof quip factory John McClane in their own mundane lives. So while you celebrate the fathers in your life, consider how John McClane would respond to these traditional “dad” moments…
Dads always struggle to find the right words of welcome to extend to new family. John McClane, on the other hand, is the master of inclusivity.
Using Public Restrooms
While nine out of ten dads would rather die than use a disgusting public bathroom, McClane isn’t bothered one bit. So long as he can fit a bloody foot in the sink, he’s G2G.
Because every dad needs a signature move.
Writing Thank You Notes
It can be hard for dads to express gratitude. Not only can McClane articulate his thanks, he makes it feel personal.
How would John McClane say “I heart you” in a way that ain’t cliche? The image speaks for itself.
The only thing most dads hate more than shopping is fielding eleventh-hour phone calls with additional items for the list. But does McClane throw a typical man-tantrum? Nope. He finds the words to express his feelings like a goddam adult.
Last Minute Errands
John McClane knows when a fight isn’t worth fighting.
Sneaking Out Of The Office Early
What is this, high school? Make a real exit, dads.
Think you or your dad could stand to be more like Bruce? Role model fodder abounds in the Die Hard marathon all Father’s Day long on IFC.
Posted by Ben Cochran on Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs via Giphy
That we live in the heyday of nerds is no hot secret. Scientists are celebrities, musicians are robots and late night hosts can recite every word of the Silmarillion. It’s too easy to think that it’s always been this way. But the truth is we owe much to our nerd forebearers who toiled through the jock-filled ’80s so that we might take over the world.
Our humble beginnings are perhaps best captured in iconic ’80s romp Revenge of the Nerds. Like the founding fathers of our Country, the titular nerds rose above their circumstances to culturally pave the way for every Colbert and deGrasse Tyson that we know and love today.
To make sure you’re in the know about our very important cultural roots, here’s a quick download of the vengeful nerds without whom our shameful stereotypes might never have evolved.
The George Washington of nerds whose unflappable optimism – even in the face of humiliating self-awareness – basically gave birth to the Geek Pride movement.
OK, this guy is wet blanket, but an important wet blanket. Think Aaron Burr to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. His glass-mostly-empty attitude is a galvanizing force for Lewis. Who knows if Lewis could have kept up his optimism without Lowe’s Debbie-Downer outlook?
A music nerd who, after a soft start (inside joke, you’ll get it later), came out of his shell and let his passion lead instead of his anxiety. If you played an instrument (specifically, electric violin), and you were a nerd, this was your patron saint.
A sex-loving, blunt-smoking, nose-picking guitar hero. If you don’t think he sounds like a classic nerd, you’re absolutely right. And that’s the whole point. Along with Lamar, he simultaneously expanded the definition of nerd and gave pre-existing nerds a twisted sort of cred by association.
Black, gay, and a crazy good breakdancer. In other words, a total groundbreaker. He proved to the world that nerds don’t have a single mold, but are simply outcasts waiting for their moment.
Exceedingly stupid, this dumbass was monumental because he (in a sequel) leaves the jocks to become a nerd. Totally unheard of back then. Now all jocks are basically nerds.
Well, there they are. Never forget that we stand on their shoulders.