DID YOU READ

Tax Day Horror: Which of these 10 movie monsters would make the best accountant?

hannibal

Posted by on

It’s tax time, which is generally a horror-filled time for everybody. Payments, deductions, write-offs, receipts, finagling, questionable definitions of charitable donations, expenses, expenses, more expenses, not enough deductions – it’s all a huge headache to fund all that damn infrastructure, education and all those handy things taxes cover. You’re gonna need help to do all that math and figure it all out, right? Even your accountants can be horror stories, so why not make horror stories into accountants – and maybe they’ll turn that evil right toward the IRS instead of you? So let’s audition some horror movie icons to see how eligible they are to become CPAs.


1. JASON VOORHEES: The silent, hockey-masked machete-wielder from “Friday The 13th.”
PRO: You could practically dare the IRS to audit you with this guy as your accountant. Those clip-ons think they’re so intimidating with their rules and codes, but debtor’s prison could not intimidate him.
CON: He’s not likely to file any kind of extension for you, nor will he be all that informative about your options. Also, if you don’t pay him promptly, he will punch your head clean off.
CPA RATING: 3


2. FREDDY KRUEGER: The creepy child molester what haunts dreams in “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
PRO: He’d be extremely handy when it comes to shredding documents that prove you’re a horrible fraudulent human being.
CON: Come on, he’s a child molester. Seriously, how did The Fat Boys let him rap with them?
CPA RATING: 3


3. PINHEAD: The demonic Cenobite follower of Leviathan from the “Hellraiser” series.
PRO: He’s the personification of pain and he’s really into imaginative forms of torture, so he’d be extremely thorough with your finances. Also, he would never be in need of a hole punch when binding your documents.
CON: As a harvester of human souls, he’s much more likely to work for the IRS than against them.
CPA RATING: 4


4. NORMAN BATES: The man with his mother in his mind from “Psycho.”
PRO: This is a guy who managed to keep a motel afloat despite murdering customers he found attractive. That’s not a good business model, but he kept it going despite a dissociative personality disorder, which means one of the people living in his mind has got to have some kind of financial know-how. Or perhaps Mother is so controlling that she even puts off debt collectors.
CON: It’s possible there’s only one personality capable of processing tax returns, and you never know if you’re going to get that one – he’ll likely have you file a lot of extensions, as he seems to be fond of prolonging things that should have ended long ago. Plus, he’ll ogle you in the shower.
CPA RATING: 4


5. LOUIS DE POINTE DU LAC: The subject in question of the “Interview with the Vampire.”
PRO: One of the few vampires who cling to their morality when granted with immortality and the thirst for the blood of humans, he’d try to give you a fair deal, and is perhaps the most trustworthy horror movie star on the list (okay, horror-ish, in this case, but still), and he’s got super-speed to get you out of there fast. He’s certainly a better choice than that douche Lestat.
CON: He’s such an empty, detached and miserable shell of a man that it would likely be hard to get him to care about something as trivial and fleeting as tax code, and he’d spend the whole appointment whining about that. Plus, he’s probably not really good at math.
CPA RATING: 4

Continue to next page >>
Watch More
Tony-Hale-Joes-Pub-3

Holiday Extra Special

Make The Holidays ’80s Again

Enjoy the holiday cheer Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

Posted by on
Photo Credit: Everett Collection

Whatever happened to the kind of crazy-yet-cozy holiday specials that blanketed the early winter airwaves of the 1980s? Unceremoniously killed by infectious ’90s jadedness? Slow fade out at the hands of early-onset millennial ennui? Whatever the reason, nixing the tradition was a huge mistake.

A huge mistake that we’re about to fix.

Announcing IFC’s Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special, starring Tony Hale. It’s a celeb-studded extravaganza in the glorious tradition of yesteryear featuring Bridget Everett, Jo Firestone, Nick Thune, Jen Kirkman, house band The Dap-Kings, and many more. And it’s at Joe’s Pub, everyone’s favorite home away from home in the Big Apple.

The yuletide cheer explodes Wednesday December 21 at 10P. But if you were born after 1989 and have no idea what void this spectacular special is going to fill, sample from this vintage selection of holiday hits:

Andy Williams and The NBC Kids Search For Santa

The quintessential holiday special. Get snuggly and turn off your brain. You won’t need it.

A Muppet Family Christmas

The Fraggles. The Muppets. The Sesame Street gang. Fate. The Jim Henson multiverse merges in this warm and fuzzy Holiday gathering.

Julie Andrews: The Sound Of Christmas

To this day a foolproof antidote to holiday cynicism. It’s cheesy, but a good cheese. In this case an Alpine Gruyère.

Star Wars Holiday Special

Okay, busted. This one was released in 1978. Still totally ’80s though. And yes that’s Bea Arthur.

Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special

Pass the eggnog, and make sure it’s loaded. This special is everything you’d expect it to be and much, much more.

Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special premieres Wednesday December 21 at 10P on IFC.

Watch More
CBB_519_tout_1

It Ain't Over Yet

A Guide to Coping with the End of Comedy Bang! Bang!

Watch the final episodes tonight at 11 and 11:30P on IFC.

Posted by on

After five seasons and 110 halved-hour episodes, Scott Aukerman’s hipster comedy opus, Comedy Bang! Bang!, has come to an end. Fridays at 11 and 11:30P will never be the same. We know it can be hard for fans to adjust after the series finale of their favorite TV show. That’s why we’ve prepared this step-by-step guide to managing your grief.

Step One: Cry it out

It’s just natural. We’re sad too.
Scott crying GIF

Step Two: Read the CB!B! IMDB Trivia Page

The show is over and it feels like you’ve lost a friend. But how well did you really know this friend? Head over to Comedy Bang! Bang!’s IMDB page to find out some things you may not have known…like that it’s “based on a Civil War battle of the same name” or that “Reggie Watts was actually born with the name Theodore Leopold The Third.”

Step Three: Listen to the podcast

One fascinating piece of CB!B! trivia that you might not learn from IMDB is that there’s a podcast that shares the same name as the TV show. It’s even hosted by Scott Aukerman! It’s not exactly like watching the TV show on a Friday night, but that’s only because each episode is released Monday morning. If you close your eyes, the podcast is just like watching the show with your eyes closed!

Step Four: Watch brand new CB!B! clips?!

The best way to cope with the end of Comedy Bang! Bang! is to completely ignore that it’s over — because it’s not. In an unprecedented move, IFC is opening up the bonus CB!B! content vault. There are four brand new, never-before-seen sketches featuring Scott Aukerman, Kid Cudi, and “Weird Al” Yankovic ready for you to view on the IFC App. There’s also one right here, below this paragraph! Watch all four b-b-bonus clips and feel better.

Binge the entire final season, plus exclusive sketches, right now on the IFC app.

Watch More
Watch-IFC

Everybody Sweats Now

The Four-Day Sweatsgiving Weekend On IFC

Posted by on

This long holiday weekend is your time to gobble gobble gobble and give heartfelt thanks—thanks for the comfort and forgiveness of sweatpants. Because when it comes right down to it, there’s nothing more wholesome and American than stuffing yourself stupid and spending endless hours in front of the TV in your softest of softests.

So get the sweats, grab the remote and join IFC for four perfect days of entertainment.

sweatsgiving
It all starts with a 24-hour T-day marathon of Rocky Horror Picture Show, then continues Friday with an all-day binge of Stan Against Evil.

By Saturday, the couch will have molded to your shape. Which is good, because you’ll be nestled in for back-to-back Die Hard and Lethal Weapon.

Finally, come Sunday it’s time to put the sweat back in your sweatpants with The Shining, The Exorcist, The Chronicles of Riddick, Terminator 2, and Blade: Trinity. They totally count as cardio.

As if you need more convincing, here’s Martha Wash and the IFC&C Music Factory to hammer the point home.

The Sweatsgiving Weekend starts Thursday on IFC

Watch More
Powered by ZergNet