DID YOU READ

David Cross on “It’s A Disaster,” “Arrested Development”

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David Cross may not be the person you think of turning to in a crisis, but he’s (mostly) the voice of reason in “It’s A Disaster,” in which a group of different couples gather for brunch only to discover that their city (along with Los Angeles, New York, Orlando, San Francisco, and more) is being attacked by terrorists using dirty bombs. Instructed to stay inside, they have a different kind of meltdown (which is what makes it a comedy). “It’s not the end of the world,” Cross told IFC. “It’s the end of their world. It’s not like their immediate concern is calling their grandma in Kansas City, because Grandma is going to be fine.”

The friends, however, are not. Two latecomers to the brunch succumb on the porch to the VX nerve gas in the air, since Cross has already duct-taped the doors and windows shut and Julia Stiles refuses to break the barrier for them, but not before admonishing them for their perpetual lack of punctuality: “Really? Every time?”

“The way Julia says that is perfect,” Cross said. “And that’s what I love about this movie. There are no special effects, it’s not bombastic, it’s not crazy 0-120 miles per hour in six seconds. It’s subtle and slow about how petty and narcissistic some of these people are. They bicker in a very real way, not in an arch ’30 Rock’ way. It’s the way real people talk.”

Cross almost didn’t want to do “It’s A Disaster” in the first place, but he was won over by the dialogue. After spending eight months in London, he really wanted to be back home in New York, “just f—ing be here, just chill out with my dog and my wife,” but then he had to go to Los Angeles for the weekend for something for his mother-in-law. While he was there, Ferrera sent him the script for the film, by writer/director Todd Berger. “I said, ‘No. I don’t care what it is. There’s no way I’m spending a month in L.A., another month not at home,'” Cross recalled. “But then it was so good and real, and I appreciated Todd’s ear for dialogue, so I stayed. And I loved that it was a character that I don’t get to play that often, a grounded straight man … at least up until the last fifteen minutes.”

Even after the grid goes down and they figure out they have less than a few hours to live, the couples are more concerned with the state of their relationships — one couple wants Cross to join them in threesome, another couple rethinks divorcing, another couple calls off a wedding. America Ferrera’s character decides to finally ingest any food or drugs she ever wanted, cooking up a “poor man’s ecstasy” in the kitchen, while Stiles’ character laments all the things she never got to do — go to Europe, go scuba diving, fall in love, or watch “The Wire.” To comfort her, Cross’ character Glenn tells her, “All those things are overrated. Except for ‘The Wire,’ that’s really good.” If confronted with his immediate demise, Cross himself would “bum out about water boarding, either doing or being water boarded, because I kind of wanted that experience,” he said. “I also wanted to get in the Guinness Book of World Records for being naked. Or eat a live cow, from start to finish. There are so many things.”

One thing Cross did get to do before he died, however, was one more season of “Arrested Development” — which he predicts might shut down the grid once it returns with its debut on Netflix on May 26. “I’m curious,” he said. “I’m not sure the grid will go down on that day, but the next day, it’s going to be like, ‘Gotta watch another, gotta watch another, gotta watch another’ as people binge on it. We will probably lose 62 billion dollars in man hours and production, whatever the GNP is for the day, or whatever it costs us to be in Iraq and Afghanistan for a couple hours.”

Cross got back in the cutoffs to play the loveable Bluth family in-law Tobias F√ľnke, who still hasn’t recovered from being a never-nude. In photos leaked from the set, Cross was seen wearing a sheet, which caused speculation that perhaps Tobias would have a nude scene after all. Sadly, no. “I’m happy to get naked in real life at the slightest suggestion,” Cross said, “but as far as the character, I doubt it. That photo was from our first day of shooting, and it was my character’s attempt to wear an Indian sari.”

Cross predicts that the model of releasing all the episodes simultaneously will spread as “creative and ambitious people who make television and who have the imagination to utilize it” watch “Arrested Development,” but it’ll be slow to start. “Most people play it safe,” he said. “It’s only going to be a handful of people at first, but hopefully eventually more.” As for the renewed series leading to a film as planned, he was circumspect. “As I understand it, the series will work on its own, and it will work if a film continues the story,” Cross said. “You will be quite satisfied if there is no film. It’s not like anybody would miss it, you know what I mean?”

“It’s a Disaster” opens today in New York and Los Angeles.

“Arrested Development” season four premieres on Netflix on May 26.

What David Cross project are you most excited for? Tell us in the comments section below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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Very NSFW

The Brockmire Premiere Is All Truth

Watch The First Episode of Brockmire Right Now for Free

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GIFS via Giphy

At long last, the Brockmire pre-premiere has arrived. Which means you can watch it right now—on IFC.com, at Funny Or Die, on IFC’s Apple TV and mobile apps, on Youtube, on Facebook, on the AMC apps, and right here. So grab some headphones and get watching.

No seriously, get headphones.

Because whether he’s giving a play-by-play or ruminating on the world around him, Jim Brockmire calls it like he sees it. And how he sees it is very NSFW. His take on life is actually quite refreshing, even to the point of being profoundly sage. For proof just look at these pearls of unconventional wisdom from the premiere…

Brockmire On The Internet

“If I need porn I just buy a nudie mag, like my father and his father before him.”

Brockmire On Sex-Ed

“Kids, a strap-on is a belt with d— on it that mommies use to f— daddies.”
Brockmire-Strap-On

Brockmire On The Perfect High

“Somewhere between 10 cups of coffee and very low-grade cocaine.”
Brockmire-Perfect-High

Brockmire On The Tardiness of Spring

“Old man winter’s reaching his hand inside your coat to give that thing one more squeeze.”

Brockmire On Keeping Perspective

“I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap restroom in Bangkok where a Thai lady-boy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburnt German watched us on the toilet”
Brockmire-grain-salt

Brockmire On Humanity

“If you want to look directly into the gaping maw of oblivion, don’t look up to the heavens. Just look in the mirror.”
Jules-never-seen

See these nuggets and more in the first episode of Brockmire, and see the whole season beginning April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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