DID YOU READ

Fred Armisen, Marc Maron, Eugene Mirman and more comics on their awkward high school moments

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From “Freaks and Geeks” to “Out There”, from “Sixteen Candles” to “Mean Girls,” from “Carrie” to “Bring It On,” the traumas of high school are well documented in pop culture. Have you checked out our list of the Top 10 Most Awkward Moments in High School from movies and television? Spend five minutes with that list and you’ll be 16 again, staring at your oily face and unruly hair in the mirror and just trying to will yourself not to do anything completely humiliating in front of the girl you like or in front of an entire classroom or during your driving test later that day. We’ve all been there and we all survived. (Looking for some tips to surviving high school? We have a list for that too.)

During SXSW 2013, we sat down with some of our favorite comedians including Portlandia’s Fred Armisen, Marc Maron, Comedy Bang! Bang!’s Reggie Watts and “Out There’s” Ryan Quincy to talk about their most awkward high school experiences and luckily, they were more than willing to share:

Fred Armisen:

High school was really good! I grew up in Long Island, in Valley Stream and it was really nice. We had physically a really nice school, good teachers. I had a good time with my friends. We were a bunch of weirdos. I was really into punk. We were close enough to New York City that we got to go to the City all the time. I had a really good time. There was one junior high school experience, where we were given an assignment to write about what we would do if it was the last day on Earth. Everyone was writing about how they would go visit their grandma and I was like, ‘that is SO lame!” I don’t know if I was trying to be funny or what, but I said that I would go to the main street in Valley Stream and smash all the windows and light the buildings on fire. When you’re 14 or 15, that’s how teenagers think! But they sent me to the school psychologist and it sucked because my mother got worried and I had to do all these tests. They were these written tests and they made me feel crazy because I was alone taking these tests while class was going on. So that was sort of traumatic, but in retrospect it was the first time I started getting like studio notes on the work I was doing.

Marc Maron:

“One awkward experience that I remember is when I was probably a senior in English class and we were writing poetry and it was an assignment and I had a job down by the university so I was very on the pulse of what intelligent grown-up people were doing. Being an artist and whatnot. I just remember that I wrote these poems about my love and my heart and virginity and stuff and we read them out loud. The teacher was like, ‘Well, that’s very good, Marc.’ He was this funny little guy. But the class was like, ‘What is he doing? Why is he talking about that?’ But in retrospect I think it’s pretty true to what I do and what I’m still doing.”

Eddie Pepitone:

“Isn’t all of high school awkward? My awkwardness went way beyond high school. It’s so funny, I’m trying to think of the ultimate awkward experience and I am sure it has something to do with trying to ask women out. I was just …well now I’m married, thank god. But back then I was so terrified of rejection and I remember a couple times just blurting out, ‘will you go out with me?’ Just horrible and awkward.”

Eugene Mirman:

What’s an awkward high school experience? High school is all awkward, so I don’t know. I have sad stories from elementary school, so maybe this will suffice. When I was in sixth grade I had a collie and it was a very pretty collie that I had for about six months, because it got hit by a car. We had to go to the vet while my parents were away, with this collie dying next to me, and it died. Then the next day at school this little girl came up to me and was like, “You’re dog committed suicide because it didn’t love you.” …You asked if I could think of an awkward story and I thought that the amount that story is sad covers it. Like, it’s the wrong gear, it’s not awkward, but it’s pretty horrifying, so in that sense, it’s fine. It was sixth grade, but it was pretty traumatic, so it works.”

Ryan Quincy:

“I was just telling someone about taking this girl to a dance and I worked at a Dairy Queen at the time and I was the only boy who worked there and I think the girls – They were kind of bully girls, mean girls – and I think they all kind of had a crush on me. They knew I was taking this girl to the dance. While I was in the dance, they took all the whipped cream and hot fudge and everything from the ice cream store and decorated my car with it and it just looked like a banana split on wheels. I walked out to that with my date.”

Reggie Watts:

“I was in football and I used to have long tail, like a rattail with a little bit of ribbon tied into it. It was really thin. High school football used to have this no long hair policy because obviously you can get hurt. And it was literally just a few long hairs, but apparently it bothered the team so one day in the locker room a couple of guys grabbed me and then they cut off my tail. And it was so…I was so bummed. How was this legal? ”

Want the latest news from Out There? Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter @IFCouthere.

“Out There” airs on IFC on Fridays at 10/9c

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. 

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number! 

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time. 

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by. 

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo. 

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim. 

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t? 

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?” 

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud. 

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.

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Get Physical

DVDs are the new Vinyl

Portlandia Season 7 Now Available On Disc.

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In this crazy digital age, sometimes all we really want is to reach out and touch something. Maybe that’s why so many of us are still gung-ho about owning stuff on DVD. It’s tangible. It’s real. It’s tech from a bygone era that still feels relevant, yet also kitschy and retro. It’s basically vinyl for people born after 1990.

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Inevitably we all have that friend whose love of the disc is so absolutely repellent that he makes the technology less appealing. “The resolution, man. The colors. You can’t get latitude like that on a download.” Go to hell, Tim.

Yes, Tim sucks, and you don’t want to be like Tim, but maybe he’s onto something and DVD is still the future. Here are some benefits that go beyond touch.

It’s Decor and Decorum

With DVDs and a handsome bookshelf you can show off your great taste in film and television without showing off your search history. Good for first dates, dinner parties, family reunions, etc.

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Forget Public Wifi

Warm up that optical drive. No more awkwardly streaming episodes on shady free wifi!

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Inter-not

Internet service goes down. It happens all the time. It could happen right now. Then what? Without a DVD on hand you’ll be forced to make eye contact with your friends and family. Or worse – conversation.

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Self Defense

You can’t throw a download like a ninja star. Think about it.

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If you’d like to experience the benefits DVD ownership yourself, Portlandia Season 7 is now available on DVD and Blue-Ray.