DID YOU READ

Celebrity zombie apocalypse survival guide

Warm Bodies

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Okay, granted, a zombie apocalypse is probably not going to happen anytime soon, but when it does, will you be ready? The stars of “Warm Bodies” and their celebrity friends who attended last week’s premiere hosted by the Cinema Society say yes, and shared their top survival strategies with IFC.

1. Denial. David Cross says you can survive “just by remembering that there’s no such thing as a zombie. It’s not a real thing. It’s physically impossible.” In other words, make yourself wake up — which only works if it’s a bad dream.

2. Hide. Find a safe place, and fortify it with rations. “My boyfriend, he built a zombie-proof apartment somewhere in Soho,” says Lily Kwong. “He has the skills.” But not everyone has a place ready. Scott Michael Foster has land in Texas he could use, he said, but he doesn’t have the rations yet. “I’ve got to start now,” he says. “I’m going to invest in SPAM stock, too.” (“SPAM? Is that an option?” asked “Warm Bodies” star Analeigh Tipton, who plays Nora. “I’ll do that, too. SPAM is very useful for everything. There’s something in that that keeps things forever.”)

Cross thinks it best to go on a permanent vacation. “I would probably fly to the Fiji islands, live in one of those huts, and then just really secure it,” he says. “I’d spend all my money on that, before money is worthless. Fortify the fuck out of it. And then go fishing. I mean, it’s Fiji! How many zombies are there going to be in Fiji?” (We hate to remind you that zombies can cross bodies of water because of the whole not-needing-to-breathe thing…)

3. Play dead. “I’ve already thought about my zombie apocalypse tactics,” says “Warm Bodies” star Teresa Palmer, who plays Julie. “I’d become very good at zombie makeup, and I could pretend I was one of them, like I’ve already been killed. Fit in.” Helena Christensen says camouflage is easier than it used to be, and we all know from watching zombie movies how to act. “Practice grunting, practice the moves,” she says. “I do that every morning when I wake up anyway!”

4. Run. If you plan to use this method, get in shape, says Carlos Leon. “Cardio is very important,” he says. “Start practicing now.” This method isn’t for everyone, Tipton cautions. “I would trip,” she admits.

5. Fight. No matter what strategy you had planned to use, there might come a time when you’re face to face with a member of the living dead — so defend yourself!

5A. Use a weapon. “I learned how to turn myself into a warrior on ‘I Am Number Four,’ with real weapons,” Palmer says. I know how to shoot a gun, and a shotgun.” Guns, however, can make noise, so Leon recommends “long swords.” What if nothing’s handy? Get creative, Palmer says. “I’ve got some pretty crazy stilettos on, so I could stab them in the eyeball,” she theorizes. “Put all my force into it, stab right through to whatever brain they’ve got left.”

5B. Become a weapon. “I have a black belt in karate,” says former “Smash” villain Jaime Cepero. “I could take out a zombie with one chop. You go for the head, right? And if they’re already dead, it’s probably easier, decomposing, right? I think I can handle it.” Leon recommends a front flip and coming down on the zombie’s neck to “break his head off.” Palmer says she would “bust out my one martial arts move, which is a double side kick, get them in knee so they buckle, and then you go for the head.” Tony Danza says good ol’ boxing would work just as well: “Even a zombie, when he gets hit on the chin, goes to sleep. Remember that.”

6. Get creative. “I would not use guns. I would probably not use hand combat. I would not run,” says Tipton. “I would use puns and wordplay. The zombies would be like, ‘What are you saying?’ And they would be so baffled that they would turn on themselves and start going at each other, eating each other.” Use this method at your own risk. “Best of luck to you in that situation,” she laughs.

7. Cry. When all else fails, accept your impending doom. “Warm Bodies” director Jonathan Levine told us that when the zombie apocalypse comes — and perhaps even before it comes — we can find him in the corner in a fetal position, weeping. “I’d be fucked. Totally fucked,” he laughs.

How would you survive the zombie apocalypse? Tell us in the comments section below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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SO EXCITED!!!

Reminders that the ’90s were a thing

"The Place We Live" is available for a Jessie Spano-level binge on Comedy Crib.

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Unless you stopped paying attention to the world at large in 1989, you are of course aware that the ’90s are having their pop cultural second coming. Nobody is more acutely aware of this than Dara Katz and Betsy Kenney, two comedians who met doing improv comedy and have just made their Comedy Crib debut with the hilarious ’90s TV throwback series, The Place We Live.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a fancy network executive you just met in an elevator?

Dara: It’s everything you loved–or loved to hate—from Melrose Place and 90210 but condensed to five minutes, funny (on purpose) and totally absurd.

IFC: How would you describe “The Place We Live” to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Betsy: “Hey Todd, why don’t you have a sip of water. Also, I think you’ll love The Place We Live because everyone has issues…just like you, Todd.”

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IFC: When you were living through the ’90s, did you think it was television’s golden age or the pop culture apocalypse?


Betsy: I wasn’t sure I knew what it was, I just knew I loved it!


Dara: Same. Was just happy that my parents let me watch. But looking back, the ’90s honored The Teen. And for that, it’s the golden age of pop culture. 

IFC: Which ’90s shows did you mine for the series, and why?

Betsy: Melrose and 90210 for the most part. If you watch an episode of either of those shows you’ll see they’re a comedic gold mine. In one single episode, they cover serious crimes, drug problems, sex and working in a law firm and/or gallery, all while being young, hot and skinny.


Dara: And almost any series we were watching in the ’90s, Full House, Saved By the Bell, My So Called Life has very similar themes, archetypes and really stupid-intense drama. We took from a lot of places. 

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IFC: How would you describe each of the show’s characters in terms of their ’90s TV stereotype?

Dara: Autumn (Sunita Mani) is the femme fatale. Robin (Dara Katz) is the book worm (because she wears glasses). Candace (Betsy Kenney) is Corey’s twin and gives great advice and has really great hair. Corey (Casey Jost) is the boy next door/popular guy. Candace and Corey’s parents decided to live in a car so the gang can live in their house. 
Lee (Jonathan Braylock) is the jock.

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Dara: Because everyone’s feeling major ’90s nostalgia right now, and this is that, on steroids while also being a totally new, silly thing.

Delight in the whole season of The Place We Live right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib. It’ll take you back in all the right ways.

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New Nasty

Whips, Chains and Hand Sanitizer

Turn On The Full Season Of Neurotica At IFC's Comedy Crib

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Jenny Jaffe has a lot going on: She’s writing for Disney’s upcoming Big Hero 6: The Series, developing comedy projects with pals at Devastator Press, and she’s straddling the line between S&M and OCD as the creator and star of the sexyish new series Neurotica, which has just made its debut on IFC’s Comedy Crib. Jenny gave us some extremely intimate insight into what makes Neurotica (safely) sizzle…

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IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon.

IFC: How would you describe Neurotica to a drunk friend of a friend you met in a bar?

Jenny: Neurotica is about a plucky Dominatrix with OCD trying to save her small-town dungeon. You’re great. We should get coffee sometime. I’m not just saying that. I know other people just say that sometimes but I really feel like we’re going to be friends, you know? Here, what’s your number, I’ll call you so you can have my number!

IFC: What’s your comedy origin story?

Jenny: Since I was a kid I’ve dealt with severe OCD and anxiety. Comedy has always been one of the ways I’ve dealt with that. I honestly just want to help make people feel happy for a few minutes at a time.

IFC: What was the genesis of Neurotica?

Jenny: I’m pretty sure it was a title-first situation. I was coming up with ideas to pitch to a production company a million years ago (this isn’t hyperbole; I am VERY old) and just wrote down “Neurotica”; then it just sort of appeared fully formed. “Neurotica? Oh it’s an over-the-top romantic comedy about a Dominatrix with OCD, of course.” And that just happened to hit the buttons of everything I’m fascinated by.

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IFC: How would you describe Ivy?

Jenny: Ivy is everything I love in a comedy character – she’s tenacious, she’s confident, she’s sweet, she’s a big wonderful weirdo.

IFC: How would Ivy’s clientele describe her?

Jenny:  Open-minded, caring, excellent aim.

IFC: Why don’t more small towns have local dungeons?

Jenny: How do you know they don’t?

IFC: What are the pros and cons of joining a chain mega dungeon?

Jenny: You can use any of their locations but you’ll always forget you have a membership and in a year you’ll be like “jeez why won’t they let me just cancel?”

IFC: Mouths are gross! Why is that?

Jenny: If you had never seen a mouth before and I was like “it’s a wet flesh cave with sharp parts that lives in your face”, it would sound like Cronenberg-ian body horror. All body parts are horrifying. I’m kind of rooting for the singularity, I’d feel way better if I was just a consciousness in a cloud.

See the whole season of Neurotica right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

The-Craft

The ’90s Are Back

The '90s live again during IFC's weekend marathon.

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Photo Credit: Everett Digital, Columbia Pictures

We know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth would anyone want to reanimate the decade that gave us Haddaway, Los Del Rio, and Smash Mouth, not to mention Crystal Pepsi?”

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Thoughts like those are normal. After all, we tend to remember lasting psychological trauma more vividly than fleeting joy. But if you dig deep, you’ll rediscover that the ’90s gave us so much to fondly revisit. Consider the four pillars of true ’90s culture.

Boy Bands

We all pretended to hate them, but watch us come alive at a karaoke bar when “I Want It That Way” comes on. Arguably more influential than Brit Pop and Grunge put together, because hello – Justin Timberlake. He’s a legitimate cultural gem.

Man-Child Movies

Adam Sandler is just behind The Simpsons in terms of his influence on humor. Somehow his man-child schtick didn’t get old until the aughts, and his success in that arena ushered in a wave of other man-child movies from fellow ’90s comedians. RIP Chris Farley (and WTF Rob Schneider).

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Teen Angst

In horror, dramas, comedies, and everything in between: Troubled teens! Getting into trouble! Who couldn’t relate to their First World problems, plaid flannels, and lose grasp of the internet?

Mainstream Nihilism

From the Coen Bros to Fincher to Tarantino, filmmakers on the verge of explosive popularity seemed interested in one thing: mind f*cking their audiences by putting characters in situations (and plot lines) beyond anyone’s control.

Feeling better about that walk down memory lane? Good. Enjoy the revival.

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And revisit some important ’90s classics all this weekend during IFC’s ’90s Marathon. Check out the full schedule here.