DID YOU READ

Celebrity zombie apocalypse survival guide

Warm Bodies

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Okay, granted, a zombie apocalypse is probably not going to happen anytime soon, but when it does, will you be ready? The stars of “Warm Bodies” and their celebrity friends who attended last week’s premiere hosted by the Cinema Society say yes, and shared their top survival strategies with IFC.

1. Denial. David Cross says you can survive “just by remembering that there’s no such thing as a zombie. It’s not a real thing. It’s physically impossible.” In other words, make yourself wake up — which only works if it’s a bad dream.

2. Hide. Find a safe place, and fortify it with rations. “My boyfriend, he built a zombie-proof apartment somewhere in Soho,” says Lily Kwong. “He has the skills.” But not everyone has a place ready. Scott Michael Foster has land in Texas he could use, he said, but he doesn’t have the rations yet. “I’ve got to start now,” he says. “I’m going to invest in SPAM stock, too.” (“SPAM? Is that an option?” asked “Warm Bodies” star Analeigh Tipton, who plays Nora. “I’ll do that, too. SPAM is very useful for everything. There’s something in that that keeps things forever.”)

Cross thinks it best to go on a permanent vacation. “I would probably fly to the Fiji islands, live in one of those huts, and then just really secure it,” he says. “I’d spend all my money on that, before money is worthless. Fortify the fuck out of it. And then go fishing. I mean, it’s Fiji! How many zombies are there going to be in Fiji?” (We hate to remind you that zombies can cross bodies of water because of the whole not-needing-to-breathe thing…)

3. Play dead. “I’ve already thought about my zombie apocalypse tactics,” says “Warm Bodies” star Teresa Palmer, who plays Julie. “I’d become very good at zombie makeup, and I could pretend I was one of them, like I’ve already been killed. Fit in.” Helena Christensen says camouflage is easier than it used to be, and we all know from watching zombie movies how to act. “Practice grunting, practice the moves,” she says. “I do that every morning when I wake up anyway!”

4. Run. If you plan to use this method, get in shape, says Carlos Leon. “Cardio is very important,” he says. “Start practicing now.” This method isn’t for everyone, Tipton cautions. “I would trip,” she admits.

5. Fight. No matter what strategy you had planned to use, there might come a time when you’re face to face with a member of the living dead — so defend yourself!

5A. Use a weapon. “I learned how to turn myself into a warrior on ‘I Am Number Four,’ with real weapons,” Palmer says. I know how to shoot a gun, and a shotgun.” Guns, however, can make noise, so Leon recommends “long swords.” What if nothing’s handy? Get creative, Palmer says. “I’ve got some pretty crazy stilettos on, so I could stab them in the eyeball,” she theorizes. “Put all my force into it, stab right through to whatever brain they’ve got left.”

5B. Become a weapon. “I have a black belt in karate,” says former “Smash” villain Jaime Cepero. “I could take out a zombie with one chop. You go for the head, right? And if they’re already dead, it’s probably easier, decomposing, right? I think I can handle it.” Leon recommends a front flip and coming down on the zombie’s neck to “break his head off.” Palmer says she would “bust out my one martial arts move, which is a double side kick, get them in knee so they buckle, and then you go for the head.” Tony Danza says good ol’ boxing would work just as well: “Even a zombie, when he gets hit on the chin, goes to sleep. Remember that.”

6. Get creative. “I would not use guns. I would probably not use hand combat. I would not run,” says Tipton. “I would use puns and wordplay. The zombies would be like, ‘What are you saying?’ And they would be so baffled that they would turn on themselves and start going at each other, eating each other.” Use this method at your own risk. “Best of luck to you in that situation,” she laughs.

7. Cry. When all else fails, accept your impending doom. “Warm Bodies” director Jonathan Levine told us that when the zombie apocalypse comes — and perhaps even before it comes — we can find him in the corner in a fetal position, weeping. “I’d be fucked. Totally fucked,” he laughs.

How would you survive the zombie apocalypse? Tell us in the comments section below or on Facebook and Twitter.

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”


Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”


But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.

via GIPHY

It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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