Tim Grierson on the Return of Arnold Schwarzenegger


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The Arnold Schwarzenegger comeback begins in earnest on Friday. That’s when his new movie, “The Last Stand,” opens. It’ll be the first film in 10 years in which he’s the primary star and leading man. Even when he showed up in the “Expendables” movies or had his likeness used in “Terminator Salvation,” he was merely a periphery player. If people pay money to see “The Last Stand,” it’ll be because of Schwarzenegger (with all due respect to fans of Johnny Knoxville and Luis Guzman, of course). It’s been a long time since that was the case.

Schwarzenegger’s comeback is unique among Hollywood stars because he’s not coming back in the usual way. He hasn’t recently recovered from addiction. He isn’t trying to rebuild his image after a tabloid scandal. He didn’t make himself a pariah by spewing scathingly inflammatory and offensive comments about minority groups or women. No, he’s just been busy serving as the governor of California. (Although, yes, he has had to apologize for some of his past behavior. And he’s no stranger to the tabloids. The man is certainly not a saint.) He’s not coming back in a kinder, gentler, changed form. He wants to be the same Arnold, albeit (as his character jokes in the “Last Stand” commercials) a slightly older model.

Before Schwarzenegger took office thanks to the fall 2003 recall election of then-Governor Gray Davis, he remained a popular star — a faded one, but a star nonetheless. Before that summer’s “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines” — the year’s eighth-biggest hit — he had been in a series of box-office misfires (“Collateral Damage,” “The 6th Day,” “End of Days”), and even the $100-million hit “Batman & Robin” was seen as an underperformer, not to mention a campy fiasco. It would be incredibly simplistic and glib to suggest that Schwarzenegger’s move into politics was a savvy career transition. (Becoming the governor of the country’s most populous state brings with it far more stress, challenges and real-world consequences than anything faced in Hollywood.) But from a movie-business perspective, it allowed him to potentially bypass the commercial-wilderness years that eventually befall all action stars. No lame reality show, no halfhearted stab at showcasing his “serious side.” He just left.

But you got the sense that he never fully closed that door: His cameo in 2010’s “The Expendables,” which opened five months before he would leave office, proved that. And then when he was free of the governorship in early 2011, he made it be known that he would immediately start considering movie projects, including proposed remakes of “Predator” or “The Running Man.” At 63 and after seven years as governor, he wasn’t going to slow down and enjoy life. He clearly wanted back in to Hollywood.

Of course, that plan got derailed when it was revealed that he fathered a child with his family’s maid a decade earlier. But that derailment was brief: Soon, he was signed up for “The Last Stand,” the English-language debut from South Korean filmmaker Kim Jee-woon, who previously had made “I Saw the Devil” and “A Tale of Two Sisters.” He also came aboard “The Expendables 2” for a larger role than in the original. And “The Last Stand” isn’t his only upcoming film: He’s going to be in “The Tomb” with his “Expendables” costar Sylvester Stallone in the fall; and “Ten,” with Sam Worthington, is set for an early 2014 release. He seems incredibly determined to make up for lost time.

Clearly, Schwarzenegger is hoping to hit the reset button with his fans after many years away. It’s difficult to find an analogous Hollywood star to compare to his situation, so it might be more appropriate to look to the music world. In the last few years, several rock bands who were big in the late 1980s and early ‘90s — Jane’s Addiction, the Pixies, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots — have reunited, finding success with concertgoers who are happy to revel in a little nostalgia. It’s worth pointing out that none of those bands have delivered much in the way of compelling new material — they’re just recycling the past. It seems to be the same for Arnold: His comeback isn’t some kind of redemption story like so many of his peers’. He just wants back into the limelight, offering the same bill of goods as before.

As the “Expendables” films have proved, there’s definitely an audience for bygone action heroes who are willing to crack skulls and blow stuff up like in the old days. So why not Schwarzenegger? The early reviews of “The Last Stand” haven’t been so good, and it seems unlikely that this movie on its own will catapult Arnold back into the ranks of the A-list. But considering how unusual his comeback scenario is, it would also be foolish to predict just how it’s going to play out.

You can follow Tim Grierson on Twitter.

Happy Gilmore

Spoil Sports

The 10 Biggest Jerks, Bullies and Weasels From Sports Movies

Catch Benders Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

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To the victor go the spoils, and in sports comedies there is no bigger spoil than the feeling of defeating the sports jerk. You know the sports jerk — he’s the kid who tosses snot-nosed but loveable Timmy Lupus into a garbage can in the The Bad News Bears or the guy who shouts “Put him in a body bag!” before Ralph Macchio gets up on one leg to make that famous Crane kick. Before the Benders guys hit the ice tonight at 10P on IFC, check out the ten biggest jerks we love to hate from sports movies.

1. Shooter McGavin, Happy Gilmore

There is no bigger A-hole-in-one than Shooter McGavin, and Christopher McDonald really seemed to enjoy messing with Adam Sandler. Cocky golf pro McGavin was the perfect foil to Sandler’s childlike Happy and helped to update the sports movie bully for the ’90s. You know you’re the bad guy in a movie if behemoth actor Richard Kiel, (aka Jaws from the James Bond movies) thinks you’re a dick.

2. Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

It wasn’t Sacha Baron Cohen as French rival Jean Girard that pushed Ricky Bobby to become a winner — it was the lack of love and nonsensical guidance from his absentee father, Reese Bobby. No matter how deadbeat a dad Reese Bobby was, you have to love a character that can get thrown out of an Applebee’s. The moment when Ricky Bobby was able to forget Reese’s pearls of ignorance (“If you ain’t first, you’re last”) is when he truly became a winner.

3. Ernie “Big Ern” McCracken, Kingpin

Bill Murray never “pulls a Munson” when it comes to comedy and he basically nailed a split as “Big Ern” McCracken in what is arguably the funniest Farrelly Brothers movie. Woody Harrelson might be the Paul Newman in this hilarious send up of The Color of Money, but Roy Munson would never have received his redemption without his nemesis “Big Ern.” In a bowling buddy comedy adventure where one guy has a rubber hand and the other is Amish, it’s Big Ern and his amazing hair that sets everything in motion.

4. White Goodman, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

In the words of legendary dodgeballer Patches O’Houlihan, “dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” Ben Stiller’s White Goodman surely lives by these words as the Globo Gym douche standing in the way of Vince Vaughn’s rag tag group of misfits. When he’s not torturing himself with electric nipple clamps in order to stay away from donuts, he’s gleefully attempting to prevent The Average Joe’s from taking the Dodgeball championship and making ESPN: The Ocho history. Even though he’s not nearly as tough as his consigliere Michelle, the ’70s porn star mustache alone makes him an all-time sports A-hole.

5. Rachel Phelps, Major League

Charlie Sheen’s Ricky Vaughn might have been called “Wild Thing,” but even he knew to stay away from the team’s diabolical owner. Phelps couldn’t wait to take the Indians to Florida and was more than happy to put the team through hell in a plane that screamed “Buddy Holly.” Despite the fact that her funniest scene was as a cardboard cutout, Rachel was one hell of a villain. Even Jobu hated her.

6. Chas, Back to School

“Why don’t you call me some time when you have no class?” Rodney Dangerfield was the king of one- liners, and Back to School was filled with hilarious Rodney moments as he comes to college to help his son Jason enjoy school. Jason’s obstacle in his path to diving glory was none other than the king of ’80s teen movie A-holes himself, William Zabka. As Chas, Zabka is more frat douche than tough guy, as he can be seen cowering under the table with a pipe in his mouth as a bar fight breaks out. In the end, Jason gets the girl and we get to see The Triple Lindi.

7. Johnny Lawrence, The Karate Kid

Depending on how you look at it, The Karate Kid is either the ultimate feel good story of a teenager who learns the ancient martial art of “waxing off” in order to stand up to the karate dojo bullying him; or it’s a master acting class on how to act like a teen movie A-hole. William Zabka’s legendary performance as Johnny provides everything you want in a villain, right down to his maniacal grin in a skin-tight skeleton costume. He’s such a great bastard, another member of the Stepford bully group the Kobra-Kai even tries to stop him as he lays a beat down on Daniel-san.

8. Coach Turner, The Bad News Bears

The original Bad News Bears is as perfect a movie as you can get. Walter Matthau and Tatum O’Neal have hilarious and heartwarming chemistry, and Jackie Earle Haley’s Kelly Leak was definitely “un bandito.” But the real bad news in this movie is Coach Roy Turner, played by the great Vic Morrow. It’s only fitting that Turner coaches the Yankees and the Bears are the loveable underdogs (with a second baseman who has a mouth like a drunken sailor). The shocking moment when Coach Turner slaps his own son on the field elevates him to all-time sports jerk status and makes the audience wonder how this angry guy ever landed a wife who looked that good in bell bottoms.

9. Clubber Lang, Rocky III

While Ivan Drago might be the most ruthless villain in the Rocky series, he was really just a pawn of the Soviet military industrial complex. Mr. T as Clubber Lang, on the other hand, was one seriously bad dude. Where Apollo Creed was cool, Clubber Lang shouted and grunted all of his lines to great effect and trash-talked Rocky by telling Adrian to come find a “real man.” You don’t mess with a man in a Mohawk who predicts “pain.”

10. Judge Smails, Caddyshack

Ted Knight personified snooty Waspy-ness while delivering such classic lines as “Are you my friend Danny?” and “Spalding, get your foot off the boat.” (He also rocked a sailor’s cap like nobody’s business.) In the end, Danny Noonan chose “badness” and with the help of a wily gopher, beat Smails to win the tournament. Cue the Kenny Loggins theme music.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Frank N' Facts

10 Things You May Not Know About The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Do the Time Warp with Comedy Bang! Bang!

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Aliens! Dancing! Meatloaf! When The Rocky Horror Picture Show hit the big screen all the way back in 1975, no one knew exactly what to make of it. 40 years later, Comedy Bang! Bang! is celebrating the beloved cult movie with an all-out costumed extravaganza. To get you ready for the party, we thought it was high time to jump to the left, take a step to the right, and learn a little bit more about the movie that put the “Time” in Time Warp.

10. Meatloaf Never Rode The Motorcycle


While his character, Eddie, may have been a hog riding badass, in reality a stunt double did all the future Celebrity Apprentice contestant’s bike riding stunts. That is, except for close-ups, when Meatloaf was pushed around in a wheelchair.

9. Rocky Didn’t Have a Belly Button

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

The makeup department actually fashioned a plug to cover up Peter Hinwood’s belly button, as his character was grown in a tub, and thus wouldn’t need one.

8. It Was Tim Curry’s First Movie

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Curry actually originated the role of the cross-dressing mad scientist Dr. Frank N. Furter on the stages of London and Los Angeles, before reprising it in his film debut.

7. Mick Jagger Wanted In On The Fun

Rolling Stones Records
Rolling Stones Records

Jagger was supposedly a fan of the stage production, and made enquiries into playing none other than Dr. Frank N. Furter.

6. The Movie Made Susan Sarandon Sick

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

The drafty country house that doubled as Dr. Frank N. Furter’s castle famously had no heat or bathrooms. Susan Sarandon complained, but no one took her seriously until she caught pneumonia while filming a dance number in a freezing pool. Always a pro, she finished the scene.

5. The Crew Used Real Skeletons

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

The gothic clock was no mere prop. In fact, the woman who first commissioned it to be made had one request — to be entombed within it. That’s her real skeleton revealed hiding inside.

4. David Bowie’s Makeup Artist Created the Film’s Looks

20th Century Fox
20th Century Fox

Pierre La Roche, who worked on the Ziggy Stardust tour and the Aladdin Sane album cover, designed the iconic makeup for the film. Still, rumor has it he took so long to apply it, nearly four hours, that Tim Curry just ended up doing his own.

3. Magenta and Columbia Started As One Character

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

Before production, Magenta and Columbia were split into two separate characters, to create a part for singer Marianne Faithfull to play. She ended up turning the role down, but the characters remained separated.

2. The Corpse Was a Deadly Surprise

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

The corpse revealed hiding inside Frank N. Furter’s dinner table was kept a secret from the actors, so their shocked reactions would be as real as possible.

1. RHPS Holds the Record For Longest Release in Film History

20th Century Fox

20th Century Fox

A flop upon release, Rocky Horror gained a following as a midnight movie at New York’s Waverly Theater in the late ’70s. It has since played non-stop for four decades, smashing the record for longest release of a film.

That 70s Show James Franco

That '70s Franco

Watch James Franco’s Geriatric That ’70s Show Spoof

Catch That '70s Show Mondays & Tuesdays 6-11P on IFC.

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Ever wonder if Jackie, Kelso, Fez, Donna, Hyde, and Eric ever made it out of Red‘s basement? According to James Franco, those dumbasses definitely did not.

In a new episode of AOL’s “Making a Scene with James Franco,” the actor peered into the future of the gang from That ’70s Show to see what they’d be up to if the show actually continued into their 70s. Turns out they’re still sitting around the basement, sharing a joint, and listening to some of the Steve Miller Band’s greatest hits.

In the sketch, aptly called “That 70s ’70s Show,” Franco plays both a stoned, elderly Kelso as well as a nostril-hair heavy Eric Forman. The only member of the crew who has made it out of the basement is Donna, who has sadly passed away into a higher plane of existence (yes, it’s possible for them to get higher) leaving Eric to mourn the loss of his one true love.

For more That ’70s Show, find out who almost played Red Forman and more fun facts.

Dr Who spoof 1920×640

Doctor Feelgood

8 Hilarious Doctor Who Spoofs

Catch a Doctor Who Season 9 marathon Friday, November 6th starting at 6P ET/PT.

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Doctor Who is one of the most influential shows in all of spacetime.  Before you step into the TARDIS for IFC’s Doctor Who Season 9 marathon, check out some fantastic parodies and tributes to the Time Lord.

1. The Lenny Henry Doctor

UK comedian Lenny Henry spoofed the Doc way back in 1985. Starring alongside genuine Doctor companion Peri, it’s an ode to everything wonderful about the old series.

2. My (Re)Generation – Shooting Stars

Anarchic UK comedy quiz show Shooting Stars featured a music video by The (Doctor) Who, a band built from four versions of the eponymous character, with their hit song “My (Re)Generation” filmed in black and white inside an old TARDIS.

3. Doctor Who Anime

Fan-made anime “Space-Time Adventure DOCTOR WHO” is a labor of more love and skill that pays tribute to both the Doctor and anime tropes with equal measure. Paul “OtaKing” Johnson combined the Third Doctor with late-’80s style cyberpunk anime, crafting custom-made animations to turn a harvest of authentic quotes from the original series into all-new jokes. You gotta love the Doctor addressing a scantily clad anime protagonist with,”Oh for heaven’s sake girl, go and put something warm on.”

4. The Web of Caves

Part of the BBC’s “Doctor Who Night” in 1999, “The Web of Caves” was a work of love so intense it affected the future of the real series. The black-and-white parody of the early Doctor’s trials — complete with unbalanced audio, ill-considered evil plans and the eternal stone quarries — was co-written by and starred Mark Gatiss, who would go on to write several genuine Doctor Who episodes as well as appearing in the official series.

5. Kit Kat Daleks

Kit Kat’s “Take a Break” advert arrayed characters taking a break from their usual behavior. A needlepointing rugby player, classically violining metal-heads, and considerate sitcom husbands were flanked by Daleks charging through a shopping center with Hare Krishnas crying “PEACE-AND-LOVE! PEACE-AND-LOVE!” Their brief bliss-break was reduced even further when the rights-holders noticed that the Daleks were being used without permission. Because the only thing more terrifying than Daleks are lawyers.

6. Do You Have a License To Save This Planet?

As you can probably tell from their name, the BBV made a business of skating so close to BBC licensed properties.They had permission to make many spin-off productions, and they didn’t have official permission to make many more, but made them anyway. The most blatant was “Do You Have a License To Save This Planet?” starring Sylvester McCoy, but definitely legally not as the Seventh Doctor. No, he was the Foot Doctor, travelling time and space in a washing machine and fighting threats to the authorized canon in a half-hour adoring mockery of his own role.

7. The Five(ish) Doctors Reboot

To celebrate the “Day of the Doctor” 50th anniversary episode, past Doctors attempted to sneak onto the set to make their mark from the past. A gloriously self-aware comedy written and produced by the Fifth Doctor, and a must-watch for fans of the series.

8. The Curse of the Fatal Death

“The Curse of the Fatal Death” combined Doctor Who with the Comic Relief telethon, and the combination of classics with charity was anything a Whovian could have dreamed of. The multi-part mockery starred Rowan Atkinson, Richard E Grant, Hugh Grant, Jim Broadbent, and Joannna Lumley as regenerations of the world’s most famous time traveler.

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