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“Machete Kills” gets September release date

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“Machete Kills” at long last has a release date.

Director Robert Rodriguez has officially wrapped the sequel to 2010’s “Machete” and has now moved on to “Sin City: A Dame to Kill For,” so it seems like “Machete Kills” is ready for public consumption. We still have a ways to wait though: The movie doesn’t come out until September 13.

Two films are already scheduled for that date: “I, Frankenstein” and “Battle of the Year.” Though they could provide some competition, “Machete Kills” at least has the campy grindhouse factor working for it. The first film performed moderately well for its $10.5 million budget, and we expect the sequel to do the same.

In “Machete Kills,” the U.S. President (Charlie Sheen) recruits Machete (Danny Trejo) to stop an arms dealer (Mel Gibson) from launching a deadly weapon that will spread war and anarchy throughout the world. The movie also stars Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Lady Gaga, Vanessa Hudgens, Sofia Vergara, Alexa Vega, Cuba Gooding Jr., Edward James Olmos, William Sadler, Heard, Zoe Saldana and Demian Bechir.

What are you most looking forward to in “Machete Kills”? Tell us in the comments section below or on Facebook and Twitter.

Jackie That 70s Show

Jackie Oh!

15 That ’70s Show Quotes to Help You Unleash Your Inner Jackie

Catch That '70s Show Mondays and Tuesdays from 6-10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Carsey-Werner Company

When life gets you down, just ask yourself: what would Jackie do? (But don’t ask her, because she doesn’t care about your stupid problems.) Before you catch That ’70s Show on IFC, take a look at some quotes that will help you be the best Jackie you can be.


15. She knows her strengths.

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14. She doesn’t let a little thing like emotions get in the way.

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13. She’s her own best friend.

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12. She has big plans for her future.

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11. She keeps her ego in check.

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10. She can really put things in perspective.

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9. She’s a lover…

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8. But she knows not to just throw her love around.

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7. She’s proud of her accomplishments.

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6. She knows her place in the world.

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5. She asks herself the hard questions.

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4. She takes care of herself.

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3. She’s deep.

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2. She’s a problem solver.

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1. And she’s always modest.

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Alia Shawkat

Funke Town

Alia Shawkat’s 5 Funniest Roles

Catch Alia Shawkat on an all-new Portlandia tonight at 10P on IFC.

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Rarely do we see a comedic talent so fully realized at such a young age, but Arrested Development fans witnessed it firsthand in the acting chops of Alia Shawkat. (She was also the very first person cast in the series.) Alia landed many roles since and with them solidified her status as a fantastic comedy actor.

Before you catch Alia as one of Carrie’s new kids on tonight’s brand new Portlandia, check out her five funniest roles to date. (Click here to find IFC on your TV in your area.)

1. Maeby Fünke, Arrested Development

She may have gotten her start with a small role in David O. Russell’s Three Kings, but the world got to know Alia Shawkat from her breakthrough role as Maeby Fünke, arguably the sanest and most self-aware member of the dysfunctional Bluth clan. Quick with a ruse and a quip, Maeby had her family figured out practically from birth — even if the makeout sessions with her step-cousin gave her pause.


2. Adele, Broad City

Perfectly cast as Ilana Glazer’s doppelganger (co-star Abbi Jacobson even mistook Glazer for Shawkat when they first met in improv class), Alia plays the sexually charged counterpart to Ilana’s free-wheelin’ libido. Their whirlwind hookup hits a rough patch, however, when they don’t share the same enthusiasm for making out with oneself, and their differing stance on marijuana is the final nail.


3. Frances Cleveland, Drunk History

Mixing middle school social studies with a detox center, Derek Waters’ Comedy Central series retells historical events through the glazed eyes and slurred speech of drunk comedians. In the episode focusing on First Ladies, Shawkat plays Grover Cleveland’s wife Frances Folsom who championed a feminist movement in the late-1800s and used her public profile to promote jobs for women.


4. Bree, Cedar Rapids

The 2011 comedy Cedar Rapids starring Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, and Anne Heche features Shawkat as a sex worker who frequents business conventions for hot-to-trot johns. The role stands in stark contrast to the mostly wholesome yet acerbic Maeby and might be jarring for those who only know her from Arrested Development. But after her first sarcastic comment, the similarities become pretty evident.


5. Herself, Getting Doug With High

Unlike her character in Broad City, Alia enjoys partaking in the occasional toke in real life and did so alongside comedian Doug Benson and actor Aubrey Plaza for Benson’s online weed series, Getting Doug With High. Watching the trio hang out, chat, and joke around, viewers got a true sense of Shawkat’s affable and funny self that she brings to the table for each role.

Watch Alia as one of Carrie’s new kids in a clip from this week’s Portlandia.

Billy Madison

Back to Fool

The 15 Most Quotable Lines From Billy Madison

Catch Billy Madison this month on IFC.

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Photo Credit: (c) Universal/courtesy Everett Collection

Believe it or not, there was a time, not that long ago, when Adam Sandler was more than just a frumpled sweat suit sleepwalking through his career. In the early ’90s, he was a bonafide comedy icon. Teenage boys would spend their nights huddled around his CDs, or stay up late to watch him croon songs about lunch ladies on Saturday Night Live. And then his first movie, Billy Madison, dropped like an atomic bomb of poop and swan jokes. Cult comedy doesn’t do it justice. It was the type of movie that you and your friends would watch again, and again, and again, quoting lines back and forth, over and over again, until they lost all meaning. Before you catch Billy Madison this month on IFC, take a look at the 15 lines we’re still quoting today.


15. “Donkey Kong sucks!” “You know something, you suck!”

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14. “I am the smartest man alive!”

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13. “Stop looking at me, swan!”

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12. “If peeing your pants is cool, then consider me Miles Davis.”

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11. “Chlorophyll? More like borophyll!”

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10. “It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.”


9. “O’Doyle rules!”

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8. “Don’t ever leave me open, son. Cause I’m gonna hit it every time.”

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7. “I thought I was your snack pack.”

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6. “It’s poop again!”

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5. “Stay here for as long as you can!”

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4. “Hahahahahaha, shut up!”

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3. “T-T-T-Today, junior!”

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2. “That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace.”


1. “Okay, a simple ‘wrong’ would’ve done just fine.”

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