DID YOU READ

What to watch this week on IFC: November 5 – 11

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As you are probably aware, we are heading to the polls this week to either elect a president or keep the same one in office. Whatever way the ballots go, there’s no doubt that your television will be full of talking heads jabbering on about elephants and donkeys. But not on IFC. Not this week. This week we are all about Vulcans, Klingons and the other crew members of the Starship Enterprise. That’s right, it’s Star Trek Week and we can’t wait to shout, “Beam us up, Scotty!” at the television, remind our roommates that “we’re a doctor, not a miracle worker” and point out everything that is not completely logical.

Here’s what to watch this week on IFC:

Monday

After you watch “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock” at 8/7c, stay tuned for terror (and a few laughs) when we show “Evil Dead 2″ at 10:15 p.m. ET. Watch Bruce Campbell battle protean spirits, a basement ghoul, some trees and his own hand with nothing but a chainsaw, a shotgun, incantations and a seriously gung-ho attitude.

Tuesday

We’re showing “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” tonight at 8/7c. In the fourth installment of the television series’ silver screen voyage, we find Captain Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Sulu, Dr. McCoy and the rest of the Enterprise crew traveling to modern day (well, 1986) San Francisco to bring some humpback whales back to the future. It’s not logical, but it’s definitely the funniest of all the Star Trek films.

Wednesday

In “Star Trek V: The Final Frontier” Kirk (William Shatner), Spock (Leonard Nimoy) and McCoy (DeForest Kelley) head out in search of God, because if you had a spaceship and nothing else to do, wouldn’t you? Well maybe not, but you would if a renegade Vulcan named Sybok (Laurence Luckinbill) tricked you into it.

Thursday

Live long and prosper doesn’t mean much when you’re falsely accused of a crime. In “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country,” Captain Kirk (William Shatner) and Doctor McCoy (DeForest Kelley) are accused and imprisoned by Klingon General Chang (Christopher Plummer) for the murder of a Klingon chancellor. The real surprise isn’t Kirk’s and McCoy’s crimes and misdemeanors, but the appearance of Sex and the City’s Kim Cattrall as Spock’s protege. In this galaxy it starts at 8/7c.

Friday

In “Star Trek: Generations” we get to see the baton passed from the old school (Captain Kirk) to the new (Jean Luc Picard), but instead of battling to the death they team up to fight some crazy old dude played by Malcolm McDowell. If that’s not a good cause I don’t know what is. Tune in at 8/7c or be banished to the Nexus with Malcolm McDowell forever.

Saturday

Resistance is futile! So cancel your plans and watch Patrick Stewart as Capt. Jean-Luc Picard and Jonathan Frakes as first mate on the Star Trek: The Next Generation’s first solo movie “Star Trek: First Contact.” At 8/7c, it’s man, Klingon, Vulcan, and android vs The Borg. Who will you root for?

Sunday

For the final night of Star Trek Week we’re showing “Star Trek: Insurrection” at 8/7c. In the ninth installment of the franchise’s foray onto the silver screen, the crew of the Enterprise get in touch with their inner hippies and stage a tree-hugging revolt against the Federation. Don’t worry, Geordi LaForge looks great in bellbottoms made out of all natural fibers.

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Underworld

Under Your Spell

10 Otherworldly Romances That’ll Melt Your Heart

Spend Valentine's Day weekend with IFC's Underworld movie marathon.

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Photo Credit: Screen Gems/courtesy Everett Collection

Romance takes many forms, and that is especially true when you have a thirst for blood or laser beams coming out of your eyes.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a werewolf, a superhero, a clone, a time-traveler, or a vampire, love is the one thing that infects us all.  Read on to find out why Romeo and Juliet have nothing on these supernatural star-crossed lovers, and be sure to catch IFC’s Underworld movie marathon this Valentine’s Day weekend.

1. Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine, X-Men series

The X-Men franchise is rife with romance, but the steamiest “ménage à mutant” may just be the one between Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), Cyclops (James Marsden), and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). Their triangle is a complicated one as Jean finds herself torn between the two very different men while also trying to control her darker side, the Phoenix. This leads to Jean killing Cyclops and eventually getting stabbed through her heart by Wolverine in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yikes!  Maybe they should change the name to Ex-Men instead?


2. Willow/Tara, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon gave audiences some great romances on Buffy the Vampire Slayer — including the central triangle of Buffy, Angel, and Spike — but it was the love between witches Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara (Amber Benson) that broke new ground for its sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a LGBT relationship.

Willow is smart and confident and isn’t even sure of her sexuality when she first meets Tara at college in a Wiccan campus group. As the two begin experimenting with spells, they realize they’re also falling for one another and become the show’s most enduring, happy couple. At least until Tara’s death in season six, a moment that still brings on the feels.


3. Selene/Michael, Underworld series

The Twilight gang pales in comparison (both literally and metaphorically) to the Lycans and Vampires of the stylish Underworld franchise. If you’re looking for an epic vampire/werewolf romance set amidst an epic vampire/werewolf war, Underworld handily delivers in the form of leather catsuited Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and shaggy blonde hunk Michael (a post-Felicity Scott Speedman). As they work together to stop the Vampire/Lycan war, they give into their passions while also kicking butt in skintight leather. Love at first bite indeed.


4. Spider-man/Mary Jane Watson, Spider-man

After rushing to the aid of beautiful girl-next-door Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), the Amazing Spider-man is rewarded with an upside-down kiss that is still one of the most romantic moments in comic book movie history. For Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), the shy, lovable dork beneath the mask, his rain-soaked makeout session is the culmination of years of unrequited love and one very powerful spider bite. As the films progress, Peter tries pushing MJ away in an attempt to protect her from his enemies, but their web of love is just too powerful. And you know, with great power, comes great responsibility.


5. Molly/Sam, Ghost

When it comes to supernatural romance, you really can’t beat Molly and Sam from the 1990 hit film Ghost. Demi Moore goes crazy for Swayze like the rest of us, and the pair make pottery sexier than it’s ever been.

When Sam is murdered, he’s forced to communicate through con artist turned real psychic, Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg in her Academy Award-winning role) to warn Molly she is still in danger from his co-worker, Carl (a pre-Scandal Tony Goldwyn). Molly doesn’t believe Oda is telling the truth, so Sam proves it by sliding a penny up the wall and then possessing Oda so he and Molly can share one last romantic dance together (but not the dirty kind). We’d pay a penny for a dance with Patrick Swayze ANY day.


6. Cosima/Delphine, Orphan Black

It stands to reason there would be at least one complicated romance on a show about clones, and none more complicated than the one between clone Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) and Dr. Delphine Cormier (Evelyne Brochu) on BBC America’s hit drama Orphan Black.

Cosima is a PhD student focusing on evolutionary developmental biology at the University of Minnesota when she meets Delphine, a research associate from the nefarious Dyad Institute, posing as a fellow immunology student. The two fall in love, but their happiness is brief once Dyad and the other members of Clone Club get involved. Here’s hoping Cosima finds love in season four of Orphan Black. Girlfriend could use a break.


7. Aragorn/Arwen, Lord of the Rings

On a picturesque bridge in Rivendell amidst some stellar mood-lighting and dreamy Elvish language with English subtitles for us non-Middle Earthlings, Arwen (Liv Tyler) and Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) bind their souls to one another, pledging to love each other no matter what befalls them.

Their courtship is a matter of contention with Arwen’s father, Elrond (Hugo Weaving), who doesn’t wish to see his daughter suffer over Aragorn’s future death. The two marry after the conclusion of the War of the Ring, with Aragorn assuming his throne as King of Gondor, and Arwen forgoing her immortality to become his Queen. Is it too much to assume they asked Frodo to be their wedding ring-bearer?


8. Lafayette/Jesus, True Blood

True Blood quickly became the go-to show for supernatural sex scenes featuring future Magic Mike strippers (Joe Manganiello) and pale Nordic men with washboard abs (Hi Alexander Skarsgård!), but honestly, there was a little something for everyone, including fan favorite Bon Temps medium, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis).

In season three, Lafayette met his mother’s nurse, Jesus, and the two began a relationship. As they spend more time together and start doing V (short for Vampire Blood), they learn Jesus is descended from a long line of witches and that Lafayette himself has magical abilities. However, supernatural love is anything but simple, and after the pair join a coven, Lafayette becomes possessed by the dead spirit of its former leader. This relationship certainly puts a whole new spin on possessive love.


9. Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter series

There are lots of sad characters in the Harry Potter series, but Remus Lupin ranks among the saddest. He was bitten by a werewolf as a child, his best friend was murdered and his other best friend was wrongly imprisoned in Azkaban for it, then THAT best friend was killed by a Death Eater at the Ministry of Magic as Remus looked on. So when Lupin unexpectedly found himself in love with badass Auror and Metamorphmagus Nymphadora Tonks (she prefers to be called by her surname ONLY, thank you very much), pretty much everyone, including Lupin himself, was both elated and cautiously hopeful about their romance and eventual marriage.

Sadly, the pair met a tragic ending when both were killed by Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts, leaving their son, Teddy, orphaned much like his godfather Harry Potter. Accio hankies!


10. The Doctor/Rose Tyler, Doctor Who

Speaking of wolves, Rose “Bad Wolf” Tyler (Billie Piper) captured the Doctor’s hearts from the moment he told her to “Run!” in the very first episode of the re-booted Doctor Who series. Their affection for one another grew steadily deeper during their travels in the TARDIS, whether they were stuck in 1950s London, facing down pure evil in the Satan Pit, or battling Cybermen.

But their relationship took a tragic turn during the season two finale episode, “Doomsday,” when the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) and Rose found themselves separated in parallel universes with no way of being reunited (lest two universes collapse as a result of a paradox). A sobbing Rose told a holographic transmission of the Doctor she loved him, but before he could reply, the transmission cut out, leaving our beloved Time Lord (and most of the audience) with a tear-stained face and two broken hearts all alone in the TARDIS.

Get ready Trekkies: Introducing Star Trek week

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A long time ago in a galaxy far far away ….wait. That’s not right. We’re not showing that Disney film! We’re showing “Star Trek.” This Saturday we are kicking off a whole week’s worth of awesome with “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” at 8/7c. In the first foray of the popular television show onto the silver screen, Adm. Kirk (William Shatner), Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy), Dr. McCoy (DeForest Kelley) and crew embark in the overhauled Enterprise to find an intelligent entity called VGER.

Then on Sunday we’re re-airing “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” at 5:15 p.m. ET followed by “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” at 8/7c where Ricardo Montalban stars as the ultimate evil villain Khan, who may or may not be Chaka Khan’s cousin. While you should definitely watch, whatever you do, don’t let him near your ears.

Starting Monday we’ll be throwing “Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock” into the mix starting at 8/7c. In the third installment, Captain Kirk and the crew steal the old Enterprise and head for Vulcan to reunite the mind and body of Mr. Spock. Why? It may not be logical, but it’s the right thing to do.

After you vote, tune in on Tuesday at 8/7c for “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” where Spock, Captain Kirk and the Enterprise time-travel to modern-day San Francisco to bring humpback whales to the 23rd century. That’s right: Whales, motherfucker! So much better than watching election results.

On Wednesday, who ever is the new President of the United States, we will be watching “Star Trek V: The Final Frontier” at 8/7c. This time a renegade Vulcan makes Kirk, Spock, McCoy (DeForest Kelley) and the Enterprise go to a planet at the center of the galaxy.

While “Star Trek V” was called “The Final Frontier,” fear not, because we have another installment of the film franchise on Thursday: “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country” kicks off at 8/7c. This time Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and the Enterprise encounter sabotage on the way to peace talks with the Klingon Federation.

Capping off the week we have a surplus of Captains. In “Star Trek Generations,” Capt. Kirk and Capt. Picard (Patrick Stewart) team up to thwart mad Dr. Soran’s (Malcolm McDowell) quest for the Nexus of joy. Fans of the old school and new school Star Trek can hold hands and tune in together at 8/7c.

But that’s not all folks! On Saturday, we inaugurate Star Trek: The Next Generation as commander of the film franchise. AT 8/7c we’re showing “Star Trek: First Contact” with Captain Jean-Luc Picard at the helm with William Riker (Jonathan Frakes) at his side. They and their crew set off to stop the half-robot Borg from sabotaging a historic rocket flight in 2063.

Finally, on Sunday, we’re showing “Star Trek: Insurrection” at 8/7c. In the final Star Trek: The Next Generation film, to uphold the principles of his Starfleet oath and save an alien race, Capt. Picard (Patrick Stewart) defies Federation orders.

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“Star Trek: The Motion Picture” airs Sunday at 8/7c; “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” airs Sunday at 8/7c; “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock” airs Monday at 8/7c”; “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” airs Tuesday at 8/7c; “Star Trek V: The Final Frontier” airs Wednesday at 8/7c; “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country” airs Thursday at 8/7c; “Star Trek Generations” airs Friday at 8/7c; “Star Trek: First Contact” airs Saturday at 8/7c; “Star Trek: Insurrection” at 8/7c

The five best Twisted Sister videos

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The thing with “Strangeland,”which we’re showing tonight at 8/7c, is that in many ways, it’s a cautionary tale warning of the dangers of online chatrooms. Sure nowadays everyone knows that any ten-year old girl in a chatroom is probably an undercover FBI agent waiting to play Catch the Predator and that if you accept the offer of a free at-home massage on Craig’s List you’re just begging to star in the next installment of a made for TV movie about serial killers, but back when the internet first started pumping through it’s pipes and tubes, people were innocent. That’s where “Strangeland” came in like the scariest afterschool special ever.

In the movie, teenagers Genevieve (Freaks & Geeks’ Linda Cardellini) and Tiana (Amat Rhoe) make some friends on the internet and soon are invited to attend a party hosted by someone who goes by the screen name “Captain Howdy.” Luckily none of you would fall for that, because being pop culturally savvy you would recognize “Captain Howdy” as the evil demon in “The Exorcist.” Unfortunately the girls haven’t watched nearly enough movies and naturally the “party” ends up being a trap to lure them into a world of torture and “body art” that would give pause to even Jigsaw of the “Saw” movies. Genevieve’s father, local cop Mike Gage (Kevin Gage), is soon on the case and tracks down the culprit, a severe schizophrenic named Carleton Hendricks (Dee Snider). However, Hendricks’ subsequent arrest and “rehabilitation” ends up being only the beginning of an even bigger nightmare, spurned on by the lynching tactics of the neighborhood’s most enraged father, Jackson Roth (Robert Englund a.k.a. Freddie Krueger). Snider, who stars as the friendly neighborhood psycho, also wrote the screenplay. But those in the know know that Dee Snider is the frontman for ’80s hair metal band Twisted Sister, and that’s all the excuse we need to get our hair metal on.

Here are the five best Twisted Sister videos with special appearances by Bobcat Goldthwait and Peewee Herman:

5. “Leader of the Pack”

4. “I Wanna Rock”

3. “We’re Not Gonna Take It”

2. “Be Chrool to Your Scuel”

1. “Burn in Hell”

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“Strangeland” airs on IFC tonight at 8/7c; Friday, Nov. 2 at 11:45 PM ET; Tuesday, Nov. 20 at 8:00 PM ET; Tuesday, Nov. 20 at 11:30 PM ET; Thursday, Nov. 29 at 9:00 PM ET; Thursday, Nov. 29 at 10:45 PM ET

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