DID YOU READ

What to watch this week on IFC: November 5 – 11

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As you are probably aware, we are heading to the polls this week to either elect a president or keep the same one in office. Whatever way the ballots go, there’s no doubt that your television will be full of talking heads jabbering on about elephants and donkeys. But not on IFC. Not this week. This week we are all about Vulcans, Klingons and the other crew members of the Starship Enterprise. That’s right, it’s Star Trek Week and we can’t wait to shout, “Beam us up, Scotty!” at the television, remind our roommates that “we’re a doctor, not a miracle worker” and point out everything that is not completely logical.

Here’s what to watch this week on IFC:

Monday

After you watch “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock” at 8/7c, stay tuned for terror (and a few laughs) when we show “Evil Dead 2” at 10:15 p.m. ET. Watch Bruce Campbell battle protean spirits, a basement ghoul, some trees and his own hand with nothing but a chainsaw, a shotgun, incantations and a seriously gung-ho attitude.

Tuesday

We’re showing “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” tonight at 8/7c. In the fourth installment of the television series’ silver screen voyage, we find Captain Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Sulu, Dr. McCoy and the rest of the Enterprise crew traveling to modern day (well, 1986) San Francisco to bring some humpback whales back to the future. It’s not logical, but it’s definitely the funniest of all the Star Trek films.

Wednesday

In “Star Trek V: The Final Frontier” Kirk (William Shatner), Spock (Leonard Nimoy) and McCoy (DeForest Kelley) head out in search of God, because if you had a spaceship and nothing else to do, wouldn’t you? Well maybe not, but you would if a renegade Vulcan named Sybok (Laurence Luckinbill) tricked you into it.

Thursday

Live long and prosper doesn’t mean much when you’re falsely accused of a crime. In “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country,” Captain Kirk (William Shatner) and Doctor McCoy (DeForest Kelley) are accused and imprisoned by Klingon General Chang (Christopher Plummer) for the murder of a Klingon chancellor. The real surprise isn’t Kirk’s and McCoy’s crimes and misdemeanors, but the appearance of Sex and the City’s Kim Cattrall as Spock‚Äôs protege. In this galaxy it starts at 8/7c.

Friday

In “Star Trek: Generations” we get to see the baton passed from the old school (Captain Kirk) to the new (Jean Luc Picard), but instead of battling to the death they team up to fight some crazy old dude played by Malcolm McDowell. If that’s not a good cause I don’t know what is. Tune in at 8/7c or be banished to the Nexus with Malcolm McDowell forever.

Saturday

Resistance is futile! So cancel your plans and watch Patrick Stewart as Capt. Jean-Luc Picard and Jonathan Frakes as first mate on the Star Trek: The Next Generation’s first solo movie “Star Trek: First Contact.” At 8/7c, it’s man, Klingon, Vulcan, and android vs The Borg. Who will you root for?

Sunday

For the final night of Star Trek Week we’re showing “Star Trek: Insurrection” at 8/7c. In the ninth installment of the franchise’s foray onto the silver screen, the crew of the Enterprise get in touch with their inner hippies and stage a tree-hugging revolt against the Federation. Don’t worry, Geordi LaForge looks great in bellbottoms made out of all natural fibers.

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SAG Life

Rappers Act Up

Watch the Yo! IFC Acts Movie Marathon Memorial Day Weekend.

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Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Everett Collection (and the '90s)

Memorial Day weekend: how to celebrate? Nothing quite says “screw spring—let’s do summer” like blockbuster movies starring rappers who ditched lucrative music careers in order to become actors. It happened a lot, remember? Especially in and around the ’90s. Will Smith, Eminem, Ice Cube, Ice-T, Marky Mark Wahlberg, Ludacris…icons with the hubris to try the silver screen instead and have it totally work out.

But what if more rappers had made the leap? That’s a rhetorical question—movies (and life) would’ve been better, obviously. To prove it, here are some movies that would’ve been more memorable with rappers.

The Godfather

Starring Biggie, not Brando.
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Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Only Coolio could improve upon Gene Wilder’s performance.
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Billy Elliot

Billy Elliot, with a dose of Missy Elliott.
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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Low hanging fruit, Hollywood.
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And of course…

Kanye-of-The-Lambs

See NONE of those movies and a whole bunch of real ones this Memorial Day weekend on IFC’s rapper-filled movie marathon.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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