DID YOU READ

What to watch tonight: “Rambo”

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John Rambo once said, “Live for something or die for nothing.” Know what we live for? Awesome movies, like “Rambo,” which we are showing tonight at 8/7c and again at 9:45 p.m. ET. It’s a movie so nice, we’re showing it twice. And by nice we mean serious Rambo-style butt-kicking action that only Sylvester Stallone can deliver. In this 2008 film, Stallone reprises his most iconic film (well, his other most iconic role) role twenty years after the release of “Rambo III.” The film finds hardened Vietnam War veteran John Rambo making a quiet living in a remote Thailand village near the Burmese border, but Rambo is known for being …er silent but violent, and when a nice missionary lady is taken prisoner he is back in action. Even after twenty years, Rambo can still kill with ease and silence his enemies with just one look (and a knife).

You think you can beat Rambo?

Nah, but maybe you can beat this Rambo, if you have enough quarters:

Or maybe this Rambo, if you’re a leprechaun or a My Little Pony:

But THIS Rambo?

You don’t stand a chance. In fact, you probably don’t even stand a chance against this guy:

So why don’t you just sit back, get comfy on the couch, eat some popcorn and watch Sylvester Stallone kick some Burmese butt in “Rambo” tonight at 8/7c. It’s safer. Here’s the trailer for tonight’s ass-kicking:

“Rambo” airs tonight at 8/7c and re-airs at 9:45 p.m. ET and on Thursday, Sep. 27 at 8/7c.

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Underworld

Under Your Spell

10 Otherworldly Romances That’ll Melt Your Heart

Spend Valentine's Day weekend with IFC's Underworld movie marathon.

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Photo Credit: Screen Gems/courtesy Everett Collection

Romance takes many forms, and that is especially true when you have a thirst for blood or laser beams coming out of your eyes.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a werewolf, a superhero, a clone, a time-traveler, or a vampire, love is the one thing that infects us all.  Read on to find out why Romeo and Juliet have nothing on these supernatural star-crossed lovers, and be sure to catch IFC’s Underworld movie marathon this Valentine’s Day weekend.

1. Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine, X-Men series

The X-Men franchise is rife with romance, but the steamiest “ménage à mutant” may just be the one between Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), Cyclops (James Marsden), and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). Their triangle is a complicated one as Jean finds herself torn between the two very different men while also trying to control her darker side, the Phoenix. This leads to Jean killing Cyclops and eventually getting stabbed through her heart by Wolverine in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yikes!  Maybe they should change the name to Ex-Men instead?


2. Willow/Tara, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon gave audiences some great romances on Buffy the Vampire Slayer — including the central triangle of Buffy, Angel, and Spike — but it was the love between witches Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara (Amber Benson) that broke new ground for its sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a LGBT relationship.

Willow is smart and confident and isn’t even sure of her sexuality when she first meets Tara at college in a Wiccan campus group. As the two begin experimenting with spells, they realize they’re also falling for one another and become the show’s most enduring, happy couple. At least until Tara’s death in season six, a moment that still brings on the feels.


3. Selene/Michael, Underworld series

The Twilight gang pales in comparison (both literally and metaphorically) to the Lycans and Vampires of the stylish Underworld franchise. If you’re looking for an epic vampire/werewolf romance set amidst an epic vampire/werewolf war, Underworld handily delivers in the form of leather catsuited Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and shaggy blonde hunk Michael (a post-Felicity Scott Speedman). As they work together to stop the Vampire/Lycan war, they give into their passions while also kicking butt in skintight leather. Love at first bite indeed.


4. Spider-man/Mary Jane Watson, Spider-man

After rushing to the aid of beautiful girl-next-door Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), the Amazing Spider-man is rewarded with an upside-down kiss that is still one of the most romantic moments in comic book movie history. For Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), the shy, lovable dork beneath the mask, his rain-soaked makeout session is the culmination of years of unrequited love and one very powerful spider bite. As the films progress, Peter tries pushing MJ away in an attempt to protect her from his enemies, but their web of love is just too powerful. And you know, with great power, comes great responsibility.


5. Molly/Sam, Ghost

When it comes to supernatural romance, you really can’t beat Molly and Sam from the 1990 hit film Ghost. Demi Moore goes crazy for Swayze like the rest of us, and the pair make pottery sexier than it’s ever been.

When Sam is murdered, he’s forced to communicate through con artist turned real psychic, Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg in her Academy Award-winning role) to warn Molly she is still in danger from his co-worker, Carl (a pre-Scandal Tony Goldwyn). Molly doesn’t believe Oda is telling the truth, so Sam proves it by sliding a penny up the wall and then possessing Oda so he and Molly can share one last romantic dance together (but not the dirty kind). We’d pay a penny for a dance with Patrick Swayze ANY day.


6. Cosima/Delphine, Orphan Black

It stands to reason there would be at least one complicated romance on a show about clones, and none more complicated than the one between clone Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) and Dr. Delphine Cormier (Evelyne Brochu) on BBC America’s hit drama Orphan Black.

Cosima is a PhD student focusing on evolutionary developmental biology at the University of Minnesota when she meets Delphine, a research associate from the nefarious Dyad Institute, posing as a fellow immunology student. The two fall in love, but their happiness is brief once Dyad and the other members of Clone Club get involved. Here’s hoping Cosima finds love in season four of Orphan Black. Girlfriend could use a break.


7. Aragorn/Arwen, Lord of the Rings

On a picturesque bridge in Rivendell amidst some stellar mood-lighting and dreamy Elvish language with English subtitles for us non-Middle Earthlings, Arwen (Liv Tyler) and Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) bind their souls to one another, pledging to love each other no matter what befalls them.

Their courtship is a matter of contention with Arwen’s father, Elrond (Hugo Weaving), who doesn’t wish to see his daughter suffer over Aragorn’s future death. The two marry after the conclusion of the War of the Ring, with Aragorn assuming his throne as King of Gondor, and Arwen forgoing her immortality to become his Queen. Is it too much to assume they asked Frodo to be their wedding ring-bearer?


8. Lafayette/Jesus, True Blood

True Blood quickly became the go-to show for supernatural sex scenes featuring future Magic Mike strippers (Joe Manganiello) and pale Nordic men with washboard abs (Hi Alexander Skarsgård!), but honestly, there was a little something for everyone, including fan favorite Bon Temps medium, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis).

In season three, Lafayette met his mother’s nurse, Jesus, and the two began a relationship. As they spend more time together and start doing V (short for Vampire Blood), they learn Jesus is descended from a long line of witches and that Lafayette himself has magical abilities. However, supernatural love is anything but simple, and after the pair join a coven, Lafayette becomes possessed by the dead spirit of its former leader. This relationship certainly puts a whole new spin on possessive love.


9. Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter series

There are lots of sad characters in the Harry Potter series, but Remus Lupin ranks among the saddest. He was bitten by a werewolf as a child, his best friend was murdered and his other best friend was wrongly imprisoned in Azkaban for it, then THAT best friend was killed by a Death Eater at the Ministry of Magic as Remus looked on. So when Lupin unexpectedly found himself in love with badass Auror and Metamorphmagus Nymphadora Tonks (she prefers to be called by her surname ONLY, thank you very much), pretty much everyone, including Lupin himself, was both elated and cautiously hopeful about their romance and eventual marriage.

Sadly, the pair met a tragic ending when both were killed by Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts, leaving their son, Teddy, orphaned much like his godfather Harry Potter. Accio hankies!


10. The Doctor/Rose Tyler, Doctor Who

Speaking of wolves, Rose “Bad Wolf” Tyler (Billie Piper) captured the Doctor’s hearts from the moment he told her to “Run!” in the very first episode of the re-booted Doctor Who series. Their affection for one another grew steadily deeper during their travels in the TARDIS, whether they were stuck in 1950s London, facing down pure evil in the Satan Pit, or battling Cybermen.

But their relationship took a tragic turn during the season two finale episode, “Doomsday,” when the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) and Rose found themselves separated in parallel universes with no way of being reunited (lest two universes collapse as a result of a paradox). A sobbing Rose told a holographic transmission of the Doctor she loved him, but before he could reply, the transmission cut out, leaving our beloved Time Lord (and most of the audience) with a tear-stained face and two broken hearts all alone in the TARDIS.

Welcome to The Automat: The Ben Stiller Show

the ben stiller show

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You know how they (read: annoying people at work) like to say that the early bird gets the worm? Well, they should go back to embroidering that on throw pillows, because you know that early birds get something way WAY better than a gross old worm. You know what early birds get around these parts? The Ben Stiller Show. Yep, the acclaimed series — starring Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, Andy Dick and Bob Odenkirk — is back on IFC, but only for those people who get up early or know how to set their DVRs as part of our Automat. Each morning starting at 5 a.m. ET, we are showing a bloc of our favorite comedies including, Action, Bunk, Comedy Bang! Bang! and, of course, The Ben Stiller Show.

If you don’t know the show, it was created by Ben Stiller and Judd Apatow (yeah, THAT Judd Apatow) and it aired on FOX from September 1992 to January 1993, where it won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Writing in a Variety or Music Program. The sketch comedy show was written by a cast of characters who have become a who’s who of comedy writers, including Stiller, Apatow, Odenkirk, David Cross, and Scott Aukerman, among others. The show was hilarious, weird, and seriously laugh-out-loud funny.

Watch this clip and be sure to tune in to The Automat every weekday starting at 5 a.m. ET, because, you know what they say about early birds, right? Yeah, they get the laffs:

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The Ben Stiller Show airs on IFC during The Automat weekdays beginning at 5 a.m. ET

What to watch this week on IFC: September 10 – 16

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September is kind of a weird month, you know? You’re not allowed to wear white shoes any more (so tuck those Reebok hightops away until next Memorial Day, guys), but it still feels like summer. September is basically trapped between summer and fall like a superhero who fell into a time portal or those villains from Krypton trapped in space in the OG Superman movies. The nights are getting cooler, the days are getting shorter, but while you’re waiting for leaves to fall, we’re just trucking along putting awesome movies on television and waiting for Indie Screams to kick off in October.

Here’s what to watch this week on IFC:

Monday

Tonight at 8/7c we’re showing The Libertine where Johnny Depp plays a 17th-century Earl who could have (almost) put R. Kelly to shame with his ability to get some lovin’ from the ladies. The mackdaddy Earl gets freaky with an actress (Samantha Morton) before getting kicked out of the kingdom for angering the King (John Malkovich), not by lovin’ on his lady, but for throwing shade on the King’s court. To make matters worse, the Earl appears to have picked up a little social disease and unfortunately penicillin hasn’t been invented yet.

Tuesday

Just the name “Rambo” gets the adrenaline flowing and the heart beat racing, so watching Sylvester Stallone use his lethal skills to rescue a missionary (Julie Benz) and her crew from the Burmese army, pretty much counts as exercise. So go ahead and skip the gym and tune in tonight at 8/7c.

Wednesday

We’re showing Christopher Nolan’s atmospheric “The Prestige” tonight, because we know awesome movies when we see them. After an illusion goes tragically wrong, two 19th-century magicians (Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale) engage in a bitter and potentially deadly rivalry. Obviously Jackman and Bale are incredibly talented actors who play their parts brilliantly, but the real reason to watch are to see Scarlett Johannssen (because: DUH) and David Bowie as weirdo scientist Nikola Tesla (because: also DUH). Tune in tonight at 8/7c for whatever reason you choose:

Thursday

Ethan Hawke stars as a rookie cop with a heart of almost-gold and an eye for corruption who gets teamed up with weathered veteran narcotics officer (Denzel Washington) who wants to include him in his schemes, in “Training Day.” Of course nothing is exactly as it seems and no one is squeaky clean in this cop drama. See for yourself at 8/7c.

Friday

Stanley Kubrik took a good old-fashioned auteur-style break from movie making, because he’s Kubrick and he can. He broke his movie-making fast with “Full Metal Jacket”, which we’re showing tonight at 8/7c. The film follows a platoon of marines (Matthew Modine, Adam Baldwin, Vincent D’Onofrio) from basic training under a sadistic drill sergeant towards the gruesome realities of the Vietnam War in the 1968 Tet offensive. It’s a brilliant film that kids love. Just kidding! Don’t show this to kids. Keep it all to yourself.

Saturday

What better movie to watch on a Saturday afternoon than “Devil Doll”? We’re showing it at 4 p.m. ET because you couldn’t handle watching this movie in the dark of night because it’s too frightening. The film stars Bryant Haliday as a ventriloquist who hypnotizes a newsman’s (William Sylvester) girlfriend (Yvonne Romain) to put her soul in his dummy, Hugo. Then the dummy takes over and everything goes to hell.

Sunday

This Sunday you’ll want to thank the lord that you don’t have to sell your nice healthy organs on the dirty old black market to make your ends meet. Just watch “Dirty Pretty Things” at 4 ET/3 C to know how incredibly lucky you are that you get to work at, well, anywhere that isn’t the hotel where the receptionist (Sergi López) runs a racket where desperate immigrants each give up a kidney in exchange for a passport.

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