DID YOU READ

Heavy Metal and Horror

Rob Zombie on stage

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Heavy metal and horror movies go together like blood and gore. Both genres revel in shocking and violent imagery. Alice Cooper, who has been doing hard rock for decades, pre-dating metal, always incorporated elements of horror – guillotines, snakes – into his act. Metallica’s lead guitarist Kirk Hammett, a longtime horror fanatic, hosted Kirk’s Crypt at Metallica’s recent Orion festival.  Rob Zombie, through his successful, sanguinary films, has become something of an Ingmar Bergman of the rocksploitation genre; he is an auteur du splatter-cinema, if you will. Zombie is a writer, director and producer of gore – and he knows his audience very well. The self-proclaimed “Hellbilly,” according to The-Numbers, has average grosses of $29 million for films under his directorship. Over the 2007 Labor Day weekend, Zombie’s update of the moribund Halloween franchise drew record crowds – earning $30.6 million – for the Weinstein Company and MGM. Zombie’s fan base was made for horror, and, being a smart businessman, he leveraged his niche market of young men into a nice nest egg.

The term “heavy metal” itself came from counterculture writer William Burroughs’ novel The Soft Machine, published in 1962. Six years later, in 1968, Steppenwolf sang the magic, incendiary lyrics, “I like smoke and lightning/ heavy metal thunder.” The rest was history. Hair bands notwithstanding, the hyper-masculinity of heavy metal – in lyrics and in imagery — lends itself perfectly to the horror genre, where life is reduced to Darwinian survival and we are all just animated meattrying to avoid the occasional ice pick.

If metal and horror go back a long way, it wasn’t really until the Presidency of Ronald Reagan that the genre achieved full-blooded – pun intended — maturity. The obligatory cameo appearances by Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne, with their 80s hair, were a staple of that decade of greed. In the 1980s, the Golden Age of Metal (as well as of horror), it was almost mandatory for a slasher flic to have a heavy metal soundtrack as well as a music video drenched in blood. Excess, in everything, was the 80s. “In the taxonomy of popular music, heavy metal is a major subspecies of hard-rock – the breed with less syncopation, less blues, more showmanship and more brute force,” John Pareles of the New York Times famously described heavy metal in 1988. One could almost say the same thing with minor alterations in language about horror films — a subspecies of the thriller, perhaps, with less attention to narrative and character, more jump cuts, more brute force.

The 80s were, in short, an age of leather, gunpowder and – how could it be otherwise? — extended guitar solos. Punk, thrash and even glam metal scores were all the rage. The legendary Return of the Living Dead, released in 1985 with a solid punk rock score, did $14 million at the box office on a measly $4 million budget. In 1986, the aforementioned Alice Cooper – arguably more “hard rock” than hard core metal – scored much of Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives. One year later, in 1987, hair metal band Dokken, not to be left out, did the memorable theme for Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors (the only thing, incidentally, memorable about that movie). And in The Gate  (also 1987; also unmemorable), the cursed LP of the band SACRIFIX played backwards opens the gates to the underworld. Under the influence of Republican Presidents some of the best horror films of all time were created.

“Heavy metal and horror have a share a storied history,” writes Lauren Wise in the Phoenix New Sun’s Metal Mondays column. “Both are extreme, the kind of platforms that appeal to the misfits and the adventurous. The dual art forms have indirectly and directly influenced each other drastically over the decades.” Both also have cathartic value, as any young man could tell you. Listening to death metal, to the darker elements of hard rock, acts as a purge to negative emotions. So much the better for our civilization that we have such release valves in place.

Finally, as the staff of Slate stated in an interesting piece titled The Greatest Horror Films of the Aughts, “That the halcyon days of horror are directly proportional to the index of actual human suffering.” One cannot fail to note, in closing, that most of the films mentioned in that post were done under the Presidency of George W. Bush, not unlike the Golden Age of Horror, which occurred under Reagan’s watch. Coincidence? Just saying.


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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show premieres this summer on IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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