DID YOU READ

Five questions “The Avengers” didn’t answer

Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans in The Avengers

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Unless you’ve been in a media blackout the last few days, you know that “The Avengers” broke all sorts of records this weekend.

And while I’ve gone on record with my fondness for Marvel’s superhero team-up extravaganza, I had a few questions that went unanswered when the credits rolled in “The Avengers.” From the whereabouts of War Machine to the ancestry of the film’s alien invaders, here are five of the biggest questions I was left pondering after watching the big-screen debut of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. (Oh, and for anyone who hasn’t seen “The Avengers” yet, be warned: this will contain some big spoilers!)

1. Where was War Machine?

Last seen in “Iron Man 2,” Iron Man’s armored, heavily weaponized counterpart piloted by James “Rhodey” Rhodes (Don Cheadle) was conspicuously absent from “The Avengers.” One can’t help wondering what sort of threat was more deserving of War Machine’s attention than an army of aliens and an angry god threatening to take over our entire planet. After all, if one highly mobile, flying tank with energy weapons can do that much damage to an invading army, how much of Manhattan could’ve been saved if Iron Man and War Machine were on the case?

2. Are the Skrulls around?

Long-rumored to be the villains of “The Avengers,” the Skrulls are a race of shape-changing aliens that the superhero team has battled with many times in the comics world. Marvel successfully pulled one over on all of the outlets that claimed to “confirm” the Skrull’ presence in the film, though, and made the Chitauri the common foe that forces Earth’s heroes to unite. It’s worth noting, however, that the Chitauri were introduced as an alternate-universe version of the Skrulls in The Ultimates, a comic book series that reimagines the Avengers in a more modern-day setting, but the alien race was later reclassified as an off-shoot of the Skrulls. So are the Skrulls still out there, threatening to infiltrate Earth? As one of the Avengers’ recurring enemies, it would be surprising to see the studio ignore the shape-changers’ potential.

3. Is Bruce Banner in control of Hulk?

At the end of “The Incredible Hulk,” a brief shot of Bruce Banner’s eyes going green hints that he might be gaining control over his monstrous alter ego, and that seems to be the case in “The Avengers,” too. When Banner (Mark Ruffalo) smiles and tells his teammates that he’s “always” angry, then intentionally turns into Hulk, it would certainly seem that the man and monster are at least somewhat united in purpose. So what happened when he went all “Hulk smash!” on Black Widow and Thor? I can’t help wondering what the real dynamic is here, and how conscious Banner is of Hulk’s actions. We certainly see a bit more awareness (and even a sense of humor) in Hulk during “The Avengers,” so here’s hoping another solo film featuring the green giant will shed more light on the relationship between Banner and Hulk.

4. What is The Council?

At several points during “The Avengers,” Nick Fury is shown arguing with a shadowy group of advisors he calls “The Council.” So what is this mysterious organization? Its members seem to outrank the S.H.I.E.L.D. chief, so I can’t help wondering whether the group is some part of the U.N. or another international organization that only exists in Marvel’s cinematic universe. Could they have been the real group pulling the strings throughout all of Marvel’s movies? This might seem like a small thread to pull, but there’s reason to believe a big web could be at the other end of it.

5. The Infinity Gems, I presume?

The post-credits scene reveals that Thanos, one of the Avengers’ greatest enemies, played a role in pairing Loki with the Chitauri for the invasion of Earth. Thanos is best known in the Marvel Comics universe as a powerful alien who once sought after — and eventually wielded — the Infinity Gauntlet, a golden glove with six powerful “Infinity Gems” embedded within it. The gems each control one element of the universe (time, space, mind, soul, reality, and power) and when wielded collectively, make whoever wears the glove practically invincible. The Infinity Gauntlet actually appeared in “Thor,” and Marvel carted the prop to Comic-Con last year to show it off, so now that we’ve seen the big-screen version of Thanos there’s reason to believe he’s up to his old tricks again.

So my final questions fall along these lines: Is the Tesseract one of the Infinity Gems? And what about the orb in Loki’s staff?

Given its ability to open a portal to the Chitauri fleet, there’s reason to believe the Tesseract is the Space Gem. And with Loki using his staff to control Hawkeye and other members of S.H.I.E.L.D., it’s not too far-fetched to think that orb is the Mind Gem. Could we have already seen two of the gems Thanos will go after in his bid for power?

What were some of your post-“Avengers” questions? Chime in below or on Facebook or Twitter.

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Brock Hard

Brockmire’s Guide To Grabbing Life By The D***

Catch up on the full season of Brockmire now.

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“Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, because this ballgame is over!”

Brockmire has officially closed out its rookie season. Miss the finale episode? A handful of episodes? The whole blessed season?? You can see it all from the beginning, starting right here.

And you should get started, because every minute you spend otherwise will be a minute spent not living your best life. That’s right, there are very important life lessons that Brockmire hid in plain sight—lessons that, when applied thoughtfully, can improve every aspect of your awesome existence. Let’s dive into some sage nuggets from what we call the Book of Jim.

Life Should Be Spiked, Not Watered Down.

That’s not just a fancy metaphor. As Brockmire points out, water tastes “awful. 70% of the water is made up of that shit?” Life is short, water sucks, live like you mean it.

There Are Only Three Types of People

“Poor people, rich people and famous people. Rich people are just poor people with money, so the only worthwhile thing is being famous.” So next time your rich friends act all high and mighty, politely remind them that they’re worthless in the eyes of even the most minor celebrities.

There’s Always A Reason To Get Out Of Bed

And 99% of the time that reason is the urge to pee. It’s nature’s way of saying “seize the day.”

There’s More To Life Than Playing Games

“Baseball can’t compete with p0rnography. Nothing can.” Nothing you do or ever will do can be more important to people than p0rn. Get off your high horse.

A Little Empathy Goes A Long Way

Especially if you’ve taken someone else’s Plan B by mistake.

Our Weaknesses Can Be Our Greatest Strengths

Tyrion Lannister said something similar. Hard to tell who said it with more colorful profanity. Wise sentiments all around.

Big Things Come To Those Who Wait

When you’re looking for a sign, the universe will drop you a big one. You’re the sh*t, universe.

And Of Course…

Need more life lessons from the Book of Jim? Catch up on Brockmire on the IFC App.

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Oh Mama

Mommie May I?

Mommie Dearest Is On Repeat All Mothers Day Long On IFC

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The cult-classic movie Mommie Dearest is a game-changer. If you’ve seen it even just once (but come on, who sees it just once?), then you already know what we’re talking about.

But if you haven’t seen it, then let us break it down for you. Really quick, we promise, we’ll even list things out to spare you the reading of a paragraph:

1. It’s the 1981 biopic based on the memoir of Christina Crawford, Hollywood icon Joan Crawford’s adopted daughter.
2. Faye Dunaway plays Joan. And boy does she play her. Loud and over-reactive.
3. It was intended as a drama, but…
4. Waaaaaay over-the-top performances and bargain-basement dialogue rendered it an accidental comedy.
5. It’s a cult classic, and you’re the last person to see it.

Not sold? Don’t believe it’s going to change your life? Ok, maybe over-the-top acting isn’t your thing, or perhaps you don’t like the lingering electricity of a good primal scream, or Joan Crawford is your personal icon and you can’t bear to see her cast in such a creepy light.

But none of that matters.

What’s important is that seeing this movie gives you permission to react to minor repeat annoyances with unrestrained histrionics.

That there is a key moment. Is she crazy? Yeah. But she’s also right. Shoulder nipples are horrible, wire hangers are the worst, and yelling about it feels strangely justified. She did it, we can do it. Precedent set. You’re welcome.

So what else can we yell about? Channel your inner Joan and consider the following list offenses when choosing your next meltdown.

Improperly Hung Toilet Paper

Misplaced Apostrophes

Coldplay at Karaoke

Dad Jokes

Gluten Free Pizza

James Franco

The list of potential pedestrian grievances is actually quite daunting, but when IFC airs Mommie Dearest non-stop for a full day, you’ll have 24 bonus hours to mull it over. 24 bonus hours to nail that lunatic shriek. 24 bonus hours to remember that, really, your mom is comparatively the best.

So please, celebrate Mother’s Day with Mommie Dearest on IFC and at IFC.com. And for the love of god—NO WIRE HANGERS EVER.

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Breaking News

From Canada With Love

Baroness von Sketch Show premieres this summer on IFC.

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Breaking news that (finally) isn’t apocalyptic!

IFC announced today that it acquired acclaimed Canadian comedy series Baroness von Sketch Show, slated to make its US of A premiere this summer. And yes, it’s important to note that it’s a Canadian sketch comedy series, because Canada is currently a shining beacon of civilization in the western hemisphere, and Baroness von Sketch Show reflects that light in every way possible.

The series is fronted entirely by women, which isn’t unusual in the sketch comedy world but is quite rare in the televised sketch comedy world. Punchy, smart, and provocative, each episode of Baroness von Sketch Show touches upon outrageous-yet-relatable real world subjects in ways both unexpected and deeply satisfying: soccer moms, awkward office birthday parties, being over 40 in a gym locker room…dry shampoo…

Indiewire called it “The Best Comedy You’ve Never Seen” and The National Post said that it’s “the funniest thing on Canadian television since Kids In The Hall.” And that’s saying a lot, because Canadians are goddamn hilarious.

Get a good taste of BVSS in the following sketch, which envisions a future Global Summit run entirely by women. It’s a future we’re personally ready for.

Baroness Von Sketch Show premieres later this summer on IFC.

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