The 10 best Earth in distress movies (with video)


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What chance does our poor planet have against nature and aliens? Here are ten films featuring the Earth taking a licking (and sometimes not continuing with the ticking).

“Armageddon” (1998)

“Bad Boys” was great, but Michael Bay really got to flaunt his genius in what would be the first of his many large-scale sci-fi action adventures. No giant robots in this one, though; here it’s a giant hunk of space rock that’s threatening to collide with the planet, leaving it up to Bruce Willis and his crack team of oil drillers (including Ben Affleck, Owen Wilson, Will Patton, Steve Buscemi and Michael Clarke Duncan) to hop on the next shuttle and blast the Texas-sized thing into a bunch of much less-threatening smaller chunks. It’s the kind of life-or-death situation and seemingly insurmountable task that calls for at least one Aerosmith song on the soundtrack and a few tears from the lead singer’s daughter as she prays for Affleck’s safe return; luckily, the Ground Control to Willis’ Major Tom is played by Billy Bob Thornton, a fella you’d definitely want to have your back if this kind of crazy shit actually happened. And to think, first contact with the asteroid was established by Eddie Griffin and his dog.

“The Core” (2003)

A bunch of disturbances in the Earth’s electromagnetic field are making birds drop dead and random lightning storms wreck havoc; a geology professor (Aaron Eckhart) concludes it’s because the planet’s core has stopped turning, which launches a top-secret mission to drill into the center of the Earth and blow it to kingdom come, which will (in theory) jump-start its rotation. Stop your own brain’s rotation for 135 minutes and “The Core” is actually a lot of fun, thanks mostly to an enthusiastic cast (including Hilary Swank, Delroy Lindo, Tcheky Karyo, Stanley Tucci and the skinny kid from “Road Trip”) that seems totally game for any kind of preposterous sci-fi nonsense. It’s really too bad about the birds — that little tourist kid is probably going to have nightmares about Trafalgar Square for the rest of his damn life.

“The Day After Tomorrow” (2004)

Al Gore finally gets to say “I told you so” before freezing to death in this environmental disaster flick. Some (okay, everyone) may have quibbled about the non-realism of the ultra-speedy climate apocalypse presented in “The Day After Tomorrow,” but scenes of Mother Nature laying waste to some of the world’s great cities are admittedly simply awesome to watch thanks to the film’s cutting-edge special effects (the initial flood that takes out NYC is especially awe-inspiring). “Day” is also commendable for its rather somber and downbeat tone, a far cry from the rah-rah patriotism of Roland Emmerich’s previous planet-in-jeopardy outing, “Independence Day”; after all, Jeff Goldblum’s laptop — or anything else, for that matter — probably isn’t going to be of much help in fighting extreme climate change. This is the middle — and definitely the darkest — installment in Emmerich’s unofficial “Destroy the Earth” trilogy, between “ID4” and “2012.”

“The Day the Earth Stood Still” (2008)

It isn’t the threat of nuclear warfare but rather our own carelessness with the environment that prompts an alien race to threaten us with extermination in this tree-hugging update of the 1951 sci-fi film. Keanu Reeves is actually quite good as Klaatu, the extraterrestrial ambassador who comes to Earth with the imposing GORT, here a much more organic (and shape-shifting) menace than the clunky robot of the original; Jennifer Connelly works her two expressions (wide-eyed, vaguely erotic confusion and wide-eyed, vaguely erotic confusion) as the Princeton professor who tries to talk the handsome visitor out of pulling the trigger. Director Scott Derrickson’s big-budget remake never quite comes together, but it’s not without its apocalyptic pleasures, including a GORT (here an acronym for Genetically Organized Robotic Technology) who turns into a swarm of nanomachines that devours everything in its path — especially Giants Stadium.

“Deep Impact” (1998)

1998’s much more serious and somber disaster movie chronicles the attempts to destroy a seven-mile-wide comet (discovered by a teenage amateur astronomer played by Elijah Wood) that’s set to collide with the Earth and cause mass extinction; unfortunately, the nuclear bomb planted on the thing by the spacecraft “Messiah” (a join venture between the U.S. and Russia, notch) only succeeds in splitting it in two, which means there’s now a pair of 3.5-mile-wide comets en route to kill us all. “Deep Impact” was released in May and received praise for its (relative) scientific credibility; however, “Armageddon” had Bruce Willis, Aerosmith on the soundtrack and a Fourth of July weekend release date, so it ultimately made more money. Directed by Mimi Leder, a protege of Steven Spielberg’s; oddly enough, she’s barely been heard from since.

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Documentary Now! Robert Evans Mansion

The Reel Deal

Everything You Need To Know About “Mr. Runner Up” Inspiration Robert Evans

Watch the two-part finale of Documentary Now! this Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection

In its upcoming two-part finale, Documentary Now! spoofs the crown jewel of docs: The Kid Stays In The Picture. It’s the autobiographical documentary about Robert Evans, the unlikely Hollywood mogul whose mix of self-aggrandizing bravado, classic good looks and extremely circumstantial good luck took him from being a salesman to an actor to the head of Paramount Pictures.

If you’ve never seen the film, it’s totally worth it. Rotten Tomatoes agrees, with a staggeringly-high approval rating. Watch it before, or watch it after — doesn’t matter. You’ll appreciate it whenever.

In the meantime, here’s a bit of background that will come in handy…

Robert Loves Robert

Robert Evans desk

USA Films/Everett Collection

Robert Evans is the ultimate Robert Evans fan. The movie was narrated by Robert Evans and based on his memoir of the same name. It is totally unbiased.

He’s Kind Of A Big Deal

Robert Evans, Chinatown
Paramount Pictures

Evans produced some of Hollywood’s true classics: Chinatown, Rosemary’s Baby, The Godfather, Love Story…the list goes on. Totally legit and amazing movies.

He’s Also Kind Of A Joke

Wag The Dog
New Line Cinema

Evans has been parodied in TV shows and movies like Entourage and Wag The Dog. He is the quintessential “producer” you already have in your head.

So Wrong He’s Right

Robert Evans Slap
20th Century Film Corp

Robert Evans is a notorious narcissist whose love of self is so blind and sincere that it’s actually adorable.

There’s Something Missing

via Giphy

Entire sections of Robert Evans’ life are left out of the documentary. Maybe it’s because of timing. Maybe it’s because real life isn’t a tidy narrative. Who knows.

He Blew It

Spider coke

Evans had a pretty spectacular fall from grace. He was convicted of cocaine trafficking in the early 80’s, and was connected to a contract killing during the production of The Cotton Club. Oops.

Losing Is For Losers

Everett Collection
Everett Collection

In the Robert Evans mythology, all tragedies are just triumphs in disguise, and every story has a happy ending…for Robert Evans.

Bill Hader Jerry Wallach

With these simple facts in hand you are now prepared to thoroughly enjoy the two-part finale of Documentary Now! starting this Wednesday at 10/9c on IFC.

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Weird Roles

Anthony Michael Hall’s Most Rotten Movies

Catch Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science on Friday at 8P on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Universal/Everett Collection

Anthony Michael Hall was the quintessential ’80s nerd. We love him in classics like The Breakfast Club and National Lampoon’s Vacation. But even the brainiest among us has his weak spots. In honor of Weird Science airing this Rotten Friday, we analyze Hall’s worst movies.

Weird Science (1985) 56%

A low point for John Hughes, Weird Science is way too wacky for its own good. Anthony Michael Hall’s Gary and his pal Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) create the “perfect woman.” Supernatural chaos ensues. The film costars a young Bill Paxton, floppy disks, and a general disconnect from all reality.

The Caveman’s Valentine (2001) 46%

This ambitious drama starring Samuel L. Jackson couldn’t live up to its rich premise. Jackson plays Romulus, a Juilliard-educated, paranoid schizophrenic who lives in a cave. Hall co-stars as Bob, a rich man, who wants to see Romulus play the piano. The plot centers around Romulus investigating a murder, but with so much going on, the movie never quite finds its rhythm.

All About the Benjamins (2002) 30%

Ice Cube plays a bounty hunter who teams up with Mike Epps’ con man to catch diamond thieves. Hall plays Lil J, a small-time drug dealer. It’s definitely a role we’ve never seen Hall in, but overall the movie isn’t funny or original enough to justify its violence.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) 11%

This showcase for Tom Green’s goofy gross-out comedy is often hailed as one of the worst films of all time. Green plays Gord, a 20-something slacker, who dreams of having his own animated series. Hall is Dave Davidson, a CEO of an animation studio who eventually helps Gord find success. Too bad Tom Green wasn’t so lucky.

Johnny Be Good (1988) 0%

Hall plays against type as Johnny Walker, a star quarterback. Robert Downey Jr. is his best friend and Uma Thurman plays his devoted girlfriend. Despite the support of a future A-list cast, the movie lacks central conflict and charm. Or, as TV Guide put it, “Johnny be worthless.” Ouch.

Catch the “Too Rotten to Miss” Weird Science this Friday at 8P on IFC.

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Season 6: Episode 1: Pickathon

Binge Fest

Portlandia Season 6 Now Available On DVD

The perfect addition to your locally-sourced, artisanal DVD collection.

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End of summer got you feeling like:

Portlandia Toni Screaming GIF

Ease into fall with Portlandia‘s sixth season. Relive the latest exploits of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein’s cast of characters, including Doug and Claire’s poignant breakup, Lance’s foray into intellectual society, and the terrifying rampage of a tsukemen Noodle Monster! Plus, guest stars The Flaming Lips, Glenn Danzig, Louis C.K., Kevin Corrigan, Zoë Kravitz, and more stop by to experience what Portlandia is all about.

Pick up a copy of the DVD today, or watch full episodes and series extras now on IFC.com and the IFC app.

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