DID YOU READ

Tim Grierson on “John Carter” and the Value of Failure

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Pixar has been the envy of Hollywood for a long time, and one of the reasons for that is Andrew Stanton. A head honcho and guiding light of the commercially and critically successful animation studio — along with John Lasseter, Brad Bird, and others — he co-wrote the first two “Toy Story” films, “A Bug’s Life,” and “Monsters, Inc.” Even more impressive, he was the director of Oscar-winners “Wall-E” and “Finding Nemo,” two of Pixar’s best films, in part because they’re among the company’s most emotionally sophisticated, brilliantly balancing sentiment and darkness to arrive at astoundingly poignant finales. All Pixar films are put together by a large creative team, but “Wall-E” and “Finding Nemo” feel personal in a way that many of their other movies don’t. If anyone in the business has a Midas touch, it might be Stanton.

It’s not surprising, then, that the Pixar whiz kid would eventually turn his attention to live-action movies, making his debut with “John Carter.” Sure, I’d heard the bad buzz: lengthy reshoots, a title change, a reportedly ballooning budget. And, yes, I’d been turned off by the initial publicity stills and trailers, just like everyone else. But, still, it was Andrew Stanton, the Pixar golden child. It was gonna turn out fine, right?

Unfortunately, no. Though ambitious, “John Carter” is a big mess that resembles a lot of other garish, plodding big-budget blockbusters. Perhaps worse for Stanton and Disney, which released the film, it’s almost certainly going to be a box office disappointment. For the first time, one of Stanton’s films is going to fail — and probably fail spectacularly. Can there be some good in that?

It’s been clear for months that “John Carter” was having problems. When Tad Friend from The New Yorker visited the set a year ago, reshoots were happening and new scenes were being added to help the story. Stanton insisted it was all fine, though: “Reshoots should be mandatory,” he proclaimed. “Honestly, if we had the time and everyone was available, I’d do another reshoot after this one.” But this was a guy who had never made a live-action feature, and his very first one cost anywhere from $250 million to more than $300 million, depending on who you believe. And it didn’t help matters that Stanton seemed pretty arrogant about the whole thing:

“We came on this movie so intimidated: ‘Wow, we’re at the adult table!’ Three months in, I said to my producers, ‘Is it just me, or do we actually know how to do this better than live-action crews do?’ The crew were shocked that they couldn’t overwhelm me, but at Pixar I got used to having to think about everyone else’s problems months before all their pieces would come together, and I learned that I’m just better at communicating and distilling than other people.”

If you’re James Cameron and able to prove the disbelievers wrong — not once (“Titanic”), but twice (“Avatar”) — you can get away with saying stuff like that. But Stanton’s defensive posturing in the article only helped create an impression that he was a cocky kid way out of his depth. Consequently, rather than simply being a noble misfire, “John Carter” has been hit with a thunderstorm of schadenfreude, and the film seems destined to become one of those high-profile disasters that will be used as an example of what not to do in Hollywood.

You could say that Stanton’s own hubris brought this on himself. But the problems with “John Carter” also underline just how difficult it is to make great event movies. Part of why Pixar was so beloved was because it seemed like all they did was produce great films. But as Stanton pointed out in The New Yorker piece, those movies often took years of painstaking trial-and-error to get right. “We’re in this weird, hermetically sealed freakazoid place where everybody’s trying their best to do their best,” he recalled, “and the films still suck for three out of the four years it takes to make them.”

Live-action blockbusters don’t have that luxury, of course: A lot of those have release dates before they have finished scripts. But the hope was that Stanton would take the lessons of Pixar and apply them. That didn’t happen.

While it’s impossible for me to know what specifically doomed the making of “John Carter,” it’s hard not to consider Stanton’s New Yorker profile as a cautionary tale about believing your own hype. All those Oscars, all that commercial success, all that acclaim — Stanton probably felt that as long as he put in the work, he could make anything terrific. After all, as Friend points out, celebrated Pixar movies like “Toy Story 2” and “Ratatouille” were in such bad shape at different stages that new directors had to come onboard to save them. But as Pixar learned recently with the critical drubbing “Cars 2” received, no formula is foolproof. And while another Pixar alum, Brad Bird (“Ratatouille” and “The Incredibles”), successfully transitioned to live-action with “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol,” that was no guarantee for Stanton doing the same thing.

Pete Doctor, who directed “Up” and “Monsters, Inc.,” once described the Pixar creative process like this: “Everyone holds hands and jumps out of the airplane with the promise that they’ll build a parachute before they hit the ground.” For Stanton, “John Carter” was the first time he wasn’t able to build the parachute in time. Everybody eventually fails — even the whiz kids. In a very high-profile way, the debacle of “John Carter” is a cruel reminder for him — and for us — that nobody in this business has the Midas touch. Next time Stanton gets ready to jump out of the airplane, hopefully he won’t be as cocky about it.

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Hard Out

Comedy From The Closet

Janice and Jeffrey Available Now On IFC's Comedy Crib

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She’s been referred to as “the love child of Amy Sedaris and Tracy Ullman,” and he’s a self-described “Italian who knows how to cook a great spaghetti alla carbonara.” They’re Mollie Merkel and Matteo Lane, prolific indie comedians who blended their robust creative juices to bring us the new Comedy Crib series Janice and Jeffrey. Mollie and Matteo took time to answer our probing questions about their series and themselves. Here’s a taste.

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IFC: How would you describe Janice and Jeffrey to a fancy network executive you met in an elevator?

Mollie & Matteo: Janice and Jeffrey is about a married couple experiencing intimacy issues but who don’t have a clue it’s because they are gay. Their oblivion makes them even more endearing.  Their total lack of awareness provides for a buffet of comedy.

IFC: What’s your origin story? How did you two people meet and how long have you been working together?

Mollie: We met at a dive bar in Wrigley Field Chicago. It was a show called Entertaining Julie… It was a cool variety scene with lots of talented people. I was doing Janice one night and Matteo was doing an impression of Liza Minnelli. We sort of just fell in love with each other’s… ACT! Matteo made the first move and told me how much he loved Janice and I drove home feeling like I just met someone really special.

IFC: How would Janice describe Jeffrey?

Mollie: “He can paint, cook homemade Bolognese, and sing Opera. Not to mention he has a great body. He makes me feel empowered and free. He doesn’t suffocate me with attention so our love has room to breath.”

IFC: How would Jeffrey describe Janice?

Matteo: “Like a Ford. Built to last.”

IFC: Why do you think the world is ready for this series?

Mollie & Matteo: Our current political world is mirroring and reflecting this belief that homosexuality is wrong. So what better time for satire. Everyone is so pro gay and equal rights, which is of course what we want, too. But no one is looking at middle America and people actually in the closet. No one is saying, hey this is really painful and tragic, and sitting with that. Having compassion but providing the desperate relief of laughter…This seemed like the healthiest, best way to “fight” the gay rights “fight”.

IFC: Hummus is hilarious. Why is it so funny?

Mollie: It just seems like something people take really seriously, which is funny to me. I started to see it in a lot of lesbians’ refrigerators at a time. It’s like observing a lesbian in a comfortable shoe. It’s a language we speak. Pass the Hummus. Turn on the Indigo Girls would ya?

See the whole season of Janice and Jeffrey right now on IFC’s Comedy Crib.

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Die Hard Dads

Inspiration For Die Hard Dads

Die Hard is on IFC all Father's Day Long

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIPHY

Yippee ki-yay, everybody! It’s time to celebrate the those most literal of mother-effers: dads!

And just in case the title of this post left anything to the imagination, IFC is giving dads balls-to-the-wall ’80s treatment with a glorious marathon of action trailblazer Die Hard.

There are so many things we could say about Die Hard. We could talk about how it was comedian Bruce Willis’s first foray into action flicks, or Alan Rickman’s big screen debut. But dads don’t give a sh!t about that stuff.

No, dads just want to fantasize that they could be deathproof quip factory John McClane in their own mundane lives. So while you celebrate the fathers in your life, consider how John McClane would respond to these traditional “dad” moments…

Wedding Toasts

Dads always struggle to find the right words of welcome to extend to new family. John McClane, on the other hand, is the master of inclusivity.
Die Hard wedding

Using Public Restrooms

While nine out of ten dads would rather die than use a disgusting public bathroom, McClane isn’t bothered one bit. So long as he can fit a bloody foot in the sink, he’s G2G.
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Awkward Dancing

Because every dad needs a signature move.
Die Hard dance

Writing Thank You Notes

It can be hard for dads to express gratitude. Not only can McClane articulate his thanks, he makes it feel personal.
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Valentine’s Day

How would John McClane say “I heart you” in a way that ain’t cliche? The image speaks for itself.
Die Hard valentines

Shopping

The only thing most dads hate more than shopping is fielding eleventh-hour phone calls with additional items for the list. But does McClane throw a typical man-tantrum? Nope. He finds the words to express his feelings like a goddam adult.
Die Hard thank you

Last Minute Errands

John McClane knows when a fight isn’t worth fighting.
Die Hard errands

Sneaking Out Of The Office Early

What is this, high school? Make a real exit, dads.
Die Hard office

Think you or your dad could stand to be more like Bruce? Role model fodder abounds in the Die Hard marathon all Father’s Day long on IFC.

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Founding Farters

Know Your Nerd History

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC.

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Photo Credit: Everett Collection, GIFs via Giphy

That we live in the heyday of nerds is no hot secret. Scientists are celebrities, musicians are robots and late night hosts can recite every word of the Silmarillion. It’s too easy to think that it’s always been this way. But the truth is we owe much to our nerd forebearers who toiled through the jock-filled ’80s so that we might take over the world.

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Our humble beginnings are perhaps best captured in iconic ’80s romp Revenge of the Nerds. Like the founding fathers of our Country, the titular nerds rose above their circumstances to culturally pave the way for every Colbert and deGrasse Tyson that we know and love today.

To make sure you’re in the know about our very important cultural roots, here’s a quick download of the vengeful nerds without whom our shameful stereotypes might never have evolved.

Lewis Skolnick

The George Washington of nerds whose unflappable optimism – even in the face of humiliating self-awareness – basically gave birth to the Geek Pride movement.

Gilbert Lowe

OK, this guy is wet blanket, but an important wet blanket. Think Aaron Burr to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton. His glass-mostly-empty attitude is a galvanizing force for Lewis. Who knows if Lewis could have kept up his optimism without Lowe’s Debbie-Downer outlook?

Arnold Poindexter

A music nerd who, after a soft start (inside joke, you’ll get it later), came out of his shell and let his passion lead instead of his anxiety. If you played an instrument (specifically, electric violin), and you were a nerd, this was your patron saint.

Booger

A sex-loving, blunt-smoking, nose-picking guitar hero. If you don’t think he sounds like a classic nerd, you’re absolutely right. And that’s the whole point. Along with Lamar, he simultaneously expanded the definition of nerd and gave pre-existing nerds a twisted sort of cred by association.

Lamar Latrell

Black, gay, and a crazy good breakdancer. In other words, a total groundbreaker. He proved to the world that nerds don’t have a single mold, but are simply outcasts waiting for their moment.

Ogre

Exceedingly stupid, this dumbass was monumental because he (in a sequel) leaves the jocks to become a nerd. Totally unheard of back then. Now all jocks are basically nerds.

Well, there they are. Never forget that we stand on their shoulders.

Revenge of the Nerds is on IFC all month long.

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