DID YOU READ

Our top 20 movies to see at SXSW this year

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By Jordan Hoffman

Last year I saw 26 films at South By Southwest. I also ate a dinner plate-sized donut covered in bacon and maple icing. Yeah, it’s not a festival for the weak.

This year’s lineup looks incredible – and a little intimidating. When you consider that SXSW is also loaded with music events, panels with all sorts of industry mavens and viral interactive opportunities (i.e. gorgeous young women and men smiling and shoving apps in your face) it can seem a bit overwhelming. Luckily, you have us.

I’m gonna’ go easy on you and give you 20 films to see because a) it isn’t, like, your JOB to see as many movies as possible and b) there are a lot of awesome vinyl shops and kimchi taco trucks you need to check out while you are in Austin.


“Cabin in the Woods”

Everything you’ve heard about this movie is true, and if you’ve heard nothing that’s even better. Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon take a lifetime of genre movie love and put it all up on the screen. Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford are fantastic as the. . .well, to tell you who they are would be spoiling it. Just trust me – you want to see this movie and you want to see it soon, before the hype (and the spoilers) become unbearable.


“Casa de Mi Padre”

Forbidden love and criminal intrigue set in a family-owned Mexican ranch. Yeah, okay. . .sounds like it could be good, I guess. Did I mention this Spanish-language film stars Will Ferrell and is written and directed by SNL and Funny or Die alum? Okay, who’s ready for tequila shots?


“Los Chidos”

Another Mexican film, this one set in the fabled world of roadside tire repair shops, “Los Chidos” shows how the appearance of a stranger can slowly change the ecosystem of any controlled group. Written and directed by Omar Rodriquez-Lopez, who you may know better as one of the two mad geniuses behind the psychedelic jam/doom-rock band The Mars Volta.


“21 Jump Street”

Up until just a few weeks ago I had little interest in seeing Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum revive “21 Jump Street,” even if it was a comedic take. I mean, what, is it the 90s again? Didn’t we learn anything from the “Beverly Hillbillies” movie? While I haven’t yet seen the movie myself, at least four colleagues whose opinion I deeply trust have seen this and say it is genuinely funny in a clever and creative way.


“Fat Kid Rules The World”

Matthew Lillard (yeah, that’s right, Shaggy from “Scooby-Doo”) directs a movie wherein a suicidal fat kid rises to the top of the Seattle punk scene. It is based on a popular young adult novel by a woman with two initials in her name, so you know it’s going to be big.


“Thale”

If “Trollhunter” taught me anything, it’s that I want more Norwegian movies about mythical beasts. Two slacker-y crime scene cleaners uncover a hidden “Huldra,” (a tailed forest nymph) kept hidden in a cellar. What follows looks to be simultaneously creepy and beautiful.


“The Sheik and I”

Caveh Zahedi’s “I Am A Sex Addict” was one of the great “I can’t tell if this is a documentary or not” films of the last five years, and it looks like he’s got another one up his sleeve. On a commission from a Middle Eastern arts council he is challenged to make a film about “subversive art” on the one condition that he not say anything negative about an underwriting Sheik. Which is, of course, exactly what he does. “The Sheik and I” is probably the only film at this year’s SXSW against which a fatwa has been declared.


“V/H/S “

I’m sure fatwas would be issued against some of the sick things in V/H/S, too, if audiences weren’t having such a good time. I saw this anthology of found footage shorts at Sundance and can’t remember the last time I had such a thorough group gasp. It’s gross, it’s funny and it’s really, really scary – a midnight flick to see with an enthused Austin audience.


“The Source”

Perhaps it is just me, but I’ll be forever fascinated with stories from the hardcore counter-culture of the late 1960s and early 1970s. Yeah, I don’t need another montage of street demonstrations to the tune of “All Along The Watchtower,” but this documentary expose about a California commune that made psychedelic rock and sold vegetarian meals on the Sunset Strip looks fantastic. One of its associate producers is named Isis Aquarian, so you know it is legit.


“John Dies At The End”

There are no shortage of places to grab a drink in Austin, so we feel safe in suggesting you have a few rounds with your buddies and then check out Don Coscarelli’s supernatural sci-fi freakout. Based on the beloved cult novel, this dimension-shifting, consciousness-expanding paranormal detective story is the stuff midnight movie dreams are made of. And Paul Giamatti is in it, too.


“Jeff”

Not that I spend too much time doing a compare and contrast, but Jeffrey Dahmer is probably the creepiest of all the modern-era serial killers. This documentary takes a look at the people and places that occupied the unhidden side of Dahmer’s life prior to his 1991 arrest. I doubt the Milwaukee Chamber of Commerce is thrilled with this one.


“The Hunter”

Willem Dafoe sent by a (no doubt nefarious) biotech firm to chase down the last surviving Tasmanian tiger. I’d tell you more about it, but I’m trying to keep myself unspoiled. How can this be bad? Sam Neill co-stars.


“Just Like Being There”

There’s no point in going to SXSW if you don’t get the poster. “Just Like Being There” dives deep into the subculture of gig posters with interviews of the artists and their ardent fans. The local heroes behind Mondo, the makers of high end movie prints, make an appearance, which ought to bring the house down in an orgiastic cry of “WANT!”s.


“Degenerate Art: The Art and Culture of Glass Pipes”

But if you want to get into subcultures, I doubt you are gonna’ top this doc. Remember the time you saw a gravity-based bong that looked the hydra from the old “Dungeons and Dragons” cartoon? Now you can meet the artisans behind such functional masterpieces of craft. Screens not included.


“Keyhole”

The hyper-stylized Canadian film director Guy Maddin is back with what, by his standards, looks like something of a normal film. Jason Patric and Isabella Rossellini star in this moody tale of regret and gangsterism. It also features Kevin McDonald, and considering Maddin’s previous “The Saddest Music in the World” starred Mark McKinney we’d like to salute the director for keeping the former members of The Kids in the Hall employed.


“Bernie”

Jack Black, Shirley McLaine and Matthew McCaConaughey team with Austin’s favorite son Richard Linklater for this based-on-truth dark comedy about crime and punishment. If anyone can bring Jack Black from his transformation into the next Robin Williams it’s Linklater.


“The Raid”

This Indonesian action picture concludes its festival tour in Austin after a successful run around the globe. Sony Pictures Classics is releasing it soon and then it will be a frat house favorite for years to come, but you owe it to yourself to see this video game informed, next level of martial arts masterpiece with a late night SXSW crowd. It has some of the most mind blowing, never ending action sequences since John Woo’s “Hard Boiled.”


“Frankie Go Boom”

I have no idea what this movie is about, but I’m just going to quote the blurb from the SXSW site. It makes its own case for being included on this list: “a flik by bruce about his little brother frank who’s a crybaby fuck who shudnt do lame-ass emberrissing shit if he doznt want people 2 see it on the internet”


“The Comedy”

Tim Heidecker stars in a button-pushing non-comedy about a rich, slacker douchebag who behaves terribly and dares you to tell him to go to hell. A divisive, daring film that caused a mini-uproar at Sundance, but hasn’t quite yet shaken me from its spell.


“Starlet”

You should see this movie because my friend Chris Bergoch co-wrote it. He’s a really funny, smart guy – and nice, too. I’m sure it is also a good movie (Sean Baker, director of two terrific immigrant stories “Take Out” and “Prince of Broadway” made it with him) but I’d be deceiving you if I didn’t disclose that I’m including this film because I’m proud of my friend. The blurb makes it sound like a “Harold and Maude”-type movie if Harold was a young slacker chick.


Underworld

Under Your Spell

10 Otherworldly Romances That’ll Melt Your Heart

Spend Valentine's Day weekend with IFC's Underworld movie marathon.

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Photo Credit: Screen Gems/courtesy Everett Collection

Romance takes many forms, and that is especially true when you have a thirst for blood or laser beams coming out of your eyes.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a werewolf, a superhero, a clone, a time-traveler, or a vampire, love is the one thing that infects us all.  Read on to find out why Romeo and Juliet have nothing on these supernatural star-crossed lovers, and be sure to catch IFC’s Underworld movie marathon this Valentine’s Day weekend.

1. Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine, X-Men series

The X-Men franchise is rife with romance, but the steamiest “ménage à mutant” may just be the one between Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), Cyclops (James Marsden), and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). Their triangle is a complicated one as Jean finds herself torn between the two very different men while also trying to control her darker side, the Phoenix. This leads to Jean killing Cyclops and eventually getting stabbed through her heart by Wolverine in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yikes!  Maybe they should change the name to Ex-Men instead?


2. Willow/Tara, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon gave audiences some great romances on Buffy the Vampire Slayer — including the central triangle of Buffy, Angel, and Spike — but it was the love between witches Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara (Amber Benson) that broke new ground for its sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a LGBT relationship.

Willow is smart and confident and isn’t even sure of her sexuality when she first meets Tara at college in a Wiccan campus group. As the two begin experimenting with spells, they realize they’re also falling for one another and become the show’s most enduring, happy couple. At least until Tara’s death in season six, a moment that still brings on the feels.


3. Selene/Michael, Underworld series

The Twilight gang pales in comparison (both literally and metaphorically) to the Lycans and Vampires of the stylish Underworld franchise. If you’re looking for an epic vampire/werewolf romance set amidst an epic vampire/werewolf war, Underworld handily delivers in the form of leather catsuited Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and shaggy blonde hunk Michael (a post-Felicity Scott Speedman). As they work together to stop the Vampire/Lycan war, they give into their passions while also kicking butt in skintight leather. Love at first bite indeed.


4. Spider-man/Mary Jane Watson, Spider-man

After rushing to the aid of beautiful girl-next-door Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), the Amazing Spider-man is rewarded with an upside-down kiss that is still one of the most romantic moments in comic book movie history. For Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), the shy, lovable dork beneath the mask, his rain-soaked makeout session is the culmination of years of unrequited love and one very powerful spider bite. As the films progress, Peter tries pushing MJ away in an attempt to protect her from his enemies, but their web of love is just too powerful. And you know, with great power, comes great responsibility.


5. Molly/Sam, Ghost

When it comes to supernatural romance, you really can’t beat Molly and Sam from the 1990 hit film Ghost. Demi Moore goes crazy for Swayze like the rest of us, and the pair make pottery sexier than it’s ever been.

When Sam is murdered, he’s forced to communicate through con artist turned real psychic, Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg in her Academy Award-winning role) to warn Molly she is still in danger from his co-worker, Carl (a pre-Scandal Tony Goldwyn). Molly doesn’t believe Oda is telling the truth, so Sam proves it by sliding a penny up the wall and then possessing Oda so he and Molly can share one last romantic dance together (but not the dirty kind). We’d pay a penny for a dance with Patrick Swayze ANY day.


6. Cosima/Delphine, Orphan Black

It stands to reason there would be at least one complicated romance on a show about clones, and none more complicated than the one between clone Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) and Dr. Delphine Cormier (Evelyne Brochu) on BBC America’s hit drama Orphan Black.

Cosima is a PhD student focusing on evolutionary developmental biology at the University of Minnesota when she meets Delphine, a research associate from the nefarious Dyad Institute, posing as a fellow immunology student. The two fall in love, but their happiness is brief once Dyad and the other members of Clone Club get involved. Here’s hoping Cosima finds love in season four of Orphan Black. Girlfriend could use a break.


7. Aragorn/Arwen, Lord of the Rings

On a picturesque bridge in Rivendell amidst some stellar mood-lighting and dreamy Elvish language with English subtitles for us non-Middle Earthlings, Arwen (Liv Tyler) and Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) bind their souls to one another, pledging to love each other no matter what befalls them.

Their courtship is a matter of contention with Arwen’s father, Elrond (Hugo Weaving), who doesn’t wish to see his daughter suffer over Aragorn’s future death. The two marry after the conclusion of the War of the Ring, with Aragorn assuming his throne as King of Gondor, and Arwen forgoing her immortality to become his Queen. Is it too much to assume they asked Frodo to be their wedding ring-bearer?


8. Lafayette/Jesus, True Blood

True Blood quickly became the go-to show for supernatural sex scenes featuring future Magic Mike strippers (Joe Manganiello) and pale Nordic men with washboard abs (Hi Alexander Skarsgård!), but honestly, there was a little something for everyone, including fan favorite Bon Temps medium, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis).

In season three, Lafayette met his mother’s nurse, Jesus, and the two began a relationship. As they spend more time together and start doing V (short for Vampire Blood), they learn Jesus is descended from a long line of witches and that Lafayette himself has magical abilities. However, supernatural love is anything but simple, and after the pair join a coven, Lafayette becomes possessed by the dead spirit of its former leader. This relationship certainly puts a whole new spin on possessive love.


9. Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter series

There are lots of sad characters in the Harry Potter series, but Remus Lupin ranks among the saddest. He was bitten by a werewolf as a child, his best friend was murdered and his other best friend was wrongly imprisoned in Azkaban for it, then THAT best friend was killed by a Death Eater at the Ministry of Magic as Remus looked on. So when Lupin unexpectedly found himself in love with badass Auror and Metamorphmagus Nymphadora Tonks (she prefers to be called by her surname ONLY, thank you very much), pretty much everyone, including Lupin himself, was both elated and cautiously hopeful about their romance and eventual marriage.

Sadly, the pair met a tragic ending when both were killed by Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts, leaving their son, Teddy, orphaned much like his godfather Harry Potter. Accio hankies!


10. The Doctor/Rose Tyler, Doctor Who

Speaking of wolves, Rose “Bad Wolf” Tyler (Billie Piper) captured the Doctor’s hearts from the moment he told her to “Run!” in the very first episode of the re-booted Doctor Who series. Their affection for one another grew steadily deeper during their travels in the TARDIS, whether they were stuck in 1950s London, facing down pure evil in the Satan Pit, or battling Cybermen.

But their relationship took a tragic turn during the season two finale episode, “Doomsday,” when the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) and Rose found themselves separated in parallel universes with no way of being reunited (lest two universes collapse as a result of a paradox). A sobbing Rose told a holographic transmission of the Doctor she loved him, but before he could reply, the transmission cut out, leaving our beloved Time Lord (and most of the audience) with a tear-stained face and two broken hearts all alone in the TARDIS.

Jack McBrayer Conan Weiners Circle

All Smiles

5 Funny Jack McBrayer Videos That’ll Have You Grinning

Catch Jack McBrayer in the final three episodes of Todd Margaret season three tonight at 10/9C on IFC.

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Bright, shining, and with a smile from here to his native Georgia, Todd Margaret star Jack McBrayer is the perfect actor to play any role that calls for serious pep. Best known for his work on 30 Rock and his various appearances on Conan O’Brien’s late night programs, Jack has amassed a slew of classic scenes and hilarious performances.

To get you ready for the final three episodes of Todd Margaret season three (airing tonight at 10/9c on IFC), here are five hilarious Jack McBrayer clips that’ll have you smiling from ear to ear.

1. Jack and Triumph Visit Chicago’s Weiner’s Circle, Conan

Nicest guy in the world Jack McBrayer is put through the ringer when Conan sends him to the brutally honest Weiner’s Circle in Chicago, an establishment that earns much of its business by insulting the customers. But Jack exacts his revenge — and gets to don a vendor hat as well — when he enlists Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to unleash a barrage of killer put-downs.


2. Sherlock Doug, Todd Margaret

With the unexpected third season of Todd Margaret, Jack takes over the role of Doug from actor-director Spike Jonze and puts his usual jubilant spin on the character. But when he consigns to investigate the disappearance of another Todd Margaret character, he becomes a cold-hearted flatfoot in search of his perp. (Of course, he’s still pretty chipper.)


3. Jack Struggles to Talk Over Triumph’s Quiet Reading, The Tonight Show

The rapport between Jack and Triumph proved to be too valuable to abandon, so the duo kept the act going when they visited Jimmy Fallon on the set of The Tonight Show. But like the classic “straight man/comic relief” acts from the Vaudeville era, Jack can’t seem to get in a word in edgewise as he keeps getting upstaged by the canine answer to Don Rickles.


4. New Breaking Bad Drug Lord, Conan

Few television series reached the dramatic tension of Breaking Bad largely due to the phenomenal actors. But Conan discovers that one pivotal scene from the show was woefully miscast. Take a look at who was hired to play Walter White’s latest rival. We think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.


5. Backwards Day, 30 Rock

30 Rock had one of the greatest ensemble casts in a television comedy, and Jack played a huge role in that. (His Kenneth the Page character ending up being immortal was just a bonus.) But if you happened to miss the series when it aired, check out this easter egg of Jack McBrayer’s dedication to learning how to phonetically say a phrase backwards. When the scene plays in reverse, you’ll see he nailed it.

Season 6, Episode 4: Weirdos Go to the Beach

Oh My Goth

Watch Glenn Danzig Bro Out on the Beach

Danzig comes to Portlandia this Thursday, Feb. 11th at 10P on IFC.

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Those of us who donned a duster or a Doc Marten or two are likely familiar with the menacing gloom of Misfits founder Glenn Danzig. Big, beefy, and goth, the metal frontman casts a foreboding shadow over his slam-dancing minions. That was the case, however, until Danzig dropped by this week’s brand new Portlandia with a skip in his step and a smile in his heart. Why? Well, refer to his Billabong t-shirt and beach jam shorts and see if that answers your question.

Check out a bro’d-out Glenn Danzig and his love of frat boy beach gear in the video below, and be sure to catch an all-new Portlandia this Thursday at 10P on IFC.

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