“Goon” – impressions of a hockey movie masterpiece


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By Jordan Hoffman

Movies about baseball, basketball or football present a vocation rich in glory, glamour and dignity. There haven’t been too many films about hockey, but each one I see makes it look like a tour in ‘Nam. “Goon,” directed by Michael Dowse and co-written by Jay Baruchel has the makings of a frat house masterpiece and may just be my favorite, rowdy sports flick since the original “Bad News Bears.”

Try to imagine Lenny from “Of Mice and Men” on skates and you’ve got Doug Glatt. Seann William Scott is wonderfully cast as the kind hearted blockhead whose ability to both take and deliver a punch may lead his team toward victory. When we first meet him he’s working as a bouncer and looking for direction. (His domineering father played by Eugene Levy is a successful doctor, and not very proud of his son.) His best buddy, Baruchel, is a Grade-A New England dirtbag and hockey blogger. After a trip to a local minor league game leads to a fight in the stands, Doug finds himself with an offer to lace up and join as an enforcer, or, as is commonly known, be the (I bet you didn’t see this one coming) Goon.

One musical montage later (Canadian deities Rush, of course, with one of their early ones) Doug finds himself moved up from a team “not named for a radio station” but an actual major league farm club. His job is simple: protect the star player Guy LaFlamme, a hard-partying bozo, but a truly great player whose confidence is shot after a recent injury.

The injury came from the high stick of Ross Rehna, the mustachioed elder statesman of Goon-dom played by Liev Schrieber. The stage is now set for an operatic match-up as the bloody gloves prepare to be passed to the next generation.

Of the seven hundred things I love about the movie “Goon,” most stem from this: it makes no apologies. It revels in its brawls, belches and blue humor. Yes, there’s a race to the playoffs, but this is all secondary to true aims of our hero – and his goal, as is made perfectly clear – is to beat the hell out of Liev Schrieber. Oh, there’s team camaraderie galore, but it is stripped of much of the usual sports cliché bullshit and this refreshing honesty makes you care about the outcome even more.

By some miracle it actually does a decent job of explaining how the psychology of sanctioned fighting actually works in hockey. (I’ve often heard drunken yahoos, often with Boston accents, say “it’s paaht of the game,” but “Goon” was the first time I ever saw how.)

A sports film is nothing without its side characters and “Goon” has a locker room full of classic sociopaths. There’s also the best announcer since “Best in Show” and a fantastic angry coach in Kim Coates. The second he appeared I sprang up in my seat – aw, man, Tig from “Sons of Anarchy” is gonna scream at ‘em on a bus! “Goon” does not disappoint, and he gets in a line that every kid on a hockey team will be quoting from now til the day the world freezes over.

“Goon” is a marvelous picture and, yeah, it’s “got heart” – but it is also smart enough to know that its core audience is too boozed-up and rowdy for too much heart. It is loud, violent, but really, really sharp. There are moments when the jokes are flying by as fast as the puck, so I’m sure I missed something. I’m sure I’ll get ‘em all eventually, as this is a movie that’ll play on cable for years and always get you to stop flipping because “oh, wait, this next scene is the best.”

That 70s Show Thanksgiving episode

Turkey Day Laughs

The 10 Best Thanksgiving Sitcom Episodes

Catch That '70s Show all Thanksgiving Day during IFC's Sweatsgiving Marathon.

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Whether it’s the Connor family on Roseanne or the family of friends on That ’70s Show, there’s no holiday that brings out the comedy in dysfunctional families like Thanksgiving. Before you dig into IFC’s Thanksgiving Day That ’70s Show marathon, check out the 10 best sitcom episodes stuffed full of turkey, laughs and tears.

10. Family Ties, “No Nukes is Good Nukes”

Thanksgiving is ruined at the Keaton household, and for once you can’t blame Alex because it’s his parents Steven and Elyse who get thrown in jail for protesting a nuclear power plant. Unlike his do-gooder, aging hippie parents, the only thing Alex P. Keaton would ever protest is term limits on Ronald Reagan’s presidency.

9. Modern Family, “Punkin Chunkin”

Modern Family Pumpkin


It’s Thanksgiving time, and the intertwined families of Modern Family all have their own squabbles going on. This episode culminates at a football field with a classic Modern Family ending when Jay, Mitchell and Claire doubt that their partners, the self-proclaimed dreamers, can launch a pumpkin through a goal post.

8. Seinfeld, “The Mom and Pop Store”

If this Seinfeld outing was a Friends episode, it would be titled “The One with Jon Voight’s car,” because that is the hilarious storyline that everyone remembers. The Turkey Day plotline revolves around the gang attending Tim Whatley’s pre-Thanksgiving party which happens to overlook the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Any appearance by Bryan Cranston as Tim Whatley is pretty memorable, and in this one he reveals to George who the real Jon (John) Voight is.

7. That ’70s Show, “Thanksgiving”

Kelso Thanksgiving

In the season one Thanksgiving episode of That ’70s Show, the Formans (especially Kitty) dread the arrival of Red’s mother. Laurie returns from college and brings her attractive friend Kate along, who flirts with Eric. The episode creates a classic Eric Forman dilemma as he kisses Kate and then tells Donna. Eric does get another valuable life lesson when he learns that bad things happen to him not because of rotten luck but because he’s, as Red so aptly puts it, a “dumbass.”

6. Roseanne, “Thanksgiving 1991″

Few sitcoms captured the stress of holiday get-togethers like Roseanne, and “Thanksgiving 1991″ has all the family drama and hilarious moments that fans love about the show. Roseanne’s mother Bev reveals that her husband Al has been unfaithful. Darlene is being her usual moody-but-loveable self and stays in her room while D.J. sits adorably alone at the kids table. The appearance of Roseanne’s grandmother Nana Mary, played with crotchety glee by Shelley Winters, makes this episode an instant classic.

5. The League, “Thanksgiving”

In what has to be one of the most brilliant casting choices in TV history, Jeff Goldblum in all his Goldblum glory plays Ruxin’s dad in this hilarious Thanksgiving episode. Sarah Silverman’s appearance as Andre’s promiscuous sister is the icing on the raunchy cake as the guys walk in on Goldblum right before he gives his “vinegar stroke” face. The moment is simultaneously disgusting and hilarious as Goldblum’s look of ecstasy is eerily identical to Ruxin’s look of disgust.

4. WKRP in Cincinnati, “Turkey’s Away”

If you’re old enough to have watched WKRP In Cincinnati, the first thing you probably remember is the catchy opening theme song (and rockin’ closing credits song). But when it comes to remembering an episode, it might be the only sitcom where every fan thinks of the Thanksgiving installment first. This is the show that taught the world in hilarious fashion that turkeys can’t fly, especially when dropped from a helicopter.

3. Cheers, “Thanksgiving Orphans”

A potluck dinner at Carla’s house sets up one of TV’s most famous food fights. This classic moment shows off the gang’s camaraderie in a simultaneous moment of silliness and reflection as they remember the loss of Coach, played by Nicholas Colasanto, who died the year before. The episode also contains the closest thing the audience gets to seeing Norm’s wife Vera, which make the episode even more memorable.

2. Friends, “The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks”

“The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks” is the Friends flashback episode fans had been waiting for ever since Ross was revealed to be Rachel’s “lobster.” Except in this episode, Monica is Chandler’s turkey in an adorable scene. It’s also the one where we learn why Monica got thin, the one where we find out that Chandler and Ross were way too into Miami Vice and the one where Chandler lost a toe. This episode would’ve been hilarious just for Ross’ “Mr. Kotter” ’80s look alone.

1. How I Met Your Mother, “Slapsgiving”

While the Friends creators obviously loved the fun of Thanksgiving episodes, the How I Met Your Mother writers took it to the next level with the “Slapsgiving” episodes. Slapsgiving was so beloved by fans, it became an epic holiday trilogy. The beloved Slapbet originated in the episode where Robin Sparkles is brought to glorious life, and it continues in “Slapsgiving” as Robin and Ted deal with trying to stay friends during the Thanksgiving following their breakup. Unlike the divisive series finale, Marshall’s Slapsgiving slap of Barney is a “legen (wait for it) dary” moment in the show’s history. If you’ve never seen Marshall’s “You Just Got Slapped” video, you’re in for a Thanksgiving treat.


Balls to the Wall

Meet a Dysfunctional Dodgeball Team on Ball or Nothing

Catch new Comedy Crib episodes every Tuesday.

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In the first episode of Comedy Crib‘s Ball or Nothing, Chloe just wants to hit her ex in the face — with a dodgeball. Since her ex really, really deserves such a fate, her teammates are more than happy to have her back on this one.

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The new series will take you onto the sidelines of an adult dodgeball team, revealing that like on Benders, sometimes real life happens on the sidelines. The show is written and created by Megan Rosati of the hit comedic web series 52 Ways to Break Up and features actress Brea Grant (Heroes, Real Housewives of Horror) as the very intense teammate Chloe.

Also on Comedy Crib this week, the latest episode of Does Dave Know We’re Here? shows how a group of friends kill time in the car while waiting for their pal Dave. If you’ve ever wanted to get into the tuxedo shirt business, this episode is for you.

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Get Carrie's New Book

Pre-Order Carrie Brownstein’s Memoir and Win a Chance to See Sleater-Kinney in NYC

Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl will be released on October 27th

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Attention fans of Portlandia and reading! Carrie Brownstein’s highly anticipated memoir, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, is going to be released by Penguin on October 27th, but pre-ordering has its benefits. If you pre-order the “deeply personal and revealing narrative of Brownstein’s life in music” from iBooks, Barnes & Noble, or Amazon, you can win a chance to see Sleater-Kinney perform in NYC.

Simply click here to enter your pre-order information, fill in the requested information (name, email and pre order #) and you’ll be entered for a chance to win two round-trip tickets, hotel, and transportation to NYC to see Carrie in concert on Sunday, December 13th. (You must have a U.S. mailing address to be eligible to win.)

You can also catch Carrie on her nationwide book tour at one of the dates below where she will be joined by specials guests like Questlove, Amy Poehler and more. And check out the full awesome book cover as well below.


WORD Bookstore at Saint Vitus Bar

In conversation with Questlove


Barnes & Noble Union Square

In conversation with Gaby Hoffman


Philadelphia Free Library at The Merriam Theater

In conversation with Aidy Bryant


Pitchfork at the Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago

In conversation with Jessica Hopper


BookPeople at Central Presbyterian Church

In conversation with Liz Lambert


Vroman’s Bookstore at Pasadena Presbyterian

In conversation with Amy Poehler


Jewish Community Center of San Francisco

In conversation with Dave Eggers


Powell’s Books at The Newmark Theatre

In conversation with a Special Guest TBA


Elliott Bay Book Company at The Neptune Theater

In conversation with Maria Semple


Drawn & Quarterly at The Rialto Theatre

In conversation with Jessica Hopper


Toronto Public Library’s Appel Salon

In conversation with Johanna Schneller



Happy Gilmore

Spoil Sports

The 10 Biggest Jerks, Bullies and Weasels From Sports Movies

Catch Benders Thursdays at 10P on IFC.

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To the victor go the spoils, and in sports comedies there is no bigger spoil than the feeling of defeating the sports jerk. You know the sports jerk — he’s the kid who tosses snot-nosed but loveable Timmy Lupus into a garbage can in the The Bad News Bears or the guy who shouts “Put him in a body bag!” before Ralph Macchio gets up on one leg to make that famous Crane kick. Before the Benders guys hit the ice tonight at 10P on IFC, check out the ten biggest jerks we love to hate from sports movies.

1. Shooter McGavin, Happy Gilmore

There is no bigger A-hole-in-one than Shooter McGavin, and Christopher McDonald really seemed to enjoy messing with Adam Sandler. Cocky golf pro McGavin was the perfect foil to Sandler’s childlike Happy and helped to update the sports movie bully for the ’90s. You know you’re the bad guy in a movie if behemoth actor Richard Kiel, (aka Jaws from the James Bond movies) thinks you’re a dick.

2. Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

It wasn’t Sacha Baron Cohen as French rival Jean Girard that pushed Ricky Bobby to become a winner — it was the lack of love and nonsensical guidance from his absentee father, Reese Bobby. No matter how deadbeat a dad Reese Bobby was, you have to love a character that can get thrown out of an Applebee’s. The moment when Ricky Bobby was able to forget Reese’s pearls of ignorance (“If you ain’t first, you’re last”) is when he truly became a winner.

3. Ernie “Big Ern” McCracken, Kingpin

Bill Murray never “pulls a Munson” when it comes to comedy and he basically nailed a split as “Big Ern” McCracken in what is arguably the funniest Farrelly Brothers movie. Woody Harrelson might be the Paul Newman in this hilarious send up of The Color of Money, but Roy Munson would never have received his redemption without his nemesis “Big Ern.” In a bowling buddy comedy adventure where one guy has a rubber hand and the other is Amish, it’s Big Ern and his amazing hair that sets everything in motion.

4. White Goodman, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

In the words of legendary dodgeballer Patches O’Houlihan, “dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” Ben Stiller’s White Goodman surely lives by these words as the Globo Gym douche standing in the way of Vince Vaughn’s rag tag group of misfits. When he’s not torturing himself with electric nipple clamps in order to stay away from donuts, he’s gleefully attempting to prevent The Average Joe’s from taking the Dodgeball championship and making ESPN: The Ocho history. Even though he’s not nearly as tough as his consigliere Michelle, the ’70s porn star mustache alone makes him an all-time sports A-hole.

5. Rachel Phelps, Major League

Charlie Sheen’s Ricky Vaughn might have been called “Wild Thing,” but even he knew to stay away from the team’s diabolical owner. Phelps couldn’t wait to take the Indians to Florida and was more than happy to put the team through hell in a plane that screamed “Buddy Holly.” Despite the fact that her funniest scene was as a cardboard cutout, Rachel was one hell of a villain. Even Jobu hated her.

6. Chas, Back to School

“Why don’t you call me some time when you have no class?” Rodney Dangerfield was the king of one- liners, and Back to School was filled with hilarious Rodney moments as he comes to college to help his son Jason enjoy school. Jason’s obstacle in his path to diving glory was none other than the king of ’80s teen movie A-holes himself, William Zabka. As Chas, Zabka is more frat douche than tough guy, as he can be seen cowering under the table with a pipe in his mouth as a bar fight breaks out. In the end, Jason gets the girl and we get to see The Triple Lindi.

7. Johnny Lawrence, The Karate Kid

Depending on how you look at it, The Karate Kid is either the ultimate feel good story of a teenager who learns the ancient martial art of “waxing off” in order to stand up to the karate dojo bullying him; or it’s a master acting class on how to act like a teen movie A-hole. William Zabka’s legendary performance as Johnny provides everything you want in a villain, right down to his maniacal grin in a skin-tight skeleton costume. He’s such a great bastard, another member of the Stepford bully group the Kobra-Kai even tries to stop him as he lays a beat down on Daniel-san.

8. Coach Turner, The Bad News Bears

The original Bad News Bears is as perfect a movie as you can get. Walter Matthau and Tatum O’Neal have hilarious and heartwarming chemistry, and Jackie Earle Haley’s Kelly Leak was definitely “un bandito.” But the real bad news in this movie is Coach Roy Turner, played by the great Vic Morrow. It’s only fitting that Turner coaches the Yankees and the Bears are the loveable underdogs (with a second baseman who has a mouth like a drunken sailor). The shocking moment when Coach Turner slaps his own son on the field elevates him to all-time sports jerk status and makes the audience wonder how this angry guy ever landed a wife who looked that good in bell bottoms.

9. Clubber Lang, Rocky III

While Ivan Drago might be the most ruthless villain in the Rocky series, he was really just a pawn of the Soviet military industrial complex. Mr. T as Clubber Lang, on the other hand, was one seriously bad dude. Where Apollo Creed was cool, Clubber Lang shouted and grunted all of his lines to great effect and trash-talked Rocky by telling Adrian to come find a “real man.” You don’t mess with a man in a Mohawk who predicts “pain.”

10. Judge Smails, Caddyshack

Ted Knight personified snooty Waspy-ness while delivering such classic lines as “Are you my friend Danny?” and “Spalding, get your foot off the boat.” (He also rocked a sailor’s cap like nobody’s business.) In the end, Danny Noonan chose “badness” and with the help of a wily gopher, beat Smails to win the tournament. Cue the Kenny Loggins theme music.

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