Five Sylvester Stallone roles in order of scariness


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Tonight we are taking up arms. Specifically Sylvester Stallone’s arms and we are helping him wage the righteous war against Donald Sutherland a.k.a. Warden Drumgoole. You see, in “Lock Up,” which airs at 10:30 p.m. ET, Stallone’s character Frank Leone is nearing the end of his prison term for a relatively minor crime and eager to get back to life with his lovely lady. However, just before he is paroled Warden Drumgoole takes charge and he has some revenge he would like to serve cold or hot. He doesn’t care. He just wants to make sure that Leone never sees the light of day. You see, Drumgoole was assigned to this hell-hole prison after he was publicly humiliated by Leone and now he will do anything in his power to make sure he remains on our list of Top 12 Most Evil Wardens.

Of course, Stallone is a bad ass in this role of tough-as-nails prisoner with a heart of gold. It’s his milieu. Hard on the outside but soft and gooey as a warm chocolate chip cookie on the inside. But when Stallone is scary, he is really really scary. Would you step in the ring with Rocky Balboa circa Rocky III? No. You probably wouldn’t even tussle with him as Sgt. Joe Bomowski in “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot,” because Sylvester Stallone is just built to inspire fear in all comers.

Here are five Stallone roles in order of scariness:

5. Lieutenant Cobra Cobretti in “Cobra”

Cobra is a righteous, violent, take-no-prisoners cop on a mission. In short: scary.

4. John Spartan in “Demolition Man”

Spartan is a cop taken out of cryogenic freeze in order to fight his criminally insane nemesis (Wesley Snipes).

3. Machine Gun Joe Viterbo in “Death Race 2000”

Have you seen that guy’s car?

2. John Rambo in “First Blood Part 2”

It’s the rare sequel that’s just as good as the original, Rambo takes the action and the scariness to a whole new level.

1. John Rambo in “First Blood”

Like “Les Miserables” for the ‘Nam set, veteran John Rambo is arrested trying to get something to eat. When he escapes a manhunt is launched and so is a one-man war.

“Lock Up” airs on IFC tonight at 10:30 p.m. ET

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Millennial Wisdom

Charles Speaks For Us All

Get to know Charles, the social media whiz of Brockmire.

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He may be an unlikely radio producer Brockmire, but Charles is #1 when it comes to delivering quips that tie a nice little bow on the absurdity of any given situation.

Charles also perfectly captures the jaded outlook of Millennials. Or at least Millennials as mythologized by marketers and news idiots. You know who you are.

Played superbly by Tyrel Jackson Williams, Charles’s quippy nuggets target just about any subject matter, from entry-level jobs in social media (“I plan on getting some experience here, then moving to New York to finally start my life.”) to the ramifications of fictional celebrity hookups (“Drake and Taylor Swift are dating! Albums y’all!”). But where he really nails the whole Millennial POV thing is when he comments on America’s second favorite past-time after type II diabetes: baseball.

Here are a few pearls.

On Baseball’s Lasting Cultural Relevance

“Baseball’s one of those old-timey things you don’t need anymore. Like cursive. Or email.”

On The Dramatic Value Of Double-Headers

“The only thing dumber than playing two boring-ass baseball games in one day is putting a two-hour delay between the boring-ass games.”

On Sartorial Tradition

“Is dressing badly just a thing for baseball, because that would explain his jacket.”

On Baseball, In A Nutshell

“Baseball is a f-cked up sport, and I want you to know it.”

Learn more about Charles in the behind-the-scenes video below.

And if you were born before the late ’80s and want to know what the kids think about Baseball, watch Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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Crown Jules

Amanda Peet FTW on Brockmire

Amanda Peet brings it on Brockmire Wednesday at 10P on IFC.

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GIFS via Giphy

On Brockmire, Jules is the unexpected yin to Jim Brockmire’s yang. Which is saying a lot, because Brockmire’s yang is way out there. Played by Amanda Peet, Jules is hard-drinking, truth-spewing, baseball-loving…everything Brockmire is, and perhaps what he never expected to encounter in another human.

“We’re the same level of functional alcoholic.”

But Jules takes that commonality and transforms it into something special: a new beginning. A new beginning for failing minor league baseball team “The Frackers”, who suddenly about-face into a winning streak; and a new beginning for Brockmire, whose life gets a jumpstart when Jules lures him back to baseball. As for herself, her unexpected connection with Brockmire gives her own life a surprising and much needed goose.

“You’re a Goddamn Disaster and you’re starting To look good to me.”

This palpable dynamic adds depth and complexity to the narrative and pushes the series far beyond expected comedy. See for yourself in this behind-the-scenes video (and brace yourself for a unforgettable description of Brockmire’s genitals)…

Want more about Amanda Peet? She’s all over the place, and has even penned a recent self-reflective piece in the New York Times.

And of course you can watch the Jim-Jules relationship hysterically unfold in new episodes of Brockmire, every Wednesday at 10PM on IFC.

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Draught Pick

Sam Adams “Keeps It Brockmire”

All New Brockmire airs Wednesdays at 10P on IFC.

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From baseball to beer, Jim Brockmire calls ’em like he sees ’em.


It’s no wonder at all, then, that Sam Adams would reach out to Brockmire to be their shockingly-honest (and inevitably short-term) new spokesperson. Unscripted and unrestrained, he’ll talk straight about Sam—and we’ll take his word. Check out this new testimonial for proof:

See more Brockmire Wednesdays at 10P on IFC, presented by Samuel Adams. Good f***** beer.

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