DID YOU READ

New line of “Avengers” cologne lets you smell like Hulk. (Yes, this exists.)

avengers cologne

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Of all the movie tie-ins we expected to see for “The Avengers,” this is certainly one of the more surprising… and a little weird, to be honest.

Fragrance-makers JADS International have unveiled their new line of cologne based on “The Avengers,” which includes six different scents based on the heroes and villains from Marvel’s upcoming team-up film. Among the fragrances are scents based on Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Nick Fury, and — because bad guys like to smell nice, too — the god of mischief himself, Loki.

You can read up on the descriptions of each fragrance over at the JADS website, but here are some of the highlights (depending on how you look at it, I guess):

The Mark VII cologne based on Iron Man is is described as a “resolutely sophisticated” scent that combines “mandarin, neroli, nasturtium and jasmine layered with light patchouli.” Yes, you read that correctly — the Iron Man cologne contains the scent of mandarin. This is clearly a warning from… someone.

(For those who might not be as comics-savvy, the villain called Mandarin is actually Iron Man’s arch-enemy in the comics world. It’s cool, we won’t tell anyone that you didn’t know that.)

Meanwhile, the Hulk-flavored fragrance leaves us a bit puzzled, as it’s said to be a mixture of “yuzu, bergamot and tarragon [to] create clean, clear top notes along with unexpected accords of water lily and nutmeg.” Nowhere in the description is the scent of demolished urban infrastructure and torn purple pants even mentioned. We would’ve expected a little chili powder — or better yet, something resembling the smell of napalm in the morning.

Curiously, there’s no description of the scents contained within the “Mischief” and “Infinity Formula” colognes tied to Loki and Nick Fury, respectively. If Nick Fury’s cologne doesn’t smell like an old cigar, though, someone is clearly going at this the wrong way.

Oh, and while there aren’t any pictures or descriptions listed, the JADS website also lists tie-in fragrances for Spider-Man and Deadpool. Yes, Deadpool — a character who once created an entire suit of armor made out of raw meat, because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Wrap your heads around that for a second, okay?

Here’s hoping the lack of Ghost Rider cologne is just an oversight, because we’re pretty sure there are a lot of people who’d pay to smell like a burning, leather-clad Nicolas Cage. (Okay, not really.)

Which scents do you think they’re missing? Chime in below or on Facebook or Twitter.

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Car Notes

Portlandia On People Who Can’t Park

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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If flagrant bad parking takes nerve, then retaliatory note writing takes neuroses. Watch Fred and Carrie take passive aggression to next level in Car Notes, the new Portlandia web series presented by Subaru. The first episode is yours right here and now, and you can see every installment of Car Notes anytime online, on the IFC app and on demand.

Portlandia returns tonight at 10P on IFC.

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Nick Kroll and John Mulaney To Host Spirit Awards

The Spirit Awards Air February 25 LIVE on IFC.

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The 2017 Spirit Awards have finally found their frontmen: Nick Kroll and John Mulaney. And it’s no wonder. Just marvel in their splendid chemistry back when they appeared on Comedy Bang! Bang!:

The pair are prolific within the performing arts community: television (Kroll in The League and The Kroll Show, Mulaney as a writer of IFC’s own Documentary Now!), theater (including Broadway’s current Oh Hello Show), and stand-up comedy. In fact, it’s entirely possible that emceeing an awards show is one of the few remaining line items on their professional bucket lists.

It’s important to caveat this announcement, however. Unlike the bigger and more ubiquitously known awards shows, the Spirit Awards are not, well…boring. (We’re talking to you, Oscar.)

They’re funny. They’re honest. They have quality to match the red-carpet fanfare. And that’s alarmingly special. Last year’s show included some legitimately historic moments, like when transgender actress Mya Taylor won best supporting female, or Kate McKinnon’s hilarious and timely parody of Carol. See more highlights here to get the flavor of the Spirit Awards and read all about Film Independent to dig deeper.

The 2017 Spirit Awards air live February 25 at 5P ET exclusively on IFC.

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Ho Ho Ha

Xmas Miracles You’ll See At Joe’s Pub

Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special Premieres December 21 at 10P on IFC.

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It’s just so tempting to bah-humbug the holiday season. And while there’s much we can’t wait to put behind us, one thing left to look forward to with pure and wide-eyed joy is Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special, starring Tony Hale. It’s a celebration in the true spirit of those splendid TV specials from the ’70s and ’80s, complete with special guests, musical numbers, awkward segues and an (intentionally) wafer-thin narrative through line.

As if you need more convincing, here are a few juicy nuggets to get excited for…

Tony Hale plying the captive audience with hot chocolate (and it working).

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Bridget Everett dressed like an ornament…

and in a state of nearly constant wardrobe malfunction.
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Matteo Lane hitting a crazy high note in a Snuggie.

Not a Slanket. There’s a meaningful difference.

Lisa Loeb creeping on Kurt Vile.

#hairlikeapony #whynotme
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Judah Friedlander getting replaced by a robot…

and it pretty much going as expected.
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Bottom line: the miracles abound. Grinches, Scrooges, and Tiny Tims alike will find their Holiday joy. And it’ll be awkward–in the most wonderful kind of way.

Joe’s Pub Presents: A Holiday Special premieres Wednesday December 21 at 10p on IFC

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