DID YOU READ

Spend New Years Eve with The Three Stooges

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New Year’s Eve is a night of revelry and remembrance and nobody is better at reveling than those classic party animals Larry, Curly, and Moe. In a long-standing IFC tradition, at 6 p.m. ET on Saturday (a.k.a. New Year’s Eve) we are cancelling our regularly scheduled programming and showing nothing but “The Three Stooges” all night long. But our celebration doesn’t stop when the ball drops at midnight in Times Square. We are showing back-to-back episodes until 6 a.m. ET the following day. Told you those Stooges knew how to party.

So whether you decide to stay in and watch “The Three Stooges” all night, or put on your party shoes and dance the night away:

Or you can just drop in to say hello for an episode or two:

And still make it in time for your annual all-night pie fight:

However you decide to ring in the New Year, “The Three Stooges” will be playing when you get back home. See you in the New Year!

“The Three Stooges” marathon begins at 6 p.m. ET

Underworld

Under Your Spell

10 Otherworldly Romances That’ll Melt Your Heart

Spend Valentine's Day weekend with IFC's Underworld movie marathon.

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Photo Credit: Screen Gems/courtesy Everett Collection

Romance takes many forms, and that is especially true when you have a thirst for blood or laser beams coming out of your eyes.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a werewolf, a superhero, a clone, a time-traveler, or a vampire, love is the one thing that infects us all.  Read on to find out why Romeo and Juliet have nothing on these supernatural star-crossed lovers, and be sure to catch IFC’s Underworld movie marathon this Valentine’s Day weekend.

1. Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine, X-Men series

The X-Men franchise is rife with romance, but the steamiest “ménage à mutant” may just be the one between Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), Cyclops (James Marsden), and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). Their triangle is a complicated one as Jean finds herself torn between the two very different men while also trying to control her darker side, the Phoenix. This leads to Jean killing Cyclops and eventually getting stabbed through her heart by Wolverine in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yikes!  Maybe they should change the name to Ex-Men instead?


2. Willow/Tara, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon gave audiences some great romances on Buffy the Vampire Slayer — including the central triangle of Buffy, Angel, and Spike — but it was the love between witches Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara (Amber Benson) that broke new ground for its sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a LGBT relationship.

Willow is smart and confident and isn’t even sure of her sexuality when she first meets Tara at college in a Wiccan campus group. As the two begin experimenting with spells, they realize they’re also falling for one another and become the show’s most enduring, happy couple. At least until Tara’s death in season six, a moment that still brings on the feels.


3. Selene/Michael, Underworld series

The Twilight gang pales in comparison (both literally and metaphorically) to the Lycans and Vampires of the stylish Underworld franchise. If you’re looking for an epic vampire/werewolf romance set amidst an epic vampire/werewolf war, Underworld handily delivers in the form of leather catsuited Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and shaggy blonde hunk Michael (a post-Felicity Scott Speedman). As they work together to stop the Vampire/Lycan war, they give into their passions while also kicking butt in skintight leather. Love at first bite indeed.


4. Spider-man/Mary Jane Watson, Spider-man

After rushing to the aid of beautiful girl-next-door Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), the Amazing Spider-man is rewarded with an upside-down kiss that is still one of the most romantic moments in comic book movie history. For Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), the shy, lovable dork beneath the mask, his rain-soaked makeout session is the culmination of years of unrequited love and one very powerful spider bite. As the films progress, Peter tries pushing MJ away in an attempt to protect her from his enemies, but their web of love is just too powerful. And you know, with great power, comes great responsibility.


5. Molly/Sam, Ghost

When it comes to supernatural romance, you really can’t beat Molly and Sam from the 1990 hit film Ghost. Demi Moore goes crazy for Swayze like the rest of us, and the pair make pottery sexier than it’s ever been.

When Sam is murdered, he’s forced to communicate through con artist turned real psychic, Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg in her Academy Award-winning role) to warn Molly she is still in danger from his co-worker, Carl (a pre-Scandal Tony Goldwyn). Molly doesn’t believe Oda is telling the truth, so Sam proves it by sliding a penny up the wall and then possessing Oda so he and Molly can share one last romantic dance together (but not the dirty kind). We’d pay a penny for a dance with Patrick Swayze ANY day.


6. Cosima/Delphine, Orphan Black

It stands to reason there would be at least one complicated romance on a show about clones, and none more complicated than the one between clone Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) and Dr. Delphine Cormier (Evelyne Brochu) on BBC America’s hit drama Orphan Black.

Cosima is a PhD student focusing on evolutionary developmental biology at the University of Minnesota when she meets Delphine, a research associate from the nefarious Dyad Institute, posing as a fellow immunology student. The two fall in love, but their happiness is brief once Dyad and the other members of Clone Club get involved. Here’s hoping Cosima finds love in season four of Orphan Black. Girlfriend could use a break.


7. Aragorn/Arwen, Lord of the Rings

On a picturesque bridge in Rivendell amidst some stellar mood-lighting and dreamy Elvish language with English subtitles for us non-Middle Earthlings, Arwen (Liv Tyler) and Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) bind their souls to one another, pledging to love each other no matter what befalls them.

Their courtship is a matter of contention with Arwen’s father, Elrond (Hugo Weaving), who doesn’t wish to see his daughter suffer over Aragorn’s future death. The two marry after the conclusion of the War of the Ring, with Aragorn assuming his throne as King of Gondor, and Arwen forgoing her immortality to become his Queen. Is it too much to assume they asked Frodo to be their wedding ring-bearer?


8. Lafayette/Jesus, True Blood

True Blood quickly became the go-to show for supernatural sex scenes featuring future Magic Mike strippers (Joe Manganiello) and pale Nordic men with washboard abs (Hi Alexander Skarsgård!), but honestly, there was a little something for everyone, including fan favorite Bon Temps medium, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis).

In season three, Lafayette met his mother’s nurse, Jesus, and the two began a relationship. As they spend more time together and start doing V (short for Vampire Blood), they learn Jesus is descended from a long line of witches and that Lafayette himself has magical abilities. However, supernatural love is anything but simple, and after the pair join a coven, Lafayette becomes possessed by the dead spirit of its former leader. This relationship certainly puts a whole new spin on possessive love.


9. Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter series

There are lots of sad characters in the Harry Potter series, but Remus Lupin ranks among the saddest. He was bitten by a werewolf as a child, his best friend was murdered and his other best friend was wrongly imprisoned in Azkaban for it, then THAT best friend was killed by a Death Eater at the Ministry of Magic as Remus looked on. So when Lupin unexpectedly found himself in love with badass Auror and Metamorphmagus Nymphadora Tonks (she prefers to be called by her surname ONLY, thank you very much), pretty much everyone, including Lupin himself, was both elated and cautiously hopeful about their romance and eventual marriage.

Sadly, the pair met a tragic ending when both were killed by Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts, leaving their son, Teddy, orphaned much like his godfather Harry Potter. Accio hankies!


10. The Doctor/Rose Tyler, Doctor Who

Speaking of wolves, Rose “Bad Wolf” Tyler (Billie Piper) captured the Doctor’s hearts from the moment he told her to “Run!” in the very first episode of the re-booted Doctor Who series. Their affection for one another grew steadily deeper during their travels in the TARDIS, whether they were stuck in 1950s London, facing down pure evil in the Satan Pit, or battling Cybermen.

But their relationship took a tragic turn during the season two finale episode, “Doomsday,” when the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) and Rose found themselves separated in parallel universes with no way of being reunited (lest two universes collapse as a result of a paradox). A sobbing Rose told a holographic transmission of the Doctor she loved him, but before he could reply, the transmission cut out, leaving our beloved Time Lord (and most of the audience) with a tear-stained face and two broken hearts all alone in the TARDIS.

Les Claypool guest blog: Primus frontman on the glory of the Three Stooges

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With IFC airing our annual Three Stooges marathon beginning Saturday at 6/5c, we are fortunate enough to have the legendary singer/bassist of Primus, Les Claypool, to help us usher in the wacky trio. So without further ado, take it away Les…

So, I’ve been asked by the fine yet potentially confused folks down at IFC to write random pieces of ramblings for their online site. Why they would want the opinion of a reckless and somewhat lopsided finger wiggling bass wrangler such as myself is speculative. I did an interview recently with an inquisitive reporter from said entity and though technology did it’s best to turn my profound words into gibberish, (our Skype connection from Santiago Chile made my voice sound like one of the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica—era 1978) the interview deciphered into a fine pile of Claypoolesque one-liners that reflect my unique if not warbled perspective of classic film. It must have impressed somebody because they have offered me huge piles of cash to sit in my favorite chair and type glorious nonsense onto my fairly outdated Macbook. Well, they offered me piles of something. So, here we go.

What the hell am I supposed to write about? Yes, I’m an opinionated bastard that is substantially barnacled by years in the brackish waters of the entertainment industry. Thus far in my life I’ve made what is known in the music world as a “shitload” of records and have toured the world several times making wretched racket for the masses. I’ve penned a novel. And, above all, I wrote, directed, acted in and have been thoroughly sodomized by the process of making, a film.

“So, where to start?” I say to myself as I scratch my whiskered chin. I flip on IFC this fine Saturday morning and “glory behold”, The Three Stooges! IFC is undoubtedly the greatest channel on the planet at this moment in time. Moe just ate a pancake that he inadvertently covered with glue instead of syrup and now Larry is pouring boiling water over his face to free his stuck lips. This stuff is obviously not based on reality because reality TV has never been this clever. Curly Howard could quite possibly be one of the greatest prophets of our time. “Drop the vernacular!” the judge says. Curly responds, looking down at the hat he is clutching in his hand, “It’s a doy-bee!” (the Curly-esque pronunciation of “Derby”). Genius.

This all may not mean much to most, especially my wife who looks at the screen like someone who his looking into the bottom of a half-full kitchen trash compactor noting not so much the quality of the content as much as the condensed quantity and randomness of it all (less the aroma of course). To me, the Stooges help jog portions of my memory. Like a CPU scanning a fragmented hard drive, I remember my Step Dad’s favorite quotes (he has always been a true Stooges aficionado). I myself have been known to inflict these gems upon my children since they were tykes. Living in the country it is not uncommon to see deer grazing about the hills and fields on a daily basis. “Look Daddy, a deer!” and with those sightings, myself being the chipper Ol’ Daddo that I am, I ask, “Does the deer have a little doe?”, knowing full well that my kids after years of prior inquiries, will respond, “Yeah, two bucks!”. Actually, they usually screw it up not having the precise, well-honed timing and comic genius of Moe, Larry, Curly and sometimes Shemp. Joe wasn’t horrible but Curly-Joe? Fuck that guy.

I actually had someone once debate me that Shemp was better than Curly. Moron. I write “someone” as if there is any possibility that it could have been anything but a male. Women take to the Stooges like a salmon takes to sand paper. I always thought that if I ever met a woman that liked the Stooges I’d lick her in all the right places and marry her up immediately. Unfortunately the woman I chose, or chose me depending on who you talk to, is not a Stooges fan. Though she does hold the rare card of being one of the few females that actually listened to and enjoyed RUSH in high school, the glory of the “three later-day-wise-men” elude her. Funny thing, RUSH and The Three Stooges = no chicks. Is it a coincidence that RUSH used to start their shows with the opening theme song from those old Stooges shorts? Ah, the profoundness of it all.

For me film represents slices of time. Not just in the sense that a contemporary piece reflects the fashion, technology and viewpoint of the day but also the notion of what you as an individual may have been doing and where you were in life when you first experienced or discovered that bit of entertainment. When I watch the Stooges a huge warm rush of my past comes over me. I see my Stepfather, Buckhorn beer can in hand, cackling away at and finishing the sentences of Curly. I see myself sitting at the dining room table (strategically placed for full view of the TV) as I plodded through my homework while keeping one eye on the boys and their search for the “Rooten’ Tooten’ Diamond”. I see my high school buddy Brian Kehoe spinning around the dirty, beer bottle littered floor pretending to be Curly to impress the girls. Ironically it actually worked for him. Glory days indeed.

I read the Stooge’s biography years ago and it is a bittersweet tale. They had their balls suspended over the campfire by the critics. I read how Curly, feeling unattractive to women because of his self inflicted baldness, used to try to booze and gorge his woes away to the point of extreme ill health. For decades they were deceived by their film company into believing they were worth less than they were, subsequently being screwed out of unknown sums of big cash, doubtfully receiving much in the way of residuals as their faces appeared in syndication for decades. But, like most of what we see, being an audience not privy to the private drama, The Three Stooges is a magical, campy, slapstick slab of ridiculousness that has for generations helped us to escape what can sometimes be the doldrums of daily life, even if it is just afternoon homework.

The days of the shorts before the film in our local cinema is long gone, replaced by endless previews, but entities like IFC have the foresight to show these wondrous jewels so that we, those who remember the glory, can call our children into the room and away from their computers, video games and iPads to demand that they view, much to their overt dismay, black and white footage of a comedy team that sewed the seeds of influence for many a respected contemporary comic (if not at least the guys from Jackass). I once heard some ungodly statistic of the number of children who were injured in the heyday of the Three Stooges by replicating of some of their violent comedic antics. I’ll tell you what, I’d much rather have my kids poke a random eye or be bonked on the head by an ironing board or hot poker than have the wretched social scaring of resembling, imitating or being influenced in anyway by the antics of the likes of Snooki or the Situation.

But then again, I’m just a bass player.

A Brief Ode to Keenan Ivory Wayans

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Since “Scary Movie” is airing tonight on IFC at 8 and 10 p.m. ET, we thought we’d take a minute to talk about our deep and abiding love for the film’s director, Keenan Ivory Wayans. To do that, we’re going to take a quick look at a few of his many many many film and television projects.

“I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”

Wayans wrote, directed and starred in the 1998 film, “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka.” The movie offers a hysterically satiric spin on the blaxploitation films of the 60s and 70s and features several actors who were part of the blaxploitation phenomenon; including Jim Brown, Bernie Casey, and Isaac Hayes. Wayans stars as Jack Spade, a recently-returned Army vet seeking revenge for the death of his brother who died from “over-golding,” i.e. wearing too many gold chains. Wayans sets out to rid the streets of gold chains and seek his revenge on the crime lord responsible for flooding the streets with his dangerous product. The film is truly LOL-worthy, while also offering up a not-so-subtle commentary on the portrayal of black characters on film.

“In Living Color”

This groundbreaking sketch comedy show helmed by Wayans and his brother Damon, featured a predominately African-American cast and focus on modern black subject matter, including skewering white pop culture. Airing on Fox from 1990-1994, the show had an eye for talent and introduced the world to four little known up-and-comers: Jim Carrey, David Alan Grier, Jamie Foxx, and Jennifer Lopez. Music was a huge part of the show and the Wayans brought bands including Heavy D, Public Enemy, Mary J. Blige, and Tupac Shakur to a national television audience. Every show also featured a performance by the in-house dance troupe known as the Fly Girls whose routines were choreographed by Rosie Perez. The troupe featured J.Lo as well as future “Dancing with the Stars” judge Carrie Ann Inaba. “In Living Color” is scheduled to return to network television in 2012, airing two half-hour specials hosted and executive produced by co-creator Keenan Ivory Wayans, with the option of picking the series up for the following season.

“Scary Movie”

“Scary Movie” was the movie that was begging to be made. How could the teen slasher genre not be mercilessly mocked on the same silver screen it dared to fill with ridiculous stereotypes, gaping plot holes, and glaring stupidity? Coming off the successful skewering of blaxploitation films, Wayans was the man to do it. The raunchy satire, now known as “Scary Movie,” was produced under the clumsy yet appropriate title “Scream If You Know What I Did Last Halloween.” Incidentally, the title “Scary Movie” is something of an inside joke: it was the working title for “Scream,” the movie that kick-started the mid-’90s slasher film revival. In the film, as you might expect, a group of teenagers — not-terribly-bright Buffy (Shannon Elizabeth), her best friend Brenda (Regina Hall), stoner Shorty (Marlon Wayans), fey football player Ray (Shawn Wayans), loudmouthed Greg (Lochlyn Munro), sexually overexcited Bobby (Jon Abrahams), and his prim girlfriend Cindy (Anna Faris) — are on the run from a maniacal killer who is looking for revenge after the kids accidentally kill a man following an auto accident. The film was a smash hit spawning endless sequels and becoming the highest grossing movie ever directed by an African-American.

“Scary Movie” airs on IFC at 8 PM ET and at 10:00 PM ET; Sunday, Jan. 8 at 8:30 PM ET; and Monday, Jan. 9 at 2:30 AM ET

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