DID YOU READ

Five most provocative things from the “Prometheus” trailer

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Between “The Dark Knight Rises” and “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,” it’s been a pretty great week for trailers. With a countdown that started on Monday at Apple.com with 30-second teasers hosted by director Ridley Scott, the bar was set pretty high for the premiere of the trailer for “Prometheus” today. After watching it several times over, we think it’s safe to say it completely delivered.

With speculation raging about how much of an “Alien” prequel the film would be over the last several months, aside from being edge-of-your-set menacing and stunning to look at, the trailer is packed with Easter eggs that die-hard fans of the mythology surrounding the acid-bleeding xenomorphs should find extremely exciting. Here are the top five things we noticed.


1. The Mystery of the Space Jockey

The first alien that the crew encounters in the 1979 film isn’t the one that hugs your face or the one with a second set of jaws in its tongue, it’s the creature dubbed the “Space Jockey” by the fan base, and he’s been dead for a while when they find him. By something that burst out through his chest. Some folks might have turned around at that point and gone home, but then it would have been a really short movie.

Who the Jockey was, what he was doing with a ship full of of monsters, and how he became impregnated are all story threads that have not been addressed in the films, but it looks like the mystery will be cleared up in this film, because we’re pretty sure that’s his helmet sitting on the examination table.


2. The Derelict

The horse-shoe shaped vessel sending out the “unknown signal” (which Ripley later figures out was a warning, and could possibly be the transmission we hear at the start of the “Prometheus” trailer) that the Nostromo investigates is completely out of commission at the beginning of “Alien.” The derelict briefly appears in the director’s cut of the James Cameron sequel, after that it disappears from the film continuity.

In the “Prometheus” trailer, we finally get a chance to see the ship fully functioning. At least until it gets blown out of the sky and almost crushes Charlize Theron. The mystery of whether or not the eggs were originally cargo or something laid by whatever burst out of the Space Jockey might finally be solved.


3. The Weyland-Yutani Corporation

While the protagonists of the “Alien” films are consistently menaced by drones, warriors, queens, face-huggers, chest-bursters and hybrids, the most insidious monster has always been the corporation that will do anything and sacrifice anyone to achieve their goal of weaponizing the intergalactic biological threat.

With their logo branded all over the vehicles, equipment and Idris Elba’s t-shirt in trailer, it suggests that Ridley Scott plans on keeping the theme that humanity’s worst enemy is often itself.


4. Humans Used As Hosts

One of the more horrifying aspects of the “Alien” franchise monsters is that they don’t just kill anything they can find, they completely violate the human body whenever they have the chance. In the original film, John Hurt’s character Kane is not simply murdered, but is first used as a host to incubate the creature that would decimate his fellow crew members and ultimately lead to the destruction of his ship. In a deleted scene from “Alien,” the horror was even further explored when Ripley stumbles across her fallen comrades in the bowels of the ship, where they are slowly being transformed in to egg sacs to produce more drones.

Judging by the appearance of the crew-member springing on to the flame-throwing troops at the 43-second mark (most likely Logan-Marshall Green’s character, who is being sprayed with something volatile earlier in the trailer), the element of physical corruption will remain in the DNA of the franchise for “Prometheus.”


5. A Full Shot of An Alien

Horror and science-fiction films are notorious for not giving you a clear look at the monster or the alien in trailers. The trailer for the original “Alien” (embedded at the bottom of this post) barely revealed the creatures at all. That’s why we were surprised that in the trailer for Prometheus, the alien shows up at the 44-second mark. In comparison to how tiny the crew of Nostromo appeared when they explored the pilot’s cabin in “Alien,” it stands at least twice as tall as a human. As the being isn’t in its space suit, you can see just how much it resembles the giant, hair-less head featured in the film’s poster. While it isn’t a shot of the titular alien from the other films in the franchise, it’s a bold reveal for a first look at the film and it makes you wonder what kind of surprises (and horrors) they’re holding back for later.


“Prometheus” is due out in theaters on June 8th, 2012. You can watch the original 1979 trailer for “Alien” below and see how they line up.

What did you think of the trailer for “Prometheus”? Tell us in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter.

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Very NSFW

The Brockmire Premiere Is All Truth

Watch The First Episode of Brockmire Right Now for Free

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At long last, the Brockmire pre-premiere has arrived. Which means you can watch it right now—on IFC.com, at Funny Or Die, on IFC’s Apple TV and mobile apps, on Youtube, on Facebook, on the AMC apps, and right here. So grab some headphones and get watching.

No seriously, get headphones.

Because whether he’s giving a play-by-play or ruminating on the world around him, Jim Brockmire calls it like he sees it. And how he sees it is very NSFW. His take on life is actually quite refreshing, even to the point of being profoundly sage. For proof just look at these pearls of unconventional wisdom from the premiere…

Brockmire On The Internet

“If I need porn I just buy a nudie mag, like my father and his father before him.”

Brockmire On Sex-Ed

“Kids, a strap-on is a belt with d— on it that mommies use to f— daddies.”
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Brockmire On The Perfect High

“Somewhere between 10 cups of coffee and very low-grade cocaine.”
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Brockmire On The Tardiness of Spring

“Old man winter’s reaching his hand inside your coat to give that thing one more squeeze.”

Brockmire On Keeping Perspective

“I thought I hit rock bottom in a handicap restroom in Bangkok where a Thai lady-boy snorted crank off my johnson while a sunburnt German watched us on the toilet”
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Brockmire On Humanity

“If you want to look directly into the gaping maw of oblivion, don’t look up to the heavens. Just look in the mirror.”
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See these nuggets and more in the first episode of Brockmire, and see the whole season beginning April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Thank Azaria

Best. Characters. Ever.

Our favorite Hank Azaria characters.

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Hank Azaria may well be the most prolific voice and character actor of our time. The work he’s done for The Simpsons alone has earned him a permanent place in the pop culture zeitgeist. And now he’s bringing another character to the mainstream: a washed-up sports announcer named Jim Brockmire, in the aptly titled new series Brockmire.

We’re looking forward to it. So much so that we want to look backward, too, with a short-but-sweet retrospective of some of Azaria’s important characters. Shall we begin?

Half The Recurring Simpsons Characters

He’s Comic Book Guy. He’s Chief Wiggum. He’s Apu. He’s Cletus. He’s Snake. He’s Superintendent Chalmers. He’s the Sea Captain. He’s Kurt “Can I Borrow A Feeling” Van Houten. He’s Professor Frink. He’s Carl. And he’s many more. But most importantly he’s Moe Szyslak, the staple character Azaria has voiced since his very first audition for The Simpsons.

Oh, and He’s Frank Grimes

For all the regular Simpsons characters Azaria has played over the years, his most brilliant performance may have been a one-off: Frank Grimes, the scrappy bootstrapper who worked tirelessly all his life for honest, incremental, and easily-undermined success. Azaria’s portrayal of this character was nuanced, emotional, and simply magical.

Patches O’Houlihan

Dodgeball is a “sport of violence, exclusion and degradation.” as Hank Azaria generously points out in his brief but crucial cameo in Dodgeball. That’s sage wisdom. Try applying his “five D’s” to your life on and off the court and enjoy the results.

Harold Zoid

Of Futurama fame. The crazy uncle of Dr. Zoidberg, Harold Zoid was once a lion (or lobster) of the silver screen until Smell-o-vision forced him into retirement.

Agador

The Birdcage was significant for many reasons, and the comic genius of Hank Azaria’s character “Agador” sits somewhere towards the top of that list. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.

Gargamel

Nobody else could make a live-action Gargamel possible.

Ed Cochran

From Ray Donovan. Great character, great last name [editorial note: the author of this article may be bias].

Kahmunra, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln

All in the Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian, a file that let Azaria flex his voice acting and live-action muscles in one fell swoop.

The Blue Raja

Mystery Men has everything, including a fatal case of Smash Mouth. Azaria’s iconic superhero makes the shortlist of redeemable qualities, though.

Dr. Huff

Huff put Azaria in a leading role, and it was good. So good that there is no good gif of it. Internet? More like Inter-not.

Learn more about Hank Azaria’s newest claim to fame right here, and don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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Flame Out

Brockmire and Other Public Implosions

Brockmire Premieres April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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There’s less than a month until the Brockmire premiere, and to say we’re excited would be an insulting understatement. It’s not just that it stars Hank Azaria, who can do no wrong (and yes, that’s including Mystery Men, which is only cringeworthy because of Smash Mouth). It’s that the whole backstory of the titular character, Jim Brockmire, is the stuff of legends. A one-time iconic sportscaster who won the hearts of fans and players alike, he fell from grace after an unfortunate personal event triggered a seriously public meltdown. See for yourself in the NSFW Funny or Die digital short that spawned the IFC series:

See? NSFW and spectacularly catastrophic in a way that could almost be real. Which got us thinking: What are some real-life sports fails that have nothing to do with botched athletics and everything to do with going tragically off script? The internet is a dark and dirty place, friends, but these three examples are pretty special and mostly safe for work…

Disgruntled Sports Reporter

His co-anchor went offsides and he called it like he saw it.

Jim Rome vs Jim “Not Chris” Everett

You just don’t heckle a professional athlete when you’re within striking distance. Common sense.

Carl Lewis’s National Anthem

He killed it! As in murdered. It’s dead.

To see more moments just like these, we recommend spending a day in your pajamas combing through the muckiness of the internet. But to see something that’s Brockmire-level funny without having to clear your browser history, check out the sneak peeks and extras here.

Don’t miss the premiere of Brockmire April 5 at 10P on IFC.

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